Fullmetal Alchemist - Useless.

Summary: What would happen if you were standing on thin ice, separating you and a life threating disease? Would you avoid the cracks and try to find solid land or would you already be too late? Would you stand there and cry? By how useless you are?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything~! The characters are not mine.

Warning: PAY UP COZ IM NOT REPEATING UNLESS THEY CHANGE. Cutting, Blood, Graphic use of needles~, It's mostly of how Ed deals with death on his shoulders so stuff like that.

Chapter one.

What's Wrong, Brother...?

"To see one's weakness, you must accept yourself to be of the same value."

I despise rain. It makes the sky cry its worth and shade in dark colours. Everything becomes damp and a makes the world seem flat. Alphonse can't even feel it anymore, that all the reasoning I need to hate it. I bet he's waiting, in the warm cosy house we now call 'home'. Or at least that's what he calls it. I believe we still have no home, or at least that I have nowhere to call 'Home sweet Home'. The house is only small; it was all we could afford at the time. The house was made up of two bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen and a living room. Not much but enough just for two.

Scratching the back of my head, I slowly trudge back to the house, dripping wet. Al's going to kill me for making the floor all wet but that's okay. Its times like these that it feels like I should be killed for what I've done. When the world seems to reject your soul and you feel absolutely useless. I truly don't deserve the treatment I receive.

"Sometimes in life people give up on things as it just hurts more to hang on to it."

"Brother! You're home! I was worried sick, you came back late!" Alphonse rushed up to me, pulling me into a rib crushing grip. Ignoring the pain my chest was in, I smiled the best I could at him. At least he was happy; the last thing I want is him to be sad. Defiantly the last thing I ever want to witness. Releasing me from his hold, he laughs. As hollow as it is, it almost sounds happy. But how can you be happy like that? And to now I caused it, I caused it all.

"Hahahaha, sorry Al. I lost track of time, you know how it is!" Laughing as I usually do, standing straight, nothing out of place. If only that was how it was. I wouldn't have to worry then would I?

"Brother! Don't be so forgetful! And look at this!" He sighed, lifting up my flesh arm. Watching the water drip from it. You wish you could feel it don't you? The feeling of water. The feeling of flesh. It's almost foreign to you isn't it? "You're dripping wet! Come on, I'll run a bath. You will catch a cold otherwise." I want to give it to you, Alphonse, but I don't know…

"Yeah yeah! I hear ya! We have a lot of research to do tomorrow it would be a pain if I catch a cold wouldn't it?" Shaking his metal head he leaves the hallway to the bathroom. My smile drops and tears threaten to fall. I also hate secrets. They break irreplaceable things, but even knowing that, I have to keep this from you Alphonse. I can't bear to see your face otherwise.

…. How much longer I have.

I wish diseases never existed.

"The best way to keep a secret is to pretend there isn't one."

One year ago.

The room was white with speaks of red, the stench of bleach could be smelled from every inch of the room. Main reason why I hate doctor's houses, they always sink and if you ever get pulled into one it's never a good sign. Kids could be heard playing outside but not seen and the sun was shinny brilliantly, not matching my feelings at all. Taking deep breaths I summoned my voice.

"So Doc, can you tell me what's wrong?" I asked the feeble looking man that claimed to be a doctor, the same one that looked after mum. Looking down at the ground at the thought of mother I almost didn't hear the words I didn't want to hear. But how can you miss words that can cut through silence?

"I'm so sorry. You caught the disease and worst of all. I doubt I can cure you." Everything seems to freeze. I'm going to die? But, What about Alphonse! I need to get his body back but… wouldn't I have noticed? If I was the one with the disease wouldn't I…feel it?

"How could I not notice before? Edward. Your mum had a disease one that couldn't be cured and so, I'm afraid to say but, it seems it runs down one side of your family jeans. I should've known! I doubt Alphonse has it but I would like to check anyway." The doctor nodded at me to make sure it was alright but I shook my head. How could it be alright? Alphonse… He doesn't need to know… Nobody does! My eyes burned from tears lingering in my eyes.

"No. He doesn't need to know! Besides! How can he catch it when he's just metal!?" Rage came out all in a rush, I couldn't stop it. Words came out of my mouth before I could make myself stop. "How can he be sick when I made him like that?! When I made my brother pieces of scrappy trash! How ca-"

"Brother..?" Whipping around I came face to face with the same scrap metal I was just screaming about. Gasping for air only one questioned had to be answered. Deadly silence hanged in the air like a wet blanket, Heavy.

"How much… How much did you hear?" Voice shaking uncontrollably, I looked him directly in the eye, my chest tightening at a rapid speed. Alphonse looked down and supplied his answer.

"From "He's just scrap metal!" and onwards." Brother, what's wrong?" Alphonse voice was full of worry but I looked away. Before anything else, I picked myself up. Looking up at the Doc, I gave him a dignified glare before tears started to swell up again. Pushing passed Al; I raced out into the so called world with tears dripping down my face.

I would rather call this world Hell.

"The world is only what you make to be. If it's hell when you get there, only hope and bring Heaven."

The next morning, sun shining through the window and the smell of bacon drifting in the air, makes everything almost feel alright. Almost. Sluggishly, I slip out of my bed and out of the bedroom. Sure was cold today, I couldn't stop myself from shivering and my teeth from chatting against each other. Wrapping my arms around myself, I shuffled down the hall to the kitchen where I was sure Alphonse was by all the clunking of metal.

"M-Mornin', Al." Stuttering as I speak, damn, wouldn't be surprised if it was snowing outside. Al quickly turned around to face me, holding a pan of bacon and eggs, but it soon hit the floor as he glanced upon me.

"Brother! Are you okay!? You're as pale as a snowflake!" He almost yelled at me, forgetting about the hot pan on the floor. "Come on, back to bed! You're freezing too! See what happens when you get wet!" Grabbing my arm with a tight grip but not too tight that it hurt, not that he could ever hurt me as much as I've hurt him.

"Well m-maybe if we put the h-heater on it wouldn't be so d-damn c-cold in here! And I was f-fine yesterday and I had a b-bath, just like you a-asked! So s-stop telling m-me what to do all the t-time!" I snapped at him, which caused him to stop in his tracks. Looking back at me, I could see the tiniest glint of pain stricken in his hollow eyes. Looking down, I let him drag me back to bed, ignoring me past statement. Shit, I can't be snappy at him. For the look of pain in his eyes, no doubt he knows. Knows absolutely everything fuckin' thing.

"Stay here while I go call the Doctor." Alphonse left without another word spoken to me. I crept back into bed, fearful of witch doctor he was going to call. Please don't call him, please don't call him! Anyone but him! But sure enough, after twenty minutes of waiting, the sound of the front door opening reached my ears.

"I'm here to see Edward. You called didn't you?" His husky voice sent shivers down my already frozen spine. The only doctor in the world that knows my condition is him. Mr I-have-no-Name. Footsteps approached my room and Alphonse walking in with a pot of hot water in his hands, clutching it tightly as if he was afraid. "Hello there Edward. Heard you weren't feeling too good. Tell me, what's wrong on this fine day?"

"I'm not sick, I feel fine! I'm just really cold and somebody won't turn on the heater." I spat at the Doc. I just wanted him to leave! And quickly, the longer he stays here the longer the time he has to say something he shouldn't. The man chuckled and checked but pulse and vitals, nodding with satisfaction he looked me over and placed a single cold hand to my forehead. Flinching away from the touch, he sighed at me and looked towards Alphonse.

"Could you leave for just a minute? I need to talk to him about something private." The Doc said to Al with a small smile on his face. Nodding quickly, Al exited the room and walked down the hall, out of sight. "Edward, you are indeed sick but I think you already know that. Your pulse is slightly faster that it should be and you feel warm to the average touch. On a scale of one to ten, tell me how cold it is in the room."

"Ten, I'm fricken' freezing D-Doc! Isn't it obvious?" I said to the man, trying to keep my voice steady. Gathering more blankets around me, I huddled into them, trying to preserve all the heat in them. Rocking back and forth, I looked at the man again who was busily scribbling things down on a notepad. When he looked up again, grief contorted his features.

"You do know it is thirty five degrees outside today? Everybody is playing outside soaking up the sunshine, it's hardly cold. I can't say for sure what it is but I have no doubt in my mind it is from the 'You-know-what'. I need you to come to my home one day so I can do the proper check-ups on you and with your permission I would also like to take blood samples. I might have a way of curing this but you need to co-operate with me. If you don't I will be surprised if you make the month to be honest, if you are feeling cold, there is a chance that the coldness of you temperature is killing off skin cells making you pale." He looked me straight in the eye to make sure I understood before continuing. "Alphonse still doesn't know does he? I would tell him before you come to see me. Witch, will be two days from now and hopefully you might be feeling a little better, not you will be getting better any time soon."

The doc soon left and Al came back in and forced me to lie down, placing a hot steamy tea-towel on my forehead. Sighing at the deliciously warm heat, I forced a smile at Al, just to make him see I was 'alright'. A small echoing chuckle was heard before he left, doing whatever he usually does. How can I tell him? I don't want to disappoint him at all, I don't ever want that! I can tell him later, right? You know when the time is right and I'm not bed stricken. Yeah, that's what I'll do! Nervously giggling to myself, tears soon boiled over my eyelids sliding down the sides of my face towards my ears.

"B-Brother?" Looking up, my eyes landed upon the heavy metal that made up my lil' Bro. Hazily glancing at him, he held up a folder, a faded yellow folder that strangely looked like a medical one. That's impossible…. The doc wouldn't leave things behind. Would he? I sat up straight when I heard the cries of shallow amour. Starring at Alphonse, I could feel my face being twisted with fear and worry.

"Why didn't you tell me!? Why didn't you tell me, Bother!? Why…?" Alphomse collapsed to him knees, which I though was impossible, and started to shake uncontrollably, making a small chatter of vibrating metal. Jumping out my bed, without realising just how bad of a state I was in, my knees soon buckled and I fell face first to the floor. Why am I so damn weak!? Lifting myself off the floor as much as I could, I slowly crawled in the direction of Al who hadn't noticed I'd fallen.

Feeling myself getting weaker, I reached over to him. My hand never touching anything, like it also does. With these hands I can barely hold anything. Tears falling non-stop, I finally collapse completely to the ground. My body un-willing to move anymore and with blackness creping in from the corner of my eyes, I realised something. Something so horrifying, I couldn't stop from shaking harder.

"Edward! Ah, Shit! You're having a seizure! Brother!"

Just how useless, I really am.

"Sometimes, realizing how useless you truly are, hurts more than losing something precious."

End Notes:

I'm so happy; I think this turned out pretty well. I'm still deciding on what I should do for the rest of the story so review on how you think the story should go! Most of the quotes used are mine, so they probably won't make much sense unless you really think about it. I'm going to make this story have a pairing of RoyEd but fluff; there are no lemons in this story! Or should there be? Do you guys want lemons? Hmmm? Anyway chapter two will come out next week sometime and if you read my other work, I'm going to update them soon just give me time. I only just barely wrote all this before my wrist started to hurt. (It's fractured.) Anyway ANYWAY, jeez talk much? Review on what you want!

Oh and btw, I know how it feels to be so cold, even though it's boiling hot, and no matter how much blankets you have, you can never warm up. I had it once for three days, I didn't eat either which is surprising for me. It's horrible and I hate feeling. I've never had a seizure though so I had to go on what my mum tells me since she's a nurse and all

REVIEW~