Lost & Found
By
C. K.
Dan Williams walked hesitantly into Steve's office. He closed the door behind him, hoping for a little privacy, which was impossible. If he were lucky, he would have a few uninterrupted minutes and get this over with. Dan was anxious.
Steve was on the phone. His back was to the door, so he hadn't seen Dan come in. Thank heavens for small favors. He could Steve was winding his day down. He had carefully lined all the paperwork neatly on his desk, ready to leave for the weekend. Dressed in jeans and trademark aloha shirt and ascot Steve was ready for the weekend.
Dan didn't pay attention to whom Steve was talking to, distracted by his own thoughts. He knew he needed to stand his ground if he wanted some time off. Things had been hectic and stressful in the office the last few weeks with some big cases coming up. Getting some time off would be a feat in itself.
Standing in the middle of Steve's office, Dan remembered the first time he came here. He was a wet-nosed rookie on his first undercover assignment and was dammed impressed by this office. Too bad he couldn't tell Steve the real reason he needed the time off. He wasn't even sure Steve would care.
Dan continued to look around Steve's office as he talked on the phone. He really didn't want to sit in front of Steve's large Koa wood desk, fearing he would get comfortable and give in. As it was, he was uncomfortable enough in his best suit and tie, finding this morning how loose it was. He knew he had lost some weight, but not this much. Dan's thoughts turned inward. Could he get used to cold weather again? Did he have that much to take with him or would he just buy furniture there. He would miss Steve, Kono and Chin, but he would make new friends. He could always come back to the Island for vacation...
Steve cleared his throat. "What's up, Danno?" Steve's blue eye's questioned.
Dan approached Steve and stood behind a chair, still unwilling to sit down. Dan stood his ground, taking a defensive position; he grabbed the white chair in front of him refusing to unbutton his green suit jacket. "I...I need some time off."
"All right, maybe next month you can have a few long weekends, huh."
"No, Steve! I need it next week. Look Steve," angered at McGarrett's condescending tone, "I've been working my butt off the last six months. I come in here everyday at 6 AM and most of the time I don't leave until after you. I found out your going to Maui for the weekend and you're giving me a hard time."
"Look, Danno, Maui is not a vacation. You know it's for a conference. Besides I really need you here right now," replied McGarrett not hiding the irritation in his voice.
"You'll always need me," Dan said stating a fact. "I really need some time off. I've got it all worked out. If I work over the weekend, (no different from any other), I can have the Mater case cleared. I know we have some tough cases, but Chin and Kono can handle them. I'm only asking for three days, not a week, just three lousy days. I'll be back in the office on Thursday, I promise. I'll be staying at home so for any reason you can get in touch with me there." Already angry, Steve seemed to have made up his mind.
By this time Steve was sitting at his desk playing with a pencil. Dan wasn't sure if it was a good sign. Steve was thinking and chances are he'd lost his argument and Dan would be right back where he started.
He hadn't meant to get angry. It just came out of nowhere. Steve would never give him the time now, and he wouldn't blame him. Why was he so angry with Steve? He knew he would get this reaction. It seemed everything was a constant struggle. Nothing was easy.
Dan just stood there, uncomfortable, shifting from side to side. God, his dress shoes hurt. The silence was unbearable. Dan stood there holding on to the chair in front of him, a life preserver, his knuckles turning white.
"OK," pointing the pencil at Dan, "You can have your days off. But I want Chin and Kono thoroughly briefed on your cases. You have a lot in your head and I don't want any surprises. Also, if I have to call you back for any reason, I don't want any arguments. OK?"
"OK," and he turned around and headed out of Steve's office.
"Danno!"
"Huh?" he turned back.
"Nothing. Have a good time."
"Sure, Steve."
When Dan got back to his small office, he automatically picked up the phone to call Jane, and then put it down. He had a confused look. This had been happening a lot lately and he couldn't believe he was still doing it. He closed the office door. He had a lot of work to do between now and Sunday. After a few hours, he heard a light tapping on his door. Unless the office was on fire, he wasn't budging. He heard the knock again and the door open.
"Hey, Bro!" Kono smiled. "Thinking about making a Rainbow run. You know you got to eat. Man, your clothes getting way to loose on you."
"Look, Kono, I've have a lot of work to do. Either leave me alone or help me. You decide," he replied, his voice in a dark timbre, not wanting any help.
Kono's hurt look said it all.
"Close the door when you leave," Dan said quietly and went back to work. Dan heard the door close and reached for the phone stopping when he realized Jane wasn't there any more. He rubbed his hands through his hair and pounded the desk. Would it ever stop?
Sitting there for a minute, Dan collected his thoughts. The interview with Arcus Security had gone well. The call came out of the blue a month ago and he had grabbed at the chance. Maybe he needed a change of scenery. He had been on this rock to damm long. There were too many memories of Jane. He promised to give them an answer in a week, knowing it was a major decision. Nobody in the office had a clue, he hoped, afraid the coconut wireless had done it's magic already.
Getting back to work, Dan reached into his bottom drawer and reached for a subpoena form and pulled up Jane's picture. Dan had brought it into the office, not knowing why, sometimes questioning his own sanity. Was he a masochist or something? He quickly dropped it back into the drawer. Was it only a year ago? Had it been that long? It was only yesterday.
Dan felt himself dissolve into a mess of emotions. NO, NO, concentrating, he was able to regain his composure and got back to work. Work came first, he kept telling himself. Work was his only salvation, his only hope of sanity.
Dan worked hard through the weekend and had everything ready for Chin and Kono by Sunday night. Before leaving, he left all the necessary paperwork on Jenny's desk and case files. He had dressed casually that day, knowing he was starting a "vacation". Wearing his tan pants and blue polo shirt. His only concession was his shoes. He didn't feel comfortable wearing sneakers to the office.
Dan pulled into the carport at midnight. Lately, this had been his routine. He sat there, frozen. Jane's face popped into his head, like clockwork. Yes, he had made the right decision. He definitely needed some time off. Getting out of his car, Dan was thinking of Jane. His last memory was of her.
Pitch darkness closed in on him. Jane called for help, her voice echoing in the dark. He had to find her. Dan had to rescue Jane from Gregson. The darkness turned into wild unnamed beasts. He had to protect Jane unlike the first time. He was stumbling in the darkness, hitting rocks and trees, unswerving to find Jane. There he found himself on top of the hill unable to stop as he tripped and fell. Barrel rolling down the hill, his body was taking the brunt of the rocks and bushes. His body collided into a grove of banyan trees. Dan fell into welcome oblivion.
Opening his eyes slowly, his head felt as if someone cracked coconuts on it. Trying to sit up made his head worse. Now he was in the Banzai Pipeline on a November day. Putting his head between his knees to stop the nausea, Dan made a disconcerting discovery. His right knee was covered in dried blood. His tan pants from the knee down were a rusty brown color and he could feel dry blood in his sock. Putting his hands to his head, he found on his right temple a mass of dried blood, hair and dirt. He threw up a dry heave. 'When was the last time I ate?' he wondered. His mind was cloudy. He willed his body to move, every muscle aching in protest.
Using a banyan tree, Dan stood up and leaned against the tree. I'm past the river Styx, but not quite beyond the Lethe. No one knew he was here. He'd have to find his way out or die, although the latter didn't sound so bad. NO, that was his heart speaking not his head, or what was left of it.
First things first as Steve says. Taking inventory, Dan found to his dismay, his wallet, keys, badge, gun, watch and windbreaker gone. Whoever did this was thorough. Drugged and dumped for dead, maybe they did him a favor. If they ever did find his body they would need dental records, STOP IT.
Suddenly he found the situation so ridiculous he started to laugh, which turned into sobs. He willed himself to stop but this time all his repressed grief spilled out. He cried until he though he could cry no more. Wiping his tears away, he looked around the terrain trying to find some identifiable landmarks.
Dark green, lush green, forest green. Another big fat zero. No Diamond Head and no Kooluu mountains, nothing. Where was he? Was he still on Oahu? Dan knew he had to move, but in which direction? And in his present physical condition, could he go anywhere? Hey, he wanted peace and quiet to think and now he got it. Just the sounds of tropical birds, heady exotic fragrances and lush green rainforest, if that wasn't a prescription for relaxation and deep thought what was.
Dan's instinct said he was facing east, as good as direction to head out. It was an island. He'd run into ocean sometime. Licking his lips, finding them parched and he swallowed hard. Dan had to find water or a substitute. Injured and unsure how long he'd been out, Dan could already feel the heat and humidity bearing down on him. His strength ebbing as he stood there. But, hey Oahu, no problem! Unless...unless it was a drought year. Sometimes it didn't pay to be a cop, so single-minded you don't even pay attention to the weather living in paradise. Hopefully, it wasn't a drought year. He would worry about that later, now he had to move knowing he would have to rescue himself.
Using a branch as walking stick, Dan gingerly worked his way through the rainforest. The undergrowth thick and gnarled. He found the process difficult at most, and sometimes treacherous. Skilled hikers and backpackers had gotten themselves lost in here and he was going to find a way out! He definitely had to think about the Arcus job or he might give up right now. His spirits low when he had pulled into the carport, this only added to his misery.
Why had he decided that even before the interview he was going to take the job? Was it Steve, Chin, Kono? No, although, Steve could be a hard arses sometimes, all right most of the time. Kono, no, he had known Kono a long time. They had met at the academy and found surfing in common. Dan winced, he had treated Kono like dirt Friday and he didn't know why. Chin...how could you not like Chin? Kelly stuck with him the whole time during Gregson's trial. Then why, why was he running so hard to Arcus Security Service and then, when they offered him the job, he stalled, shocking himself as well as Arcus.
He'd had chosen the Willows Restaurant, a high priced place, no cop could afford, hoping no one would see him. God was he afraid some one would run to Steve. Had he turned that afraid? And then when they offered, he just sat there-a mannequin. When he spoke he found himself asking them to wait until next Friday. Why they didn't blow him off, he didn't know. He would have.
How difficult could it be to make a decision, a sweet deal or life as an unappreciated, undervalued and un-respected cop? You've got to be kidding, he mused, I bust my butt everyday and all I got to show for it is nothing. Arcus was offering a car, house and expense account. How hard could it be? But, he knew he loved being a cop and the other things didn't count, or did they, he reasoned. Dan stared second-guessing himself. All his insecurities coming to the forefront.
Finding the light fading, Dan found some mango, papaya and apple trees. He found a sharp lava rock and cut the fruit open. He stood there and inhaled six pieces of fruit, each tasting better than the last. God, he was starving.
For the first time in months, food actually had a taste. Unfortunately the fruit made him thirsty. He would have to find water soon. Stuffing his pockets with fruit he pushed on. He could see the headline in the Advertiser. "NATIVE SON DIES OF STARVATION ON ISLAND PARADISE". Wouldn't that be great? No, he had to think positive. He would find water and more fruit. Even after eating, Dan's muscles still protested their treatment. Dan's right knee was becoming slightly stiff.
Walking until he couldn't see, he found a small clearing. Sitting down and trying to get comfortable he thought he heard a trickle of water. Crawling to the sound his body unwilling to stand, he found a small stream barely the width of his hand. He drank until he had cramps in his hands. The awkward position fatiguing his already tired body. Crawling back to the clearing, Dan lay down and looked at the night sky. So full of stars, you couldn't tell where the land started or ended.
Their twinkling brilliance overwhelmed him. It was on a night like this Jane and he discussed their future. Convincing Dan to go, Jane had packed a midnight picnic on Sandy Beach. Dan could see her now in jeans, sweatshirt, her hair tied back in a bandana, her smile, her beautiful smile.
Watching the meteor showers, they declared their love for each other. It was then that Dan thought of proposing marriage. The first time in his life he was willing to make a serious commitment. It scared and exhilarated him. Jane was the only woman he had totally given himself to, mind, body, and soul. He was going to propose to her that the week Gregson killed her. Tears welled up and this time Dan didn't resist. He cried himself into an exhausted sleep.
Dan woke up to a blinding headache and itching arms and face. During the night the misquotes had found him. However, by this time tomorrow, he would become tourist red and his blood would be too hot, he hoped. His lips were parched and he ate some fruit. Grabbing his branch, he started out again. Every time he thought of Arcus, Jane's face appeared. Why did she show up? Dan more confused than before.
The first six months after Jane died, life was a haze and blur. Getting out of bed was a Herculean task, but once he got to work Dan could bury himself in it. He wouldn't think of Jane, Gregson or his guilt. And if the only people he dealt with were criminals that was ok. No one should be happy, not even his closest friends. Every luau, birthday party and impromptu dinner at the office was painful a reminder of happier times. Why should every one be so happy, he wanted to shout. Couldn't they see the only woman he truly loved was gone? He tried to act normal and even then it made the pain worse. Smiling and joking, he felt as if some alien had taken over his body, totally disjointed from everyone and everything.
Dan continued hiking, concentrating on the undergrowth which could trip him. Fatigue was becoming a problem, his steps were slower and his body ached. No longer could he avoid the pain. He was over Jane, she was dead and buried, and then why did he find tears on his pillow every morning.
Why couldn't he let go of the guilt for not going to the club that day? If he had been there, maybe Gregson wouldn't have killed her, he would have found... How many times had he gone over the 'If only's' and the 'what if's' and nothing had changed.
Hearing any woman's laughter, reminded him of Jane's, and broke his heart, again. If he was so over Jane, then why... Dan tripped and fell, his knee hitting a root. He screamed in pain and anger and started to pound the ground. A whole year of repressed anger, hatred, rage, and guilt channeled through Dan, for being a cop, letting Jane die, for Gregson being alive. "NO, NO", he screamed, tears stung on his face. He sat there, getting his ragged breathing under control, looking at his blood red hands.
He had to face facts. Jane was dead; he only had her memory, and heartache that followed. How many times had he tried to call her, knowing she wasn't there. He missed her so much. No more words of love, encouragement, understanding from her. Gone and only four blank walls to stare at and an empty place to live.
Standing up, he wiped the tears from his eyes and continued walking. He was now painfully aware of his right knee. Each step more painful than the last. Jane brought so much wonder to his life. She found places on the island he'd forgotten and every day was new. He couldn't wait to see her, to tell her about his day and ask about hers. Her face and smile brightened his every day life. But, she was gone, and he was angry.
So wrapped up in his thoughts, Dan walked right into a mountain. Looking around, he saw no other way up. His exhausted body wouldn't tolerate any more abuses. Slowly Dan started climbing the mountain, reviewing the past year. Work could only compensate for so much, and pushing away his friends only heightened his loneliness. He couldn't recall all his outbursts. Dan wondered why anyone would tolerate them. They just accepted it as the new Dan Williams. He had some damm good friends, only realizing it now and hopefully not too late.
Reaching the pinnacle, just as the light was fading, Dan resolved to make amends to his friends. Steve, Chin, Kono, Jenny and Duke deserved that for what he had done.
Laying there gazing at the stars, Dan had been holding onto Jane's memory tightly, afraid to let go, knowing now that Jane would always be with him. He would never forget her face, kiss, caress or laugh. His tears were joyful now as a light rain fell. Opening his mouth to catch the moisture, Dan fell into the first restful sleep he's had in months.
XXXXX
Steve McGarrett tapped his pencil on the desk. It was now 9 o'clock, Thursday morning and no Danno. Had he taken the Arcus Security job? Steve had run into Bob Saunders on Maui and Sanders had told him about seeing Danno at the Willows. Is that why he'd sauntered in? Both Kono and Chin were in, where was he? Peeved that Danno would take this attitude. He knew Dan hadn't been himself lately, but the least Dan could have done was talk to him about it. That upset Steve more then Dan not showing up.
"Jenny, call Danno and put him through."
"Yes, Boss"
Steve went back to his paperwork, unable to concentrate.
"No answer, Boss"
Steve called Kono on the intercom.
"Kono, do me a favor and run over to Danno's place and get the big loafer out of bed."
"Sure, Boss, on my way. I'll make sure Danno knew you sent me."
XXXXX
Waking up, Dan ate the rest of his fruit and started down the hill. He was able to see the glint of blue. Dan knew he would be home soon. Luckily, there was some sort of trail. He almost slid down a few times but was able to make it. The lava rock crumbling easily under him. So tired was his body Dan had to make slow calculated moves to get down. His right knee unwilling to move and bend. Reaching the bottom and stepping on flat ground, his right knee buckled. Dan fell forward unable to stop himself.
XXXXX
Walking into Dan's apartment, Steve found a flurry of activity. Pictures being taken, prints taken, but no Dan, no signs of struggle, nothing. He walked into the bedroom and looked around. Unmade bed, shirts tossed in a pile, but no signs of a struggle. Looking at the dresser, he found Dan's wallet, keys, gun and badge lined up like soldiers, silent testimony to their missing owner. He also found a crushed blue velvet box. Opening it up he found an engagement ring. Funny, Danno hadn't mentioned any--Jane, this was Jane's. Steve quickly closed the box and put it back in the dresser. Why hadn't Dan told him about this? When Dan collapsed after seeing Jane's body, he felt like a fool. He wouldn't have on the phone when Dan arrived had he known this.
"Kono," Steve signaled him over, "Have you found Danno's surfboard?" noticing it missing from the bedroom." Maybe he went surfing and got hurt."
"No need to Boss, Danno gave it to my niece and nephew a few months ago, along with his tennis racket and bowling ball."
"He did what, I thought... Did he say why?"
"Ya, said he was going to get himself a better ones and he knew how tight money was with my sister. Anything wrong, Boss."
"No, not yet. I'll meet you back at the office when you're done. Be sure to check with the neighbors. Maybe they saw or heard something. If someone zapped Danno, I want to know about it."
XXXXX
"What have you got gentlemen?" Steve said trying to stay calm as he loosened his red tie.
"The neighbors don't remember seeing Danno for the past couple of days, but I found a neighbor who worked graveyard at one of the hotels. He said they would exchange waves in the carport on his way to work for the last couple of months. But, he hadn't seen him for a couple of days," Chin finished putting back his notebook in his gray suit jacket.
"The manager says Danno was quiet, paid his rent on time. But, they didn't talk much," Kono added pulling out his notebook out his brown suit jacket.
"Around midnight, are you sure, Chin? I mean Danno's been putting in a lot of hours," surprised Dan hadn't been exaggerating on Friday. He thought it had been for effect, not reality.
"Did the lab boys find anything?"
"No, just Dan's prints, no one else's."
Steve looked at Chin and Kono; they weren't telling him something he could feel it.
"All right, what's up? Don't hold back," Steve barked.
"Steve, we have to consider the possibility Dan might have committed suicide," Chin finally voiced looking to Kono for support.
"No, that's not a possibility. Danno would never do anything like that. Never! I've...we've know him too long."
"But, Steve, we found an empty apartment, his personal effects-we have to consider it," Chin said. "Danno's been..."
"Been what. Working hard, depressed. There was no note. I won't consider it."
"Did you go into Danny's desk?" Chin asked quietly.
"Why?" angry that Chin would even consider suicide for Danno.
"I went in there for some subpoena form and I found Jane's picture and then the engagement ring at Danny's apartment."
"So, we all knew Jane's death hit Danno pretty hard. It doesn't mean anything. I already put out an APB on him and I'm thinking of going to the TV station. Maybe, somebody knows something. Do we have anything on recent parolee's? What about your snitches, have you been to them yet? If someone rolled a cop, maybe somebody's talking about it. We're done sitting on our arses!" a clue for Kono and Chin to hit the streets on getting any information on Dan.
Hours later Steve had to face facts, the trail was as cold as ice if there was one. Dan could be dead and they would never know where to look. Chin was right; Dan really hadn't been himself for a while. He'd seen him snap at Chin and Kono for no apparent reason, even him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Dan's genuine smile.
Chin and Kono had reported back. No one was talking or didn't have anything to say. Funny, Steve laughed, he told Dan he would be there for him, but every time Dan wanted to talk he was busy. Some friend! Dan had been there when his nephew died, even consoling him when his sister wouldn't talk to him. And what did he do, blow Dan off.
XXXXX
Pushing his way through the rainforest, Dan saw the gas station in the distance. Good, he'd made it. Limping past houses, his only goal was the station. Walking in, the counterman looked him over. He must look like something the mongoose drug in. Approaching the counter, Dan tried to speak. A croak was all he could get out.
"Hey you, bruddah," the man said.
Dan leaned forward, Al by the name on the shirt, he tried to say something again, but this time he could even manage a croak.
"You sit down there," pointing to a chair, "I'll get you some help," the man said as he picked up the phone.
Even before he had a chance, an officer appeared.
"Danny, is that you?" shaking his head. Office AK Mutata looked Dan over.
"Bruddah, McGarrett just put out an APB on you this morning. Is he gonna be happy. I'll go call him!" still shaking his head.
Today, it must be Thursday, when he promised Steve he'd be in. Four days out there...alone. Did they think he might be dead? He was happy just to be alive.
The ambulance pulled up just as the sun was setting. Dan refused to be hoisted up on the gurney. He'd made this far; he'd be dammed if he were going to be carried. Climbing into the ambulance and gurney, he fell into its sweet softness. God, it felt good.
Arriving at the hospital, Dan drifted in and out of consciousness. He thought he heard Steve's voice but wasn't sure.
The bright sunlight streamed into Dan's room. He awoke to find his head and knee bandaged, and IV in his elbow and in a hospital gown. So today was Friday, reaching over he grabbed the phone, and called Arcus. That done, he could concentrate on the guys.
"Hi, Danny. I'm here on official business," Duke said as he came into Dan's room, crisp in his uniform. "I thought you might want something to snack on while I took your statement," taking out a Leonard's malasada box still hot.
Biting into one, Dan savored their buttery taste. Man, he missed these.
"You know, we were worried about you."
"Me too," Dan quipped. Seeing the lines in Duke's face, Dan tried to apologize to Duke, but he brushed it aside, filling Dan in on what had happened while he was gone.
Taking his statement, Duke left and encouraged Dan to come back.
Each of the guys showed up bringing food and worried looks. First Kono, with a plate lunch after lunch and then, Chin with dim sum after dinner. He inhaled all the food and the love that came with it. Trying to apologize to each in turn, they both shook their heads.
"Don't worry about it bruddah. I'm just happy your back. You gotta keep the boss in line," Kono winked.
Chin was the worse, every time Dan tried to thank him. Chin patted his shoulder, telling him everything was Ok.
Dan dozed off and on. His time in the wilderness had taken its toll, that and the last year. He was glad and afraid that Steve hadn't shown up. It seemed everyone was in a conspiracy, him wanting to apologize; they rejected it out of hand. What had happened to him between Sunday and today? He knew he had changed, but what had they found. If they thought he was dead, they had gone to his apartment and desk. He had better friends than he thought, finding Jane's things and not mentioning them.
After Chin left, Dan dozed. Moonlight bounced off the wall as Dan turned to hear the door open, Dan saw Steve.
"Aren't you supposed to be resting?" Steve asked.
"Steve," Dan smiled.
Walking over to Dan, Steve looked him over.
"That sunburns going to hurt," pointing do Dan's lobster red arms and face. "Don't think you can use it as an excuse not to come to work."
"Steve, about Friday, I was way out of line," Dan dove in." You should have given me a suspension, not a vacation!"
"Look," Steve interrupted," You gave us a big scare. I read your statement. Apparently, they had it all planned out. We didn't know you were missing until Thursday, by that time everything was cold. Until you showed up, we . . ."
"What you thought I committed suicide? Duke told me how you found my apartment. Steve, I would have thought the same thing. I had a lot of time to think. You know enjoying Oahu's scenic beauty. I'll admit there was a few times, I thought I wouldn't be able to make it. But, out there I realized what I have. And I have good friends, a job, I hope, that I love. Will you forgive me?"
"What forgive you? No, bruddah, forgive us, me. You were in pain and I was blind to see it. No, no I owe you an apology. I can see why you wanted to go to Arcus, but..."
"You know about Arcus? How?" surprised he hadn't been able to keep his secret. But then he really hadn't expected it too not with the coconut wireless.
"That's what made me send Kono to your apartment. I wanted to confront you about it. But, that doesn't matter anymore. What matters is your back. And as soon as you as the doctor OK's you, I'm putting you back to work and I don't want you working to all hours of the night, unless the case demands it. Got it."
"Got it, Steve," Dan grinned things were back to normal.
PAU
By
C. K.
Dan Williams walked hesitantly into Steve's office. He closed the door behind him, hoping for a little privacy, which was impossible. If he were lucky, he would have a few uninterrupted minutes and get this over with. Dan was anxious.
Steve was on the phone. His back was to the door, so he hadn't seen Dan come in. Thank heavens for small favors. He could Steve was winding his day down. He had carefully lined all the paperwork neatly on his desk, ready to leave for the weekend. Dressed in jeans and trademark aloha shirt and ascot Steve was ready for the weekend.
Dan didn't pay attention to whom Steve was talking to, distracted by his own thoughts. He knew he needed to stand his ground if he wanted some time off. Things had been hectic and stressful in the office the last few weeks with some big cases coming up. Getting some time off would be a feat in itself.
Standing in the middle of Steve's office, Dan remembered the first time he came here. He was a wet-nosed rookie on his first undercover assignment and was dammed impressed by this office. Too bad he couldn't tell Steve the real reason he needed the time off. He wasn't even sure Steve would care.
Dan continued to look around Steve's office as he talked on the phone. He really didn't want to sit in front of Steve's large Koa wood desk, fearing he would get comfortable and give in. As it was, he was uncomfortable enough in his best suit and tie, finding this morning how loose it was. He knew he had lost some weight, but not this much. Dan's thoughts turned inward. Could he get used to cold weather again? Did he have that much to take with him or would he just buy furniture there. He would miss Steve, Kono and Chin, but he would make new friends. He could always come back to the Island for vacation...
Steve cleared his throat. "What's up, Danno?" Steve's blue eye's questioned.
Dan approached Steve and stood behind a chair, still unwilling to sit down. Dan stood his ground, taking a defensive position; he grabbed the white chair in front of him refusing to unbutton his green suit jacket. "I...I need some time off."
"All right, maybe next month you can have a few long weekends, huh."
"No, Steve! I need it next week. Look Steve," angered at McGarrett's condescending tone, "I've been working my butt off the last six months. I come in here everyday at 6 AM and most of the time I don't leave until after you. I found out your going to Maui for the weekend and you're giving me a hard time."
"Look, Danno, Maui is not a vacation. You know it's for a conference. Besides I really need you here right now," replied McGarrett not hiding the irritation in his voice.
"You'll always need me," Dan said stating a fact. "I really need some time off. I've got it all worked out. If I work over the weekend, (no different from any other), I can have the Mater case cleared. I know we have some tough cases, but Chin and Kono can handle them. I'm only asking for three days, not a week, just three lousy days. I'll be back in the office on Thursday, I promise. I'll be staying at home so for any reason you can get in touch with me there." Already angry, Steve seemed to have made up his mind.
By this time Steve was sitting at his desk playing with a pencil. Dan wasn't sure if it was a good sign. Steve was thinking and chances are he'd lost his argument and Dan would be right back where he started.
He hadn't meant to get angry. It just came out of nowhere. Steve would never give him the time now, and he wouldn't blame him. Why was he so angry with Steve? He knew he would get this reaction. It seemed everything was a constant struggle. Nothing was easy.
Dan just stood there, uncomfortable, shifting from side to side. God, his dress shoes hurt. The silence was unbearable. Dan stood there holding on to the chair in front of him, a life preserver, his knuckles turning white.
"OK," pointing the pencil at Dan, "You can have your days off. But I want Chin and Kono thoroughly briefed on your cases. You have a lot in your head and I don't want any surprises. Also, if I have to call you back for any reason, I don't want any arguments. OK?"
"OK," and he turned around and headed out of Steve's office.
"Danno!"
"Huh?" he turned back.
"Nothing. Have a good time."
"Sure, Steve."
When Dan got back to his small office, he automatically picked up the phone to call Jane, and then put it down. He had a confused look. This had been happening a lot lately and he couldn't believe he was still doing it. He closed the office door. He had a lot of work to do between now and Sunday. After a few hours, he heard a light tapping on his door. Unless the office was on fire, he wasn't budging. He heard the knock again and the door open.
"Hey, Bro!" Kono smiled. "Thinking about making a Rainbow run. You know you got to eat. Man, your clothes getting way to loose on you."
"Look, Kono, I've have a lot of work to do. Either leave me alone or help me. You decide," he replied, his voice in a dark timbre, not wanting any help.
Kono's hurt look said it all.
"Close the door when you leave," Dan said quietly and went back to work. Dan heard the door close and reached for the phone stopping when he realized Jane wasn't there any more. He rubbed his hands through his hair and pounded the desk. Would it ever stop?
Sitting there for a minute, Dan collected his thoughts. The interview with Arcus Security had gone well. The call came out of the blue a month ago and he had grabbed at the chance. Maybe he needed a change of scenery. He had been on this rock to damm long. There were too many memories of Jane. He promised to give them an answer in a week, knowing it was a major decision. Nobody in the office had a clue, he hoped, afraid the coconut wireless had done it's magic already.
Getting back to work, Dan reached into his bottom drawer and reached for a subpoena form and pulled up Jane's picture. Dan had brought it into the office, not knowing why, sometimes questioning his own sanity. Was he a masochist or something? He quickly dropped it back into the drawer. Was it only a year ago? Had it been that long? It was only yesterday.
Dan felt himself dissolve into a mess of emotions. NO, NO, concentrating, he was able to regain his composure and got back to work. Work came first, he kept telling himself. Work was his only salvation, his only hope of sanity.
Dan worked hard through the weekend and had everything ready for Chin and Kono by Sunday night. Before leaving, he left all the necessary paperwork on Jenny's desk and case files. He had dressed casually that day, knowing he was starting a "vacation". Wearing his tan pants and blue polo shirt. His only concession was his shoes. He didn't feel comfortable wearing sneakers to the office.
Dan pulled into the carport at midnight. Lately, this had been his routine. He sat there, frozen. Jane's face popped into his head, like clockwork. Yes, he had made the right decision. He definitely needed some time off. Getting out of his car, Dan was thinking of Jane. His last memory was of her.
Pitch darkness closed in on him. Jane called for help, her voice echoing in the dark. He had to find her. Dan had to rescue Jane from Gregson. The darkness turned into wild unnamed beasts. He had to protect Jane unlike the first time. He was stumbling in the darkness, hitting rocks and trees, unswerving to find Jane. There he found himself on top of the hill unable to stop as he tripped and fell. Barrel rolling down the hill, his body was taking the brunt of the rocks and bushes. His body collided into a grove of banyan trees. Dan fell into welcome oblivion.
Opening his eyes slowly, his head felt as if someone cracked coconuts on it. Trying to sit up made his head worse. Now he was in the Banzai Pipeline on a November day. Putting his head between his knees to stop the nausea, Dan made a disconcerting discovery. His right knee was covered in dried blood. His tan pants from the knee down were a rusty brown color and he could feel dry blood in his sock. Putting his hands to his head, he found on his right temple a mass of dried blood, hair and dirt. He threw up a dry heave. 'When was the last time I ate?' he wondered. His mind was cloudy. He willed his body to move, every muscle aching in protest.
Using a banyan tree, Dan stood up and leaned against the tree. I'm past the river Styx, but not quite beyond the Lethe. No one knew he was here. He'd have to find his way out or die, although the latter didn't sound so bad. NO, that was his heart speaking not his head, or what was left of it.
First things first as Steve says. Taking inventory, Dan found to his dismay, his wallet, keys, badge, gun, watch and windbreaker gone. Whoever did this was thorough. Drugged and dumped for dead, maybe they did him a favor. If they ever did find his body they would need dental records, STOP IT.
Suddenly he found the situation so ridiculous he started to laugh, which turned into sobs. He willed himself to stop but this time all his repressed grief spilled out. He cried until he though he could cry no more. Wiping his tears away, he looked around the terrain trying to find some identifiable landmarks.
Dark green, lush green, forest green. Another big fat zero. No Diamond Head and no Kooluu mountains, nothing. Where was he? Was he still on Oahu? Dan knew he had to move, but in which direction? And in his present physical condition, could he go anywhere? Hey, he wanted peace and quiet to think and now he got it. Just the sounds of tropical birds, heady exotic fragrances and lush green rainforest, if that wasn't a prescription for relaxation and deep thought what was.
Dan's instinct said he was facing east, as good as direction to head out. It was an island. He'd run into ocean sometime. Licking his lips, finding them parched and he swallowed hard. Dan had to find water or a substitute. Injured and unsure how long he'd been out, Dan could already feel the heat and humidity bearing down on him. His strength ebbing as he stood there. But, hey Oahu, no problem! Unless...unless it was a drought year. Sometimes it didn't pay to be a cop, so single-minded you don't even pay attention to the weather living in paradise. Hopefully, it wasn't a drought year. He would worry about that later, now he had to move knowing he would have to rescue himself.
Using a branch as walking stick, Dan gingerly worked his way through the rainforest. The undergrowth thick and gnarled. He found the process difficult at most, and sometimes treacherous. Skilled hikers and backpackers had gotten themselves lost in here and he was going to find a way out! He definitely had to think about the Arcus job or he might give up right now. His spirits low when he had pulled into the carport, this only added to his misery.
Why had he decided that even before the interview he was going to take the job? Was it Steve, Chin, Kono? No, although, Steve could be a hard arses sometimes, all right most of the time. Kono, no, he had known Kono a long time. They had met at the academy and found surfing in common. Dan winced, he had treated Kono like dirt Friday and he didn't know why. Chin...how could you not like Chin? Kelly stuck with him the whole time during Gregson's trial. Then why, why was he running so hard to Arcus Security Service and then, when they offered him the job, he stalled, shocking himself as well as Arcus.
He'd had chosen the Willows Restaurant, a high priced place, no cop could afford, hoping no one would see him. God was he afraid some one would run to Steve. Had he turned that afraid? And then when they offered, he just sat there-a mannequin. When he spoke he found himself asking them to wait until next Friday. Why they didn't blow him off, he didn't know. He would have.
How difficult could it be to make a decision, a sweet deal or life as an unappreciated, undervalued and un-respected cop? You've got to be kidding, he mused, I bust my butt everyday and all I got to show for it is nothing. Arcus was offering a car, house and expense account. How hard could it be? But, he knew he loved being a cop and the other things didn't count, or did they, he reasoned. Dan stared second-guessing himself. All his insecurities coming to the forefront.
Finding the light fading, Dan found some mango, papaya and apple trees. He found a sharp lava rock and cut the fruit open. He stood there and inhaled six pieces of fruit, each tasting better than the last. God, he was starving.
For the first time in months, food actually had a taste. Unfortunately the fruit made him thirsty. He would have to find water soon. Stuffing his pockets with fruit he pushed on. He could see the headline in the Advertiser. "NATIVE SON DIES OF STARVATION ON ISLAND PARADISE". Wouldn't that be great? No, he had to think positive. He would find water and more fruit. Even after eating, Dan's muscles still protested their treatment. Dan's right knee was becoming slightly stiff.
Walking until he couldn't see, he found a small clearing. Sitting down and trying to get comfortable he thought he heard a trickle of water. Crawling to the sound his body unwilling to stand, he found a small stream barely the width of his hand. He drank until he had cramps in his hands. The awkward position fatiguing his already tired body. Crawling back to the clearing, Dan lay down and looked at the night sky. So full of stars, you couldn't tell where the land started or ended.
Their twinkling brilliance overwhelmed him. It was on a night like this Jane and he discussed their future. Convincing Dan to go, Jane had packed a midnight picnic on Sandy Beach. Dan could see her now in jeans, sweatshirt, her hair tied back in a bandana, her smile, her beautiful smile.
Watching the meteor showers, they declared their love for each other. It was then that Dan thought of proposing marriage. The first time in his life he was willing to make a serious commitment. It scared and exhilarated him. Jane was the only woman he had totally given himself to, mind, body, and soul. He was going to propose to her that the week Gregson killed her. Tears welled up and this time Dan didn't resist. He cried himself into an exhausted sleep.
Dan woke up to a blinding headache and itching arms and face. During the night the misquotes had found him. However, by this time tomorrow, he would become tourist red and his blood would be too hot, he hoped. His lips were parched and he ate some fruit. Grabbing his branch, he started out again. Every time he thought of Arcus, Jane's face appeared. Why did she show up? Dan more confused than before.
The first six months after Jane died, life was a haze and blur. Getting out of bed was a Herculean task, but once he got to work Dan could bury himself in it. He wouldn't think of Jane, Gregson or his guilt. And if the only people he dealt with were criminals that was ok. No one should be happy, not even his closest friends. Every luau, birthday party and impromptu dinner at the office was painful a reminder of happier times. Why should every one be so happy, he wanted to shout. Couldn't they see the only woman he truly loved was gone? He tried to act normal and even then it made the pain worse. Smiling and joking, he felt as if some alien had taken over his body, totally disjointed from everyone and everything.
Dan continued hiking, concentrating on the undergrowth which could trip him. Fatigue was becoming a problem, his steps were slower and his body ached. No longer could he avoid the pain. He was over Jane, she was dead and buried, and then why did he find tears on his pillow every morning.
Why couldn't he let go of the guilt for not going to the club that day? If he had been there, maybe Gregson wouldn't have killed her, he would have found... How many times had he gone over the 'If only's' and the 'what if's' and nothing had changed.
Hearing any woman's laughter, reminded him of Jane's, and broke his heart, again. If he was so over Jane, then why... Dan tripped and fell, his knee hitting a root. He screamed in pain and anger and started to pound the ground. A whole year of repressed anger, hatred, rage, and guilt channeled through Dan, for being a cop, letting Jane die, for Gregson being alive. "NO, NO", he screamed, tears stung on his face. He sat there, getting his ragged breathing under control, looking at his blood red hands.
He had to face facts. Jane was dead; he only had her memory, and heartache that followed. How many times had he tried to call her, knowing she wasn't there. He missed her so much. No more words of love, encouragement, understanding from her. Gone and only four blank walls to stare at and an empty place to live.
Standing up, he wiped the tears from his eyes and continued walking. He was now painfully aware of his right knee. Each step more painful than the last. Jane brought so much wonder to his life. She found places on the island he'd forgotten and every day was new. He couldn't wait to see her, to tell her about his day and ask about hers. Her face and smile brightened his every day life. But, she was gone, and he was angry.
So wrapped up in his thoughts, Dan walked right into a mountain. Looking around, he saw no other way up. His exhausted body wouldn't tolerate any more abuses. Slowly Dan started climbing the mountain, reviewing the past year. Work could only compensate for so much, and pushing away his friends only heightened his loneliness. He couldn't recall all his outbursts. Dan wondered why anyone would tolerate them. They just accepted it as the new Dan Williams. He had some damm good friends, only realizing it now and hopefully not too late.
Reaching the pinnacle, just as the light was fading, Dan resolved to make amends to his friends. Steve, Chin, Kono, Jenny and Duke deserved that for what he had done.
Laying there gazing at the stars, Dan had been holding onto Jane's memory tightly, afraid to let go, knowing now that Jane would always be with him. He would never forget her face, kiss, caress or laugh. His tears were joyful now as a light rain fell. Opening his mouth to catch the moisture, Dan fell into the first restful sleep he's had in months.
XXXXX
Steve McGarrett tapped his pencil on the desk. It was now 9 o'clock, Thursday morning and no Danno. Had he taken the Arcus Security job? Steve had run into Bob Saunders on Maui and Sanders had told him about seeing Danno at the Willows. Is that why he'd sauntered in? Both Kono and Chin were in, where was he? Peeved that Danno would take this attitude. He knew Dan hadn't been himself lately, but the least Dan could have done was talk to him about it. That upset Steve more then Dan not showing up.
"Jenny, call Danno and put him through."
"Yes, Boss"
Steve went back to his paperwork, unable to concentrate.
"No answer, Boss"
Steve called Kono on the intercom.
"Kono, do me a favor and run over to Danno's place and get the big loafer out of bed."
"Sure, Boss, on my way. I'll make sure Danno knew you sent me."
XXXXX
Waking up, Dan ate the rest of his fruit and started down the hill. He was able to see the glint of blue. Dan knew he would be home soon. Luckily, there was some sort of trail. He almost slid down a few times but was able to make it. The lava rock crumbling easily under him. So tired was his body Dan had to make slow calculated moves to get down. His right knee unwilling to move and bend. Reaching the bottom and stepping on flat ground, his right knee buckled. Dan fell forward unable to stop himself.
XXXXX
Walking into Dan's apartment, Steve found a flurry of activity. Pictures being taken, prints taken, but no Dan, no signs of struggle, nothing. He walked into the bedroom and looked around. Unmade bed, shirts tossed in a pile, but no signs of a struggle. Looking at the dresser, he found Dan's wallet, keys, gun and badge lined up like soldiers, silent testimony to their missing owner. He also found a crushed blue velvet box. Opening it up he found an engagement ring. Funny, Danno hadn't mentioned any--Jane, this was Jane's. Steve quickly closed the box and put it back in the dresser. Why hadn't Dan told him about this? When Dan collapsed after seeing Jane's body, he felt like a fool. He wouldn't have on the phone when Dan arrived had he known this.
"Kono," Steve signaled him over, "Have you found Danno's surfboard?" noticing it missing from the bedroom." Maybe he went surfing and got hurt."
"No need to Boss, Danno gave it to my niece and nephew a few months ago, along with his tennis racket and bowling ball."
"He did what, I thought... Did he say why?"
"Ya, said he was going to get himself a better ones and he knew how tight money was with my sister. Anything wrong, Boss."
"No, not yet. I'll meet you back at the office when you're done. Be sure to check with the neighbors. Maybe they saw or heard something. If someone zapped Danno, I want to know about it."
XXXXX
"What have you got gentlemen?" Steve said trying to stay calm as he loosened his red tie.
"The neighbors don't remember seeing Danno for the past couple of days, but I found a neighbor who worked graveyard at one of the hotels. He said they would exchange waves in the carport on his way to work for the last couple of months. But, he hadn't seen him for a couple of days," Chin finished putting back his notebook in his gray suit jacket.
"The manager says Danno was quiet, paid his rent on time. But, they didn't talk much," Kono added pulling out his notebook out his brown suit jacket.
"Around midnight, are you sure, Chin? I mean Danno's been putting in a lot of hours," surprised Dan hadn't been exaggerating on Friday. He thought it had been for effect, not reality.
"Did the lab boys find anything?"
"No, just Dan's prints, no one else's."
Steve looked at Chin and Kono; they weren't telling him something he could feel it.
"All right, what's up? Don't hold back," Steve barked.
"Steve, we have to consider the possibility Dan might have committed suicide," Chin finally voiced looking to Kono for support.
"No, that's not a possibility. Danno would never do anything like that. Never! I've...we've know him too long."
"But, Steve, we found an empty apartment, his personal effects-we have to consider it," Chin said. "Danno's been..."
"Been what. Working hard, depressed. There was no note. I won't consider it."
"Did you go into Danny's desk?" Chin asked quietly.
"Why?" angry that Chin would even consider suicide for Danno.
"I went in there for some subpoena form and I found Jane's picture and then the engagement ring at Danny's apartment."
"So, we all knew Jane's death hit Danno pretty hard. It doesn't mean anything. I already put out an APB on him and I'm thinking of going to the TV station. Maybe, somebody knows something. Do we have anything on recent parolee's? What about your snitches, have you been to them yet? If someone rolled a cop, maybe somebody's talking about it. We're done sitting on our arses!" a clue for Kono and Chin to hit the streets on getting any information on Dan.
Hours later Steve had to face facts, the trail was as cold as ice if there was one. Dan could be dead and they would never know where to look. Chin was right; Dan really hadn't been himself for a while. He'd seen him snap at Chin and Kono for no apparent reason, even him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Dan's genuine smile.
Chin and Kono had reported back. No one was talking or didn't have anything to say. Funny, Steve laughed, he told Dan he would be there for him, but every time Dan wanted to talk he was busy. Some friend! Dan had been there when his nephew died, even consoling him when his sister wouldn't talk to him. And what did he do, blow Dan off.
XXXXX
Pushing his way through the rainforest, Dan saw the gas station in the distance. Good, he'd made it. Limping past houses, his only goal was the station. Walking in, the counterman looked him over. He must look like something the mongoose drug in. Approaching the counter, Dan tried to speak. A croak was all he could get out.
"Hey you, bruddah," the man said.
Dan leaned forward, Al by the name on the shirt, he tried to say something again, but this time he could even manage a croak.
"You sit down there," pointing to a chair, "I'll get you some help," the man said as he picked up the phone.
Even before he had a chance, an officer appeared.
"Danny, is that you?" shaking his head. Office AK Mutata looked Dan over.
"Bruddah, McGarrett just put out an APB on you this morning. Is he gonna be happy. I'll go call him!" still shaking his head.
Today, it must be Thursday, when he promised Steve he'd be in. Four days out there...alone. Did they think he might be dead? He was happy just to be alive.
The ambulance pulled up just as the sun was setting. Dan refused to be hoisted up on the gurney. He'd made this far; he'd be dammed if he were going to be carried. Climbing into the ambulance and gurney, he fell into its sweet softness. God, it felt good.
Arriving at the hospital, Dan drifted in and out of consciousness. He thought he heard Steve's voice but wasn't sure.
The bright sunlight streamed into Dan's room. He awoke to find his head and knee bandaged, and IV in his elbow and in a hospital gown. So today was Friday, reaching over he grabbed the phone, and called Arcus. That done, he could concentrate on the guys.
"Hi, Danny. I'm here on official business," Duke said as he came into Dan's room, crisp in his uniform. "I thought you might want something to snack on while I took your statement," taking out a Leonard's malasada box still hot.
Biting into one, Dan savored their buttery taste. Man, he missed these.
"You know, we were worried about you."
"Me too," Dan quipped. Seeing the lines in Duke's face, Dan tried to apologize to Duke, but he brushed it aside, filling Dan in on what had happened while he was gone.
Taking his statement, Duke left and encouraged Dan to come back.
Each of the guys showed up bringing food and worried looks. First Kono, with a plate lunch after lunch and then, Chin with dim sum after dinner. He inhaled all the food and the love that came with it. Trying to apologize to each in turn, they both shook their heads.
"Don't worry about it bruddah. I'm just happy your back. You gotta keep the boss in line," Kono winked.
Chin was the worse, every time Dan tried to thank him. Chin patted his shoulder, telling him everything was Ok.
Dan dozed off and on. His time in the wilderness had taken its toll, that and the last year. He was glad and afraid that Steve hadn't shown up. It seemed everyone was in a conspiracy, him wanting to apologize; they rejected it out of hand. What had happened to him between Sunday and today? He knew he had changed, but what had they found. If they thought he was dead, they had gone to his apartment and desk. He had better friends than he thought, finding Jane's things and not mentioning them.
After Chin left, Dan dozed. Moonlight bounced off the wall as Dan turned to hear the door open, Dan saw Steve.
"Aren't you supposed to be resting?" Steve asked.
"Steve," Dan smiled.
Walking over to Dan, Steve looked him over.
"That sunburns going to hurt," pointing do Dan's lobster red arms and face. "Don't think you can use it as an excuse not to come to work."
"Steve, about Friday, I was way out of line," Dan dove in." You should have given me a suspension, not a vacation!"
"Look," Steve interrupted," You gave us a big scare. I read your statement. Apparently, they had it all planned out. We didn't know you were missing until Thursday, by that time everything was cold. Until you showed up, we . . ."
"What you thought I committed suicide? Duke told me how you found my apartment. Steve, I would have thought the same thing. I had a lot of time to think. You know enjoying Oahu's scenic beauty. I'll admit there was a few times, I thought I wouldn't be able to make it. But, out there I realized what I have. And I have good friends, a job, I hope, that I love. Will you forgive me?"
"What forgive you? No, bruddah, forgive us, me. You were in pain and I was blind to see it. No, no I owe you an apology. I can see why you wanted to go to Arcus, but..."
"You know about Arcus? How?" surprised he hadn't been able to keep his secret. But then he really hadn't expected it too not with the coconut wireless.
"That's what made me send Kono to your apartment. I wanted to confront you about it. But, that doesn't matter anymore. What matters is your back. And as soon as you as the doctor OK's you, I'm putting you back to work and I don't want you working to all hours of the night, unless the case demands it. Got it."
"Got it, Steve," Dan grinned things were back to normal.
PAU