This is one of those little things that's been bouncing around in my head ever since I finished 'The Plan'. If you haven't read that, this might not make nearly as much sense as if you have read it. Specifically, parts of this story are a takeoff of chapter 54 and epilogue #2 of 'The Plan', if you want to go back and review those chapters. I won't say which parts, but that will become apparent soon enough.
Disclaimer: I wrote 79 chapters of 'The Plan' and didn't own them then, and nothing's changed on that front.
She'd told him once to expect it. At the time, it didn't even seem as if it could ever even be a possibility, not a real one that she could ever imagine actually happening. At this point, it seemed so long ago when she'd told him about her probable reaction. But now, it didn't seem like nearly long enough.
She thought back to one of their first conversations, way back in Florida, not long after they'd admitted their feelings to each other. And then when they were back in New York, and she'd had that middle-of-the-night visit from her now-fiance, he'd once again brought up the subject, although more directly.
She was ready to freak out. She really was. But she was working really hard to remain calm. Since she'd first begun to suspect something might be ... not normal, she'd been able to rationalize, to get lost in denial, to tamp down the thought from taking any sort of permanent residence in her brain as being even a remote possibility. But still, something made her go to the doctor. Finally, after she couldn't deny it any longer, she made the appointment, and she took the first time she could get, which happened to be a cancellation early that afternoon.
And afterwards, she felt her world turn upside down.
She was pregnant.
She walked out of the medical complex in a haze. She was pregnant. She should feel differently, shouldn't she? Shouldn't her heels feel uncomfortable now? Shouldn't she be having weird cravings or something? Shouldn't she feel bloated or have heartburn or feel like upchucking into the nearest garbage can?
She thought she should. But she just felt normal. Ready to freak out, yeah, but normal.
Seven weeks. She'd had this ... what did she call it? 'Embryo' sounded too clinical. 'Thing' made it sound like a growth or an alien. It wasn't a ... a baby to her yet. Baby. How could there be a baby inside of her? But whatever it was, it had been there for seven weeks. Well, five weeks, if you counted the actual time and not the time that they always used for calculation purposes. How could it be there and she didn't know? How could something so major happen and she had no idea?
She walked along the street and all of a sudden, it seemed as though there were an awful lot of people pushing strollers. Some were men, some were women. Some were little strollers, and some looked like they were child-size RVs that could house the child for a few years. Some held just a single child, and others held two.
She turned a corner, and some wonderful smells snapped her out of her reverie. She looked to her right, and she found herself in front of a small bakery. Not able to resist the smells ... was that a craving? ... she walked inside.
A bakery? As Rick would be apt to say, it was fate. She was stressed from the news she just got, and she needed something chocolate. With recent thoughts of their time in Florida, her mind flitted back to their conversation on the beach when she was worrying about their new relationship, and if it could withstand them going back to their normal lives again. Rick had brought her a margarita and chocolate cake on the beach, and had talked her down from her freak-out. And then later, when he'd said he'd get her a chocolate cake if and when she freaked out if she ever got pregnant ... well, she knew what she wanted.
Remembering all of that, without hesitation she asked the clerk for a chocolate cake. Blessedly, the baker directed her toward several cakes in a glass case. They all looked good, but there was one that caught her eye.
It had sprinkles.
She really needed some sprinkles right now.
Sprinkles were fun. They were uncomplicated.
Yeah, she really needed some chocolate cake and sprinkles right now.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
All the way home, she was trying to think of what to tell her fiance. Well, there wasn't too much to the 'what'; it was the 'how' to tell him. They were doing well, the two of them. That trip to Florida was a wonderful—although somewhat surreal—memory, and her life had changed dramatically by the time they returned. But now, well over a year later, they were as good as they'd ever been. In fact, they were better. Much better. There was something to be said for knowing someone so well, and letting him know you. Sharing, truly sharing with him, the good and the bad. Although there really wasn't very much bad at all, unless you counted when Rick snored like a foghorn if his nose got a little stuffy.
Now she used her key to open the door and set the cake down on the counter before going into the living room. She had, of course, moved into the loft. She tried to hold out for a while, just to take some time and let Alexis get accustomed to having her around and in their lives in a different way. Kate stayed over, of course, but she tried to limit it to a few days on and a few days off. She had clothes at the loft, and Rick had clothes at her place. It wasn't ideal, but she wanted to try to make it work that way. But eventually, it had taken another impromptu coffee meeting with Alexis to finally make her feel comfortable enough about moving in to make it official, and permanent.
And now, the loft was home, and she fit in there. It was almost scary sometimes how well she fit in, and how quickly she'd acclimated to the change.
But now ... they'd need space for the ... thing. It. The ... human. And no matter what term she used, anything sounded strange.
And God, she thought as she sank back into the couch and closed her eyes, she wasn't even married. In general, she was pretty open-minded, but there were just certain things that she'd always imagined for herself. Marriage, someday, if she found that one special person. She'd told Castle, early on when he began to shadow her, that she wouldn't get married on a whim; she told him in a roundabout way that if she ever got married, she expected to stay married. One and done. And then, maybe, a couple of kids. Simple, and for the most part, traditional. But she never thought she'd be single and pregnant. She might be living with the father of her ... it, but she still wasn't married. And it just wasn't supposed to go like this.
She put her hand on her abdomen, wondering again how something so major could be happening inside of her when she still felt the same. And she looked at how flat it was now, and tried to imagine the bump that she knew would be starting to form there in a few months.
She didn't know how long she sat there on the couch, thinking, imagining, worrying and yes, freaking out. She only snapped out of her ruminations when she heard the key in the lock. She looked up to find the door opening and the handsome face of her own personal one-and-done coming into the loft. He gave her that special smile when he saw her sitting there, saying, "Hey! You're home!"
"Yeah," she confirmed, managing a little smile. "Meeting go okay?"
He shrugged as he hung up his coat. "I'm not in the hospital, so that's good." He was, of course referring to another meeting with his publisher, the day after that Florida trip, the one which had ultimately resulted in him going to the hospital. By now, it was somewhat of a joke between them all, that Castle's meetings with his publisher were hazardous to his health.
He leaned down by her and touched his lips to hers in a quick kiss. "I missed you," he told her.
"You just saw me this morning," she reasoned.
"But I didn't see you all day. So I can still miss you," he reasoned back. "Any good cases? How was your day?" he asked innocently.
God, how did she answer that? Her life—their lives—were going to change forever. "No new cases," was all she said.
Something in her answer, or in her tone, made him look at her again, more closely. Now he could see the difference in her eyes, the slight tension in the set of her jaw. "Kate?" he asked. "What's wrong?"
She looked at him and opened her mouth, then closed it again. She just didn't know where to start.
Rick was starting to worry, watching her like this. Now that he'd seen it, he knew something was bothering her. Something big. But he didn't have any more time to think about what it could possibly be before she said, "Ummm ... I found a little bakery this afternoon. I ... got dessert. It's on the counter."
"Good," he told her, not really knowing where she was going with her line of conversation. She was obviously not ready to tell him whatever it was, and he knew it couldn't be about dessert. But at least she was talking, so that was good. "We can have some after dinner. Speaking of dinner, what—"
"Uh ..." she interrupted. "Could we have some before dinner?"
Dessert before dinner? Kate? The only one who ever asked for dessert before dinner was him. But ... okay. He figured he'd go along with it. He knew by now that if something was bothering her, she'd tell him eventually. They were past hiding things and keeping secrets, but that didn't mean that she didn't need a little time to mull things over herself before she let him coax whatever it was out of her.
"Okay ... sure. Should I get us some of ... whatever you got?"
She nodded. "Yeah, that would be good. Thanks."
Now that he was here with her, she felt a little more calm. She knew, had come to realize over the last year or so that he grounded her. Even though he might outwardly look like the erratic one, the one who had the attention span of a gnat, she knew that ultimately, he calmed her. He was her stabilizer. He provided that missing element that somehow made her think more clearly. Things just made a little more sense for her with him around.
And she loved him. She loved him so much.
But she still didn't know how to tell him about ... what she discovered today. They hadn't talked about it in so long, and Lord knows they hadn't planned this. What if his feelings had changed?
She could hear him opening the bakery box. "Oooo, a cake!" he said, his voice full of glee. "With sprinkles? Detective, I must say—" He stopped abruptly and stared at the cake as he took a breath. Something just hit him then, and he looked back at her for confirmation. "Kate, is this a chocolate cake?"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Even though she was way over on the couch, she nodded slightly. Oh, he remembered. From the way he went stock still for a few seconds, from the tone of his voice, and from the way the smile fell off of his face, she knew he remembered what this meant: her being freaked out by being pregnant. The last time they'd talked about chocolate cake in this context, it had been when he'd surprised her in the middle of the night and they'd segued into a talk about kids. And she mentioned him bringing her chocolate cake when she stressed out about being pregnant someday, because she knew she would stress out about it, whenever it did happen. He'd seemed so content, so excited about it then, but then somehow, they never talked about it after that. Not chocolate cake, and not kids.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
In the kitchen, he felt like he was just sucker-punched in the gut when he saw her confirming nod. Because he knew what chocolate cake meant to her. Chocolate cake, to her, meant stress. Stress about their relationship. Despite the sudden turmoil in his gut, he nodded back at her and tried to remain outwardly calm while he sliced and plated the cake for them, but the whole time his mind was going back and was replaying when he brought her the cake on the beach in Florida, when she was worrying about how their relationship would fare back in the real world, and wondering if they could make it work. She'd had doubts about their relationship then. And since he didn't think that they'd had chocolate cake since then, at least not in this context with her obviously bothered by something, he could only conclude that she was having more doubts about their relationship again. His belly filled with dread as he wondered: was she going to move out? Break up with him? Return his ring?
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
In the living room, she watched him busy himself with the cake. He didn't look happy, not even a little bit. He looked ... worried. He looked anything but happy. That was probably why he'd never brought it up again since that night ... he'd changed his mind about having more kids. But now it was too late. And she was pregnant. Single and pregnant. She looked down to her lap and gently touched her hand to her belly, where she knew lay the biggest thing that had ever happened to her. Surprise or not, she and Rick had created this ... being. And even if he didn't want it, she knew she did. It would take her some time to get used to it ... sure. But she could do it. Alone, if she needed to.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Trying to quell the rising panic that he was feeling, he tried to adopt a jovial air that was in direct contrast to what he was feeling inside. "Since you're actually letting me eat dessert first, I did not skimp on the size of the pieces," he told her as he walked back to the living room with the two plates. He handed her one and sat down side of her, holding the other. As she took the plate, he sneaked a look at her left hand, and was somewhat relieved to find that she was still wearing her engagement ring. Well, that was good. But why were they eating chocolate cake with her looking that tense?
But once he had a bite of the cake ready to put in his mouth, he found he couldn't do it. He couldn't pretend that everything was okay, when he now knew it wasn't.
"Kate," he said, putting the forkful of cake back down on the plate. "Don't do this." It wasn't eloquent, but he needed to get that out there.
"I don't really have any choice anymore, do I?" She smiled ruefully, a smile that wasn't really a smile at all.
"Why not?" he asked, and shrugged. "You don't have to. We could ..." But he trailed off, stunned by the way she pulled back, the way her eyes got wide, the way her mouth dropped open, seemingly in shock. She was shaking her head side to side.
"I ... just no. Don't even say it. I know I'll have to get used to it, sure, but there's no other option, not for me."
Oh, God, he thought. She was so serious. How did it come to this? She'd kissed him goodbye this morning and everything had been fine. Fine. He'd stake his life on it. And now ... she saw no other option than to break up with him?
He ran his hands through his hair. "Just tell me what I did. You owe me that much, at least." He was starting to feel like he'd felt that night in Florida when she ran away from him, when he was convinced that she was calling it quits. He didn't know what he'd done then—and it turned out that he hadn't done anything—but he was just as much in the dark now as he'd been then.
At his question, her eyes briefly widened. "God, Rick, I thought you'd know by now." She shook her head and looked at the ceiling. "But it's really nobody's fault. Well, we think those antibiotics that I was on last month when I had strep had something to do with it, but who really knows? But it's a done deal now, so ..." she trailed off, and stared down into her lap for several moments.
The resigned tone of her voice was getting to him. She was getting ready to leave him, and she was acting like he had no say in the matter! But dammit, he wasn't going to let her go without a fight! He loved her too much. The last year, with her, had been the best of his life. He'd thought they were happy. "It's not a done deal, Kate! We haven't even talked about this! And what the hell do antibiotics have to do with you breaking up with me?"
For the second time in as many minutes, her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open in astonishment. "Breaking up with you? Castle, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not breaking up with you!"
Now it was his turn to pull back. He looked at her quizzically. "You're not?"
"No! I love you, you doofus. And we are engaged, remember?" She waved her left hand in front of his face wiggling her fingers. "Why in the world would you think that I'm breaking up with you?"
"Be ... cause ..." He was still so stunned and relieved that she wasn't breaking up with him, and that she still loved him, that he momentarily forgot what had led him to that conclusion. "Um ... oh, yeah. The cake. You bought a chocolate cake. I remember what a chocolate cake means, Kate."
"You ... do."
"Yes. And no matter how stressed you are about our relationship, we can work through it. Just like we did then. We talked about it then, on the beach that last day in Florida, and it all turned out fine, right?" His voice sounded so earnest, so endearing. "I love you. We can ... "
He kept talking, but she wasn't listening anymore. She was fixating on what he'd said: 'on the beach that last day in Florida.' He was thinking about Florida. He wasn't thinking, as she was, about the last time they'd mentioned chocolate cake, after their middle-of-the-night booty call. So had he actually not guessed her news?
"Rick." He looked at her. "I wasn't talking about what happened on the beach that day. I was talking about what happened later, after we came home."
"Later?" He seemed puzzled again.
"When you came to my old apartment that one night. And you stayed for a little while, and we talked, among other things, and I told you that if ..." She had to stop and collect her thoughts, because she found she couldn't just blurt it out yet. It was still too new, too strange to form the words.
"Kate?"
She held up a hand. "I said that if ... something happened, I would probably freak out, and you said that's okay, and that you'd get me chocolate cake. But I was just reeling after I found out, and I walked by that little bakery, and it smelled so good so I went in. I looked around and I was remembering that night in my apartment, and then I knew that I should get a chocolate cake that we could eat ... tonight ... now ... if you ..." She trailed off, looking at his face, which had taken on that stunned look again as she'd spoken. "God, Rick, say something."
"Kate, what are you telling me? Just say it. And please don't mention chocolate cake again."
She looked down, and suddenly the emotion of the moment, and the uncertainty was too much for her, and she could feel her eyes filling with tears. God, it must be hormones. The doctor had told her about wild hormones.
"Kate?" he prompted again.
She swiped a hand at some of the tears that were now beginning to overflow from her one eye. "Okay. Um," she started, finally looking back up at him. "I'm ... pregnant."
The silence in the room after she said those words was just too much for her to handle, and while he sat there and stared at her, once again in shock, she tried to take care of the silence by talking, by explaining some of it to him. She looked down at her lap once again because she just couldn't stand to look at him anymore, not with that befuddled look on his face. "Sometimes antibiotics make the birth control pills not work, I found out, so that might be what happened. I was taking them, really. I ... I didn't think that it would—"
But she never got to finish, because before she was done talking, she found her cheeks bracketed with his warm hands and his lips covering hers, peppering her lips with little kisses. Pulling back slightly, he leaned his forehead against hers. After breathing in heavily a few times, he said quietly, but kind of breathlessly, "Did you just tell me that we're going to have a baby?"
She was encouraged by the 'we' part of his statement, but still reeling from the apparent misunderstandings from before, she felt like she should give him an out. "Well, I'm pregnant, so I know that I'm going to ... yeah, you know. But I didn't know if you'd want to—"
Once again, her words were cut off, but this time it was from his arms going around her and pulling her tightly up against him in a hug that was so fierce, yet at the same time so tender that it brought a new batch of tears to her eyes.
"Don't you even finish that statement," he ordered, his face against her hair as he held her snugly. "'If I'd want to?' What? You think I wouldn't want to be around for every minute of this? God, Kate, I love you!"
"I ... okay. Really?"
He chuckled a bit. "Yes, really." He pulled back so he could see her face again. "Of course. You even have to ask that?"
"Um ... okay." She tried to give him a little smile.
"Before ... when I thought you wanted to break up with me ... Kate, that's the worst thing I've felt since ... well, probably ever." He took a deep breath and looked around, then back at her. He grinned. "You're really pregnant? Really?"
"Yeah. Really."
He kissed her lips, not able to resist. "Wow." But he remembered the tension that he'd seen in her earlier. "Kate, do you want the baby? You don't look ... happy."
She touched his face with her finger. He looked so concerned. "I do want it. That's why when you told me not to do this—"
He closed his eyes. "I thought you were trying to break up with me. That's what I didn't want you to do."
"I know, now. But then I thought that you didn't want me to have ... it. And I couldn't do that. I may not be used to the idea yet, but I know that I couldn't do anything to our ..."
"Baby? You can say it, you know." He grinned a little bit at her discomfort, now that he was sure that she was just experiencing normal nerves and not regrets.
"Shut up, Castle. I'm working my way up to that. It's just weird. And I just never thought it would happen this way."
He pulled back and looked at her. "How else would there be? Well, I suppose there would be artficial insemination, but I think we had a lot more fun doing—"
She swatted him. "That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean then?"
"I just never ... oh, never mind."
"Kate," he warned, "tell me."
She huffed out a breath. "I just never thought I'd be single and pregnant. I thought it would just happen in the traditional order, you know?"
He blinked. "That's all? Kate, I feel married to you. I have ever since you moved in with us. And we are engaged, after all. I was just waiting for you to be ready to take that next step. I'm ready whenever you are, so just say the word. If you want to go down to the courthouse right now, let's do it. Or we could fly to Vegas tonight. Whatever. You tell me when, and I'll make an honest woman out of you so quickly it will make your head spin." He grinned, and she swatted him again on principle, just for that 'honest woman' comment.
She leaned forward and rested her head against his neck. "You're really okay with this? I know you probably didn't expect this when you came home tonight."
"I'm more than okay with it. To be honest, I'm a little stunned myself. But I'm thrilled. And I love you."
"I love you too."
"Whenever you want to get married, Kate, I'm there," he reiterated. He didn't need to say it again, but he was glad he did when he felt her relax just a bit. "Big wedding, or Vegas ... I don't care. We'll make it official, and then we'll settle into life like an old married couple and watch your baby bump grow. Hey, Mommy," he said, irrationally pleased by her sharp intake of breath at how he referred to her, "when can we expect our little superhero, by the way?"
"Early next spring."
He settled his arms around her and pulled her closer to him as he sank back into the couch more, the grin still on his face. He gently laid one hand over her lower belly. "Early next spring," he repeated, trying it out in his mind. "I can't wait."
Now, this was how it should be, she thought. She didn't need chocolate cake. She just needed him. And their ... baby, she thought, as she took her hand and laced her fingers with his, so that both of their hands covered where their tiny child lay inside of her.
And she couldn't stop the grin from forming on her face now too.
That was kind of a long one-shot. Of course, we had to have a bit of miscommunication between these two, because that's what they do, after all. But they got it sorted out pretty well, I think.
It was fun to get back to that AU and write a little bit more of what happened quite a while afterwards. I hope you enjoyed it.
Now, I just have to say...let the awesome season 5 begin!