The Dispensing Of Pez
Chaper 1: It Starts
by Luna "Tic" Vee
***
"AAAAIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."
Boom.
***
Dib sighed and removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose and growling softly. His head hurt. The night before, he and Zim had been locked in another climactic battle for the planet and the such, and he'd suffered a few nice clonks to the head. That, and the fact that he didn't get much sleep as a result, made him crabby and feeling altogether blah.
Raven-haired boy sitting behind his desk, annoyed. Most likely still in pain. Zim grinned, his zipper-like teeth glinting in the fluorescent light of the classroom. Good. The Dib human deserved it for meddling. Too bad he hadn't been able to kill the meddler yet, though...
"CLASS!" barked Ms. Bitters, slithering to the door in that serpentine way that only she could manage. "We have a new student joining us today. Be sure to greet her with all the warmth and cheer you would give anybody, making sure to build her sad, misguided dillusions of the real world being a kind and friendly place. Since you're all doomed anyway..." She grinned sickly at the thought of the kind of mental breakdown her students would endure some day.
Ms. Bitters opened the door. "You may come in now."
Dib's head snapped up and he quickly slapped his glasses on as he beheld the next sight, some small part of his mind being thankful for his mighty bladder control.
A lesser boy would've pissed himself.
Through the doors stepped a young girl, the same height as him, with skin so pale it could perhaps even beat out Gaz's melanin-deprived flesh. Her hair was snowy white, with big shaggy bangs that went down to her jaw and hung on either side of her face. The rest of her head was shaved bare, save for a small patch at the back of the top of her head, which was pulled into a small, one and half-inch long ponytail of sorts. Her eyes were emerald green, and posessed no pupils. A large, red, sickle-shaped tattoo screeched up from her jaw and went to just beside her nostril on the left side of her face.
She wore a long, knee-length, grey and black striped shirt, with a long sleeve on the right, and a short, elbow-length sleeve on the left. The neck of the shirt was extremely big, and it sat at an odd angle, her left shoulder poking out of it. On her left arm, she wore a black forearm band, which ended in a point, ringing around her middle finger. Her right hand was coated in a black glove, the fingers and thumb of which were cut off, letting her digits poke through. Black pants, ending in HUGE black boots, laced tight around her thin legs. Around her neck hung a green pendant on a black cord, the pendant shaped like a diamond with two scythe-shaped protrusions coming from the bottom sides of the diamond-shape.
But what freaked Dib out the most were her ears... They were pointed. And long. At least four inches, tipped with a small tuft of white hair/fur.
She wasn't human...
"I am Pez," she announced in a cold voice, monotone and almost condecending.
Ms. Bitters slithered to her desk and sat down. "You may take any seat you wish, Pez. It will only prolong your suffering."
Pez raised an eyebrow but said nothing, as she cast her shining, empty eyes across the classroom. Raising an eyebrow at Zim, she grinned, baring fangs.
Dib gasped.
Zim gasped.
The Irken's eyes narrowed to slits as he hissed silently at Pez, looking like he was about to leap up and shoot her or something of the sort.
Dib noticed the look being exchanged between the two during a moment that seemed like eternity. Did they know eachother? Did she know what Zim was? Did Zim know what she was? Hey! There's gum under this desk! Ewww...
Pez turned away from Zim and noticed Dib. The seat behind him was empty. She figured that if anybody sat there, they would no longer do so. She walked across the room simply, her boots making clomping noises, and hopped behind the desk.
"Adequate."
Dib whipped around, narrowing his eyes and gritting his teeth. "So, PEZ, where are you from originally? Another PLANET, perhaps?"
Pez raised an eyebrow. "New Jersey."
"Close enough!" barked Ms. Bitters.
***
"Gaz, I'm telling you! That new girl's an alien! She's got pointed, hairy ears for the love of pants!" Dib said in his over-urgent type of way.
Gaz meerely grunted and turned away. She was on what she had heard was the last level of that infernal Tetris.
Dib sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking across the cafeteria at a mostly-empty table. Mostly empty.
At the table sat Pez, scarfing down the slop that the Skool tried to pass off as lunch, staring narrow-eyed across the table at Zim, who returned the glare with as much hatred as he could muster. Dib had never seen that much hate in Zim's face, even towards him!
"So... Mauian. You beasts trying to move in on Irken territory again? Do you never learn that our power surpasses yours?" Zim said cooly, casting a glance to the tattoo on Pez's face.
"Ah, but are you not the one moving in on Mau's territory? We scoped out this planet long before your race, and you know it. Scavenger." Pez's voice never wavered, and never changed tone. Cold, calm, full of hate.
Zim slammed his palms down on the table and hopped to his feet, leaning in, "WE ARE A PROUD AND MIGHTY RACE! NOT LIKE YOU HAIRY FILTH!" His outburst didn't even startle the rest of the cafeteria, aside from Dib, and Keef, the latter of whom just turned to stare longingly at Zim before going back to playing with a squirrel plush toy.
Pez smirked and finished her food. "Whatever you say, Irken. You're all alike. So arrogant."
"Like you have room to speak? You Mauians are some of the most conceited beings known!"
"We're not conceited... We're convinced." Pez stood up and walked off, dumping her tray in the garbage can before walking out of the lunchroom.
Zim clenched his fists, left eye twitching.
Dib walked up and eyed the closing doors as Pez left, then turned, eyebrow cocked, towards Zim, suspicion scribbled on his face in purple sharpie. "I presume you know eachother?"
"Not in the slightest, Human," Zim spat, turning to Dib.
"... Then what is she?" Dib visibly twitched, curiosity getting the best of him.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Zim cocked a hip out and put his hands on them. Oh, he so liked having information that Dib wanted. It made him feel all specialriffic.
Dib sighed and rolled his eyes. "Zim, think about it this way, maybe, if I knew what she was, I would be able to expose her... and get her out of your hair?" He tried a longshot, thinking quickly. He hardly expected it to work.
"I have no hair, Earthen skin-tube. But yes, I see your point in this matter. I shall concede that you are correct, THIS ONCE! You see she's a member of a race known as the Mauians..."
***
Pez walked into her base, disguised as the average house, much less conspicuous than Zim's, of course, with a nicely landscaped front yard, slate sidewalk, and a dead mouse sitting beside the doorstep.
"Ugh..." Pez rolled her eyes and looked around shiftily. Once she was sure nobody was watching her, she closed her eyes, and suddenly, what looked like a bone sliced through her left hand from the wrist, extending and changing shape until it looked like a shovel of sorts.
Pez bit her lip in pain until the process was complete, and easily flicked the rodent's carcass out of the yard with the tip of the bone.
Quickly, she retracted the bone, it shrinking and changing shape until her arm was fully intact once again.
"PIR," she growled, opening her door and stepping inside.
"HI MASTER!" squeaked a little robot, running up to her while holding a spatula.
The little robot was 3/4 Pez's size, and in build, identical to the average Irken SIR bot. It had green eyes, a purple antenna deedlebob, and random glowing purple body parts. It was painted with the same mark on its face as the tattoo on Pez's cheek, and had little finger-less gloves painted on its hands, along with tan stripes all over its arms, legs, and body. It also wore a ball-link necklace with a smaller version of the pendant Pez wore.
"Hello, PIR," Pez said. "Did you leave a rat carcass on the walk?"
"Yeeeeeeesssss? It was all squeaky! And I was like 'don' you squeaky at me' and it was all 'squeakysqueakysqueaky' so I give him head explody!" the little robot explained in so many words.
Pez sighed. "PIR, how many times do I have to remind you not to touch the Earthen mammalbeasts? We don't know if they're poisonous or the such."
"Awww..." PIR looked down at the floor sadly, before snapping 'his' head up and squealing, "Ima go clone some food! Food is gooood..." and walked off.
Pez raised an eyebrow before letting out an exasperated breath. "That's what I get for salvaging one of those Irken beasts' robots," she muttered, pulling a small device from her pocket. With a press of the big shiny green button on it, a soft purple glow surrounded her, before blinking out in a flash of light, removing her disguise.
Pez stretched and looked in the nearby mirror. "Much better. These Humans are so boring." She admired her lovely purple skin, claw-like hands, feline feet, and extremely long, white-furred tail, tipped with an odd collection of sword-sharp bones shaped the same as the pendant she and PIR wore. The colouration on her ears ran progressively lightening from purple at the base to white at the tufts of hair.
"Ah, now I feel grounded," she mumbled, contentedly, and meandered over to a large bean-bag chair, dropping belly-down onto it, flicking her tail from side to side.
PIR walked back into the room and handed Pez a candy bar.
"Ah, the only really nice thing about this planet, my dear PIR. The food is lovely," Pez said, taking a bite out of the candy. "Mmm...nougat."
"I likes pie!" PIR announced, earning an odd look from Pez. "Did Master have fun at skool today?"
"Barg. It sucked, PIR. Not only are these humans drab, but one is suspicious of me already, and not to mention the fact that THERE'S AN IRKEN INVADER IN MY CLASS!" Pez jumped up and lashed her tail, nearly hitting the TV.
"YAY!" PIR squeaked.
"No, PIR, that's bad."
"Ohh... BUMMER!" PIR smiled wide.
"...I have a headache."
***
Authoress' Notes: I heart Pez. She sho cool. XD Once I stop being lazy, I'll get my coloured pencil drawings up on my art site, SHINY! (linked in my profile) so that you guys can see Pez and my illustrations for Chigaimasu. *nod* Pez's tail is fun.
One More Note: I heart Spazzy!Dib. ^.^
***
Disclaimer: All things Zim are owned by Jhonen Vasquez. Bow to his mighty colourful hair-ed-ness of DOOM! Or... something. I'm still working on this disclaimer. ^^;
***
Questions? Comments? Extra Savoir-Faire? E-mail me at Druidess@msn.com
***
Thanks for reading! Stop and drop a review before leaving! Fankoo!
Chaper 1: It Starts
by Luna "Tic" Vee
***
"AAAAIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."
Boom.
***
Dib sighed and removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose and growling softly. His head hurt. The night before, he and Zim had been locked in another climactic battle for the planet and the such, and he'd suffered a few nice clonks to the head. That, and the fact that he didn't get much sleep as a result, made him crabby and feeling altogether blah.
Raven-haired boy sitting behind his desk, annoyed. Most likely still in pain. Zim grinned, his zipper-like teeth glinting in the fluorescent light of the classroom. Good. The Dib human deserved it for meddling. Too bad he hadn't been able to kill the meddler yet, though...
"CLASS!" barked Ms. Bitters, slithering to the door in that serpentine way that only she could manage. "We have a new student joining us today. Be sure to greet her with all the warmth and cheer you would give anybody, making sure to build her sad, misguided dillusions of the real world being a kind and friendly place. Since you're all doomed anyway..." She grinned sickly at the thought of the kind of mental breakdown her students would endure some day.
Ms. Bitters opened the door. "You may come in now."
Dib's head snapped up and he quickly slapped his glasses on as he beheld the next sight, some small part of his mind being thankful for his mighty bladder control.
A lesser boy would've pissed himself.
Through the doors stepped a young girl, the same height as him, with skin so pale it could perhaps even beat out Gaz's melanin-deprived flesh. Her hair was snowy white, with big shaggy bangs that went down to her jaw and hung on either side of her face. The rest of her head was shaved bare, save for a small patch at the back of the top of her head, which was pulled into a small, one and half-inch long ponytail of sorts. Her eyes were emerald green, and posessed no pupils. A large, red, sickle-shaped tattoo screeched up from her jaw and went to just beside her nostril on the left side of her face.
She wore a long, knee-length, grey and black striped shirt, with a long sleeve on the right, and a short, elbow-length sleeve on the left. The neck of the shirt was extremely big, and it sat at an odd angle, her left shoulder poking out of it. On her left arm, she wore a black forearm band, which ended in a point, ringing around her middle finger. Her right hand was coated in a black glove, the fingers and thumb of which were cut off, letting her digits poke through. Black pants, ending in HUGE black boots, laced tight around her thin legs. Around her neck hung a green pendant on a black cord, the pendant shaped like a diamond with two scythe-shaped protrusions coming from the bottom sides of the diamond-shape.
But what freaked Dib out the most were her ears... They were pointed. And long. At least four inches, tipped with a small tuft of white hair/fur.
She wasn't human...
"I am Pez," she announced in a cold voice, monotone and almost condecending.
Ms. Bitters slithered to her desk and sat down. "You may take any seat you wish, Pez. It will only prolong your suffering."
Pez raised an eyebrow but said nothing, as she cast her shining, empty eyes across the classroom. Raising an eyebrow at Zim, she grinned, baring fangs.
Dib gasped.
Zim gasped.
The Irken's eyes narrowed to slits as he hissed silently at Pez, looking like he was about to leap up and shoot her or something of the sort.
Dib noticed the look being exchanged between the two during a moment that seemed like eternity. Did they know eachother? Did she know what Zim was? Did Zim know what she was? Hey! There's gum under this desk! Ewww...
Pez turned away from Zim and noticed Dib. The seat behind him was empty. She figured that if anybody sat there, they would no longer do so. She walked across the room simply, her boots making clomping noises, and hopped behind the desk.
"Adequate."
Dib whipped around, narrowing his eyes and gritting his teeth. "So, PEZ, where are you from originally? Another PLANET, perhaps?"
Pez raised an eyebrow. "New Jersey."
"Close enough!" barked Ms. Bitters.
***
"Gaz, I'm telling you! That new girl's an alien! She's got pointed, hairy ears for the love of pants!" Dib said in his over-urgent type of way.
Gaz meerely grunted and turned away. She was on what she had heard was the last level of that infernal Tetris.
Dib sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking across the cafeteria at a mostly-empty table. Mostly empty.
At the table sat Pez, scarfing down the slop that the Skool tried to pass off as lunch, staring narrow-eyed across the table at Zim, who returned the glare with as much hatred as he could muster. Dib had never seen that much hate in Zim's face, even towards him!
"So... Mauian. You beasts trying to move in on Irken territory again? Do you never learn that our power surpasses yours?" Zim said cooly, casting a glance to the tattoo on Pez's face.
"Ah, but are you not the one moving in on Mau's territory? We scoped out this planet long before your race, and you know it. Scavenger." Pez's voice never wavered, and never changed tone. Cold, calm, full of hate.
Zim slammed his palms down on the table and hopped to his feet, leaning in, "WE ARE A PROUD AND MIGHTY RACE! NOT LIKE YOU HAIRY FILTH!" His outburst didn't even startle the rest of the cafeteria, aside from Dib, and Keef, the latter of whom just turned to stare longingly at Zim before going back to playing with a squirrel plush toy.
Pez smirked and finished her food. "Whatever you say, Irken. You're all alike. So arrogant."
"Like you have room to speak? You Mauians are some of the most conceited beings known!"
"We're not conceited... We're convinced." Pez stood up and walked off, dumping her tray in the garbage can before walking out of the lunchroom.
Zim clenched his fists, left eye twitching.
Dib walked up and eyed the closing doors as Pez left, then turned, eyebrow cocked, towards Zim, suspicion scribbled on his face in purple sharpie. "I presume you know eachother?"
"Not in the slightest, Human," Zim spat, turning to Dib.
"... Then what is she?" Dib visibly twitched, curiosity getting the best of him.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" Zim cocked a hip out and put his hands on them. Oh, he so liked having information that Dib wanted. It made him feel all specialriffic.
Dib sighed and rolled his eyes. "Zim, think about it this way, maybe, if I knew what she was, I would be able to expose her... and get her out of your hair?" He tried a longshot, thinking quickly. He hardly expected it to work.
"I have no hair, Earthen skin-tube. But yes, I see your point in this matter. I shall concede that you are correct, THIS ONCE! You see she's a member of a race known as the Mauians..."
***
Pez walked into her base, disguised as the average house, much less conspicuous than Zim's, of course, with a nicely landscaped front yard, slate sidewalk, and a dead mouse sitting beside the doorstep.
"Ugh..." Pez rolled her eyes and looked around shiftily. Once she was sure nobody was watching her, she closed her eyes, and suddenly, what looked like a bone sliced through her left hand from the wrist, extending and changing shape until it looked like a shovel of sorts.
Pez bit her lip in pain until the process was complete, and easily flicked the rodent's carcass out of the yard with the tip of the bone.
Quickly, she retracted the bone, it shrinking and changing shape until her arm was fully intact once again.
"PIR," she growled, opening her door and stepping inside.
"HI MASTER!" squeaked a little robot, running up to her while holding a spatula.
The little robot was 3/4 Pez's size, and in build, identical to the average Irken SIR bot. It had green eyes, a purple antenna deedlebob, and random glowing purple body parts. It was painted with the same mark on its face as the tattoo on Pez's cheek, and had little finger-less gloves painted on its hands, along with tan stripes all over its arms, legs, and body. It also wore a ball-link necklace with a smaller version of the pendant Pez wore.
"Hello, PIR," Pez said. "Did you leave a rat carcass on the walk?"
"Yeeeeeeesssss? It was all squeaky! And I was like 'don' you squeaky at me' and it was all 'squeakysqueakysqueaky' so I give him head explody!" the little robot explained in so many words.
Pez sighed. "PIR, how many times do I have to remind you not to touch the Earthen mammalbeasts? We don't know if they're poisonous or the such."
"Awww..." PIR looked down at the floor sadly, before snapping 'his' head up and squealing, "Ima go clone some food! Food is gooood..." and walked off.
Pez raised an eyebrow before letting out an exasperated breath. "That's what I get for salvaging one of those Irken beasts' robots," she muttered, pulling a small device from her pocket. With a press of the big shiny green button on it, a soft purple glow surrounded her, before blinking out in a flash of light, removing her disguise.
Pez stretched and looked in the nearby mirror. "Much better. These Humans are so boring." She admired her lovely purple skin, claw-like hands, feline feet, and extremely long, white-furred tail, tipped with an odd collection of sword-sharp bones shaped the same as the pendant she and PIR wore. The colouration on her ears ran progressively lightening from purple at the base to white at the tufts of hair.
"Ah, now I feel grounded," she mumbled, contentedly, and meandered over to a large bean-bag chair, dropping belly-down onto it, flicking her tail from side to side.
PIR walked back into the room and handed Pez a candy bar.
"Ah, the only really nice thing about this planet, my dear PIR. The food is lovely," Pez said, taking a bite out of the candy. "Mmm...nougat."
"I likes pie!" PIR announced, earning an odd look from Pez. "Did Master have fun at skool today?"
"Barg. It sucked, PIR. Not only are these humans drab, but one is suspicious of me already, and not to mention the fact that THERE'S AN IRKEN INVADER IN MY CLASS!" Pez jumped up and lashed her tail, nearly hitting the TV.
"YAY!" PIR squeaked.
"No, PIR, that's bad."
"Ohh... BUMMER!" PIR smiled wide.
"...I have a headache."
***
Authoress' Notes: I heart Pez. She sho cool. XD Once I stop being lazy, I'll get my coloured pencil drawings up on my art site, SHINY! (linked in my profile) so that you guys can see Pez and my illustrations for Chigaimasu. *nod* Pez's tail is fun.
One More Note: I heart Spazzy!Dib. ^.^
***
Disclaimer: All things Zim are owned by Jhonen Vasquez. Bow to his mighty colourful hair-ed-ness of DOOM! Or... something. I'm still working on this disclaimer. ^^;
***
Questions? Comments? Extra Savoir-Faire? E-mail me at Druidess@msn.com
***
Thanks for reading! Stop and drop a review before leaving! Fankoo!