Okay, this a story I had in the back of my mind for a little bit... I kinda got the idea after watching Durarara a bit ago and Tekkonkinkreet while I was talking to the Canada I RP with about Canada being a ninja prostitute and listening to the Teen Titans theme song while making the whole thing into a TV show in my mind complete with catch phrases and plot ideas much to her annoyance. Saving the world... with blow jobs. What was I talking about again? So yeah, M for slight gore and lemon in a later chapter... probably if I ever finish this. o_o;; ah ha ha ha... Warnings for Yaoi and humans names used. I don't own Hetalia, ya know, since I'm broke. Or any of the other awesomely amazing things above. I think I may own ninja prostitutes, but this is the internet so it must have been done before.

…

Third Person POV:

The levels of hatred Ivan feels for this city is indescribable. The scandals, murders, corruption that manages to occur everyday always manages to surprise him a bit more. After so many murders and deaths you'd think by now the entire city would be killed off. But no, they instead managed to increase. And as he stands there, breath quick and hurried as he slashes out at the night he wonders what type of person he is. To be able to kill this boy and feel no remorse as he finally laid still on the ground. Jumping on top of him and dragging the knife over his throat, red instantly spilling out of the cut and gagging him.

Was what he was doing wrong? Looking at the now dead teenager he pulls out his cellphone giving his boss Arthur a quick call. "Done. The stiff's at..." He tells him listing an address. The guy, was he a victim? Or was what he was doing righteous? Was he cleaning up this city by taking him out or adding more onto the filth? Wondering thinking he left the dirty apartment building the kid had been hiding in. According to trusted resources he was the one that had killed off his family. That he had shot his mother in the head, stabbed his father through the heart, and suffocated his twelve year old sister. Ivan thinks of the crimes that this kid, not even a senior in high school yet, had committed. And he feels a tiny bit better. Because he knows that there was at least an eighty percent chance the cops would never had caught him. That the death of those people would have gone unavenged. In the end he decides to just forget it. It would make him money, at least six hundred easy.

…

Stepping into his apartment Ivan is instantly greeted with the scent of burning food and a fire alarm screeching. The sound of panic intermingling with loud and obnoxious laughter. He rolls his eyes exasperated, but can't help but increase his pace as he walks towards the kitchen to check on his little more than slow roommate. He walks in on the site of Antonio covered in foam, a pot of what use to be food black and sopping, and Gilbert laughing too hard as he sits on his friend Francis.

"Um..." Sometimes it's best not to ask. "Need help cleaning up?" Antonio nods enthusiastically, a tiny glob of the bubbly liquid falling off of his head and onto the trashed floor.

After successfully cleaning the kitchen, which he has to threaten Francis and Gilbert into helping with, he manages to get three stories explaining the wreckage. One involves ninjas, another words that would make a whore blush, and the last seems to have at least a flicker of truth hidden in it. Antonio and Francis tried to cook, got distracted as the latter attempted to grope him, the food burned, they were still distracted. Gilbert being the awesome hero he claims to be tried to put it out with the ancient fire extinguisher Ivan and Antonio kept hanging next to the door. He managed to put the flames out but ended up slipping and falling on the foam, completely coating Antonio in it also. Kitchen mostly clean, Ivan kicks Toni's friends insisting that they don't come back. Laughing it off they call out to their friend they'll be over tomorrow, much to the large Russian's annoyance. Ivan plops down on the couch next to his room mate, asking if he'd prefer Chinese or Pizza.

"Pizza!" He says happily, jumping up and running towards the phone. Ivan knows that they're a weird pair of friends, but he and Toni have been rooming together since high school. After he had managed to chase three other boys his age out of his room with creepy smiles and offers of hugs, he had been paired with Antonio. The guy who was so oblivious he would ignore the cold stares and weird laugh. Truthfully Antonio is his closest friend, Ivan actually did love him. He's reminded of this fact every time the Spaniard goes out of his way to help out his friend. Even in some things no one should have to do. Old memories of police men coming by and asking if Ivan was home came to mind. How Antonio would go out of his way to distract the cops long enough for him to sneak out of the back window. One time even going as far as pouring a full glass of wine over an officers head.

He smiles even larger when Toni comes back into the living room, a full unopened bottle of the red alcoholic beverage in his hand. "I guess wine isn't exactly a wings and pizza type thing, but it was originally suppose to go with the food me and Francis and Gilbert were cooking. And it's a pretty big bottle, since they were gonna eat over, but I think we can manage to finish it." Ivan nods and takes a glass, even though he hates wine (and Toni knows it too) he can't help but enjoy the bitter taste as long as he's there drinking it with him.

…

Ivan sits in Arthur's office, staring at the painting on the wall with interest even though he probably has it memorized by now. Alfred's talking to Kiku excitedly about some new video game. Arthur's arguing with Yao and Gilbert fighting with Mathias. Normal meeting. Finally the Brit managed to call everyone to attention, explaining what's been happening in the past six months. They couldn't hold these meetings often, where everyone was there. Getting them organized was always a hassled. Making sure that no one is tailed, security tight, and everything in order. If the cops busted in on them there was a fifty fifty chance they would go to jail. If they were lucky Arthur would bribe them, a good chance of that happening actually. The cops didn't give a shit really. And Arthur's father being one of the richest men in his native UK helped a lot. Ivan may not like Arthur, hated him in fact, but the guy paid well enough in a job he actually believed in.

It was strange, he knows for a fact that Brit really does think he was doing the right thing, and that killing the bad guys was real justice and was cleansing the city. On the flip side Alfred doesn't. He hates this job. Doesn't like killing, doesn't like death. But he knows that it's probably better if he continues. The pay is good and it takes some of the dangerous guys out of this city, saves a few lives. But he doesn't like it and wishes there was another way.

…

Bonus check in his pocket, an extra long list of criminals to take out next to it, Ivan walks home. The lists seem to get longer and longer, when will it die out? How can the deaths be increasing and the crimes getting worse and worse. He sighs dramatically, looking up at the black sky depressed. He should stop by Matthew's, see what he knows about... he picks the top name, Arthur had only provided the name and brief summary of crime. "Murder and rape." Very useful, he thinks with a roll of his eyes.

Half an hour later he's sitting on the curb of the side walk, lighting a cigarette as the Canadian makes a disgusted face. "I hate smokers."

"I know."

"They taste gross."

"So I've been told." The shorter blond tugs his hair behind his ear, glaring at the Russian.

"So what are you here? Are you horny or curious?" Ivan laughs.

"Maybe I just want to talk to you for once. So, how's life?" So it's both, is what he replies. Ivan laughs again, and hands him the list he had been given. "This one, know where he is and what he did?" Matthew gives him a pointed look, waiting for him to cough up the cash. He sighs, pulling out his wallet and handing him a few bills.

"And for the sex."

"Who said I wanted sex?"

"When don't you?"

"Most annoying prostitute I know."

"Fuck you." He says pouting. But he still gets the extra money. He probably knows the most about this city than anyone else. And he was an excellent.

…

He's walking back to his apartment when he hears loud sobbing from behind a door. The one a few doors down from him is shared by the two Italian brothers. Ivan looks over, seeing it open a crack. Lovino is sitting on the couch, clutching his head between his hands and crying. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't understand how to comfort others. He is prepared to shut the door and head out when he sees Gilbert walking up the hall towards him.

"Hey dude." He says, holding his white medical bag in his hand. "Antonio in there?" He nods, remembering seeing him there trying to comfort the guy.

"What happened?" He has a pretty good idea if the bloody Italian and lack of younger brother is any indicator.

"Got caught up in some bad shit, Lovino made it out, Feli..." His voice trails off, knowing Ivan can guess the rest.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to head back out." He doesn't like it when people cry, he hates comforting others and is always so awkward with it. He doesn't want to be around this. And now he's leaving, maybe go find Matthew and figure out what's happening.

"Back already?" He asks.

"Can't resist your charms. The Vargas brothers?" The money already out of his hands. Matthew looks around, sees an over weight man pacing near a lamp post throwing loaded looks at him.

"Oh god, please don't leave me." He tells him. He smiles and winks at the older man, holding up a finger to signify one more minute. "He smells bad and smokes."

"What's up?"

"Vargas bros, born in Italy came here in fifth grade to live with their Grandfather. By age eighteen they inherited the family drug trafficking business after he was shot to death by a higher up. Two days ago the two of them were kidnapped by the Bloods. New gang trying to gain social status. They started with Feliciano." Ivan nods taking in the information, not even flinching. "By the time he stopped breathing he was toothless, messing a finger, and had several broken bones. Lovino came next, but only received a few bruises and bumps before someone busted him out. Do you wanna know who did it? Are you going after him?" Ivan shakes his head. It isn't his problem, forget it.

"Mind if I hang here for a bit?" Matthew let's out a relieved sigh, he thinks that the waiting client may wait a bit longer.

"He's going into the coffee shop across the street!" He whines. "Why so persistent, it's just a quick lay!" This causes Ivan to laugh as he sits down on the curb, the blond next to him. The two sit there for a minute, not speaking, not doing anything but breathing. Gilbert walks pass and stops for a second. He tells them Lovino's fine, just shaken up and upset.

"That sucks." Is all Ivan can think to say. The three stand there for a second, so use to the death and violence that constantly surround them they can't muster up any tears or sadness for the killed brother.

"Yeah." Gilbert says. "I feel real bad for Feli though, he didn't like the gangster thing." Matthew nods and speaks up a little, though his voice is tiny and meek.

"Y-yeah, he only handled the finances, right?" Ivan looks at him, sees his friend blushing madly and practically hiding behind him. He shrugs, ignoring the strange behavior.

"Yeah." Gilbert says laughing. "Dude sucked at it, couldn't pay attention to save his life. Mainly Ludwig did the work."

"Your little brother, right?" He asks enthusiastically, trying to please.

"Yeah yeah." He replies not amused. "Feli was his boy toy or something. Weirdest fucking couple ever." And then the "oh shit" moment. His eyes go wide as a certain fact dawns on him. "Oh shit! Feli, and he's dead and Ludwig is probably freaking and fuck!" He doesn't continue and instead runs off to find his little brother. Ludwig, he's at home. Staring out his window, trying to fight back tears and keep the stoic expression on his face. As soon as his brother crashes through the door however, panting and saying I'm sorrys, are you okays, and he was a good kids, his face falls, tears leak, and the sobbing starts. Gilbert can pat his back, that's it. But he and Ludwig both know it's good enough, best he can offer.

…

"He's so cute!" Matthew whines clawing at the air where Gilbert once stood all the while watching the man run off. Ivan cocks a brow, encouraging him to go on. "He's so flipping amazing, eh?"

"Um, sure?" Gilbert? The obnoxious loud annoying German that constantly destroyed his house?

He nods enthusiastically. "Yeah!"

"Well why don't you ask him out? Or at the very least sleep with him." His face falls at the advice and the blond almost looks like he's going to cry.

"I-I asked before." He mutters, blushing widely and looking down embarrassed. "He said he doesn't sleep with whores..." but soon his face is back to a determined pout and a fierce glare that Ivan is use to. "B-but he's gonna to anyways! I'm freaking Canadian! We can get anyone in bed!" And Ivan laughs, long and hard.

"Wonderful thing to be proud of, Matt." And he pouts and smacks the taller man on the shoulder, demanding to know why he has to be such an ass all the time.

…

Back home, an hour or two later after he is finally kicked off of Matthew's curb. Lovino's door is fully shut, lights off and locks in placed. Entering his own house the lights are on and TV blaring. Looking into the living room he sees Antonio asleep on the couch, head rested against the back of the couch at an angle that would kill his neck in the morning. Ivan looks at the scene, wondering if he should leave him, bring a blanket, carry him to his room? Shrugging he just shakes his shoulder.

"Get up." Sleepy eyes blink at him before closing again and staying shut. Ivan pulls him up from the couch by the arm causing him to wake up surprised. "Come on, move it." He says false annoyance leaking into his words as he slips an arm around his waist, helping support the others weight.

"Yeah yeah, I can walk." Though he lets himself be mainly carried to his own room, his head resting against the cool shoulder of Ivan as he nearly falls asleep on the walk there. He's roughly thrown onto the bed, a blanket on top. "Thanks." He mutters, words muffled by the fabric. Ivan can't tell if it's sarcasm or not. Then again does Toni even know what sarcasm is?

"Yeah yeah." He tells him, mimicking him. But he does straighten the covers out, and maybe, just maybe he plants a light kiss on top of his friends head.

Yeah, I realized if I wrote this whole thing out in one go it'd be two or three times longer. Heh heh... So two shot, possibly three. Reviews are awesome, tell me if I got this thing okay or not. And yeah, I guess Canada is a bit ooc, I just like the idea of whore!Canada. I'm serious, all sexy and confident sleeping with half the town is awesome... either that or I'm crazy... maybe both. *shrug*