And the Music...


Where was it I said I had to go, Bri? Argentina, was it? Some Spanish place like that. You both knew, obviously, the truth. And you must have thought you knew why, as well. That you two were just a few more names on a list of them. That I had found out you told each other, of what happened behind closed doors. Maybe you didn't even pretend you knew why I had left at all; you had absolutely no idea, but were just glad to wash your hands of the whole ordeal and return to each other and nothing more.
If you believed the firstmost I spoke of, you were partially right. This wasn't the first time, although it might be one of the last, that there was a weekend of bliss and talks of travel, my expensive gifts dispatched like raindrops at a downpour, enough to nearly drown each "victim", certainly enough to break them if they were as stubborn as you. It was truly a unique experience, however. An incredible one.
What is it that Sally called the Kit Kat Klub? 'Divine decadence'. Fading away, wilting and withering into nothing, in the most incredible burst of glory imaginable. She lived it at an ultimatum, always as bright and incredible as the most shining of tomorrows, always as fragile and crumbling as some ancient, grafittied city tenament. Dying in a brilliant swan song of glory, like a moth finally reaching flame and crashing in a blaze of burnt wings.
I don't usually deal with such things, Brian. In fact, I've never had to. I've managed to keep a hold of my money, to lavish the world with it, and to avoid what is happening to Germany. The Nazis I truly believed controllable.
The Communists would be elliminated by the Nazis. And the country would be without troubles once more.
And so I lost myself in lovers like you and Sally. Lived life in extravagance and glory, never stopping, not a care in the world. One period of bliss after another.
God, Brian, you have no idea how much I wanted to take you both that night. The night all three of us danced, in each others' arms, our faces weaving in and out and my lips almost brushing your flesh. Almost. And the music playing, playing, until it suddenly faded into silence and you realized we were toying with fire.
It took all my will to hide my frustration. Can't you see? I thought. Couldn't all three of us be happy together? I gave no thought to perversions, to the thoughts of society. We were friends, the three of us, friends in a way that I haven't known friendship for ages. We loved each other physically. Someday, perhaps, we could have been love in the utmost sense of the word. I was not prepared for it at first, when passion drove me to each affair behind closed doors. But it was a far less deceitful arrangement. Something I prefered to a much greater degree.
I would have taken you to Africa, yes. I was going to tell you everything there, in fact, to explain myself and lay my entire vision of our future before you. I would have shown you the most beautiful and exotic of things, lavished you with everything you desired, as you deserve. The wonders of the world by day, and skin on skin on skin at night, the three of us in one tent. The noises of the jungle would have been our music, then, and we would have been bliss and paradise.
No more giving English lessons at a minimum wage, Brian. No more living in a room the size of a storage space. Sally could perform at the Cabaret, you could have continued teaching, if either of you wished. But you would have wanted for nothing. The strongest of thread seemed to bind us, and I truly believe that I would have tried my best to make it happen.
But I didn't.
Because of what the two of you showed me. Decadence. The desperation of what Germany has become, of what I had become too blind to see. And that song, that cursed Nazi anthem with words that would show such promise elsewhere, rang in my ears on the last day that I saw you. Because they are taking control. You know it even when no one else does. How long will it be? Five years? Ten? Maybe even much less. No matter how long, paradise cannot last forever. And I knew you would never live in the illusions of an eternal one, with the world falling around you, no matter how much we wish it could be so.
Hate me, understand me, forget me, however you will. But I know I cared for you because of what I see in my dreams. Because there, three of us are dancing again. Sally looks radiant and you, you are so much more sure of everything. Our faces, weaving in, out, nearly touch, nearly even kiss if we dare.
And then, at one point, we do dare.
The scene I will fade to a respectful black there, Brian, but let me tell you that in my world, the music would never stop playing.
It was fun, wasn't it?

Always,
Max