The grey wolf—the insomniac in question, or at least tonight with a good case of it-- shook his head and peered down over the edge of a bank of fluffy clouds onto the planet Earth below.
I still can't believe I'm still here. I should have been toast after taking that lightning strike…and it took the better part of a month to recover. But yet, here I am…in the one place that sometimes, I wonder if I deserve to be, he thought to himself with a sigh.
Why did I do it? Why did I nearly give my whole life, to protect someone that two days before not only did I not know, but also would have hunted down?
He closed his eyes, lost in thought. Impatiently, he paced back and forth, still with a slight limp in one leg, showing the scars of the blast he took.
Even with the help of Take Care Bear, he'd only partially recovered from that attack…and the scars weren't only physical.
There are wounds deep inside that even her skills can't heal, he thought with a sigh.
Over the past few weeks, they'd grown somewhat close, although he still preferred to keep his distance, insisting that he was still her patient and that it just wouldn't be right.
Still, though, he found some use in this adopted—even if temporarily--home of his, acting as her nurse on occasion, his skill in healing that he had developed in his travels serving him well.
Amazing what I used to be…before darkness and anger overcame my soul. I don't deserve to be here, yet here I am. And somehow, I can't make myself leave.
He sighed and headed back for his home, thinking. For good reason…here I feel accepted, unconditionally. Back home, there are still those that would not accept me, after what I did—after going against my father and all the rules he set down. Staying here for just the time I have, though, I begin to see his wisdom. And I feel unworthy of it.
He sat down on the edge of his bed, green eyes peering into the darkness. Suddenly, his phone rang…a sudden noise that made him jump just a bit.
He picked it up and spoke. "Hello?"
"Hey, Victor…did I wake you?" the voice on the other end of the line replied. He knew it well.
"No, Take Care, you didn't. Though I'm wondering what in the world you'd be calling me this hour for."
"Just thinking…"
"About?"
"Well…about how you're doing."
"I'm fine, I told you that yesterday."
"I know, I know…but…"
"I'll be okay."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Promise…"
"I promise, Take Care…anyway, I'm gonna try to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."
"All right. Sleep well," she said and hung the phone up.
Victor shook his head. I tell her all the time I'm fine, yet she still calls to check on me. I admire her dedication, but I know it's something more…and I really don't want to get that close to anyone right now. If she knew about my past…
He lay his head down and closed his eyes, hoping he'd get some sleep this night.
Wonder what's gotten into him?
Those were the last thoughts Take Care Bear had before she hung up the phone. That was a pretty short conversation. Lately, he's been kind of distant.
She shrugged her shoulders and padded her way over to her desk. Victor wasn't the only one burning the midnight oil. Being a doctor, though, she had far more pressing concerns than her own personal thoughts.
One of those concerns was a research project she'd taken upon herself these past two months.
"How did it happen?" she muttered to herself, poring over her notes and the charts she had laid out on her desk. "It shouldn't have been possible…least that's what Bright Heart told me after I told him."
She was pondering how Free Heart Rabbit—once known as Rhiannon, Swift Heart's birth sister—could have spontaneously realized her abilities as a Care Bear Cousin.
To her knowledge—in fact, to the knowledge of anyone in the family—she could count all the times it had happened in the history of the Care Bear Family on one finger.
She compared her notes to the knowledge most of the Care Bears and Care Bear Cousins took as gospel. Each one of them had been given a name and a tummy symbol by either True Heart Bear or Noble Heart Horse.
She herself was given hers by True Heart, after she'd offered her services as their doctor.
But Rhiannon…hers just came to life. Not only that, she'd chosen her own Care Bear name…another unique occurrence.
"Could it be something genetic, perhaps? After all, she is Swift Heart's sister. But Swift Heart came by her name and symbol like everyone else did…"
She shook her head. "I'll have to run some more tests in the morning, after I see Victor for his weekly appointment."
She sighed as her thoughts returned to the somewhat distant lupine. It's funny…I'm his doctor and that's the way we started out. Actually, I was more or less the doctor for the entire mission. But, he's a lot like me…he came here as a wanderer, just like I did. And he did save my life…yet, every time I try to climb that wall between he and I, I feel like it's only getting taller. I ask him about his family, he just shrugs it off. He doesn't ask me much about my past…and sometimes I'm thankful for that. Because, I wasn't always this way.
She lay her head down on her paws. Sometimes, I'd like to think it's just the fact that he's still under my care. But it isn't just that. We've had several meetings when he hasn't been seeing me for his appointments—when he and I could just be ourselves instead of me being his doctor.
She shook her head. Maybe it's remembering what I had way before I came here…and yes, even keeping myself distant because of how I lost it. I lost myself in caring for others—both the physical and emotional aspects. But the one thing I didn't take care of was my own emotional needs. So, when he came along, it was easy for me to fall. But as time goes by, I wonder if I really did the right thing.
Better get some sleep, though. If I don't, I'll be in no condition to take care of anyone, she finally realized as she lay down on her bed.
The following afternoon, Victor was in her office once again, an awkward silence between them, interrupted by the few questions that Take Care asked.
"So, any swelling or sign of infection?"
Victor just shook his head.
"Okay…any pain?"
"Nothing I can't handle," he replied, a bit clipped.
She just nodded. "Let me just check your vital signs, okay?"
"All right."
She sighed as she took out her instruments and began her work. I remember when I first asked him if I could just lay down next to him. I remember the warmth I felt. But this…this is like a blast of winter air. He's grown cold as ice, and I don't know why…
She took a moment to make sure she kept her composure as she looked up at him. "Everything seems normal."
"That's good, " he replied and hopped off the table, making his way towards the door.
"Hey, Victor…"
"What is it?"
She closed her eyes a moment, took a deep breath, then opened them again. "Can we talk? Later, after I'm done here for the day."
"I suppose…," he shrugged, then turned and headed for the door. "You know where to find me. See you next week."
Then he was gone, and she sighed, all her professional composure needed just to keep her from breaking down into tears.
I may as well be trying to chip my way through a mountain with an ice pick…, she thought as she sat down at her chair and marked off what she'd discovered, then made her way over to the waiting room of the Care-A-Lot Clinic.
She peeked through the door to find a single patient waiting.
"Good thing you came, Free Heart."
"Thanks. Still getting used to the new name, though. For a while I'd forgotten the message you left was for me. I'd be much more comfortable with y'all calling me Rhiannon, but that's something I gotta adjust to. This is what I am now, after all."
"Yes. How have you been?"
"I've been good. The kids are growing like weeds, and my old man complains a bit when I'm not home, doing some mission to help out the neighborhood. Frankly, he's still a bit in shock as to what I became. But he doesn't mind too much. He figures it's my job, and the kids understand. One day I'll have to bring them along."
"I'd be happy to see them," she answered, a bit distant.
"Something the matter, Take Care?" the reddish furred rabbit asked.
"It's nothing…" she replied.
"Nothing, huh?" She cocked a brow quizzically. "Call it a woman's intuition, but I'm pretty sure it's more than just nothing."
"Really, it's nothing…"
"Uh huh…"
The doctor sighed and glanced down, then back up at the rabbit. "Promise to keep it between just us?"
"What else are friends for? Of course I will."
"All right, then." She took a deep breath. "It's about Victor. I mean, we were kind of close for a while, but for the past month or so he's been quite distant."
"Sometimes males are. Consider this, Take Care…he's been through hell and high water. He fought his own father and was thrown out of his home. He was possessed by No Heart. He put Chrissie into that coma…he's got a lot of skeletons in his closet."
"Yeah…"
"So here you come, and he saves your life. What drove him to do it, I really don't know. You accept him just as he is, though, without any regard to his past doings. You start to get close to him, and for a time, it feels good to him. But then, he starts thinking…"
"What could he be thinking?"
"Take Care, look around you. For starters, look at where you live. You live in a place as close to perfection as I've seen in my life. I'm still getting used to it myself, in the times I come up and visit. But I'm not hampered by a past like his."
The doctor sighed inwardly as the rabbit continued. "Not to mention the way you and the others treat him—but most of all, you. Maybe he's wondering if he's really worth all this."
"I see…I think."
"If you really want to get close to him, give him time. Give him time to, first of all, complete his healing. Not just the outside, either. His heart needs time to heal, too."
"Yeah…"
"And second of all, you're still his doctor. Once that's done with, that'll be one less wall you gotta worry about."
"I see."
"Anyways…, what'd ya need to see me for?"
"Well, it's about what happened two months ago."
"Right. When I became a Care Bear Cousin. What about it?"
"I want to take a sample to see if there's something genetic that triggered it."
"What sort of sample?"
"Well…" she answered, looking her directly in the eye. "Let's just say I promise it won't hurt…"
Two minutes later, Free Heart was rubbing the inside of her arm tenderly, holding a piece of cotton over where Take Care had taken the blood sample.
"I thought you said it wouldn't hurt…" she muttered.
"Sorry. I tried my best to not make it hurt. Anyway, I'm gonna analyze this and see what comes up."
"And what have you got to compare it to?"
"I have your sister's medical records, of course. After all, she's been in here several times over her life."
"I see."
"But just to be on the safe side, I'll compare it to my own. To check the possibility that it isn't completely genetic."
"Oh yeah, that's right. You're not a born Care Bear yourself."
"Nope."
"Well, let me know what ya find. I'm off to visit with the others a bit before I head back home."
"All right. I'll see you sometime in a few weeks."
"Got it. And Take Care…"
"Yes?"
"Remember what I said about Victor. Just give him time. He'll come around."
"I hope so…I mean, I'm not head over heels with him, but I just want to know him better…"
"That's understandable." Rhiannon said. And the understatement of the year, she added mentally. "See you later."
When her rounds of Care-A-Lot were completed for the day, Take Care Bear found herself sitting at the park, across from where Victor lived.
The same park where they'd had their first "nonprofessional" meeting. Where they got to know each other being themselves.
She shook her head. That day seems like an age ago, now…
She knocked on his door.
"Come in." he announced from behind the door. She opened it slowly.
"It's just me…can I come in?"
"Yeah. You wanted to talk?"
"Yes…" she answered, gazing up at him for a few moments.
He met her gaze for a second, then looked away.
"Victor…you've been rather distant lately…"
"I know."
"Why?"
"Look, Take Care…it's better that you don't know…."
"Is it really?"
He sighed and glanced out the window. "….You don't know me."
"Well, I'm trying to…"
"It's better you don't."
"Why?"
"In case you forgot, it was me that put Swift Heart in that little coma two months ago. And it was me that attacked her companions."
"Victor…you were…"
"I know, possessed. But there had to be something there for that evil to feed upon."
"That doesn't mean…"
He sighed and turned his eyes to meet hers. "Look, you're really wonderful and all…but I just don't think I deserve this place." Or you, he thought, keeping that to himself.
"Why is that?"
He shook his head. "It's too perfect. I don't belong here."
"Really, huh?"
He nodded. "I've given thought to just going back to Earth. But I can't."
"Why is that?"
"How would I know?"
"Do you really think you're the only one with a past?" she inquired, her eyes meeting his unwaveringly.
"What would you know?"
"I know that before I came here…" she started to say, then stopped. This is a part of me no one else knows…not even True Heart and Noble Heart.
"Go on…"
She sighed, realizing she'd let the cat out of the bag, No sense in stopping now. "A long time ago, before I came here…I wasn't what you see now. In fact…well, suffice it to say I wasn't terribly nice."
"Really now?"
"Yeah…I was the oldest of three children…and a spoiled brat. Pretty much everything I wanted, I got."
Victor just stood and listened.
"In due time, I found someone, and set my sights on getting him…no matter what it took. Even if I had to fight someone else to do it…that someone else being my little sister…"
"I see…"
"We both had our eye on the same guy…and I was ruthless about getting him. Well…one day we got into a big fight…and…"
"And what?"
"I pushed her out onto a road…just as a car came by. She couldn't get out of the way fast enough…"
"I see…"
"I must have sat there at her side for hours…because I realized just how foolish I'd become. When my parents finally came for us, they were hurt…and angry at me. In my pride, I ran away from home, ashamed, knowing things would never be the same."
"Did she….?"
Take Care could only shake her head. "She didn't make it."
"That must be quite a burden."
"After that, I decided that I wasn't going to take anymore from the world. I was going to give something back. So I dedicated myself to healing others. My attempt to gain redemption for the awful thing I'd done. And, to save others as much as I could from the same fate I had to bear. Watching my sister…die."
She lowered her head for a few moments, then looked back up at him. "When True Heart found me wandering about the wilderness, she asked me why I didn't have a home. I just told her I got lost and couldn't find mine. So, she took me in, I volunteered to become their doctor…and here I am."
"I know it's all hard…but….what does that all have to do with me?"
"My first few months here were hard. Actually, I could just about say the first few years were hard on me. I came here just as the others were growing up and coming of age…and it hit me hard. It reminded me of what I could have become, had I not let my jealousy and my anger get the better of me…Like you, I didn't feel like I belonged here. But, gradually, over time, caring for others helped my own heart to heal…and I stand here now, knowing that this truly is my place in this world."
Victor just stared down wordlessly at her, realizing that she had once carried the same burden he did now. And in many ways, far worse. At least Swift Heart survived.
"You'll get your chance to redeem yourself one day. Just like I have. All I ask of you is to believe that you will."
He nodded, then gave her a hug. "I really do appreciate you sharing that with me. It does help put things in perspective…"
"You're welcome, Victor…"
"I just still have my doubts."
"I understand."
"But we both better get some sleep…"
"Yeah…"
"Hey…do you mind staying here the night?"
"Sure, I don't mind."
"You'll have to sleep on the couch, though. But…maybe just having you here might give me some measure of peace tonight. Not enough to completely beat the demons..but maybe enough just to get by for now."
I'll settle for that, she thought. "All right."