This is my first fic, so PLEASE write to me at: miaowing_kat@hotmail.com Hate mail welcome!
X-men in a hospital *A disaster waiting to happen*
Cyclops: Hey guys, we're all going to the hospital to surprise the professor.
Wolverine: Ain't he able to read minds slim?
Beast: Not today. His senses have been weakened temporarily due to his illness.
Gambit: Remy just opened a beer. Can' go.
Cyclops: Doesn't the professor mean more to you than a beer?
(Rogue gives Gambit evil stare)
Rogue: Ya Remy! Don't ya CARE about the Professor?
Gambit: Course chere, but Remy don' wanna miss th' beginning of Baywatch. Me and Hank always watch it.
(Everyone stares at Beast, while he grins sheepishly.)
Storm: Well, then we'd better go now. Logan, you're driving.
At the Hospital:
Jubilee: Hurry up Jean! I have to pee REAL bad!
(From inside toilet *well it ain't gonna be anywhere else right?* )
Jean: Hey, when a telepath has to go, she has to go. Nothing I can do about it.
Beast: So, where's the professor?
Wolverine: Got no idea. I'll ask this fella at the desk. (walks over) 'Scuse me but we want to know where Professor Xavier is…
(Receptionist just stares at them, scared out of his wits)
Wolverine: Never mind bub, I'll just sniff him out. (sniffing) I think it's this way!
Rogue: Hey Wolvie, there's something wrong with Jean. Keeps goin' on how she hates Cyclops. Me an' Remy're gonna take her to see a doctor.
Beast: hey! I'm a doctor!
Rogue: Ah know sugah, but Ah don't trust you. Besides, Ah need to get away from Storm. She's been annoying me since we got here.
Storm: By the Godess! What were you saying about me? Tidy your hair Rogue! It looks like a rat's nest, do you want to attract attention?
Gambit: Dis coming from a femme wit' white hair and an eye-catching uniform… Stormy, we're goin' somewhere. No following…
Cyclops: Where're they taking my belovedst Jean?
Wolverine: Not exactly on top of things, huh Slim? They're just taking her to see a doctor. Nothing bad, promise. C'mon, the professor's not far away.
Jubilee: God, I have to pee again. I shouldn't have drunk Gambit's beer.
Beast: You drank that stuff! That stuff is very strong!
Wolverine: Yeah, haven't you ever smelt Gumbo's breath, Holy shit, is that strong!
Jubilee: I don' care, so shut your mouth!
Beast: Will do.
Meanwhile, somewhere else in the hospital…
Jean: oooooooooh, How I HATE cyclops!
Rogue: She musta gone crazy. Sit her down while Ah go an' look for a doctor.
(Gambit lies sits her down on one of those hard benches)
Gambit: So Jean, do you want to play a friendly game of poker?
(Takes out deck of cards and starts to shuffle)
Jean: No way Cajun, you'll cheat. I know you and your friends. All men are bastards!
(Jean runs off)
Gambit: ooooooops. Rogue's gonna kill Remy for t'is. Ah well, C'est la vie.
Storm: Logan, aren't we there yet?
Cyclops: This is taking too long! I'm leading the way now!
Beast: Forgive me for saying so friend, but isn't Logan the only one of us who can find the professor without us drawing attention to ourselves, or have I just gone mad?
Wolverine: Yeah bub, so shut up and follow me!
Cyclops: No! I'm the leader! I'm leading the way!
Wolverine: Fine, I'm going this way, do what you want, but Storm and Beast are following me, right guys?
(Storm, Beast and Jubilee nod their heads)
Cyclops: Traitors! (storms off in wrong direction. *of course* )
Rogue: Right, Ah'm sure Ah saw a doctor round here somewhere! This hospital's terrible. Ah should just get back t'Remy and Jean before he steals her wallet.
Jean: Ah, I found you Rogue. Just to let you know, I'm going back to the X-Mansion. I can't stand being around anymore men. Vile creatures!
Rogue: Sugah, you're just over-reacting, but if ya hate men, ya can join me in the beating up of Remy. He shouldn't have let ya go, even if ya were crazy.
Jean: I am not crazy!
Rogue: Sure, whatever.
(The two women find Gambit sitting down on a bench playing Solitaire.)
Gambit: Remy sees you found the runaway, non?
Rogue: Why ya little… Ya were supposed to watch Jean! Not let her run all over the hospital!!
Gambit: But Remy can' do not'ing to stop her!
Rogue: Ya could have some and told me she had gone instead of playing cards!
Gambit: Can' do not'ing 'bout it now chere, it be in de past! 'sides, she be here now, non?
Jean: Even if it's it the past Cajun, we're still gonna beat you to a pulp!
Cyclops: Damnit! I think that they might have been right about the way to the professor. I'll just have to find Jean. She'll be able to locate him with her mind, and then everyone will think I'm the best again. Ha ha ha ha!
(Cyclops finds Rogue and Jean beating up Gambit)
Cyclops: Huh! Jean! Why the hell are you doing that?
Jean: Shut up honey! I'm doing something I should have done a LONG time ago! This feels soooooo good!
(Cyclops runs over and holds back Jean)
Jean: Let me go Scott, or YOU'RE next!
(Cyclops immediately lets go)
Cyclops: C'mon Rogue! You shouldn't do that to Remy. He's so weak and defenseless!
(Rogue stops to think for a moment. *wood burning, ha ha* )
Rogue: Ya, Ah suppose ya're right. Come to think of it, Ah don't know what I saw in him…
(Gambit picks himself up and dusts coat off)
Gambit: Remy's MAD now. No-one calls Remy weak and defenseless!!
(Gambit and Cyclops battle it out while Jean and Rogue walk off for a drink from a vending machine)
Storm: You know Logan, I'm worried about Scott. He's not sensible enough to go walking around by himself, especially in a hospital.
Wolverine: You're right as usual, *I have no idea if that's true* But the professor is in this room here. I'm good at persuading people to do stuff, I'll go get him. *I don't think that's true either, but I couldn't get anyone else to go find em, right!*
(Wolverine heads down corridor while Storm, Beast and Jubilee open door)
Jubilee: Hello professor, nice to see you again…
Professor X: Uh, yes. I wasn't expecting you. My senses are really quite crap right now. *I know he would never say that* I can't take any big surprises, loud noises or any violence.
Beast: Don't worry professor, this is a place for rest. There's not going to be any loud noises or violent people right here…
Storm: I wouldn't be so sure of that Hank.
Jubilee: Why not?
(Storm points to door as Wolverine crashes through)
Wolverine: Well, don't just stand there like idiots! Help!
(Storm and Beast charge through hole in wall, Jubilee just stands there still, and Rogue walks through door)
Rogue: Nothin' surprises me any more, that's gotta be a bad sign…
Jubilee: What's going on out there?
Rogue: The fellas are fighting. Can Ah ask ya a question? What the hell did Ah ever see in Remy?
Jubilee: Beats me…
Professor X: I have absolutely no idea.
Rogue: Aren't ya guys comin' t'watch the fight?
Professor X: No, I need my rest.
(Rogue shrugs. She and Jubilee walk out.)
Outside…
Wolverine: C'mon cajun, leave the bub and we'll go and get some drinks.
Gambit: No way mon ami! Dis be Remy's finest hour!
Jean: Yeah sure, that's what you said three days ago.
Gambit: When did Gambit say dat?
Jean: When you beat hank at poker fifteen times in a row!
Beast: yes, I remember that well. Just before I punched the wall…
Rogue: Ah'm bored! Can't we go home now?
Cyclops: Why did we even come here anyway?
Professor X: To visit me!
Cyclops: Whose dumb-ass idea was that?
Everyone: YOURS!!!
(Cyclops shrinks back)
Storm: Who votes we beat Cyclops to oblivion when we get home?
(Everyone's hand raises)
Gambit: Don' worry mon ami, de pummelin' will only last a few hours. After, it all be in de past, non?
Cyclops: Oui…
*FIN*
Ta da! My fic is completed! Silly I know, but I like it…