After The Dark
Prologue:
Harry Potter, after have a teenage temper tantrum, was shot down by several aurors, after figuring out that Voldemort could not be killed they simply gave him Hogwarts too do with as he please, but one man, with a cheesey Van Helsing Halloween costume and a dream, is now making a difference, he is the Mary Sue Hunter, and this is his story, plus several other sub-plots too keep you interested as TV is a hard commodity too fight
Chapter One
The tall hooded figure walked across dumbledore's former office, slowly drawing his wand from his cloak
"No please" squealed the girl, tied to the chair and struggling as if it would make a difference
All the portraits fell silent, as the forbidden curse slipped out of the mans mouth
"Avada Kedava" screamed the man, promptly causing his hood to fall off.
Voldemort looked proud of himself as he nimbly walked over and prodded Hermione Grangers now deceased head
"W00T WOOT one shot kill, who da man, who da man, voldies da man!"
Caught up in his euphoric state voldemort dropped his traveling cloak to the ground and flung his arms and body around in a most un-dignified fashion
"Give me a V, Give me an O, give me a L." sang Voldemort, but was abruptly but off by the figure that had came through the entrance of the office without being seen. Somehow
"So, Lord Voldemort interesting pastime you have here" said the Sue Hunter extraordinaire
"Wait a second, I'm getting one of those brain transmissions to talk to the readers without any regard for your time" said Voldemort sneering as hard as he could
"Oh bother go ahead" sighed the Sue Hunter
"Curcio!... Hahahah, Got you, like I'm going to fill in the plot points for this crappy author" yelled Voldemort as the Sue Hunter writhed on the floor in agony
"Ouch, God your a prick, Like that even hurt me" said the Sue hunter, putting on his poker face
Voldemort Sneered the sneer of sneers at this, he sneered hard and fast, he summoned all his face muscles and made a sneer that Sylithar Sytherin would be proud off
" So what if I'm on the ground, I like it down here, kind of has this all naturale feel about it don't you reckon?"
Voldemort scrunched up his face, never before had anyone stood up too his crucio attack, "Die Hippy" screamed Voldemort as he pointed his want and let out a blast of Avada Kedava, but for the second time in wizarding history, and too Voldemort, the spell backfired, sending Voldemort flying through the air.
The Sue hunter got up, looking smug under his black cloak and tipped his wide brimmed hat too Voldemort as he walked out whistling the theme of M.A.S.H
"how, how did this happen, I get too be half dead again right?" gasped Voldemort
"Afraid not, only one half life, and if I told you why the spell rebounded that wouldn't make much off a story now would it Voldie ole pal?" said the Sue Hunter, obviously trying to pull some cheapass James Bond humor
Voldemort summoned up his last breath and let his last words escape his mouth, "damn you, hippy"
The Sue Hunter then continued too put his mark onto Voldemort's body, even though the entire wizarding world knows and fears the Sue Hunter
But not his mark
El SuehunteroThe mark was however voted cheesiest villain award three years running, it has been nominated for best super villain mark at the Latin Villain Awards.
Chapter Two
Outside Hogwarts
0900 Hours
(Go the Metric system!)
Ron ran out down the stairs too Harry and Hermoine
"Oh my god you guys, Voldemort just killed Hermione… Hey wait a second, you two are supposed too be dead"
"Naa ah, maybe this is one of those flashback things that the author does" said Harry as all three characters looked towards the sky for the author's godly answer
"No can do, your both dead" came the answer from the skies.
"I read the introduction! Both of you are dead" yelled Ron
"Oh Bother" said Hermione as she dropped dead whilst Harry was beemed up by a Vulcan ship that flew away leaving Ron standing alone
"now that's more like it, now back too it" turning around and running towards a wall "Oh my god, listen up you bricks, Voldemort just killed Hermione, and then the Sue Hunter killed Voldemort, I'm going too go home to my house and eat all the rats we can afford" Ron yelled as he slowly jogged away too another wall too spread the news.
Mean while, the wizard elections took place, The worried Conilius Fudge sat at his table and looked at the official figures.
"As you can see Mr Fudge, all Mugglenet and J. polls indicate that you will loose the election" said Albus Dumbledore, sitting in one of his trademark Crazy-old-grandpa sitting chairs and double checking the latest figures from various polls
"Damn that Sirius black, He should be dead not running against me!" yelled Cornelius Fudge, sending shock through his staff, one of his more bright staff, Percy Weasley quickly and quietly whispered too Fudge
"Sir, The Fifth book hasn't been released hear yet"
"Oh, thanks for that" replied Fudge
"This Sue Hunter thing is really blowing up in our faces people, what do we do, were losing the support off the good Dark Magic Lobbyist, Draco Malfoy is bringing smaller bags off money"
"Hrmm, well being the wise old guy who really hates your arrogance, I suggest that you commit suicide , Oh did I mention that you dress like a Jigalo and smell like a toilet? No? well now you know" said Albus Dumbledore as he pointed his wand at himself and disappeared
"Okay any other ideas?" asked Cornelius
"How about capturing the Sue Hunter and dressing like a human being?" asked Percy
"Sounds Great, but about that Human Being part? Aren't you supposed too be the butt kiss, So stop dissing me, I'm insecure and need a hug" moped Cornelius as J.K Rowling desperately tried too bring up his ratings in further books.
As they talked a Van Helsing-like creature approached the Office of Cornelius Fudge, Percy being the token character in the room noticed it first , "It's the Sue Hunter, Run boys!" as everyone in the room scattered the figure raised his hat revealing Sirius Black
"Why does that keep happening" sulked Sirius Black