Dear Dodger (Should I still call you that?)

I've rewritten this email 11.5 times now and its two months too late so I'm just going to babble. Gilmore's good at that aren't they?

Firstly: I'm sorry about what happened at Truncheon. You're right; you don't deserve to be used like that. And you don't deserve the flimsy excuses I gave you.

After everything we've been through you should at least get a proper explanation.

It's not that I lied to you but I never really told you why I left because – like everything to do with 'you and me' – the logic is pretty twisted.

It's kind of ironic really: after our first kiss I ran, after our last kiss you ran and now we seem to have come full circle. (Oh screw it I'm procrastinating, succinctness was always more your thing).

But in a way I suppose our past kisses are connected to why I left.

When we first got together back in High School the situation was a mess: what with me cheating on Dean and then the whole town watching us. Honestly neither of us was ready were we? The timing wasn't right.

I don't want to repeat that. I've screwed up a lot and this time I want to do what's right. (That's why I'm writing instead of ignoring you like I did that summer).

I do love Logan and I believe we've got something worth fighting for. I'll always care about you Jess, I realized that a long time ago, but I don't want to give up on Logan like I gave up on Dean and run to you again.

I don't want you to be my Christopher.

I've seen it with Mom a thousand times: whenever she gets attached to a guy and things are looking serious she always ends up running back to Dad for one reason or another. (I'm still kind of terrified it will happen with Luke too but that's a different subject).

You're better than that Jess and I'm not going to let you become like that.

If I did lie to you, it was when I said 'everything's fixed': I've sorted out a lot of stuff thanks to you. (Yale, Mom, the DAR) but I've still got a long way to go even if no one else can tell.

When you ran away from Stars Hollow before I was angry at you but now I think I get it: you had a lot to get out of your system and sort out. In hindsight you needed to go– no matter how much it hurt at the time. And now it's my turn to get my life back together. I hope you of all people can understand that. (Who am I kidding? Of course you can understand that – you weren't wrong when you said you know me better than anybody).

So I guess what I'm asking is can we be friends again? It's what we were best at and I'd hate to leave it where we did last time.

If you don't want to that's fine. I'm not going to be angry; you have every right to ignore this email or send me back some 'DIE JERK' message. (Though it won't be the first time I've got one actually). I know I treated you like crap and you'd be totally within your right to hate me.

But I hope you don't.

Rory

P.S – I never got a chance to tell you how proud I am. You've done so much Jess so if this is the last contact we have I want you to know how happy that makes me.