The Trouble with T.A.R.D.I.S Tribbles
The T.A.R.D.I.S decides that companionless the Doctor needs a pet to keep him company until he can find someone else. The Doctor finds a pet he conceives is harmless... oh how wrong he is.
Disclaimer- I do not own Star Trek or Doctor Who.
My first ever one shot, normally my one shot's tend to escalate but this one seems to have stuck its course, this is set between Martha leaving and the Doctor finding Donna again, and I think you will see toward the end when it's set in Star Trek.
---
It's lonely on a ship of vast size when there's no-one else around to watch the doctor's back no-one even to talk to; he had been travelling alone ever since Martha decided it was time for her to leave the T.A.R.D.I.S, the T.A.R.D.I.S herself had attempted to comfort him but he had rather moodily ignored the connection they shared like a rebelling teenager.
The Doctor companionless was not a happy sight. He didn't like to admit it but he needed someone around. Once after one of his companions had left him the T.A.R.D.I.S had pointed him in the direction of Slephener five, a planet that was known to have the biggest shelter with the widest range of pet's available to adopt. Unfortunately the previous incarnation of the doctor hadn't taken the bait and ended up more being the bait for one of there giant corb, an octopus like creature on land that had taken a liking to suckering up the occupants of the planet. But the T.A.R.D.I.S had decided despite the last times failings this particular doctor really needed a friend right now, even if it couldn't talk to him.
She landed early in the morning while the doctor was still asleep. Moving from the time vortex to conveniently re-materialize in the small pet's part of the building, much as there was room in the T.A.R.D.I.S for a larger pet they did need to be able to get through the doors.
---
When the Doctor woke later on that morning he could feel the T.A.R.D.I.S's smugness about something having relaxed his mind during his sleep she had gotten through to him on there connection. Grumbling to himself he wondered of to get dressed he began ignoring the T.A.R.D.I.S again pushing the connection they shared to the back of his mind. Halfway though getting dressed however having been wondering why she was so smug this morning as compared to other mornings where she had just been worried, when he realised they were no longer in the time vortex and were in fact stationary on a planet surface.
"What have you done old girl?" he questioned pulling on his tie and tying it swiftly, he felt the T.A.R.D.I.S send what he could only perceive as a girlish giggle though there link.
Sighing at her antics he pulled on his jacket and heading into the control room of the T.A.R.D.I.S picking up his overcoat on the way through. Putting his overcoat down on the control panel he peered into the TV he had added quite recently that showed him the outside of the T.A.R.D.I.S it had come in useful on numerous occasions and now it was about to prove its usefulness again.
From the point of view the camera showed the doctor knew instantly where the T.A.R.D.I.S had put him,
"Old girl you have tried this before, you remember what happened?"
There was a distinct grumble in his head which the doctor chose to ignore and instead he began setting the T.A.R.D.I.S up to travel away. Well he tried but the T.A.R.D.I.S wasn't having any of it. Every time he tried she remained where she was. The doctor sighed and slumped down onto the cushions nearest the console,
"You really want me to get a pet don't you?"
Without sending anything to her master this time the T.A.R.D.I.S doors merely opened out into the corridor and the doctor felt a slight mental push to go out of them.
"Alright already! I will go get a damn pet... I'm just not having a bloody cat" The T.A.R.D.I.S grumbled in agreement and as the doctor stood and grabbed his coat and walked out the T.A.R.D.I.S doors she shut them instantly behind him, reminding him he wasn't allowed back without a pet.
---
The Doctor walked down the isle the T.A.R.D.I.S had placed him in eyeing the small creatures in the rows and rows of cages and tanks, there was creatures from many worlds cluttered about most in self closed containers since the particular planet they came from has a different atmosphere, the doctor mentally crossed those creatures of the list, the last thing he wanted was to get attached to a creature that might die if the T.A.R.D.I.S shakes too much and smashes the tank.
Rounding a corner he almost walked headlong into one of the shelter workers holding a cage sidestepping quickly the doctor narrowly avoided having his face mashed into the cage bars. The worker stumbled not expecting to see anyone and nearly fell into the cage himself but just manage to right himself. A little flustered he turned to the doctor,
"Sorry I didn't see you there, not normally many people here at this time in the morning" he apologised adjusting the cage in his hand which let out a low warble as it was moved,
"What can I do you for?" he finished smiling above the cage of what the doctor could now see looked like a medium sized ball of fluff.
"Well I'm looking for a pet... well you would probably have guessed that seeing as I am in the biggest pet shelter place in the universe, but more pacifically I'm looking for something that doesn't moult, doesn't need too much food, can survive on its own for at least a few days, easy to care for, small, doesn't make too much noise and last of all is not a cat"
The worker blinked a few times before speaking, "Well I can't say you haven't got an exact idea of what you want" he paused for a moment contemplating, "I don't really have anything like what you have described except this fella" He held up the cage to indicate to the doctor what he was on about,
"Tough little blighter found it inside one of our recycling ports, must have been there a few days since it was due to be fixed and shut down, I have only just picked it up really I was just on my way to get it tagged and to find out what exactly it is when I bumped into you"
"Handy" the doctor commented bending down to peer into the cage, "So no idea what it is then?"
"Nope" replied the worker, "Never seen anything like it before"
"Excellent" the doctor exclaimed and took the cage from the worker, "Its just like me" and with that he walked off with the cage and back towards the T.A.R.D.I.S ignoring the exclamations coming from the worker behind him as he strode away, all the while thinking in his head how this pointless pet would keep the T.A.R.D.I.S happy without bothering him on his wonderings though time and space.
When he reached the doors he was about to reach for his key (the worker catching up to him fast) then the T.A.R.D.I.S doors swung open, stepping inside he waved back toward the worker before the doors swung shut behind him. The doctor felt in his mind an inquiring feeling coming from the T.A.R.D.I.S so he popped the cage on-top of the console and gave the creature inside a quick scan with his sonic screwdriver.
"Hmm he seems healthy" he mused before peering into the cage, "So old girl what do you think, is he satisfactory?"
The T.A.R.D.I.S gave an approving trill in his mind her lights brightening and dimming slightly in excitement.
"What to call him then" the doctor mused turning to pace round the console, "Bill ...Bob no you're not a B... Joe? No that doesn't suit" he muttered and almost made it a full circle round the console before he snapped his fingers, "I know! Alfie!" he exclaimed hopping back quickly to peer at the creature again, "Yes I think you look like an Alfie"
The creature made a low warble seemingly agreeing with the doctor.
"Great! Alfie it is" the doctor smiled and then picked up the cage and placed it on the nearby bench, "Let's hope you're a tough ball of fur" he added and began to set the controls to send the T.A.R.D.I.S back into the time vortex
---
The next day the doctor spent with Alfie, growing more attached to the small ball of fur than he had expected to, much to the T.A.R.D.I.S's happiness, scanning him trying to find out where he came from and generally showing him round the T.A.R.D.I.S, Alfie no longer stayed in his cage but in the doctors top jacket pocket as they wondered around and although he didn't really have eyes it looked like he was looking where he was going anyway.
Despite his searching the doctor had come up blank to where Alfie may have come from or what his species where called, He could only assume Alfie really was like him, last of his race and alone in the universe.
Smiling down at the odd creature he realised he hadn't gotten around to feeding him yet, feeling a bit sheepish he headed deeper into the T.A.R.D.I.S and emerged in the kitchen he then gently lifted Alfie out of his pocket and out onto the kitchen countertop,
"Now I haven't an inkling of what you would like to eat, don't eat much myself you see so I'm afraid your stuck with whatever Martha left in here" he inwardly grimaced at what Martha had considered food and reminded himself to throw the blasted tomato ketchup bottle out while he had the chance, it should be illegal for that stuff to be put on every single meal.
Opening the first cupboard he found some rather plain cereal picking that out as it seemed pet food like anyway he placed it on the side before looking about for a bowl, he opened the cupboard he remembered them being in but was met with an array of mugs and glasses. He groaned and muttered something about bored T.A.R.D.I.S's before just opening every cupboard in search but midway a loud crunch caught his attention.
Turning swiftly he saw that Alfie had managed to knock over the box of opened cereal sending the flakes everywhere and was now (although the doctor couldn't tell for sure) happily eating of the counter
"I guess you didn't want to wait for the bowl then?" The doctor questioned Alfie, and in supposed response the little creature trilled before continuing to crunch around on the counter.
Grinning to himself the doctor reopened the cupboard the current box of cereal had come from and got out another one turning to place it on the opposite counter away from Alfie's hungry mouth he encountered a neat round blue plastic bowl with the words 'Water' written on the outside, the doctor couldn't help but let out a laugh,
"Old girl you don't half have a lot of tricks up your sleeve" he addressed the T.A.R.D.I.S whom he felt almost laugh at his reaction, putting the box down he picked the bowl up and walked over to the sink and filled it up. Clearing a gap in the debris of the cereal he placed the bowl down but not a second later the T.A.R.D.I.S jerked violently as though she had just landed sending half of the water over the side and everywhere, sighing the doctor resigned himself to cleaning that up later and headed for the control room at a run to see what on earth had happened leaving Alfie to fend for himself for the time being.
---
The doctor had been away only half a day before he returned, he had sorted out that particular problem without much difficulty unlike his normal expeditions he had been sort of summoned inadvertently by a strange race looking to resolve a conflict with one another; a few words here and there had sorted them out rather quickly. He wasn't exactly the best diplomat but it worked, and he would have been back sooner if they hadn't insisted on him staying for the longest dinner he had ever had to endure. At least in his head he concluded it could have been worse, there could have been tomato sauce.
Sorting out the control room and sending the T.A.R.D.I.S back into the time vortex he stabilised her place before heading back to where he had started, the kitchen.
Before he reached it he was aware there was a certain volume of warbling coming from the room that hadn't been there before, his curiosity getting the better of him he speeded up a bit and jumping into the kitchen he looked over at the counter and did a double take,
"Okay I swear I didn't drink anything" he defended to no one in particular as he approached now what was 3 balls of fur on the countertop. Poking them each in turn he confirmed there existence. Confused but only momentarily he prodded the one he still recognised as Alfie,
"So your not an Alfie are you" he voiced out loud, "Well not unless your like the Roni or Sea-horses..." he cut short his ramble on various childbearing male carrying species , "Guess I better re-name you" he pondered for a short while before giving up,
"Alfie could be an any sex name" he compromised to himself then poked the other two newcomers softly with his long fingers "Well I suppose your nameless anyway" he mused and after a moment's hesitation named them, Bertha and Carl
Setting out new water for the three of them he moved of to occupy himself with the inner workings of the T.A.R.D.I.S to begin working on a way to stop people summoning him without his consent, it wasn't that he overly minded he just wanted forewarning in future should it happen again- which was likely.
---
The rest of the days passed by quickly and the Doctor found himself spending less and less time around his three latest acquirement's which the T.A.R.D.I.S was berating him for every chance she got becoming an almost constant headache in the back of his mind he couldn't figure out why she was being so harsh as it wasn't as though he was avoiding them on purpose when his stomach made an un-conscious growl,
"Oh" and the Doctor realised, because of his rather excessively large diplomatic celebration meal he hadn't eaten since and neither had his pets
The headache that had occupied his mind lifted but only slightly as though wanting to remind him for a bit longer what he had done, mumbling and grumbling about pesky T.A.R.D.I.S's he put his sonic screwdriver back into his jacket pocket before hopping of to the kitchen. Not wanting to spend too much time with his latest acquirements he popped a sizeable amount of cereal and watched them eat or at least he assumed it was eating it looked more like they were rolling around in it to him, when the T.A.R.D.I.S's presence in his head finally relaxed and released him of his headache the doctor couldn't help but let out a sigh and distracted he didn't put the box back in the right place and left it next to the feeding balls of fluff.
Wandering off again from the kitchen the doctor decided he needed to get out of the T.A.R.D.I.S, all things considered this was probably the longest time he had spent in the T.A.R.D.I.S in this incarnation of himself, idly wondering where he should go as he entered the control room he decided on randomly jumping out of the time vortex he always did like a surprise after all. Firstly before setting the T.A.R.D.I.S up for landing he made sure Earth would not be one of the many places he could land, much diversity and planets there were and are in the universe there would always be that connection with him and the Earth swaying the scales.
He felt the T.A.R.D.I.S's presence in his mind almost question his actions,
"Too soon old girl" he spoke softly in response, thinking about the recent loss, "It never was for most people, but it was for me...Too soon" he repeated and shifting a few knobs and twisting a few handles he was soon materialising in god knows where. The T.A.R.D.I.S gave him a reassuring push happy he was travelling again and so a massive grin taking over his features at the thought of the unknown he bid the T.A.R.D.I.S goodbye before grabbing his long coat and stepping out the doors.
---
When the doctor returned, at be it later than he first planned but then again his planned visits never went to plan, he felt the T.A.R.D.I.S. was stressed about something however she wasn't letting him know with the link they shared exactly what had upset her so much.
Letting it off as her being annoyed at him taking too long he set the T.A.R.D.I.S to dematerialize and hang around in the time vortex. He was about to go fetch his tools to find something to do when his stomach rumbled,
"Hmm I suppose all that running took more energy out of me than I realised" he mused out loud before giving up on his previous plan to head toward the kitchen. It was only about five minutes later when he still hadn't found the kitchen that he knew the T.A.R.D.I.S was hiding something from him. She almost had the visualisation of a sheepish grin on her face as he opened there connection wider in her mind,
"Old girl, why are you hiding the kitchen from me?" he asked out loud not gracing her with his thoughts at the moment, she made no motion to tell him but she did allow the kitchen door to re-appear on his right hand side and then her presence shrank back in his mind as though dreading his opening of the door.
Wondering what on earth was scaring his T.A.R.D.I.S so much and his curiosity getting the better of him he swung open the door and was met with a towering wall of fluff that collapsed onto him the minute there was no force keeping them inside.
Coming up for air a few seconds later he peered into the kitchen to inspect the damage, and couldn't see anything for multiple balls of fur coming to the height of his elbow.
"Brilliant" he breathed out slowly clicking his tongue absent mindedly against the roof of his mouth, "Well old girl, of all the pets in the place I come out with the intergalactic version of bunnies" the T.A.R.D.I.S appeared as a bigger presence in his mind as though she had not wanted him to be mad at her and waited to see his reaction.
"Not your fault old girl, you were only trying to help" he sighed resignedly, "Just next time..." he trailed off, "If there ever is a next time, let me know soon as I'm through the doors"
The T.A.R.D.I.S dipped her lights in agreement making a similar agreement feeling fill the doctor's head, as he tried to figure out what on earth to do with the every growing pile of fluff.
Almost having to swim his way out he made it to the end of the corridor and closing the door that connected it with the control room that he was sure had never been there before he sealed it shut with the sonic screwdriver so none of the pesky balls could breed there way though and then wondered over to the control panel gave up and collapsed onto the foam seats at the side. Running a hand through his hair he assessed the situation.
He couldn't exactly bring an exterminator in he didn't particularly want to keep them all (despite the fact he had the room for possible limitless breeding) but he had to act fast or soon they would be everywhere and impossible to get rid off. Tearing himself off the comfortable seat he began running through the T.A.R.D.I.S possible planets for them to occupy before changing his mind,
"No can't be unpopulated they would take over and extinct themselves" he mused out loud changing the parameters of the planet, "Can't be populated too much either, the idea that in a few centuries ill be rescuing them from a giant one that eats them is not very appealing"
He was about to change the parameters again when there was a soft squeak before a tiny ball of fur landed on his head bounced of and landed on the T.A.R.D.I.S. control pad, the doctor let out a controlled breathe and was about to pick the little fluff ball off the control panel when another one dropped about a metre to the left of him, startled the doctor looked up and saw that the fluff balls of doom where coming in from the second level, alarmed he dived for cover on the other side of the circular room as more began dropping with excited sounding squeaks.
Pinching his nose he assessed the T.A.R.D.I.S library again from the terminal on this side frantically searching now trying not to look at the growing pile of fluff on the opposite side of the room. He could feel the T.A.R.D.I.S's growing concern in the back of his mind
"I don't get it" he finally stated looking around at the sizeable amount of fluff balls on the T.A.R.D.I.S floor, "Why are the breeding so much now?" his question was left hanging in the air with no-one to answer it there was a faint smash from the other side of the room and the doctor looked just in time to see the smashed remains of a ketchup bottle, grumbling about infernal ketchup and its uselessness he almost missed the slight beeping indicating she had found a suitable planet.
"Well not what I exactly wanted but it will do..." he checked over a few things and began twiddling at the T.A.R.D.I.S controls grimacing as he realised half the ones he needed were on the other side he shuffled his feet along the floor so as not to step on anyone of them and continued with his work materialising the T.A.R.D.I.S. on the planet and sighing with relief as he felt the faint thump of gravity asserting itself.
Now the difficult part he had yet to think up- how to get them out, he was pacing without much thought as to what was on the floor when he accidently stood on the edge of one sending it pinging to the other side of the T.A.R.D.I.S with a high pitched squeal of alarm. He winced silently apologising to the small creature, despite how they where taking over his T.A.R.D.I.S he didn't wish them harm... well not much anyway.
However the small unidentified pinging object had given him an idea, looking down to where the fluff ball had landed was an air vent used to keep the air in the T.A.R.D.I.S normal for its occupants, grinning like an idiot now he knew he could actually be rid of the critters he accessed the T.A.R.D.I.S controls and began altering the flow of the air changing it so it would blast air away and theoretically blast them all out the doors, finishing altering the controls in record time the doctor opened the door with his sonic screwdriver, and pleased to see all he could see out the doors were rainforest he knew he had arrived in the right place after all it wouldn't do to dump them all in the middle of a city centre. Leaning over he gripped the hand rail with both arms wrapping his arms round it several times before pointing the sonic screwdriver at the control panel the effect was instantaneous the T.A.R.D.I.S air vents all sprang to life blowing air out at a remarkable rate. Door's where opening on the T.A.R.D.I.S that the doctor had never ventured into himself as the air rushed to the only escape route there was a sort of tornado of fluff around the control centre before they all went zooming out the door.
The doctor watched them fly past faintly reminiscing the last time he had hung onto something avoiding the pull, and then he had lost Rose. Shaking himself out of it he looked about checking for a single ball of fur, the T.A.R.D.I.S. confirmed that he was the only thing on the T.A.R.D.I.S once again only detecting one heat signal.
Pointing the sonic screwdriver at the control centre the vents ceased there assault and letting go of the hand rail he pointed the screwdriver at the doors to close them as well, breathing a huge sigh of relief he programmed the vents back to normal before overlooking the library screen still showing the details of the planet he had just let the fluff balls loose on.
Kronos it read, home to a warrior like race who enjoy hunting. There wasn't much information past that but the doctor was mostly satisfied; the occupants of the planet did now after all have an unlimited species to hunt.
Setting the T.A.R.D.I.S. up for departure he didn't notice as a small ball of fur fell out of his pocket and under the deck plating.
--
I am assuming like any other creature the Tribbles only breed when there is sufficient enough food for there offspring available- hence why they didn't get into the swing of breeding until the doctor left them alone for a time with a big box of food and a kitchen after that.
The end wasn't quite as dramatic as I hoped it would be but I had fund writing it so I hope you had fun reading it!