Need
It wasn't really a matter of love, want, or desire. He just needed her more than anything, and she needed him. They were pulled together through loses and needs through the war, and they think this is right. It is at least what they need. KxL
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Seed.
The bed sheets were cool to their heated skin, and they welcomed the cooling sensation on their exhausted bodies. Sweat dripped down the back of her neck and down her chest. It was warm and damp all over her body, but she didn't mind.
He was lying on his side with her body pulled up against his. Perspiration centered at his hair line and along his face. His well toned chest that bore few scars was glistening. Wrapping his arms protectively around her shoulders, he leaned down and buried his face in the crook of her neck. Her long curtain of pale pink hair fell across the pillows as she lay back down on the soft mattress and pillows. That was when the tears came.
Her arms came up to wrap around his shoulders tightly as his tears dripped down her neck. She'd had her turn to cry and be held, it was his turn to be comforted. Soft hands stroked his shoulders and the back of his neck. The delicate body beneath him was switching places with his, and becoming strong and protective while his became fragile and delicate. His tired body gladly accepted it.
Whisperings of sweet nothings filled his ears by the voice of an angel—a fallen angel, waiting for time to heal her broken wings. But her words brought solace to his tormented mind. Her words calmed the boiling, crashing oceans of his mind, stilled the whirlwinds, and doused the flames. The bloody battles he'd seen, the explosions of mobiles suits that signified at least one person had died from it were wiped from his mind, if only for that moment.
A loud sob escaped from his throat, and she pulled him closer, their skin warming each other as the blankets cooled them. His trembling body shivered as though cold and she shifted so that they were both lying on their sides with the blankets up to their shoulders.
"It's all right, we're here…" she whispered, her pale fingers gently stroked his hair as tears came to her eyes unwillingly. "We're here for each other, always, right?" she asked, half hopeful, half scared.
"Y-yes," he breathed; his voice gentle and sounding like a small boy's.
Though it wasn't a strong assurance, it was enough to make a small wall against the tears that threatened to fall.
She guessed he could sense her wavering thoughts, and he shifted so that they were sitting up. He stared into her frightened, desperate eyes through his own needing, trembling gaze before making to wrap his arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer. Their warm bodies fit together perfectly, or so they wanted to believe at least.
"Yes," he repeated more strongly, his voice stopped wavering just long enough for him to make this statement.
Curling up against him, she was able to sigh in relief and close her eyes. That was what she'd wanted to hear, a strong answer with no doubt or hesitance. It quieted her fears and lit a candle in the shadowy corners of her mind. The reassurance she needed, the solidified decision that she'd always have him and he her made her heart stop pounding in fear.
But after a few moments, she snapped open her eyes, realizing her mistake. She looked up into his face and saw his eyes were half closed and his gaze rested on hers. One of his hands kept her close, and another stroked her hair. She knew he needed this as much as she did, and she tilted her face up to him, her pale rose lips slightly parted.
She didn't wait for him to accept the invitation, and pressed forward to plant her lips on his. He quickly deepened it by kissing her back gently. The kiss wasn't chaste or small. It wasn't one of passion either. It was a kiss of reassurance and unconditional acceptance.
Love?
No…
Well…
Maybe…?
Neither was sure what love was…
But they were trying…
She wanted to know everything about him first, so she could truly say she loved him deeply. She wanted so say she loved him, she truly did. But there was the small voice in the back of her mind telling her that she wasn't worthy enough to receive or feel love yet, especially his. His bloodstained, broken soul and broken love she so wanted, she wasn't deserving of it yet. Until then, she could only satisfy the other part of her tormented mind through these long nights, filled with warmth and acceptance—not love. This was the need she felt for him. The need she wanted to turn into love.
He wanted to love her with every fiber of his being and more, but he knew he'd never be able to place his shattered heart in her hands, it would be unfair. It was already enough for her to have to bring him serenity from quells of his haunted mind. This feeling he felt for her might be comparable to love, but it wasn't the raw emotion he wanted to give her. He didn't even truly know the meaning of love for her. It was such a general thought, and he didn't find it right to use it to its fullest level till he understood it fully. He knew she felt similar feelings like this, and knew he wasn't being pressed, and he liked that. Though both were trying their best to find the strength in their hearts to prove to themselves they were capable of loving, they didn't want to cast their doubts aside till they had every power to do so. But that was okay.
He stopped stroking her hair and his hands traveled down her bare back till they found her hands. Fingers intertwining, they kept tight grips on their hands and broke the kiss. His lavender orbs stared down into her crystal blue eyes, and she could see the scared look in his eyes; she knew it was the same gaze she held. It numbed the pain in both of their minds some, to know that both of them were suffering, but together.
Lowering both their bodies back to the pillows and mattress, he let go of one hand to brush her bangs away from her forehead. She savored the feeling of his fingertips gracing her skin, and her eyes closed slowly as she sighed quietly. When he removed his hand, he replaced it with his lips. The small kiss on her forehead was a kind gesture, and she squeezed his hand in recognition.
When he pulled away to lay next to her, she opened her eyes slightly. She placed her free hand on his chest as his free hand rested on her cheek. Their eyes locked, their lips parted, their breathing synchronized, they felt sleep coming to both of them.
It was a few moments later, after she'd been listening to his breathing and feeling his heart beat under her hand, when he spoke.
"Lacus?" he asked.
"Hm…?" she asked sleepily.
"I love…"
He paused, and Lacus gently tilted her face to his hand still resting on her cheek.
"…I love…this…us, being together…" he stated after some thought with a sheepish smile, and a small look of self disappointment in his eyes. She could also see the hidden words in his eyes that screamed out,
"I need you!"
Lacus smiled and allowed her eyes to slowly begin to close, the image of him smiling fresh in her mind.
"I know Kira…I love, this, too…" Equal self disappointment was evident in her eyes, and he saw words written in her eyes that she wasn't saying,
"I need you!"
Kira waited a few moments till she fell asleep. He closed his eyes and inched closer to the other.
Tears stinging underneath his eyelids.
"I really wanted to say I loved you."
Tears slid down her cheeks freely and a silent sob curled in her heart.
"I know, me too…"
Fin
Or not…?