This? This is what happens when you're watching Ace Attorney the movie while running on a treadmill. And a sickfuck, for the matter. And joy!
All Hands On Deck!
August the 15th 2013
by Elise the Writing Desk, Wonderful Wonder World by QuinRose
A normal day in Boretopia. The dull, humid weather of the country: boring. Dull-looking people passing here and there: boring. And worse, a plain girl running in her apron, holding stacks of paper, the very sight of her, was the definition of boredom.
That irritating, boring, plain-looking girl was known as Alice Liddell.
"One day," she said to the sky, "Boretopia will be rained by snows."
"And which cloud will bring said snows?" her sister, Lorina, calmly asked while shuffling through the files.
"Uhm...A magical giant, mythical flying duck!" the smaller blonde rebutted.
"And from which airway, will said duck comes?"
"Bermuda Triangle!"
Lorina sighed. "Dear sister, will you please stop your outburst of imaginations and focus on our task at hand? The Earth, is, by all means, flat. Bermuda Triangle was but a balderdash, a childish tale." She opened the door of their office. "Now then, just be the good governor you are, and let us finish our administration duties in peace, to get our deserving salary." She smiled to her while dropping the files on her desk.
Alice sighed in lament and went to her own mahogany desk. Everyday, she had to go around gathering statistic of the local's taxes.
Taxes here, taxes there, everwhere is tax, tax, Old McDonald has a tax, e-i-e-i-o...
And then, Lorina and her would return to their office by noon, to stamp those papers and mailed them to the Central Government.
Done.
All days long, all year long, until the rest of her life.
Alice froze right before stamping another file. She shivered.
...
...Stamping boring papers...
For the rest of her life...!?
...For this petty salary!?
"Lorina, no, I can't!" Alice exclaimed, almost flipping her desk. The papers around her scattered in mess. She slammed her palms to the wood. "I can't live like this! I'd rather sit in the corner doing nothing!"
Lorina frowned in worry. "Now, now, Alice, dear. Calm down. You're just in fright of wonder about the future ahead of you. It's normal for a young governor as you are...Take a deep breath..."
Alice took a deep breath, and sighed very long.
"As I've said," Lorina started again, "The world is flat. There is nothing else we can do but to maintain order and get through it. Live, have a good job, work, eat, don't become a burden for others, and die in peace."
The younger blonde huffed and smiled again. "Right...a peaceful life. Right, right. I love my job, I knew it. I've always wanted this. Right...?" the last remark was for herself.
"Good. Now, I have a wonderful suggestion that will refresh your stiffness a little bit, sister." Lorina hummed and pulled out a sealed folder. "This is an important...object. I want you, as an honest and good governor, to take it straight to the Prime Minister."
Alice lit up. Well, for once, meeting important people would be quite the experience.
"He's currently attending a trial in Jub Jub Island, so you must take a sail. You'd arrive on evening if you'd chase the departure by about now." Lorina stood and shoved the folder to her. "Now run along, then!"
"Thanks, sis!" Alice beamed and snatched her coat, carefully shoving the folder in, and off she went.
...At least her little pray of having a bit excitement was granted.
...
Or so she thought.
But going to the Prime Minister was not it.
~.X.~
"What the fuck do you want!? We're gonna sail, you fucking idiot!"
"But please, Commodore Black...!" Alice panted as she tried to catch the sail. The ship had set off slowly, moving along the harbour. The young governor was running alongside it, begging at the grumpy Commodore.
"I need to take this to the Prime Minister...! It's very important!" she pleaded, showing off the sealed folder.
Commodore Black narrowed his eyes on the seal, and then huffed.
"Someone get the fucking ladder for this noisy bitch!" he yelled and stomped off to the other side of the deck.
Alice sighed in relief as she carefully climbed the rope ladder onto the ship. Years in Boretopia, she rarely went on a ship unless she had enough money for a cruise.
The gentle ocean wind was definitely refreshing, easing her soul from boredom. As she gazed to the blue horizon, she felt she could see endless possibilities...an exciting journey, an adventure.
But then she was reminded; the Earth was flat. If they sailed further to the horizon, they'd fell off the face of Earth. Alice sighed. Sometimes it was exciting to think that the world wasn't flat...maybe Earth was a long line, endless racing track for horse racing, but of course, on the ocean, it'd be for ships.
Besides, the sky changed all the time. There wasn't ever the same stars on the same spot; and if Earth was really flat, why would Sun went around over them, instead of horizontally rolling alongside them?
BOOM
"Brace yourself, ya fucking scurvy dogs!" Commodore Black shouted on the sightseeing pole. "Who on the fucking Earth dares to shoot at my ship!? Where's my fucking telescope, you blithering idiots!?"
"Here ya go, Commodore!" a crew climbed the ladder and respectfully handed the telescope.
The red-headed Commodore spied through it, then nastily spat on the deck.
"That bitch." He hissed, and went to yell at the whole ship.
"All hands on deck! Someone get the fucking cannon and shoot at that fucking bitch's ship! I ain't letting that fucking good-fer-nothin' raiders off my watch!" Black spotted the governor. "And you! Go lit the cannons, ya useless fucking governor!"
"Wha—Hey, I'm just a guest!" Alice protested.
"Shaddap! No one talks back to me, ya fucking idiot!"
SMASH
"Wheeep!" Alice screeched as a sharp, stingy whip reached her.
"Get yer fuckin' ass ta work!" Black roared again, swishing his whip to the wooden floor.
Alice gasped and ran for the cannonball. Preplexed, she had no idea what to do.
"Get away, Lass! Here, hold it an' aim it!" a crew shoved in a cannonball and pushed her to do the dirty job.
"HUH!?" Alice gaped as she dazedly aimed the cannonball. She looked at her sides, the crews were pulling off a rope from the cannons.
BOOM! BOOM!
Relentless shot of cannonballs were shot, nonetheless, not one of them hit.
"You fucking blithering idiots! Don't you have no fuckin' shame! Did you fucking aim at yer wives like a fucking chicken!?"
What's there to aim at wives!? Alice twitched, but then a sting swish of whip got her again.
SLASH
"No one slacks in my fucking watch, bitch!"
"Waarck!" Alice screeched and pulled the trigger rope.
BOOM
...
CRASHHH...
"..."
"Are ya fuckin' kidding me."
"You got it!" a crew gaped.
"This lady shot at Perfezzione!" another gasped.
Alice twitched, shivered, sweatened, gaped and gasped. Her fingers twitched, her body stiffen.
...She, a petty low-salary governor...just shot at a ship. At first, she wanted to cheer and brag about it...
Until she actually heard what ship she had shot. And it was bad. She was doomed.
Perfezzione...the precious, scratchless, flawless ship of the Red Rose Pirates. Led by...Captain Vivaldi. A notorious, cruel, cold-hearted...no, maybe that lass didn't even had a heart! Once there was an island filled by rolling heads, the Captain just massacred an entire ship filled by the Navy for ripping off her banner.
...And Alice. Alice...shot the ship.
"...How dare you..."
The whole Navy Joker froze under the cold, condescending womanly voice. In the middle of the deck was the devil, speaking for herself, pale and twitching with wrath.
"Which one of you fools had foolishly landed a foolish bomb towards my precious Perfezzione." Captain Vivaldi demanded darkly.
...
The whole ship pointed at the governor.
Fuck.
"Off with your..." the purplette beauty stepped sharply forth to her, and unleashed her flawless sword. "...HEAD!"
"AAARGH!" Alice screeched and made her ran for it. "It wasn't me! I was forced! By HIM!" she shouted, pointing at the red-headed Commodore.
"What the fuck, you fucking bitch!"
"I see!" Captain Vivaldi stopped on her graceful steps and turned to Commodore Black, who was glaring back down, still standing on the sightseeing pole. "So we have to be crashed to each other again, by coincidence, foolish Commodore, Black Foolish Joker."
SPLASH
"AOW! Why did you hit me!?" Alice whined.
"Not a fucking coincidence, you fucking bitch." Black replied coldly, tensing his whip with both hands. "I've fucking said it; I'm gonna whip you 'til you cry and beg fer my generosity."
Vivaldi hummed mockingly. "Is that so...?" she narrowed her eyes to the fear-stricken crews. "I did wonder why such a Commodore would be leading this petty merchant ship. You're asking for rematch. And so you suppose this is a trap for me?"
"Gaaah! Get me off this thing!" the crews panicked and frantically jumped off the ship.
...Now it was only the three of them on ship. Or so, the two thought.
"What foolishly fool acts done by such foolish crews of fools, foolishly led by a foolish fool." Vivaldi calmly said, her face was clear of smug.
Black shivered, and stomped to looked down by the edge of his shit.
"Motherf—"
SPLASH
"Aiiii!" Alice whined as Black's stingy whip reached her again.
"Commodore, please save us!" the crews cried. They were captured by the Red Rose Pirates, surrounding them with their boats, harbouring down the merchant ship.
"Fuck you and your fucking lives! That's what you get for abandoning the ship, ya fucking idiots!" Black spat down at his ex-crews, and then whipped at the governor again.
SMASH
"AACK!"
"You! Fucking governor bitch! Now go and fight off those fucking pirates like the loyal crew you are!" Black demanded, pulling out his sword with left hand, and a gun with right hand. "I'll handle Miss Foolish Blabber Bitch here." He said darkly, glaring at Vivaldi, who bowed gracefully.
"My honor, to rub and stamp the fool title onto your foolish face, Commodore Black." Vivaldi smirked, and raised her sword. "Roses! Up on the deck!" she commanded, and around twenty of her pirates jumped onto the ship.
"Hmm...hrrmmm...uhh..."
Black twitched, noticing the governor behind him, whimpering.
SMASH
"Waaack!"
"Get those fucking trashes off my deck, you fucking useless bitch!" Black threatened with the edge of his whip.
Alice was crying miserably.
"B-B-B-But I'm just a governor—"
SWISH
"—AAH!"
"Take everything worthy, let no one lives." Vivaldi commanded.
"Aye, Your Majesty!" the pirates cheered and went to screw the deck. Smashing barrells, taking bombs and swords, cutting down the sail, burning the wheel.
"What a foolish decision made by a foolish fool." Vivaldi spun her sword, nearly cutting the Commodore's boot. "Foolishly handling dual, contrasted weapons. Only a foolish thing done by a fool."
BANG
The purplette Captain swiftly dodged the point-blank bullet, while Black expertedly dropped his gun to his side and used his sword.
"Will ya bitch just shut the fuck up and die!?"
"Captain!" a pirate crew called. "There is a governor on this ship!"
Vivaldi's eyes widened, and then, with a single blow using her strong elbow, she hit the Commodore's gut, and used her high heels to slam and stick the red-head to the deck.
"Which?"
Alice gulped, sneaking behind the barrell. She quickly patted her coat, and cursed.
...She dropped that all-important sealed folder!
Fuck.
A pirate crew went to the edge of the ship, looking down.
"Aye, ya scurvy dogs! Don't kill those barnacles just yet! Her Majesty demands an information!"
"What is it!?"
"Ask 'em which one of 'em is a governor!"
The pirate handling the massacre on the boats glared at the crew in his hand.
"Are ya the scurvy govern'a?" he growled.
"N-No!" the crew gulped.
"Then which one is it!?"
"..." the poor crew gulped. "I shall not tell, unless you'd let me escape."
"Bah! How dare you to negotiate!" the pirate scoffed. "Fine then. Get on the edge, prepare fer a jump!"
Alice was digging an imported stack of ammunition, kept in a big chest. She dropped the gunpowder in a basket until it was deep enough for her. Then, she got in, and poured the gunpowder in the basket until she was covered. Carefully reaching to put down the basket, then she hid the traces of her arms.
"It's a lass! I know nothing more 'bout it!" the sailor whimpered and jumped off the boat, only to get shot in the back by the pirate.
BANG
"Bah! What a foolish fool!"
...Even the pirate crews had their Captain's 'accent'.
"Search this ship!" Vivaldi demanded. "Flip every barrells of rum! I shall have that governor! Give me that folder!"
The pirate threw the sealed folder to Vivaldi, who checked it out.
"What the fuck do you want, trying get yer hands on a fucking useless governor!?" Black grunted under her heels.
"Silence!" Vivaldi hissed, shaking the folder near her ear. She then opened the seal, and laughed.
"Ahah! Boretopia's whole country's taxes! What a foolishly done act, decided by a fool to foolishly order a fool to foolishly deliver their foolish people's taxes to the foolish Governments!" she grinned evilly, pulling out a Bank's contract.
On the contract was listed the amount of gold from Boretopia's people, which will be transferred to Governments for public use. Without that contract, the Governments can't take the money to build facilities.
Vivaldi looked down on the Commodore. "Mind you, I am, Captain Vivaldi, holding with me your whole country's income from your foolish, petty people."
"You...fucking bitch..." Black grunted, trying to get up, but damn, that heels weighed a ton, even without the bearer. "Don't mess...with my fucking...hometown..."
"Ahah! How amusing, seeing this weak side of yours, Commodore Black Foolish Joker." She smirked. "Very well, I wish to prolong our battle." She swiftly snatched Black's gun and aimed it to his arm. "This much shall leave you unconscious...And you'll thank me to correct your foolish hobby, by removing your right arm. You won't have any use of this foolish gun anymore."
Black twitched. "Y-You bitch! You fucking bitch! You—"
BANG
"AAARGH!"
"Captain, we can't find that governor!" a pirate reported. "I shall take my responsibility. You may behead me, Your Majesty!"
"No! You shall done at me!" a different pirate shoved the first one, kneeling before the woman.
"Silence!" Vivaldi shouted, and smirked at the contract in her hand. "It does not matter. As long as I have my hand on this..." she scrolled the contract and shoved it into her pocket. "That petty, foolish governor shall chase me to the World's End. Now come along, someone must do something to my precious Perfezzione!"
~.X.~
And yet another turn of events. Alice twitched at the flip of her fate. First, she wished to get a eenie-bitty excitement. Apparently, she prayed too hard. Then, she's caught up with pirate's attack. And then she lost her country's whole income for a year.
And now...!?
"Captain, we've found this lass buried in the gunpowder!"
...Yep. Pirates. Again.
"...Hm." navy-blue hair, cold, piercing eyes, thoughtful scratching on chin, but no expression whatsoever. "...Kill her."
Alice had enough of it.
"HOLD IT!" she screeched before the underdog slashed her neck off. "What the heck is wrong with people!? I didn't do anything yet, pal! I'm just a low-salary governor! Why the heck did I do to deserve this!? Why don't you just let me buried in the gunpowder! I had a hard time to bury myself in it!"
The young governor kept rambling and yelling at how unfair everything was, and how pirates were so stupid, taking lives without consent, even though she hadn't done anything yet.
"...Fine! I did something wrong! I dropped that stupid folder! My country's whole-year income! I'm dead, I know! But I ain't getting killed by pirates! If only that frightening Vivaldi didn't take that stupid contract—"
The navy-haired captain lit up by the mention of a certain name. He moved forth, closer to her, and bent down to reach her eyes' height.
"...What!?" Alice snapped, panting from her long speech.
"Irritating, noisy." He commented.
"Don't worry, Cap'n Julius, we'll get rid of this lass—"
"No. Hold it." Captain Julius Monrey held a hand up, and then pointed his index finger at Alice. "You've mentioned Vivaldi."
"Yeah!? Well good to hear you're not deaf—"
"Oi! Scurvy lass! How dare you insult our Cap'n!"
"Vivaldi, leader of Red Roses." Julius said. "She's the one who attacked this ship."
Alice huffed and puffed, and then she hung her head down. "Yeah. Yep. I don't get it, but she seems obsessed with having a governor...so I buried myself in that chest like the coward I am..." she then shivered, her lips trembling and looked up at the pirate captain beggingly.
"B-Bu-But please, sire! I-I-I'm just a petty, low-salary governor! I didn't do anything! Spare me...!" she sobbed pathetically.
The lame heroine she was.
Captain Julius raised his eyebrows in interest. Why, that was a quick change of attitude she had there. First she was yelling about how unfair everyone was and how he wouldn't just live her alone in that chest, and now she's begging him to spare her life.
Another term crossed his mind.
"You're a governor." Julius stated again.
"Y-Yes, sir!"
The navy-haired man turned and walked away. He then, gestured with his fingers to his crews;
"Take that lass with us."
The pirate crews gaped. "What!? But she's very disrespectful, Cap'n!"
"If the Red Roses know whe have a governor with us..." Julius stopped on his pace. "...Vivaldi will surely come along. Thus, we will take our deserving match again."
"Ah, Cap'n, you're always so brilliant!"
"...SHE'S GONE! THE GOVERNOR LASS!"
Captain Julius hummed, scratching his chin with his finger thoughtfully.
Well, that was the fastest hostage he had ever held, indeed.
~.X.~
Alice was crying like a baby as she kept rowing the boat. That pirate group was quite dazed, but they seemed smarter than Red Roses. She managed to slip away while the Captain turned; his crews were charmed, couldn't take their eyes off their boss.
First rule of becoming the Captain of Pirates; have high amount of charisma.
She dropped the paddles and started to cry again.
"Oh God...Bah! What the heck is wrong with YOU!" she shouted to the sky. "Fine! I did ask for excitement! Probably too hard! Uhuhuhuhu..." she wiped her eyes, and then stopped at the figure lying in the boat with her.
"Commodore Black..." she sighed, poking the poor red-head. "Don't die on me, pal...I need you to be my human shield when you're up for battle..."
"...What a fucking bitch." Black coughed, grunting out his answer.
"Commodore Black! Thank God! Now I'm not alone on this mess again!" Alice cheered in relief. "Now we'll have to row to a deserted island and—"
SMASH
"AOWW!" Alice shrieked. "You still have that stupid whip—
SMASH! SWISH!
"Iyaao! WAAH! Spare me!"
Black, still glaring daggers at the stupid governor, went to clutch his shot arm, to find it bandaged. Who did this? He carefully tugged it, and felt the bullet was taken out already; his arm would heal.
"You fucking idiot...We ain't sailin' to no deserted...island..." Black scowled as he noticed the odd bandage was from white satin. He then glanced at the crying governor.
She had ripped her apron to make a bandage for him.
"Bah!" Black spat to the water. "We're chasing that bitch Vivaldi! Ya gonna go an' take back Boretopia's whole tax, ya bitch!"
"B-B-But...!"
SLASH
"MOOM!"
"Shaddup! I'm on charge here!" Black shouted in the small boat. "Ya gonna fucking row to get onto Perfezzione! I'll whip you all night long if I fucking hafta!"
Alice sobbed incoherently. "Wah...uh...but...I'm just a low-salary gov—"
SWISH
"Exactly ya bitch!" Black whipped her again. "Yer the governor! Ya lost yer country's possession! Ya take responsibility! Yer not a kid!"
Alice's lips trembled but shut like a kid getting told off by her mother. She then wept louder.
"WAAAAAH!"
Black twitched. "Y-You fucking—"
"Waaaaah!" Alice cried wildly. "If I knew it'd come to this I'd just waste my living doing nothing! I knew it! I shouldn't be a governor! Uuuugh!"
SLASH
"Shaddup! Yer not a baby!" Black shouted again. "Get fucking real! Now go and fucking row this boat! We're getting back that fucking contract!"
SMASH
"ROW!"
"Gaaah!"
SWISH
"ROW!"
And so days and night of slavery was burdened upon the young governor as she rowed the boat. The pain, the suffering, the screeching demanding shouts!
Was this the so-called adventure she wanted!?
Rowing this petty little boat...Alice started to get paranoid by how the endless pain kept washing over her, and how her hands seemed to never rest.
...
"THAT'S IT!" she screamed and flipped the paddles, before standing up, startling the Commodore.
"Wha—BITCH!" Black growled. "How dare you fucking stop! Get back to fucking row—"
"I'm fucking outta here, pal!" Alice yelled in wrath, glaring back at the red head. "Watch me."
...
And she jumped off the boat.
"Oi! Ya fucking blithering idiot!" Black screeched as Alice Liddell swam away from the boat. "There are fucking sharks! Sea Monsters...OIII! GET BACK HERE! WHO'S GONNA ROW FOR ME!?"
~.X.~
Alice wanted to curse herself for having a mental curse..or more like, disease.
She's easily bored and quickly get paranoid by routine labors.
So, when she had to swim across the ocean long enough, she started to get paranoid, like;
What if she had to swim forever!? That'd be so boring!? She's gonna waste her life by swimming!?
"Oh. God." Alice started to complain again, floating on the ocean. "Is this what life is about? Feeling unsure of the future!?"
...
...
"What's that?"
Alice's eyes widened in horror as she felt vibration in the water around her. She then floated half of her body to look around, and then looked down.
FUCK.
"GAAAAHHH—"
"AWOOOMMM..."
...She got swallowed by Cracken.
~.X.~
Swallowed was the key of the event; she was complete and full of life, finding herself in a gruesomely stink place. Probably the gastric. Yep. She's gonna be digested, someday. She wasn't sure how fast a Cracken's stomach would work on its food.
"FOOOOOD!"
BAM
"Ho-ho, haw-haw! Ho-ho, haw-haw! Ho-ho, haw-haw!"
Alice gaped as two little kids were dancing and chanting around her, holding up torches.
"WHEE, WHEE, WHEE, WHEE!"
"Ho-ho, haw-haw! Ho-ho, haw-haw!"
The two kids then brought her like a dead prey on top of their heads, while they kept chanting those silly voices.
"NNNOOOOO!"
She really should stop complaining about routine labors.
For serious!
And then, she was plopped into a big pot boiling above a fire pit. The twins kept chanting excitedly.
"Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee, Dee-Dee!" the blue-eyed twin chanted as he showered her with pepper.
"Dum-Dum, Dum-Dum, Dum-Dum!" the red-eyed one shoving clams and seaweed into the pot.
"Cannibals!" Alice cried. "Why can't you just eat Cracken from the inside!"
"Dee-Dee—HUH!?"
"Dum-Dum—WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"
...
...
The twins hummed, and started to look around for the first time.
"We're in Cracken's stomach?" the Dee-Dee chanting twin asked.
"...I had no idea!" the Dum-Dum one shrugged.
"Revelation!" the two gasped, and then went to kneel before Alice. "All hail Random Lady! All hail Random Lady!"
The governor twitched. "Get me out of this pot! It's boiling!"
~.X.~
After convincing that Cracken would probably taste the same as squid or octopus, the Ex-Cannibal twins cut off the wall around them and started to grill the meat while drooling with gleaming eyes.
"Food..." the two gulped.
"Fools..." Alice grumbled, and paused. Damn, she got rubbed off by Vivaldi, somehow. "How the heck did you kids even got here!? Where were you from? How long have you been here?"
The twins were busy munching Cracken's stomach.
"Hurmm...nom nom nom...uhh...exactly one year." The Dee-Dee chanting said.
"Today's our buuurthday! We thought God gave a gift when you fell down the sky! Turns out that's Cracken's throat!" The Dum-Dum one laughed.
"Oh yeah, we're from Jub Jub Island." The two said.
Jub Jub Island...that's not so far from Boretopia, Alice thought. She shook her head. Whatever. She just had to get out of this Cracken's stomach.
...Wait a sex.
Alice looked around in revelation.
"This is it...is this the answer!?" Alice gaped. "For me, to live inside the Cracken's stomach!? Oh well, then." She laughed hysterically and went to curl in the corner. "Thank you, God."
The place was stink, but if she'd gotten used to it, she'd probably be fine. Plus, she could eat Cracken's inside meat, and there were some spots dry enough to built fire.
"Oh, shame, Missy." Dee-Dee chanter said, throwing his grilling stick.
"The Cracken was hunting out near the shore when we were eaten, then." Dum-Dum said.
"So...?" Alice twitched, feeling unnerved.
"Well, where did Cracken got you swallowed?"
"No idea. I was in the middle of the sea." Alice twitched.
The twins laughed.
"Haha! So this Cracken was born on our birthday!" Dee-Dee exclaimed.
"That's why he ate Missy in the middle of the sea!" Dum-Dum laughed.
"What's up with that?"
"Well, if a Cracken eats in the shore, then it was the first meal he had. But if he eats in the middle of the sea, then...we'll finally be digested! Hahaha!"
"Oh, hahahaha!"
"Hahahaha!"
"Aha! Aha! Aha! Aha!"
...
"I gotta get outta here." Alice deadpanned and started to climb the monster's stomach.
~.X.~
Climbing out, tightly squeezing the monster's slimy exterior, the trio had arrived on the Cracken's forehead...somehow. The Cracken was swimming on the surface, heading to two familiar ships.
"Oh, crap! Not her again!" Alice whined. One of the ships was Perfezzione, which means Vivaldi's gonna get her hands on her.
The two ships were at close distance, and they could see from afar, the two pirates were having a battle.
"Ooh, that's Mortem!" Dee-Dee gasped.
"I thought it was just in fairytale!" Dum-Dum squealed.
Alice gulped. "But why's Cracken heading there!?"
"Missy! You need to read more!" the twins shook their head. "Perfezzione's captain, Vivaldi Crims, is notorious not for only being perfect! She's also a ruler of the sea; the master of Jabbercracken!"
...
"Jabbercracken—WE'RE RIDING ON JABBERCRACKEN!?" Alice shrieked.
"Whooohooo!" the twins cheered as Jabbercracken swam faster to his master's ship, ready to attack the Mortem.
~.X.~
Captain Julius scoffed, glancing at the incoming Jabbercracken, and he swiftly dodged Vivaldi's cruel swish of sword.
"Hmhmhm...Amazed by my baby Jabby, Captain Julius?" she teased.
"...Hm." Julius just lunged at her, almost stabbing her on the gut.
"Ooh, no hesitation. How dangerous. Foolishly dangerous." She then stiffened a little, only to gracefully turn and her sword clashed to others'. Black Joker's sword, for details.
"I'm gonna fucking kill you for everything..." he growled.
CLASH!
Vivaldi had gracefully pulled another sword with other hand, preventing Captain Julius' cruel badgering.
"Both men onto a single woman...Now I feel dangerous, and at the same time, can't help but think why do I have to be surrounded by foolish men waving swords like actual fools."
"STOOOOOP!"
...!?
...!
Everyone, the entire pirate battle was shocked by the thunderous scream. Panting as she stood on Jabbercracken's brow, Alice clenched her fists.
"I'M THE GOVERNOR HERE!" she yelled. "DROP THOSE STUPID SWORDS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?"
Black twitched angrily. "Shaddup ya fucking bitch! How the fuck did you get up there!?"
"No, you shaddup, pal!" Alice hissed back, shutting the red-head. "Commodore Black! Why the heck do you have to chase Captain Vivaldi!?"
Black twitched, tired and angry, and pained, but the spat and answered just to shut the girl.
"This bitch caught my fucking brothers! My twin was dead, my lil brothers gone!"
"Hm..." Alice clapped her hands. "Captain Julius, why do you want to fight Captain Vivaldi!?"
Captain Julius was still dazed, staring up at her mysteriously. He then sighed and finally answered.
"Jabbercracken's heart." He crossed his arms. "Captain Vivaldi has traded the soul of my crews and I to rule over Jabbercracken's heart. Thus, making us immortal and unable to step on the land."
Captain Vivaldi just smirked as if she had not a single guilt about slaving other people's life.
"Captain Vivaldi," Alice gulped. "Why for everything. The need of a governor, ruling over Jabbercracken, taking hostage of Commodore's brothers...for what!?"
Captain Vivaldi laughed and swished her beautiful purple hair. "Why, you ask? But of course! Pirates can't just be a pirate without a motive, is that it? Just a simple desire of freedom is not enough of a motive?"
The governor twitched. "So...you slaved other pirate's life, and...and then hostaged a man's brothers...and then mastered this freaking monster...for freedom!? I fucking object! I ain't buying that, pal! What a foolishly given answer by a foolishly foolish-blabbering fool!"
Captain Vivaldi gaped.
"H-How dare you—OFF WITH YOUR HEAD—"
"SHADDUP! I AIN'T DONE YET!" Alice yelled angrily. "Hold it, pal! Don't move!" she waved to them, and went to behind the Jabbercracken's giant brow, and went back while dragging the twins.
"Commodore! These are your kids, right!?"
"Oh, Blacky?" Dee-Dee laughed.
"Hey Blacky! Today's our birthday! What have you prepared for us, bro?" Dum-Dum snickered.
Black gaped, speechless.
"By the way, is White already a King?" the twins chorused.
Alice raised her eyebrows, and she couldn't miss that Captain Vivaldi stiffened. She then turned to Julius.
"Was Mortem a pirate ship?" she asked to anyone who'd known.
"No, lass!" a crew shook his head. "We were Navy's Doctors! We sailed altogether to heal the Navy and sailors!"
"Cap'n Julius the head doctor, lass!" other spoke.
"We're cursed ever since we crossed with the first King's ship! Cap'n Julius preferred to save us and left the King to die. The King's son avenged on us years later by trading our souls for Jabbercracken!"
...
"Oh, I get it." Alice sighed. "The King's son, Blood Dupre Crims, huh? Your brother, right?" she glanced down at Vivaldi. "Your older brother, huh? Captain Vivaldi? You killed General White before he's sentenced as a King..."
"Because White Joker defeated your brother!"
"Uurk...!" Vivaldi grimaced. "N-Nonsense! Why would I care for that fool!"
Alice hummed and sat down on Jabbercracken's brow. The giant squid was as obedient as a puppy, so long as Vivaldi didn't yell to eat any of them.
"Okay, I got it! That's why you're hunting down governors on the sea, huh!?" Alice flicked her fingers. "You wanted to negotiate with me!"
Captain Vivaldi fell silent. She then blushed and crossed her arms.
"Wh-Why in the world would I negotiate anything with a fool as you are!"
"Because you want me to introduce you to the Governments as the long lost..." Alice smirked. "...Princess Vivaldi Iracebeth Crims! The true Queen of Boretopia!"
Black gaped. "This bitch!?"
Vivaldi's lips tremble, and she knelt before Jabbercracken.
"That is the truth..." Vivaldi sincerely said. "Please, young governor. Please help me return to my rightful place."
Alice sighed.
"Yeah, sure. Just get rid of those swords first."
~.X.~
"And so, I've made my decision." The old Judge of Jub Jub Island said and lifted his gavel. "Lorina Liddell is charged with a life-time prison for smuggling out Boretopia's income...the defendant is found—"
"HOLD IIIIT!" Alice screeched and dashed into the Jub Jub Courtroom. "I got it, pal! I GOT IT! No, actually, um..." she fell silent while still waving the contract in her hand.
"And you are...?"
"A-Alice Liddell! A governor! Lorina ordered me to deliver this, but..."Alice shook her head. "I believed I have safely delivered this contract to the rightful ruler, first-hand."
Lorina gaped. "Dear, sister! Whatever could you mean!?"
Alice just laughed nervously. She was just lost in the sea for three days, and Lorina's charged of stealing while Alice herself couldn't really believe anything anymore that had happened.
"I have handed it to the Queen of Boretopia." Alice cleared her throat, and bowed gracefully as a beautiful woman entered the courtroom. "Queen Vivaldi Iracebeth Crims of Boretopia."
"..."
"..."
"EEEEEH!?"
~.X.~
"Bro, it's a good thing that White didn't become a King!" Dee-Dee laughed when they came down the Mortem, Black following behind them, unsure of how to act.
"Yeah, or he'd be this big slave-driver...SWISH here! SLASH there! SMASH! WHOOSH! And then Boretopia got bored of him and shoved him off a cliff, along with Black, because they're not sure which is which." Dum-Dum animatedly chattered.
"Whoa, so they're identical twins, huh?" Alice asked curiously, sitting on Perfezzione, with Julius standing beside her. They were waiting for Vivaldi to get something from Perfezzione.
"Yeah, no one could've differ them!" Dee-Dee and Dum-Dum laughed.
"Shaddup! You fucking brats should just stay in Jabbercracken's stomach!" Black grumbled.
"Though Jabbercracken's grilled stomach tastes delicious, so it's really okay." Alice laughed.
"Shaddup, fucking unimportant governor."
"You shaddup, pal!"
"No, you, shaddup!"
"Silence!" they turned to Vivaldi, having her majestic crown on her head, bringing a small teasure chest. "You fools talking foolishly about foolish things again!"
"Argh!" Black clamped his ears. "I can't fucking take her fucking foolish-jibber-jabber anymore! Let' get the hell outta here! I ain't living in a country with this fucking Queen!" the Ex-Commodore dragged his twin brothers away.
"Bye, bye, governor!" Dee-Dee and Dum-Dum waved. "And my name is just Dee, by the way! His is just Dum!"
"Okay, gotcha." Alice waved back, and then turned to Vivaldi, who sighed and handed the chest to her.
"This is Jabbercracken's heart?" Alice gawked. She then handed it to Julius. "So how do you set the other crews' soul free?"
Julius sighed and accepted the chest. He opened it, and they could see a beating red heart. The navy-haired Ex-Doctor took out a knife.
"Hold on, Monrey," Vivaldi politely said, "Are you sure, about this?"
Alice blinked in confuse.
"Yes," Julius nodded solemnly. "It was my responsibility that they got caught up in this cursed eternity for thirty years."
"What?" Alice turned at both of them. "What's up?"
"If Monrey kills Jabbercracken," Vivaldi said, "He may free other crews' soul, but the murderer will stay living in eternity."
Alice nodded. "Yeah?" she then grabbed Julius' armed hand. "Well, count me in, pal!"
"Wha—"
"Hey—"
Alice snickered wickedly as her hand and Julius' stabbed the red heart. Blood started to pour out of it; black blood. And then, they turned to see the crews on Mortem ship turning into dust.
"You have our gratitude..." they howled.
"Bye-bye, ghosts!" Alice waved. "Awesome! Now I'm immortal!"
"Y-You fool! Why did you do that!?" Vivaldi grimaced.
Alice snickered. "I'm quickly bored, and when I get bored, I'd be so scared to do the same things for the rest of my life. So now that I will live forever, I don't have to be scared to do anything I want!" she stood on the edge of Perfezzione. "I will become the Queen of Seven Seas! Captain Alice Sparrow Liddell!"
Julius raised his eyebrows. "Why would anyone want to be a pirate...?"
"Because they live freely! Exactly what I want! And then, I will sail to challenge the World's End! I will prove that Earth is not flat! Bah! I will prove that Earth is round!"
"Earth is round!? You're crazier and more foolish than any pirates!" Vivaldi shook her head and laughed. "Just stay out of my country, fool. Or you'll cross with me."
"Yes, Your Maaajesty, Ex-Pirate Vivaldi Hook Crims." Alice rolled her eyes. She then turned to Mortem, and stared at Julius. "So, Ex-Captain Julius, can I take Mortem with me? It's still the undefeatable undead's ship, after all!"
Julius didn't answer right away. He observed the young Ex-Governor standing on the edge of Perfezzione. Well, he had paid his debt, sacrificing the freedom of his soul...
And now there's this crazy girl, saying immortality is a freedom, somehow. He wondered...With this girl, immortality might be an endless adventures; with her, new things, new experiences...anything was possible.
All he need to do was just change his perspective. Nothing was wrong with being immortal or mortal. As long as you live your life right, perhaps...
"Under one condition...Hmmm..." Julius smirked. "I will hand Mortem to you...only if you let me sail with you, for eternity."
Vivaldi and Alice seemed surprised, but the Ex-Governor quickly replaced it with a happy grin.
"Sure, pal!" she giggled. "It'd be lonely to live forever alone, heh!" she held out a hand for him. "Welcome aboard, buddy!"
Vivaldi giggled.
"If I don't know you, Monrey, I'd thought it was a marriage proposal." She teased.
Bull's eye. Vivaldi smirked, while Alice was clueless as usual, when Ex-Doctor Julius Monrey slowly blushed faint red.
Alice laughed and jumped from Perfezzione to Mortem fearlessly. Hey, she's immortal, after all!
"Alright! All hands on deck!"
And off the two of them, sailed to prove the world's boundaries. Would they fall at the World's End? Was it possible that Earth was round? Would they see new places? Would they meet new cultures, people and history?
And as for Julius, as long as he's by her side, he knew everyday would have something new. Every each day of their eternal lives.
And the moral of the story? You think I haven't got one for this?
Tut, tut, child! Everything has a moral! For example, if you're wondering that you're being ungrateful for complaining your current life...Like Alice; whining about everything until the end.
First, whining too loud will emmit a painful SMASH somehow. If possible, from a whip.
Second, worrying about your current life, scared of doing the same thing for the rest of your life, that's just the nature of humans. We're bored easily, we'll never have enough. We just need to realize that we have what we need.
For Alice, it had to be something big; she needed immortality.
For Julius, a different story. Simpler on the words, but complicated on having it done; to find a soulmate.
As for ME!?
I NEED, LIKE, ICE CREAM, AND LIKE, NEW COMPUTER AND—
SLASH
"No one fucking asked you, BITCH!"
This is so stupid to me. What do ya think, PAL!? Vivaldi with her Foolish-Jibber-Jabber and Black with his Whippity-Whip-Slash from Franziska von Karma, Alice Liddell with a touch of Dick Gumshoe and Maya Fey...and Larry Butz. I did this in ONE DAY! YEA! I ROCKED!
No, really, I'm just a sickfuck.