So, this is not a beck-bashing story. Though I like EO, I don't hate Dani, so I figured, why not. This is my take on why the kiss happened, having not seen the episode yet. Review appreciated, but please don't flame just because you don't like her.
I, Dani Beck, am nothing if not able to handle pressure. I've been a cop nearly all of my adult live, and have seen it though even when my husband died. Being a cop is obviously tough, but it's constant. There are always more people to arrest, more perps to prosecute, more… something. That shouldn't be comforting, and most days it isn't, but at least there is something for me to get up in the morning for. At least there always will be.
Getting transferred to Special Victims has instilled more pressure in me than I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. Not only am I playing partner to a man who clearly mopes over missing his old one, but the crimes are more depraved than anything I've ever had to see. And it leaves me to wonder at night who does things like that. I don't know how fucked up you have to be to think that it's okay to rape a twelve year old, or kill a woman in front of her husband. And yet, always, Elliot stands broad-shouldered at my side, virtually unaffected. I don't understand it.
And maybe that's why we came together over this case—he was just as outraged as I was. Just as disgusted. I'll never forget when I looked into his eyes and say how haunted he was. It makes me wonder what happened to him. I don't know why he and his wife are separated, or if he and his kids are close, or if he still has both of his parents. I don't know if he feels betrayed that his partner up and left him, even if it was a work assignment. I met and liked the woman, and it was abundantly clear that she had no desire to leave him. But I wonder if he's too caught up in his own personal horror to see it.
All I know is, that night, I was tired. I hadn't slept for days, and Elliot, I know for a fact that he was crashing at the crib. But not even physically tired—I wondered if it would ever end. Though I had found comfort in the constant for years, I wondered why it had to be that way. Why, when you had people like Elliot and Cragen and Munch and Fin did we have to matter so little? Elliot says feeling insignificant is part of the job, that all the best cops go through it. But that night? That explanation could not sustain me. I wanted to take control of something, do something crazy and insane, and feel alive for once. And there was Elliot.
The kiss was desperate because it had to be, to reach one or both of us. His hands on my hips were electric, awakening, and something told me we both might just need this. It could have been any two people, really. The kiss wasn't personal, nor overly planned, nor deeply felt. But it was what we needed. The hand caressing my face when it was over made me smile. Elliot was a good guy, and no matter what happened with us, even though this as probably our last case together, it would probably always be my overriding impression of him.
He drew his hand around my shoulder, and started to walk me home, like all gentlemen are supposed to. For the moment, at least, I enjoyed the comfort—and it was nice.
C'mon, review. Thirty seconds, and you'll make me very happy.