Dean prays. He doesn't get a response. But he does it anyway.
It has become a habit since the night Cas suddenly left for heaven. He knows that he isn't going to get an answer, but it feels like some kind of comfort. At least he knows that if he's alive, Cas is listening even if he's not coming. Sometimes Dean doesn't realise that he's doing it, and sometimes he doesn't even care if Sam is watching. He just keeps praying.
That night, Dean tells Sam he wants to get some air and he goes outside, starts walking. He does it again. Only this time it's different. Cas is there, standing in front of Dean. He looks tired, Dean notices. His eyes look strange, old- older than Dean has ever seen them. Cas is different, feels different and Dean can't quite understand why.
They stand there looking at eachother for a while. Dean doesn't know what to say. He has so many things he wants to tell Cas, but at the same time he can't find the words to say anything.
"Dean" Cas speaks and his voice is harsher than usual "You called".
Dean swallows "Why are you acting like this?" is the only thing he manages to say, and he doesn't really know what he means.
"Dean, I..." Castiel starts, but leaves it hanging there, never finishing the sentence. And Dean knows something is wrong with him. He seems like he can't focus, like he's drifting. And this is when Dean feels like someone stabbed him in the chest. A tight knot in his stomach. Cas is slipping away, and Dean doesn't want to lose him. He can't lose him again. Not now. Not after everything. He needs him and he knows it. But this time, not for averting the Apocalypse or stopping the Leviathan. He doesn't need his help. He needs him. Because he's Cas, and Dean wants him close.
"Cas, please" Dean manages to say and he doesn't really know what he's pleading for. His voice cracks, and he's mentaly slapping himself for that. For showing how weak he is. For showing how much he really needs him.
"What do you want me to do?" Cas asks and once again he seems distant. Dean knows he's not fine and he wants to run to him and hold him, tell him that everything will be okay. That he will help him and they will face it all- whatever that is- together, like they always had.
"Stay" it's nearly a whisper, but loud enough for Cas to hear it. Their eyes meet, and for the first time that night, Cas seems to have an expression on his face. Dean can't really figure out whether it's pain or fear or something else, and then Cas is drifting away again.
"I'm sorry" is the last thing that comes out of Cas before he leaves.
Dean keeps praying. He knows he'll never get a response. But he does it anyway.