That's why I'm here Chapter 1, a nashville fanfic

No pregnancy, no marriage to Teddy... none of its mine the song in it is That's why I'm here by Kenny Chesney...

I've tried to put the past behind me for the last year and a half. Trying to move on from the heartache I've felt since i have broken up with Deacon. He is the love of my life the one I am suppose to be with for all eternity but the problem is he doesn't love me more than alcohol. I tried to stay with him I honestly did but after I had to drop him off at rehab for the fifth time I couldn't take the pain anymore. I didn't believe he would get sober this time even though I truly wanted to so, before I left him at rehab I told him that as much as I loved him we couldn't be together anymore. I locked myself in my room and cried for a straight week and even had gone as far as refusing to eat anything. Everyone was worried about me scared of what I might do to myself if I didn't snap out of it so to get everyone off of my case I left my room, started to eat again, and go out more. But don't let that fool you into thinking I was fine I was far from it, I became just a shell of a person.

Daddy decided he couldn't stand to see me looking like something that came back from the dead so he set up a date for me with an inspiring politician Teddy Conrad and I reluctantly agreed to go. The date ended up being a total dud because I knew no one was ever going to make me feel like Deacon did and I refused to settle with anybody because that would not be fair to me or to them, plus Teddy was boring as all get out.

After the failed date I decided to focus on my music again it took a while to get used to the idea that Deacon wouldn't be coming back but I wouldn't let that stop me from doing what I love to do. Soon the band and I found a new lead guitarist he wasn't as good as Deacon but he worked and we went touring all over the United States, with sold out venues everywhere.

But now I'm back in Nashville and everything that I have been running from and trying to put in my rear view mirror is now back in view. All the memories that I tried to forget because thinking about them broke me came back in a flash. At this point I realized that I hadn't heard anything from Deacon and I wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing or not. I didn't know if he was sober, if he had another relapse, or if he had died. The thought of him being dead made me sick to my stomach to the point where I wanted to throw up. A part of me wanted to call him to see how he was doing but I realized that I had no right to do that anymore. But I had to know if he was alive and how he was doing, so I called the one person who would know, Coleman. The sad thing was when I called him up and asked him how Deacon was I truly expected for him to say that he relapsed again. But to my utter surprise he told me that Deacon has been sober for a year and a half and this time he is determined to keep it that way.

Hearing this broke me heart instead of making me happy like it should have. Deacon has never been sober for a year let alone over a year the longest he has made it before was six months. At this point so many thoughts went through my head from why hadn't I believed he could do this time, why hadn't I given him the benefit of the doubt and waited to see what would happen? To what if he couldn't stay sober because of me? I mean I break up with him and leave him alone and this time he manages to make it over a year of sobriety. That thought alone makes me cry and even made me throw up this time.

I start to think that maybe I'm not ready to be faced with a town filled with nothing but memories of Deacon and I but I have not choice the tour is over and I have no where else to go. Walking around Nashville I come across a place that holds the most memories of us; The Bluebird, this place is where we got our start, it's where I became Rayna James, and its where Deacon told me he loved me for the first time. The Bluebird held all of our best memories and some of our worst ones as well.

I had no idea why but I couldn't help but go in it was like there was an invisible force pulling me in even though I didn't want to because I wasn't ready to face those memories yet. When I walked in I kept my head down and went to sit in the back the last thing that I want is to be recognized by anyone and be forced to sing here. That alone would bring up more memories that I am trying to drive away from and besides I can't sing here without Deacon.

I was deep in thought until a voice I hadn't heard in over a year cut through my thoughts and got my attention. When I saw him at the mic my heart stopped, he looked amazing healthy even, the last time I saw him he looked like he was on the bridge to death.

" Hey y'all its good to see you guys again, I hope y'all don't mind but I have a new song and I would love to share it with y'all". My heart started beating really fast and soon I couldn't breathe, I could feel my head start to spin and a part of me wanted to leave but the large part of me wanted to hear him sing. The song he sang broke a part of my heart and even brought tears to my eyes, it was like torture to listen to this.

"No I ain't had nothing to drink
I knew thats probably what you'd think
If I dropped by this time of night
Remember way back when
I promised you I'd drop in
At one of those meetings down at the Y

Well, they started talkin bout steps you take
Mistakes you make
The hearts you break
And the price you pay
I almost walked away

You could hear a pin drop
When this old man
Stood up and said I'm gonna' say it again
Like I do every week
For those who don't know me

It's the simple things in life
Like the kids at home and a loving wife
That you miss the most, when you lose control
And everything you love starts to disappear
The devil takes your hand and says no fear
Have another shot, just one more beer
Yah, I've been there, that's why I'm here

This ole boy stood up in the aisle
Said he'd been living a life of denial
And he cried as he talked about wasted years
I couldn't believe what I heard
It was my life word for word
And all of the sudden it was clear

I know for us it may be too late
But it would mean the world to me
If you were there when I stand to say
It's the simple things in life
Like the kids at home and a loving wife
That you miss the most, when you lose

control and everything you love starts to disappear the devil takes your hand and says no fear have another shot just one more beer Yah, I've been there, that's why I'm here Oh I've been there that's why I'm here

By the end of the song I was full fledged crying and so was Deacon from what I could see. Everyone could see the pain he was feeling but no knew how much truth that song he has just sung held. His drinking did cost him the one person he loved and a part of me hated myself for leaving him even if all i was trying to do was save my own heart. At this point I couldn't take it any longer I had to leave I could feel my insides churning and I couldn't breath it was like I was suffocating. So I got up and ran outside as soon as I was out I threw up. Soon someone was standing behind me holding my hair back and rubbing my back to help calm me down, I knew without even looking that it was Deacon I mean who else would it be. But knowing that he was right there only made me cry harder then before I knew what was happening I was turned in his arms and I was crying on his shoulder.

We stayed like this for a good ten minutes before I calmed down and as soon as I was a pulled out of his arms and took a step back from him. I couldn't stand to be to close to him because it always drove me crazy. We said nothing to each other, we just stood there starring at one another trying to figure out what to do or even what to say.

Deep down I wanted him back because like I said before he was the love of my life and he was actually but a big part of me wasn't ready to get back with him after all the pain he caused and even though he has done real good a staying sober there is still a big chance he will relapse and I will never forgive myself if he relapses after we got back together.

So I turned around and walked away breaking the last piece of my heart with every step I took away from him, and I realized something that just because people belong together doesn't mean that they end up together.