Date: September 4
Location: Bishonen current hideout Disney Castle (which is in Orlando Florida)
Time: 11:36 PM
Twilight had descended hours ago and yet there lingered a bit of orange in the sky like a bad omen. Not that he was looking at it now although this didn't matter. He had encountered twilight many times over the years and somehow he instinctively knew after all, he was a bishonen. Nothing had to make any sort of sense to his kind-vampire, wizard, ninja or shinigami.
He drew his knees up to his hard chest and gave a sigh as he watched the slumbering members of his already depleted species. He hated that he could not sleep and if Carlisle or Emmett and even the ever so silent Jasper were here, it would be more bearable; but he didn't know their location or if they were even alive.
Shutting his eyes he let the whispering thought flood him like a tidal wave in the direction of outside, from what he gathered they were everywhere. He could hear in some far off place, presumably from some sort of woods a young ninja screaming about the end of his virtuous youth as they overcame him. He'd saved the life of a fellow Bishonen, Edward thought, he was a hero.
From beside him, the one with white hair, Hitsugaya, mumbled in his sleep. He was marred with scratches and lipstick. There were even a few hickies. Edward remembered saving him from the mass only several hours ago. The boy had been with other Shinigami like himself, the crowd of men overtaken. He had witnessed the fallen Arancar also-a man named Aizen had been overtaken by the mass of giggling stupidity and ravenous lust only known to them.
He shuddered in horror.
"Cullen-San," A gruff voice spoke softly. A boy with sunglasses as dark as Edward's eyes on a hungry day approached him, Shino Aburame, he remembered. The boy was more or less (this being MUCH less) worse for wear unlike the others although it had been from the bugs. Edward envied Aburame's ability to gross out the girls with roaches.
"Yes?"
"Have you been able to determine the situation on the outside?" he indicated towards Edward's gift. "My team was separated, I want to know if there is any way possible to find them."
"The girl is fine...however, the dog, Akamaru was overtaken and your friend, Kiba...I have not been able to hear him in the area."
"That is what I suspected." Aburame nodded though Edward was hard pressed to tell whether he was upset about it. "How many?"
"There are few in this area, perhaps only a handful. In the area of your home however, there is no way that any of the men survived in a barricaded shopping mall. Directly towards the north of that in the Forest of Death there are too many female voices to count although there are a few survivors who are fighting for their survival in a log cabin wit far too many china cabinets."
"I see. Perhaps the wizards with us can possibly use some sort of shield."
"I doubt it." Edward said truthfully. "They are too shocked by the numbers and have witnessed their fellow schoolmates fall at the Kings Cross." Edward said then paused.
"What are you thinking?" A gruff voice asked from directly behind him. The man was tall, much taller then Edward, and wore a long white trench coat that billowed ridiculously behind him. His blue eyes, though Edward couldn't see, were calculating. Thoughtful.
"Exactly what you are thinking." Edward said softly. The man had lost his brother in the fray, Mokuba, if Edward remembered correctly he seems to of had to remember a lot lately. "The school. If we can somehow find a way to the school we may be safe." He meandered towards the two sleeping boys. One had dark hair and round glasses while the other was a bit taller, pointed with slightly curling blond hair. He looked like Rosalie. "You're awake. Sit up and tell us about the beginning."
The kinder looking one with green eyes, Harry, sat up stiffly while the other merely opened his haunted gray eyes. Both were in no position to talk, both were too exhausted.
"I don't know where to start there were so many and I-"
"Shut up Potter." The blond spoke his accent thick and arrogant. He sat up very slowly looking by far the worse out of all of the Bishonen. He attempted to slick back his hair lifting his wand hand but too tired to move as it fell back to his side. His hair, while probably naturally curly, had bits and pieces of matted body glitter, was entirely too perfumed and had bit of blood from presumably the fangirls that had died in the explosion (we're getting to it). "Straighten it will you Potter. I can't do it, I might hurt myself."
Harry rolled his eyes but did as told saying an incantation and waved his wand. The blond boy's hair straightened but was not pushed back, it fell into his gray eyes that were now shadowed. "There you go."
"I'll tell but I am not going to repeat myself. Wake the others."
Hitsugaya was shoved harshly by the blue eyed trench coat man, Kaiba, while Shino viciously shook the other occupants, two red haired twins with matching blue blazers awake. Hikaru and Kaoru grumbled in sync. One of them kicked the figure beside them who grunted.
Leon S. Kennedy rubbed his aching side as he glared at the twins. He brought up his gun, a custom made 9mm handgun and pointed it at one of the twins, the one that had kicked him right between the eyes. The twin didn't look all that impressed. "Che..."
"Get bent Hikaru Hittachin." He said which was met with one of the twins grumbling about idiotic government agents and 'I guess it isn't just Haruhi who can tell.' Whatever that meant, personally Edward didn't care.
"It was reaching late when my father and I appeared at Kings Cross. Everything seemed normal, the air was still warm, the passerby's continuing on their marry way as we made our way towards the pillar. I should have known then, when I heard Weasley's shouts of terror, that life as I had known it was over...
Chapter 1: The Curious Cases of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter.
"Hurry along Draco." Lucius Malfoy half heartedly barked as he strode quickly towards the pillar. His dark suit, a change from regular robes, made him look taller, leaner. Young women around them, mothers and old grannies stopped to watch him starring at his long legs and giggling at his blond long hair and his refined regal handsome face. "It is your final year is it not? You might want to make it on time after all, a Malfoy is always punctual." More giggling females and gossip, nothing that Draco or his father hadn't ever heard before.
"I know." Draco said earning himself some stares as he pushed him trolley his new owl, a snowy white number with large beguiling eyes named Ren, hooted softly. "We've time father. Why are you hurrying so much?"
His father paused for a moment, lifting a gold pocket watch to his face, eyes scanning. He sighed apparently thinking that they had a few minutes before they absolutely had to be there. "You are young Draco; you understand nothing of our predicament."
"And what would that be? I think I understand my fare share of things, I've had to. But this is nothing; it's about getting me there on time is it not. It isn't that there is some form of life or death scenario this time around."
His father became openly nervous, there were more females. They both felt a bit sequestered.
"Come along. All will be explained in due time."
"I still don't understand."
"You will."
The sea of women parted as they walked along, Draco moving faster as his father seemed akin to want to speed walk. Draco hadn't ever remembered this many people during his previous years in the station. He wondered if there was anything going on.
When they reached the pillar he was not surprised to see Weasley standing there with Potter but what was a bit surprising was that there was a man from the ministry that Draco had seen during the trials standing there. He seemed to examine each wand before allowing the boys through.
Boys...?
"Where are all the girls?" He asked his father. He looked about his head going right to left to find clipped black hair or bushy brown, mane of fiery red hair and shimmering blond plaits but encountered none. He looked again this time trying to find perhaps Daphne who had decided to cut her hair similar to his. Maybe he had missed her in his perusing before but, he did not find her. He made his way to a small group of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor boys and realized suddenly he didn't know any of them.
"Where are the girls?"
A small boy, whom Draco came to realize, was the younger brother of Colin Creevey was the only one to acknowledge him. His large doe eyes stared at him for a moment before he spoke. "We don't know." He said. "I hear that the girls were transferred to Beauxbatons this year."
"That is odd." He said noting that his father had already left and quite quickly. He frowned.
"Oh I wouldn't worry. All the dads left like that, scared of something it seems." He sighed kicking his little foot, pouting. "If my brother were here it wouldn't be so bad."
Draco was about to say something or stammer when Weasley screamed. Draco turned to look his direction with a sneer on his face and an insult already forming on his lips when-
-Ronald Weasley was tackled to the ground his red head making a sickening thud against the floor.
Atop him were several girls all wearing a "Weasley is our King" t-shirts and matching devilish grins on their faces, their eyes glowing ever so slightly with a reddened hue. "Gerrof me!"
Harry Potter had taken out his wand along with the others around them only to be pulled into a massive crowd, his screams filling the air; "Stop that!"
-"Don't touch THAT!"
-"STOP HUGGING ME!!!!"
But the crowd grew and drew in those around them in a giggling mass of girls wearing Gryffindor colors. The man from the ministry was gone; the boys, Dean and Seamus were amongst the screaming masses crying for their now lost virginity. The proverbial fourth wall seemed to crumble and Draco winced, he felt it, his carefully constructed world falling apart at the seams and somewhere in the distance J.K. Rowling fainted.
He was shoved violently into a group of shuddering frightened seventh years, only able to hear from the outside Dennis Creevey's screams as girls shouted Kawaii. He stared at the circle of girls and women surrounding them and it took his mind only one instant to digest the situation. His father's nervousness, the amount of women, the lack of the female students, Potter and Weasley being torn apart in crowds of salivating women...it all meant...
"Oh bugger..."
FANGIRLS!
He'd only ever heard about them in stories from his father one of the few survivors of the invasion back in '79. He shuddered when he remembered the part about the 'glomping'. From what his father had said it had been the most traumatizing experience of his life. Apparently the earliest invasion had happened in Voldemort's time-something that his father had suspected was the true reason behind his anti muggle points of view. Draco distinctly remembered Voldemort screaming like a banshee when a mugle girl giggled in his direction. He'd thought it was funny then but now...he could only sympathize after all, at one point Voldemort had been quite handsome.
A pale hand attached itself to his leg. He looked down in horror only to realize with slight relief that it was Potter. He was clawing his way from the women littered with kisses, scratches and his clothes had been horribly torn. How he'd managed to hold onto his glasses and wand Draco would never know.
"Ron...they've...hugged him to death..." He stood on shaky legs. He straightened himself already going into hero mode. "What are we going to do, Malfoy?"
"Well, fangirls can only be killed by holy water, garlic and a stake through the heart oh an sun light." A Hufflepuff said directly behind them.
"That's vampires you fool!" Potter had shouted to the boy who squirmed.
"Maybe...misdirection?" The boy, Zacharias Smith said.
"But what could they possibly love more then us?" Potter asked looking at the salivating girls. Boys who were with them were being plucked from the group, their screams of horror ringing loudly in the air.
Draco noted in terror that he and Potter were the last ones left as Smith was pulled from them screaming for his mum, the best left for last, Draco thought annoyed, as he stared into the shinning red eyes of their homicidal rabid fans. He grabbed hold on Potter's hand, leaned forwards; "Go along with it, Potter." He whispered in his ear.
He pointed with his free hand to the girls (who were now chanting about Yaoi and how it had always been so obvious) left. "Oh my, is that Sora and Riku from Kingdom Hearts!" He nudged Potter in the ribs who broke off sputtering with a flush.
"Oh yes why I do believe it is! And are they...?"
"Oh goodness gracious, they are! They are currently in the throws of illicit homosexual passion and Oh My Me Strawberry Eggs! Riku is the uke!"
Hell broke loose then when it so happened that Riku and Sora had been right behind them (apparently trying to figure out why this particular random world had been unlocked) when the fangirls attacked them. In a flurry of screams the two Kingdom Hearts bishonen were overcome screaming loudly as they were glomped to death. With their plan of misdirection working Draco grabbed Potter's hand again and hauled him in the opposite direction...away from the pillar that was blocked by fangirls.
They ran as fast as their legs could take them, Draco not daring to look back as in his peripheral vision he saw them come from the shadows, bumbling towards them with cold fingertips and drooling open mouths. Trying to figure out a way to escape the stray fangirls that were undoubtedly following them Draco was pulled towards the right. A door with a star on it looked down on him and Potter who was twitching quite horribly.
A handsome dark haired man in his early twenty's shushed them, his dark glittering eyes scanning the alleyway. The group of bumbling fangirls ran past and hadn't noticed them.
He turned to them with a sigh, almost as relieved to see them as he placed both hands on Draco's shoulders and sighed. "Damn you Scott Pilgrim. You can't just run off in the middle of a fangirl invasion. I don't care if you didn't save your game."
"I'm not Scott."
The dark eyed man got a closer look before frowning. His shoulders visibly sagged in discontent.
"Damn." He said before sticking his hand out in greeting. "Wallace Wells."
"Draco Malfoy."
"Harry Potter."
"Charmed." After shaking hands Wallace dusted himself off and stood. He hefted up a guitar and rested it on his shoulder. "Well, looks like I'm not gonna find Scott here." He said walking to the door. It opened revealing nothing but darkness. "Wanna lift from the Fangirl-O-Rama?"
"What is that?" Potter asked inspecting it. "Malfoy is it like that closet."
"I don't think so."
"Are you sure. Maybe it leads to a closet. Should we go into the closet?"
"Closets? Well while you're both talking about going back into the closet I'm just gonna take this dimensional door and mosey my way to a completely rape free zone."
"We'll go." Draco said.
"Good because that handy dandy bomb thing that robot dude gave me is going to explode and you might just want to-"
KABLOOM!
They were hit with some debris and random fangirl parts. Draco almost cried. His hair was covered in fangirl blood.
"Oh...well I guess it go boom right about now huh? My bad!" He laughed grabbing Potter's hand who in turn tightened his grasp to Draco's. "Hold on tight kiddies."
"Who gave you the bomb?" Potter asked as they were pulled into the dimensional door.
"Called himself Raiden-was looking for a guy named Snake." Wallace said. "It was right before they got him too."
The End
"Wait!" Leon held up a hand rather then clapping with the rest of the bishonen, Edward had thought it was quite riveting. "That was you?" He pointed to Wallace Wells who had, up till this point, been leaning against the wall strumming on the guitar "borrowed from Scott who had also re-borrowed it from his brother Lawrence".
"Huh? Oh yeah, that was me. It was a good thing we got out of there when we did. I rigged a whole city block."
"I know they're psychotic fangirls bent on raping us...but why so extreme?"
"Because they're girls." Wallace said with a twinkle in his eyes to which the twins backed away, Hitsugaya chuckled, Aburame just stood there with Kaiba, Leon rolled his eyes while the wizards blushed.
Edward just looked plain confused-he couldn't read Well's mind.
"What's so bad about girls?"
Wallace smirked something so sinister that Seto Kaiba actually shuddered. He made his way towards Edward until he was face to face with him. "Because I don't like girls."
"But why?"
"Because I like boys."
"So what, I like (ok with) boys and I don't have anything against girls."
Someone face palmed hard (later indicated as Shino Aburame who couldn't even believe it. How could anyone be as stupid as Naruto Uzumaki and be 109 years old) everyone else laughed uneasily.
"Because I'm gay (homosexual)."
A look of understanding dawned on Edward, his topaz eyes widening. "Oh! But, why do girls not make you gay (happy). I'm perfectly gay (happy) when girls are around same as boys."
...epic silence, crickets chirping (Shino).
Seto Kaiba rolled his eyes and sat by his lap top dubbing vampires that sparkle complete idiots with the twins at his side. Draco and Harry were currently suppressing laughter with Hitsugaya and Leon was rubbing his forehead.
"For the love of everything holy, when he says gay he means homosexual! He'd sooner bend you over a table and have his wicked way with you then be glomped by fangirls because they're girls! He likes (romantically) boys!" Lean said in one great breath.
"Oh...OH!" Edward said eyes widening.
If he could have blushed he would have, if he could faint it would have happened and if there was anywhere else to go where he wouldn't be raped by salivating women he would flee. But all he could do was stare at Wallace Wells who had the biggest shit eating grin Edward had ever seen. "Well...that makes a lot more sense then what I thought previous."
Wallace's eyes twinkled. "Bet it does Glitter...bet is does."
A loud crash was heard from upstairs and the barricade at the basement door (a large filing cabinet, a desk and a life size bust of Disney ™) began to shake. Giggling and raucous laughter could be heard from the other side.
We found you Shino!
C'mon Kaiba open up! I don't care if you're not a huggy person!
Hikaru! Kaoru! I bet I can tell the difference if you take your clothes off!
Lil' Shiro come out and Play-ay!
Leon baby open up! We can be your Ada Wong!
Harry! Draco! We wanna show you this awesome HP AMV! It's got music from the Nightmare Before Christmas Soundtrack!
Edward open up! And os the lion fell in love with the lamb! The LION fell IN LOVE with the LAMB! Team Edward for evs!!!
Wallace chuckled at the frightened stares of the bishies. His name hadn't been called. He was in the clear-
Wallace I don't care if you're gay! I wanna have your babies!
He paled.
"Let's get the eff outta here." He said retracting a portable door from his "borrowed" subspace bag. Everyone held hands as they walked through but not before Wallace set up some bombs. He held Edward's marble cold hand as he shut the door behind him.
KABLOOM!
And Disney castle was no more.
"So Glitter, what's your story?"
As they flew through the cosmos, dimensions splitting into colorful lights and a yellow brick road Edward thought back hard to two days ago when he was torn from his family, his friends (he has none) and his Bella.
"It's a long and tiring story. It would bore you."
"We got nothing but time." Hitsugaya said from his side. They came face to face with another door and fell through. Wallace was quick to take the door into his bag after it was closed. They appeared to be in a building...a very familiar building...
"Uh guys? I don't think we're in Kansas anymore..." Wallace said with eyes so wide Edward was afraid they'd pop out his head.
Kaibe looked at their surroundings, an old infamery. Possibly a school infirmiry.
"Smells like ash here."
"Smells like..."
"...something's burning..."
"...and this room..."
"...reminds me of something."
Hitsugaya tensed suddenly. There was a pool of blood on one of the beds. "I have a theory." He said.
"And what's that?" Leon reloaded.
There was a piercing scream coming down the hall. Someone was running towards the door. It banged opened and a man in his mid thirties barreled in. He locked the door behind him and leaned against it trying not to breathe. A moment later the unmistakable sounds of fangirls ran passed the door. He suddenly turned his head in the direction of the bishies and held up his gun, noting that they were men he lowered the weapon.
"How'd you get in here?" He said after a moment. "I thought I was the only one left alive."
Kaiba decided to answer. "We came through a dimensional portal. I'm Seto Kaiba. They are," He pointed at Leon and the twins. "the Hiitachin twins Hikaru and Kaoru and gun happy right next to them is Leon."
"I'm Draco Malfoy and this is Harry Potter."
"Hi."
"Aburame Shino."
"Hitsugaya Toshiro."
"And I'm Wallace Wells."
The man nodded at each of them. "Hi. I'm Harry Mason."
...he did not expect cold silence or the looks of pure terror to cross their faces.
"Hitsugaya?"
"Yes Draco."
"That theory of yours..." Hikaru said with a gulp.
"...I think we're fucked." Kaoru said trying his hardest to remember the puzzles...he'd just played this game!
"Well boys..." Wallace stepped forward with a look of pure determination that to Harry (potter) looked like constipation. "Welcome to Silent Hill."
"With Fangirls." Draco added with a pained look.
"With fangirls." Shino muttered.
"So Harry (mason)...seen any weapons stores around town?"
Kaiba opened his Brief Case of Death ™ to reveal a laptop. After a few minutes of clicking about he sighed in satisfaction. "The Silent Hill police station will have weapons." He said. "And Alchemill Hospital is right by it. We can mend the wounded. It won't be easy. Some of us," he looked pointedly at Edward. "might not make it."
"We've got a tour guide and there's alley's right? I like alleys." Wallace clapped Harry (mason) on the back with a shrug.
"Lots of alleys." Harry said with a bit of apprehension..
They were doomed.
-
Review. Don't flame. They're Out of character because they are; it doesn't have to make sense.
Also I would like to have a moment of silence for Riku and Sora...they shall be missed.
And well, this was inspired by Agent Hulk's Night of the Living Fan girls. It was referenced quite a bit here as well. Read that story...it is so hilarious you'll be splitting guts. Everyone should read that story at least once in their live. I'm telling you, READ IT.
Edward and Wallace moment brought to you by Edward's naïveté. I enjoyed writing it immensely-it was believable in an over exaggerated sense. Edward seemed very naïve to me in the books. (Despite being technically an old man).
And Wallace is just full of snarky perversion.
And I My Me Strawberry Eggs? Well...I always found myself thinking that Draco would be the perfect on the DL anime lover. On that note, in this story, Love Hina happens to be his favorite manga of all time. His anime knowledge will come up at very random points in the story.
-See you in the next chapter of Army of Fangirls.