Who I am

By: DefineDelicate and MagicalRose08

Chapter 1: Always in your arms

Topher Brink laid in bed his arm draped protectively over Amy's stomach. She was a vision as she rested. Like a angel in his eyes. He could remember seeing her for the first time, back in college. Everything was so simple then, so moral. Though he's grown, or shall we say changed, his feelings for her hadn't. If anything, they grew, and every day a bit of him dies when she talks about her job. Because he couldn't do that with her, He liked his job, enjoyed being the mad genius of the Dollhouse, but the fact is, it was illegal. Which caused problems in his and Amy's relationship. She didn't know a thing about it. She was so full of life, wanting to know every detail of his world, that having a illegal job like working in the Dollhouse would risk her life and his, and he couldn't tell her that. He couldn't allow her to go through the punish that would take place if he were to open his mouth. He often imagines a life where they could be like a normal couple. A couple who could just stay like this forever, they could be honest, open about every aspect in their life. Like when they first met. Oh those were the days, arguing with college professor about how wrong they were about--everything. It was the life, Topher was acing everything, and didn't have a care in the world. He wasn't the most responsible person in his college, in fact he wasn't responsible at all, sleeping, missing classes and of course the time he refused to take that sociology test because he believed that what they were teaching could be proven wrong. It was then that he realized he was different then others. It was also the day, he met Amy

----

Topher had stalked to the cafeteria frustrated. Deep in his thoughts, the cafeteria wasn't huge, but it fed you, people everywhere, his mind constantly going a hundred miles per second, which wasn't anything new. Stupid professors, always saying that they were so smart, thee were stupid. One day, he'll prove them wrong. He'll prove everyone that Topher Brink was meant to be someone. He was meant to be the genius that he is, and that no one will stop him. They will all be sorry. Not paying attention to where he was headed, Topher kept his eyes to the ground, and felt a force nearly walking straight into him. Breaking his balance. His body slamming to the ground, completely pissed, Topher was going to have a word or to about how eyes were made for seeing where to walk, until he glanced up at the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen.

That's when it all changed.

"Oh god, I am so sorry" Topher spluttered as stood back up, leaning down to pick up the tray and food he split. Completed embarrassed at what a fool he was. His palms sweating uncontrollably. Of course, that wasn't different then usual, but today, it was worst. All because of a girl. A girl he didn't even know.

"Don't worry it's okay," she said, her voice sounded like she wasn't from around here. Her accent deep and innocent. She smiled, and picked up her tray, while Topher couldn't find words to speak anymore.

Oh God, I'm going to mess it up, I'm going to mess it and she's disappear like all girls. Good going Brink, you really are a crowd pleaser. Grow some why don't you?!

Topher thought to himself, as he rubbed his palm again his blue jeans, his heart pounding as he stood in front of her like a moron.

"Aren't you going to tell me your name, are you just gonna stand there confused?" he heard her ask him, with a laugh. Topher's mind went to blank once again, only replaying her words over and over again.

Suddenly, it hit him that he hadn't said a word in like 10 minutes,

She's going to think I'm mentally challenged or something. SAY SOMETHING BRINK! SAY ANYTHING!!!!

"I'm a Genius" Topher said, with a silly grin, nodding to himself as he cupped his hands together, proudly.

More like a idiot, he thought to himself, as Amy laughed loudly. Not able to catch her breath. She was definitely going to disappear, and he couldn't blame her. He was a nervous wreck, saying whatever came to his mind first, and usually things that came to his mind was never a good thing. He had the tendency to say things as if they were a foreign language that only he would understand. Words of science and theories. He had the vision of people being like computers. Program them to be anyone and everything, of course, when discussing that with his professors they laughed at him, much like Amy was doing down. No one understand anything anymore!

As Amy laughed, and looked at Topher in awe, he thought she was going to just turn around and leave, so he turned slowly, ashamed of being considered a person, until he felt a slow hand on his shoulder. His body instantly relaxed to her gesture.

"So, does the Genius have a name? or does he just go by Genius?"

Topher smiled, and his eyes wide of surprise.

"..I have a name" he said, positive, trying to remember his own name.

"That's good to know" Amy laughed. "Maybe I should guess it?"

"No, I know it, it's---"

"YO BRINKER!" Topher tensed to the sound of someone calling him from across the cafeteria, knowing exactly who it was.

"Hey, I'm talking to you Brinker! Did you finish that nerve-whatever homework we talked about yesterday?!" the voice yelled, as Topher saw Amy look over his shoulder to see who was interrupting them. Topher then slowly turned around to one of the main reasons why he was a second from giving up his college experience. Chace Johnson, a boy who got by life based on muscle and the ability to tackle people. One of Topher's unwanted clients so to speak. He basically had the mind set of a peanut, and thanks to Topher's hand-ins, he got by. Topher was lucky to have this side job, but sometimes he didn't think it was worth the harassment that Chace often gave him. Especially at this moment, because Amy was giving him a puzzling gaze.

"Friend of yours?" she asked, as Topher waved a piece of rolled up paper at Chace, that he got from his back-packet.

"Hardly--you owe me fifty Johnson!" Topher answered Amy, then turning to Chace, who was digging in his pocket for the cash, groaning the whole time.

"Oh Brinker, stop being such a pansy a--"

"Brinker is it?" Amy asked, throwing her purse over her shoulder and raising her eye brow at him. She was so beautiful. Brown hair and eyes, with a smile that could cure the world of any of thing, waving off Chace, Topher shook his head and smiled.

"Topher Brink, Science major" he said, extending his hand, Amy took it in hers and with the touch of her skin to his, it was ecstatic. Sending chills down his spin.

"Amy Jacobs, Education major"

He nodded, and throw his arms in the air, figures she would want to be a teacher. She looked the part, only better. All teachers weren't willing to question things around them. They go by the book, but for some reason, Topher didn't feel that way about Amy. She looked like she was wanting an adventure. Wanting to be free. It was then that Topher fell in love with her. It was then that he would start risking her live. But would he change it?

Not in the slightest.

"Since I spilled your lunch, how about I buy you a new one?"Amy looked surprised, "That'd be gre---"

"Amy! Come on, Professor Cox's door just open, we can get a heads start on that pop quiz, I've been hearing about!" a unfamiliar girl said, pulling Amy away, Amy turned and gave Topher a apologetic smile.

"Nice meeting you Topher Brink"

He waved a awkward wave and watched her leave. He never knew that, this would be the day that he'd meet the girl of his dreams. The girl who would question everything that he believes. That is, if he believed in anything. She was pure, and selfless, where as he was reckless, and uncaring to most. To everyone, he had no heart, but that was a lie. His heart belonged to her, and thinking back to that day, Topher smiled, leaned and kissed Amy's bare shoulder. Feeling Amy snuggle up closer to him, he tightened his hold on her, never wanting to let go. It's been years but he could still remember the day they got together, it was the worst day of his life, turning into the best. All because of her.

----

"Professors, don't know anything about the functions of the human brain" Topher said as he sat there at his table looking at the brown liquid in his cup. It was so shiny, and new looking. It made him laugh. Causing more people to stare at him in the bar.

So shiny and delicious.

it was darker, than most beers he ever drank. Even though he didn't drink a lot. If you saw him today you'd think he was a regular. Hell, you'd think he'd drink daily, of course after a day like today, he might have to start. From the day he was having, the only good thing in this world was drinking. It let people be who they truly were. God it had been a rough day. Quitting school because he had failed a project, which he known to be accurate. What a reason. Why couldn't the professors realize his genius attempts? Why couldn't they thank him for coming up with brilliant ideas? The least they could do is thank god for sending such a gift of a person into the world. He was going to make the world a better place. In his own way, sure but he's going to do something all of them dreamed about doing. While they sit in their lat their desks, he's going to be famous for his mind and abilities, making them wish they had giving him that A.

"You, are a wasted effort" Topher slurred, repeating what the professors had told him. "I'll show you a wasted effort"

Topher grabbed the closest drink, without seeing what it was, and gulped it. It was then that Amy walked through the front door of the bar, her first week and she was already sick of the place. There was smoke everywhere, some gloomy country song on the jukebox. Then she eyes saw something interesting

"Topher?"Topher looked up and saw Amy, his face took on a goofy smile. Feeling the Buzz over take his mind and actions completely. The sober Topher she had met was already gone.

"Well if isn't my good friend Amy. How about I buy you a drink?"Amy frowned.

"Topher how much have you had to drink?," she asks, sitting down next to him. Topher stares at her, then turns back to his drink. "Actually not that much, it seems I'm a cheap drunk," he stood up "Okay that's it come on Topher time to leave." Amy helped him up putting one arm under his shoulder. He was facing her when he almost fell he caught himself on the table. Topher and Amy's faces were inches apart, feeling the buzz, and the heat roll off her body so he could not be responsible for what he did next. Leaning in slowly, he gazed into her eyes, feeling the effects of his actions. He left school. He lost what his parents had built for him. But he wasn't going to loose this chance, and although he probably wont remember most of the day, he knew he'd always remember the look she gave him. It was uncertainty, but curiousness. Whether It was curiosity of what it would feel like to kiss him, he didn't know, but what he did know was, when he leaned in closer, closing his eyes. She didn't stop him. In fact if he didn't know any better, he'd say she wanted him to kiss her that night. Everything was so blurred, but once their lips touched it all became clear.

"I don't want you to kiss me just because your drunk Topher" she whispered against his lips. He lowered his head and exhaled deeply, resting his head against hers.

"I've been wanting to kiss you since I met you Amy Jacobs, but I'm not really use to this sort of thing, so getting buzzed--okay drunk, really either got me stupid or brave, and I can't for the life of me figure out---"

She kissed him long and deep making him go for lost of words. Topher, thinking about the night, never wanted to forget it. Because it wasn't 2 weeks later that he realized that memories like this can be erased. That his mind excelled his imagination. That he'd be the one to wipe away moments away from people. He just didn't know how deep he was getting himself into the Dollhouse.

_"Topher" she whispered seeing him act like he was sleeping again. She smiled sweetly and kissed his palms. With his eyes still closed, being pushed back into his present day though, Topher grinned.

"Hmmm" he whispered, as Amy rested her head on his lanky chest. She wanted so desperately know what he did for living, and although he's tried lying many times, she can see right past them. She can see it in his eyes that he's not telling the truth. It was because of that little fact that he loved her. He was awkward, most of the time, but with her, he found himself to be secure in who he was. Who he wanted to be. The Dollhouse was a place where he could expand his mind and do what people who thought existed in fairy tales, it was a job. Nothing more. Although, sometimes he felt kind of bad for it, he believed it was for the best of man kind. He saw, more then once that it does in fact help most people. It was only the dating engagements that seemed immoral.

"Will you please tell me what your job is?" "Amy", he pleaded."Pleaseee" Amy begged. Resting herself on her arms, as Topher got up and started to get ready for work. To think they've been together for this many years, it surprises Amy. She believed with all her heart that the only thing that could break them was this little job issue. If only he would trust her and believe that she would support anything he wanted to do in his life, if only he would just tell her. There had been times in the past where they separated because of his lies. She felt that if she asked enough times, maybe he would open up. Not be scared of what she thought. So, she did ask. Everyday, every morning as he got up and ready for this so mysterious job. A part of her wanted to follow him to the job, but when she got in the car to do it, she couldn't get herself to insert the keys in. she wanted to believe he was doing something he loved. Wanted to believe that whatever it was it, it was making him happy and safe. That's all a job is really, a safe place to make a living. A place where you can excel at life. The amount of money Topher was bringing in was exceptionally well, and although she enjoyed the gifts he gave her, she would trade it all back to know the truth. After all, how bad can the truth be?"I can't do that, it's better if you don't know, trust me, how many times do we have to have this chat?" Amy smiled, "What if I guessed it?"Topher smiled, "Go ahead and try, you'll never get it."Amy stuck her tongue out at him and started guessing. "Let me think, are you janitor?"Topher laughed the thought of him being a janitor was amusing, but did she really believe he was a janitor?

"No"Amy looked at the ceiling then back at him, "Do you work for the government?""Not really per-say…""Oh come on Topher", Amy says pushing his shoulder, "Just tell me.""Amyyyyyy" he whined, in his adorable way. Cupping her face in his hands. Kissing her lips. The touch itself made him love her even more. Of course that wasn't hard, not making eye contact, Topher put on his pants, and shoes.

He was changing the subject, Amy noticed, once again. One day, she will know it, and one day, he wont be ashamed.

looking in the closet for one of his sweater vest, she laughed uncontrollably. It's Unbelievable how he think those vents are in fashion. "Topher, What are you wearing? And Your avoiding the question""There was question in there?" Topher asked, with a silly grin, lifting a yellow vest, and a blue one. He wanted her opinion, even if both of them looked horrible in her eyes.

Although as much as she hated the vest, he did look kind of cute it them. In a dorky sort of a way.

"Yellow, or Blue?" he asked, his voice serious.

"You've got to be joking…Topher, they look horrible.."

"The vests are totally in right now, come on, which one?"

Amy pointed to the yellow one, and giggled. She loved him so much that It made her heart hurt, seeing him leave. She had to think about him every second he was away just to keep herself sane. It was overwhelming, having a boyfriend who was smarter then you. Especially, one whose name was Topher Brink. Of course, he made up for it, by trying to rock the old school look. It was hilariously adorable. "So, we're still on for tonight right?" Amy asked, making sure their plans hadn't changed. Topher nodded, with a knowing grin."Yep, I'll be there " Topher says and gives her a final kiss goodbye before walking out the door. Amy pouted a little, and kissed him willingly. Hugging him as if she didn't want him to Topher went to work, he stopped at Tiffany's. looking around the clear glass boxes, he searched everywhere until he knew he had found the one. The perfect engagement ring.

Silver, heart shaped diamond, simple but beautiful, just like Amy. He has been planning this dinner date for months now. So sure that Amy was the one he wanted to be with forever Topher was smiling all through work that even Dominic wondered what the heck was wrong with him. But when 7 o'clock came around, he started to get nervous.

What if she says no? what if he was rushing into things, and she thinks they should wait? How long had they lived together? Forever right? Was he being to cliché? Of course he was, he was a nerd.

Those thoughts were rolling in his head the whole day.

He was going to propose, Topher Brink was going to propose. He had made the reservations at a Italian restaurant, it was Amy's favorite. Once he arrived there, Amy was already there waiting. She was wearing a short black, spaghetti strap number, with her mother's locket around her neck. Her hair up in a French twist, while Topher went home to changed so that he wouldn't look like he normally did. This was it. This was the moment he'd been waiting for. Ordering a plate of La Cordon Bleu, Topher fidgeted nervously while he ate. Amy eyed him concerned for his well being.

"Topher are you okay?" Amy asked. "You seem sort of nervous."Topher smiled, nervously.

"I'm fine, more then fine, I'm fabulous, did you check out the wine, It's fabulous" Topher said, coughing on the whine, and dropping his fork.

"Topher, you said fabulous two times, I know something's not right. What is it, did you get fired? Are you okay? Is that why you asked me to this dinner? Why aren't you talking?"

"Because, you wont let me"

Amy laughed. As Topher cleared his throat. It was now or never. Do or die."Amy, I Love you more then anything in this world, and I know I tend to be awkward, and slightly childish, what with my juice box addiction, but--"

Topher gets down on one knee, nearly falling over out of nervousness. "Oh god," Amy whispers barely Audible.

"What are you doing Topher..Your not..oh god, you are your-- ""Amy Jacobs, Will you marry me?"the room felt like it was spinning in Amy's eyes. Topher looking so innocent and lovingly. It seemed like there was only them in the restaurant.

She wasn't expecting this. Not one bit.