A/N: Well hello, fellow GA-lovers! I'm back again, with another oneshot, although this one's a lot less fluffy and a lot more...depressing. Not my fault, though, it just wouldn't leave my head, so I had no choice but to write it down. So here it is, in all of its angsty glory: And She Never Knew, a little Maddison/Addek foray starring a mostly unconcious Addison and a very unhappy Mark. By the way, NaNoWriMo has paled in comparison with my current penchant for Grey's Anatomy fics, so (although I make no concrete promises!), I actually DID break down and begin a second chapter for my other Grey's story, "Okay". It's still unfinished and I have yet to decide if I will publish it, but chances are it will make its way up here sooner or later, so keep an eye out for it.
Disclaimer: If you've ever talked to me, you'd know that if I owned the characters, Grey's Anatomy wouldn't exist--Addison's Anatomy would be on every Thursday instead. And Meredith would maybe make a cameo appearance. Once.
Disclaimer Note: Yes, I know it should be Montgomery-Shepherd's Anatomy, but the first title sounded better.
Disclaimer Note's Note: And I'm just kidding about the Meredith thing. I like Meredith fine. Just not as much as I like Addison. : )
...AND SHE NEVER KNEW
Mark glanced again at the digital clock by his bedside, wishing as hard as he could that the numbers would suddenly fly backwards, back into the realms of last night, and he'd have more time. More time with the gorgeous angel of a woman who lay in his arms, the illicit woman that he shouldn't have touched, who he wasn't allowed to touch…but he couldn't help it.
He reached out to touch her, instinctively tucking a lock of that fiery red hair behind her ear. She flinched slightly and he withdrew, holding his breath. You always had to be careful with Addison; she was such a light sleeper. But her breathing deepened and she snuggled closer to him, obviously content with her current situation.
Mark sighed as the alarm clock behind him produced a quiet, single beep, alerting him that it was two AM. He'd have to get up and going now if he wanted to get to the hospital in time. The alarm was set to wake Addie in another hour, so she could slip into bed with Derek and pretend she'd been there, faithfully by his side, all night.
Looking at her, though, he figured he had just enough leeway where slumber and time were concerned to give her a light kiss without waking her. As the minutes ticked by, he wondered where. Not in any lewd place, of course, and not her lips either; somewhere adoring, somewhere she'd never let him kiss her if she were awake and cognizant. Finally, he leaned down and brushed his lips across her eyelids as gently as he could; it was a cute kiss, romantic, nothing at all like their current relationship. Skulking around behind her husband's back, stealing her away in the dead of night—it was exciting. Exhilirating. But the adrenaline rush he got wasn't from the thrill of a whirlwind affair—it happened whenever he saw Addison, whether they ran into each other at a Starbucks or whether they were frantically trying to figure out a way to open his apartment door without letting go of each other. Mark had played the dirty mistress all his life, but this was his first time being in love with a married woman. Come to think of it, it was his first time being this madly in love. Ever.
And it had to happen like this. Mark's eyes roamed the apartment, each out of place object a reminder of the drunken whirl of color and noise that was the previous night. Addison's coat, slightly wrinkled, dangling off the back of a chair. His car keys, flung at random onto the ground, ending up sprawled a few feet from the bathroom door. The scattered empty bottles of vodka, Addison's favorite, that decorated the floor.
The alarm clock beeped again, insistently, reminding him that it was two-fifteen and he hadn't pressed the "yeah, yeah, I'm awake, shut up already" button yet. Reluctantly sliding his arm away from Addison's warm embrace, he tapped the off button. He ran his hand through his short hair, sliding out of bed as slowly as he could, regretting the fact that he had to return to reality.
He'd almost completely disentangled himself from Addison when he felt a soft tug at his elbow. He turned back, finding that a pale arm had looped itself through the crook of his elbow subconsciously. She was trying to say something, still half-asleep, but her slurred murmurs were unintelligible. Poor thing, she must have one hell of a hangover.
"What's that, Addie?" he whispered, leaning on his elbow and lowering his ear down to the level of her lips. Her face was serene with the relaxation of sleep, and her long eyelashes still fluttered against her cheeks, unwilling to open. Her reply came absently, almost unconsciously.
"Please don't leave me."
The four plaintive, whispered words were enough to break his heart. He opened his mouth to reply, but found that his throat was too tight to form words. His heart screamed for him to assent, slide right back into bed and just hold her until the sun actually came up. But he knew he couldn't. She was expected elsewhere. Namely, at a different home. In a different double bed. With her husband.
He kissed her forehead tenderly, removing her arm from his as gently as he could. "I can't stay, Addison," he replied, his voice dripping with regret. He pulled himself into a sitting position. "The hospital needs me. You know that."
Addison's lip protruded in a small pout, and she lifted her hand, groping blindly through the air for him until Mark reached out and caught it in both of his own. She smiled, sighing happily as she felt his lips against the tips of her fingers.
"I need you, too," she mumbled stubbornly, her features placid. Mark could tell she was slipping back into the welcoming embrace of sleep, and he figured if he rushed his dressing ritual he'd have enough time to stay with her until she was soundly asleep again. Looking a little slapdash at work today is a small price to pay for this, Mark thought as he watched her face, a contented smile playing about her lips. He stayed until he saw the corners of her lips start to relax, and her even breathing made small ripples across the soft fabric of the pillow. Unfolding her limp hand, he placed one last kiss in the center of her palm and laid her hand back down softly on the pillow next to her face, unwilling to let go. He felt her warm breath tickle the back of his hand in three small words, words that he felt more than heard.
"I love you—" And it sent his heart soaring.
Before his world stopped completely. "—Derek."
He could've sworn he heard his heart shatter, with the wretched screeching sound of breaking glass. Addison's breathing deepened almost instantly, and her hand twitched only once before she was gone.
Mark could feel himself beginning to go numb. Feeling empty, he scooped her up in both of his strong arms, cradling her against his chest as he slid her out from underneath the comforter. It took more effort to weave around the empty liquor bottles on the ground than it did to transport her, snoring slightly, down the stairs and out onto the abandoned sidewalk, in the frigid night air of the city. A few stars twinkled dimly through the smog as he strapped her securely into the passenger seat of his car, tenderly brushing away a few wisps of red from her face. Starting the car as quietly as he could, Mark inched his way through the streets before coming to a stop behind Derek's black Range Rover. There were no lights on behind the windows of the beautiful brownstone, and the car was lightly dusted with frost; mercifully, Derek was still asleep.
Mark let himself into the building, fumbling with the key Derek had given him while still holding Addison. He slipped surreptitiously into the familiar, sleeping house and picked his way up the stairs and into the joint bedroom.
Mark later viewed as a testament to his unmitigated self-control the fact that the entire time he was arranging a sleeping Addison to look like she'd never left her husband's side, he only allowed himself one tear, falling silently onto the very tip of her pretty nose.