Disclaimer: I do not own That 70s Show or any of the characters on the show.
Author's Note: My semester recently finished so I've had a bit of time to write more. The inspiration to this story came from a song I listened to a few weeks ago, but I can't remember the title of it now. It's always fun for me to write T70S and I hope it's as much fun for those who read this story. Enjoy!
Hyde drives silently down the road, the windshield wipers almost as hypnotizing to him as the sound of the rain crashing on his car. He glances every few minutes to the girl on his side, each time he wonders what might be going through her head as she stares calmly out the window. Several times he's tried to start a conversation, mostly to ease the tension between them, but he knows it will probably result in another argument which he doesn't need now. Instead, he reaches over to the radio and increases the volume. He is instantly comforted by Eric Clapton's soothing guitar playing.
The familiar route seems to him longer than usual. Perhaps it's because the weather won't allow him to go any faster, but he knows that's not entirely true. He is simply trying to delay whatever will happen when he finally parks the car. He's actually surprised she's been so silent throughout the ride, he was sure she would start nagging and yelling as soon as he started the ignition.
He looks over again and for the first time since he started driving, she looks over at him. She offers him a small smile which he returns. He quickly looks back at the road but can feel her eyes still on him. He looks over at her one more time and in those few seconds, he can see the hurt in her eyes. The last few weeks are weighing heavily on her, probably more than on him.
Hyde sighs and reaches over to grab her hand. The small gesture seems to catch her off guard and she gasps. He glances at her and sees her muscles relax a bit. She closes her hands over his and, to reassure her that everything will be okay, he squeezes her hand gently as he looks back on the road. He can't see her response, but he knows that she's a bit more at ease.
The next few miles are spent like this. Their hands intertwined together, their eyes on the road and neither of them saying anything. Usually, he enjoys the silence with her, mostly because he doesn't have to listen to her talk about things he doesn't care about. The times they have managed to just sit quietly and enjoy each other's presence are the times he falls in love with her all over again. It's something he will deny if asked, but sometimes just sitting with her makes things right, lets things make sense. This silence, this awkward silence though, he doesn't like this one.
A few minutes later, he drives past a few shrubs and finally finds a spot overlooking a small hill. He puts the car in park and turns the engine off. He suddenly misses the sound of the radio. He doesn't bother putting on the windshield wipers and is entranced by the amount of rain sliding down the windshield.
Hyde finally builds enough strength to turn and face her. She doesn't look at him right away and it gives him a chance to see her, really see her as she is. There are no layers of make up for her to hide behind or fancy clothes. This is her in all her natural, casual clothes and all. This is the she that he likes best but he knows that she wouldn't say the same of him now. She turns and from the look in her eyes, he knows that she's not his biggest fan at the moment. He couldn't blame her, of course. After all, he did keep another woman around for a few weeks, a woman he believed to be his wife. To make matters worst, he acted as though their relationship had meant nothing to him, as though it had never happened. He treated her as he did all the others who came before her. He can't exactly explain why he did it, but then it made sense. He knew it would hurt her and that's what he wanted. He didn't care that nothing happened in Chicago with Kelso, he couldn't get the image of his friend in a towel out of his head.
So he kept Sam around, showed her off at every opportunity he got. Here she is, more woman than you he would think when his ex-girlfriend came around. He never actually believed the words themselves, but it felt good to think them, gave him some justification for his actions.
"Hey" he finally speaks.
She looks at him and smiles, a weak, sad smile. "Hey" she answers before looking away again.
He reaches over to touch her face. She closes her eyes at the contact and pulls her face away from his reach.
"Don't" she says.
"Jackie" he calls out and sighs.
She opens her eyes and looks at him. Her forehead is furrowed and a flash of anger takes over. "Did you think it would be so simple?" she asks, her voice threatening and detached. He smirks a bit, admiring her perfect zen. She did learn from the best after all.
"No, I don't expect it to be easy" he says.
She rolls her eyes and looks out the passenger side window. He looks at the back of her head, her dark curls hanging down below her elbows. He wants to reach over and touch her hair, as he has done so many times before. She's always loved the feel of his hands running through her hair, says it comforts her. He raises his hand to do so, but stops himself. It might not be the best idea now.
"You just come over and ask me to forgive you. Do you have any idea how hard that is to do?" she says without looking back at him.
Hyde nods his head as if she can see him. It's something he spent days wondering. He was afraid she would tell him to go straight to hell, which she would have every right to say. He was scared she would laugh at him and tell him all the reasons he was a fool in even asking, which he would have expected. He was mostly afraid that she had already moved on. The day he knocked on her door, he half-expected another guy to open the door.
"I can't ask you to forgive me, but I do hope you will try" he replies.
She turns abruptly and stares into his eyes. He doesn't look away or pull out his sunglasses. He wants her to see how serious he is, that he wants her back.
"Would you? If you were me, would you be able to forgive?"
He's also thought about this. If Jackie had run off without letting him explain and come back with a husband and treated him like shit...there would be no way he would forgive her. "No" he answers.
"No" she says, imitating his words.
"We wouldn't be here, no. I would never speak to you again" Hyde says.
"Okay. Why should I forgive you then?" she asks.
Hyde thinks for a moment, his eyes never leaving hers. In that time, he thinks about all the best parts of their relationship. The times they spent in his room, just talking and joking around, the moments he held her and comforted her, all the intimate moments they spent getting to know each other's bodies better than anyone else. He remembers the first time she told him she loved him. Right after their biggest fight at the time, she just blurted it out and he remembers how confused he was. He kept thinking that she made a mistake, that there was no way she would love him. Hell, his own mother didn't love him so it was impossible for this beautiful girl to feel that for him. He didn't understand it and didn't believe it, but she spent that night telling him over and over how much she loved him. Each time she said it, his heart would stop beating and he just held her closer. He wanted to say it back, wanted to have that with her, but he couldn't. He feared it would be temporary, a fleeing emotion. He couldn't say it back.
"Because...you're mine" he replies with a smile on his face.
She stares at him for a few seconds and his smile widens. He knows her, can decipher the emotions she's experiencing now. She's probably screaming inside, happy that he is claiming her. She's also furious that he has the nerve to do so after everything he's put her through.
"Excuse me?" she asks.
"You're mine Jackie" he says again.
"No, I'm not Hyde" she says, heavily emphasizing his surname.
"You can Hyde me all you want, but we both know you're my girl" he says. He can see the anger rising in her and he can't say he doesn't enjoy firing her up. He leans back against the door on the driver's side and waits for her to tell him off.
"You're really something. You really think that after all the shit you did, after everything...You really think I'm...you're crazy" she says, not being able to put her thoughts together due to her frustration.
Hyde smiles and pushes off the door so he's closer to her. He grabs hold of her right hand. "You haven't denied it yet."
Her eyes narrow and her jaw tightens. Through clenched teeth she says, "I am not yours." She pulls her hand away from his and crosses her arms across her chest.
"You don't really believe that do you?"
"I'm not sure what or who gave you the idea that you still have a chance, but let me clear that up now. You and I, we're over. The moment you decided to keep that stripper around you lost me."
"That's in the past Jackie" he says.
"Yeah, our past. That't not going to go away, ever" she says bitterly.
Hyde nods his head. He came ready for her to talk about Sam, tell him off about everything she hates about him. He doesn't blame her, but he also isn't going to let her dwell on it for too long. The reason he brought her here is so they can hash out all the problems they have and so he can win her back. "
"Do you still love me?" he asks her.
He watches as her eyes widen. He doesn't smile, doesn't smirk, doesn't speak. This is the question he's been wanting to ask her ever since Sam left. He's thought of different ways to phrase it, bring it up, but now he's blurted it out and it's hanging over them like a two ton weight.
"Take me home" she says after finally recovering.
"Sure, where you answer my question."
"Take me home" she demands again.
"Answer my question and I will" he says.
"Steven, take me home now."
"Oh, I'm back to Steven now?" he says and smirks.
"Damn it, take me home" she yells.
"Just answer the question Jackie. If you say no, I'll take you home and I'll leave you alone."
Jackie looks away from him and down at her lap. No. a simple no will get her out of here and away from the one person who has hurt her. No. No. No.
"I don't trust you" she says without looking up at him.
"That's not what I asked" he says, anxiously awaiting her answer.
"I-you know the answer to that question" she says quietly.
Hyde nods his head, a wave of relief flowing all over his body. "I want to hear you say it" he says. He wants to touch her, make her feel safe and comfortable around him, but he knows he has no right to do any of that anymore. He is the one who hurt her, the one who broke her. He can't come in and play the hero, not now.
"Don't make me say it" she says. She slowly raises her head to look at him and he sees tears building up in her eyes.
The relief he felt a few seconds earlier has left and is replaced by regret. He regrets causing her so much pain and being the reason for all her tears, including these.
"I'm sorry" is all he can muster. He looks outside and sees that the rain has picked up. He turns on the windshield wipers and sees that the sun has started going down. "I'll take you home" he tells her and from the corner of his eye he can see her nodding her head.
He can keep them here a bit longer, try to make amends and have her see that he's a different person and want to do right by her. He knows, however, that she won't believe him. Everything has happened too soon, too fast for either of them to even register what actually happened. It hasn't even been two months since Sam left, so how could she take him seriously?
He turns the keys and turns on the ignition. He rests his hand on the stick shift and looks over at her once more. "I am sorry" he says again.
She nods her head, "I know" she says in a small voice that is barely audible.
Just as he's about to put the car in drive, he extends his arm and grabs her hand. Once again, he gives her hand a slight squeeze and is glad when this time she squeezes his. He reluctantly lets go after a few seconds and puts the car in drive.
After a few minutes on the road, he turns to her and sees that she is more calm. He smirks and says, "you know you're still mine though."
She looks at him and laughs. He turns back to focus on the road and is surprised when a few seconds later, she has moved closer to him and her head is resting on his shoulders. He looks down and sees that her eyes are closed. He takes his hand off the stick shift and brings it around behind her head. The contact gives him hope that they will eventually be able to fix things.
The rest of the drive is silent.