For the lovely yoru-no-anokoku over on deviantart! She wrote me cute Giripan fuff with cute and cats and tea; I wrote her lengthy Spamano pirate humor. With merpeople. Because yes. (She doesn't have a fanfiction account, but it's on a side account and if you take the spaces out of the following long and complicated url, you will arrive there!)
Long and complicated url:
http : / yoru - no - hikari . deviantart . com / art / Kiriban - GreecexJapan - 183590864 ? q = sort%3 Atime + gallery%3 Ayoru - no - hikari & qo = 0
I threw in FrUK because she likes the pairing (and it's fun to write), and PruCan because a) I like the pairing, b) it's fun to write, and c) what's a pirate crew without the complete bad touch trio? And GerIta just because.
I apologize in advance for my atrocious accents. And possibly also for various language fails. (There's no real German in this, cuz that would mean emailing Nonna, and I don't have time for that before NaNoWriMo starts, so everything is totally and completely one-hundred-percent my fault if it's off.) Corrections and hints on how to get better at this are appreciated!
Disclaimer: I don't own, and am apparently not creative enough to think of a clever disclaimer at the moment. Pity.
***#Something Fishy#***
In the dark of the night, off the coast of Sicily, a sleek vessel glided through the waters, shadowy sails creating ominous silhouettes in the deep navy of the sky. An errant breeze sighed, and the flag momentarily hid the moonlight from view. The very air around it seemed to loom with promise, a promise that was born of none-too-pleasant intentions.
The ship shone from but four points - a lantern each at the bow and the stern cast haunting reflections onto the pitch-black ocean; light spilled gently out of the cracked-open door the the galley, dimming as the hour grew later, awaiting the dawn when it's keep would rise and bank the fire; and the final one. The small, swinging dot on the mast, momentarily disappearing from view as its handler settled in the crow's nest.
For a brief second, the flame of the night watchman's oil lantern illuminated the flag, color no brighter now that it was lit up, revealing a grinning china-white skull emblazoned over the deepest black.
Pirates.
The watchman, dimming his lantern, breathed in the clear air and smiled. On such a clean night watch was simply child's play, a moment alone from the rest of the crew consisting of minimal physical work. But so much went into this mentally, nothing could escape one's notice. Moments like tonight made him glad of his choice to run off to sea.
***##***
In the faint light of pre-dawn, a shimmer caught the eye of the watchman. A sparkle on the water, different from the glimmer brought by the moon or sun, bobbed just slightly to port-side. Curious, he put out his lantern and clambered down the mast. In a few minutes, the cook and his assistant would be awake and the dawn watch would come to take over, but for now... he had the time.
By some immensely convenient stroke of luck, the shimmer bobbed up against the side of the ship as he reached the rail. Bemused, he carefully cast a line down, angling the ring tied to the end so that it would catch the shimmer gently. After a few minutes of work hauling the mysterious thing upwards (it was heavier than a shimmer should be!), he gave one final tug and collapsed onto the deck, shimmer flopping ungracefully over him.
"Antonio? Mon dieu, where are you...?"
Hearing the soft call, the watchman - Antonio - managed to give a muffled reply, enough for the speaker to find him.
"You are supposed to be watching, are you not? Whatever are you doing lying on zee deck with... Sacre bleu..."
He'd managed to maneuver himself so that the shimmer was lying on it's back draped over his lap, and as soon as he saw what he had pulled out of the sea, he forgot that the other was even there.
"A... merman?"
***##***
Lovino was not happy.
First his brother had found that stupid potato-bastardo, then some pescare enorme del cazzo had to come along and attempt to eat him. And now he was who-the-hell-knew-where, and it was dry. For the love of Poseidon, why was it dry? This was not good for his scales...
And then it dawned on him that dryness meant he was not in the water, and if he was not in the water he sure as hell wasn't in the sea, where he belonged.
Oh, Nonno was going to throw a fit...
"Oh, you're awake!" An obnoxiously cheerful voice cut through his self-pity and irritation, and the brunet sat up carefully amid the soft cloth of what appeared to be a bed in a plain wooden room. The only other things in the room were a bolted-down desk, some books (that were carefully locked to a shelf), a small porthole that was currently closed, and a chair that was currently occupied by the owner of the obnoxiously cheerful voice, who was wearing a similarly obnoxiously cheerful grin. "Do you need anything? Francis wasn't sure what you ate, but he can make pretty much anything, so all you need to do is ask~"
He sat and stared for a moment, before recovering slightly, "Who the hell are you?"
"Ah, I didn't introduce myself! Sorry, I'm Antonio! You were floating in the ocean totally passed out so we hauled you up here!"
"Where is 'here'?"
"On my ship, La Sonrisa Ràpida."
At least that explained why he was not totally dead yet, he was still in close proximity to the ocean...
"Are we... still near Italy?"
"Yep~ C'mon, you probably need to eat something, and then we can work on getting you home!"
He didn't have time to protest before he was swept up, bridal style, and carried toward the door, blanket and all.
"H-hey, what do you think you're doing, assino? Put me down this instant!"
"Aww, but I want to carry you! Hey, what's your name?"
"I don't want to be carried, dammit! Put me down!"
"Not until you tell me your name~"
"... fine. It's Lovino."
"Ohhhh, that's such a cute name, Lovi!"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT! And you said you were going to put me down!"
"But I don't want to..." The pout in the Spaniard's voice was just so pathetic that the merman eventually settled for an irritated huff and resigned himself to being carried.
At least Antionio had promised to take him home...
***##***
"Hey, Gilbird, get down from there! It's not awesome when you do that!"
The moment Lovino met the rest of Antonio's crew, he determined three things.
Number One: They were pirates. Attire, copious weaponry, and - of course - the black flag fluttering slightly in the wind were all dead giveaways.
Number Two: Most, if not all of them were idiots and/or insane. The cook was flirting with the navigator (which seemed to have an end result of the navigator beating him with the nearest available heavy object - in this case a spyglass); The albino with the eyepatch was yelling at a small ball of yellow fluff, that upon closer inspection was some sort of bird, about awesomeness and how stealing personal notes did not relate to awesomeness; there was some blonde in the corner who looked a little fuzzy around the edges, but content with the chaos; and for some reason a polar bear was sprawled out on the floor, miraculously not being stepped on.
Number Three: Based on observation Number Two, they were probably mostly harmless. Which meant he'd have a much easier time getting out of here. Excellent.
There also didn't seem to be a lot of them, which was nice for the whole 'getting the hell out of here' bit.
"Hey, guys! This is Lovi!"
"That is not my name! It's LOVINO, dammit!"
Completely ignoring him, the Spanish pirate plowed right on through his enthusiastic introduction, "I don't know how long he's gonna be around, but introduce yourselves, okay?"
The navigator stopped beating the cook over the head momentarily to shake Lovino's hand and introduce himself as 'Arthur Kirkland,' before the cook had slid over as easily as butter to hook an arm around the shorter's waist and add "I am Francis Bonnefoy, zee cook. Ask if you need any special food, alright?" to the conversation before it went back to violence between the two.
Rolling his single, oddly-hued eye at them, the last pirate waved at him distractedly. "Hey, I'm the awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt, the first mate. That's Gilbird up there in the rafters being un-awesome and not returning my totally awesome letter. Mattie's over there in the corner, he's the assistant cook."
The polar bear took this opportunity to roll over, making a noise that sounded vaguely like a sleepy 'Who?' in its sleep. At almost the same time, Antonio looked over at 'Mattie' like he'd never seen him before. "Who are-"
"I'm Matthew Williams, your assistant cook, Francis's cousin and -by an odd twist of fate I still do not understand- the step-brother of Arthur's cousin. You hired me three years ago." The boy sounded like he did this a lot, but really, with someone as clueless as Antonio for a captain, he wasn't really that surprised.
"Look, bastard, it was nice of you to rescue me, I guess, but I really need to go home. Plus I can't stay out of water all that long, so if you could just drop me over the side, that'd be great."
"Where do you live?"
"By Napoli..."
"... we're near Sicily."
"Really? Cazzo."
***##***
After separating cook and navigator, Arthur informed them it would take at least three days to get to Naples by ship, probably longer if Lovino tried to swim the whole way on his own.
Fortunately, Antonio was perfectly happy to ferry him home, carry him around the ship, and make sure he didn't get lost or go too far when he went swimming to keep himself from totally drying out. Unfortunately, there were no spare beds, and he had to share with the perpetually-cheerful man.
"Hey, bastardo, did you know you snore?"
"Really? Ah, I'm sorry Lovi, please forgive me~"
Somehow, despite all the annoyance, the fights, and the general state of chaos the ship seemed never ever loose, Lovino found himself almost getting... attached.
And that simply wouldn't do.
***##***
The crew of La Sonrisa Ràpida awoke one morning to a sudden lack of Italian curses (of course, there were still the French, German, and English curses in abundance, but still), and a subsequent lack of an Italian merman. The close proximity to their destination told them all they needed to know: Lovino had gone home, and probably wasn't going back.
They tried to keep their captain distracted, but something seemed to be missing, something that had only been there briefly but had fit so perfectly they couldn't imagine being without it had gone away.
Antonio's bed had never felt so large and empty as it did without a scaly fish tail pressing gently into his knees.
***##***
"Ve~ fratello! You're back~!"
"Ooof. Feli. Get off." Lovino rolled his eyes, swishing his tail irritably as his twin clung enthusiastically to his midsection. "Don't you have a boyfriend to be hanging off of?"
"Yeah, but Lovi's been missing for daaaaaays! Nonno was getting worried!"
"Yeah... I'll go let him know I'm not dead..."
He waved absently at Feliciano, before darting down a different hallway of the undersea palace.
***##***
Lovino had just finished relating his last few days to his grandfather when Feliciano and Ludwig, his German boyfriend, wandered in.
Glancing over at the huge blond, something suddenly clicked. "Hey, potatoe-bastardo, what's your last name?"
"Beildschmidt. Vhy?"
"... Do you have a brother? Shorter than you, albino, missing an eye, annoying as hell?"
"Dat sounds like Gilbert. You know him?"
"Unfortunately. But back to my point, how the hell do you have a human brother?"
"Ah... Gilbert... he... fell in love vit a human boy. It vas an odd relationship at first, vhen he first introduced himself to Matt. It vas very hard to tell vhitch von vas more suprised. Matt vas not... used to being noticed. Dey are quite happy togeder, I dink, now dat dere is no longer de species barrier between dem."
"One of my better choices there, I think..." Roma, nicknamed so because it was said he was as old as the Empire itself - even if he didn't look it, the King of the Seas, smiled in fond memory. "Can never remember who Gilbert was after, but they haven't complained yet."
"... I see." Lovino frowned, then left without saying so much as 'good night.'
He didn't sleep that night, but stayed up all night, thinking of annoying nicknames and tomatoes and too-bright smiles and a pair of arms that were somehow entirely perfect when wrapped around him.
Perhaps...
***##***
The last thing Antonio expected on night watch was a stream of Italian curses and splashing from the stern of the ship. Bemused, he clambered down the rigging to land lightly on the deck, and walked toward the noise.
The Spaniard was met with the amusing sight of Lovino looking irritated as an almost-identical version of him gestured dramatically as he spoke in rapid Italian, complete with a large blond seeming completely exhausted from having to deal with the two of them.
"Hey, 'Toni, what's with the noise? It's quite un-awesome… Oh, hey West!" Gilbert wandered up and apparently instantly recognized the tallest merman in the water below.
One could practically see the poor man's headache grow worse as soon as he realized who was talking. "East. I vasn't aware you'd taken up pirating."
"Yeah, well, it was Mattie's cousin's idea. Franics thought it'd be awesome to go off adventuring with his childhood friend here," a thumb was jerked in the general direction of Antono, who was till in shock about Lovino having returned. "So here we are, one big dysfunctional family. Speaking of, is there a particular reason you're here?"
"Jusd escorting my - our - bruder-in-law."
"Wait, so, you and Feli…? Ha! Luddy, that's adorable!"
"Don't call me dat."
"Ve, but why, Luddy? I think it's a cute nickname!"
"Heh, don't worry about mister grumpy pants over there, Feli, apparently brothers aren't allowed to use cute nicknames."
"Wha… what is going on?" Antonio chose the moment to break out of his shock.
"Well," began Gilbert, "it seems that Lovino has decided to realize the awesomeness of being human and being with the one you love, and convinced his grandfather to let him stay with you. Be honored! Not many of us do that!"
"… 'us'?"
"Yeah, I was a merman. Didn't I ever tell you that? Could've sworn Mattie or I mentioned it at least once…"
"… No. No, I can't say you have."
"Really? Hmm. But back to the issue at hand… HEY, WEST, TELL GRAMPS THAT GILBIRD WON'T GIVE ME MY LETTER!"
"Is dat vhy you hafe not written? Ja, den, I vill."
"That is not the issue! Lovi!"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"
"But I want to~ Lovi, do you really want to stay with us? With me?"
"… Idiot. Would I have asked to become human if I didn't mean it?"
"Well, no…"
"Then there you go. Now throw me a rope or something, I don't turn human until dawn, and I can't climb up the ship with a tail."
Laughing, the pirate tossed down a line, and the soon-to-be-ex-merman was sitting on the deck dripping after a few minutes.
"Fratello! Luddy and I are gonna go back home now, but remember to write, okay?"
"Si, si, just go already." But the look in the brunet's eyes was anything but venomous.
"Oh, right, and Nonno said to remind you: amor omnia vincit!"
***#Epilouge, of sorts#***
"Heehee, Lovi you're so cute!"
"Shut up, bastard! I'll figure out walking in a bit!"
"Do you want help? Because hilarious as it is watching you totally fail at this, I did have to learn once…"
"NO! I'll get it…"
(Needless to say, this continued for some time, but in no way compromised the most important piece of any love story:
And they all lived happily ever after.)
***#End#***
Translations:
Mon dieu - French - My God
Sacre bleu - French - 'Sacred blue' - 'bleu' was one of the words adopted in place of 'dieu' when a French king of old (I believe it was Louie the fifteenth, but I'm probably wrong) decided that one should not curse by taking God's name in vain. (Something along those lines, anyway). The idea stuck.
bastardo - Italian - ... I think you guys can figure this one out. Seriously.
pescare enorme del cazzo - Italian - This should say 'F-ing huge fish,' but I seriously do not trust my Italian grammar, sooooo...
Nonno - Italian - Grandfather (this is actually what I call mine. 'Nonna' - as mentioned in the top author's note - means 'Grandmother' and is what I call mine~)
La Sonrisa Ràpida - Spanish - 'The Swift Smile.' It seems like the sort of totally-not-threatening-at-all name Antonio would give a pirate ship. XD
Assino - Italian - Also kinda obvious. _
Napoli = Naples, for those who don't know...
Cazzo - Italian - F***
amor omnia vincit - Latin - Love conquers all