Some Days

A/N: I'm super tired plus I haven't posted anything in a year...my bad. Anyway, I found this on my computer but I don't remember writing it so if someone else has it just let me know and I'll delete it right away (I honestly don't remember). Anyway, hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own MR.

Fang is all I ever think about anymore.

I'll be eating food. Fang. I'll look in the mirror. Fang. I'll even be watching stupid Spongebob and I'll still be thinking about Fang. He torments me although he's not even here.

Fang is like a drug; addicting, makes me feel like I can reach the stars, and when it leaves you just don't know how to deal with anything anymore. You don't know how to live without it.

That is exactly how I am with Fang. He left me - us, and I almost didn't know what to do next. A part of me wanted to run home to my mom and just cry but I knew that I couldn't do that, not with the safety of the world on my hands.

Some days, my brain doesn't seem to want to work. It's like it refuses to not think about Fang.

Then on other days, my good days, I don't think about him at all.

But on those days I do think about Fang, I think about him in two ways.

The sweet Fang with the perfect smile, face, attitude, looks and his love.

Then I think of the horrible-memory kind of Fang; him leaving me-the flock, his letter, and I wonder what he really thinks about all of this. This craziness.

There's never a in-between when thinking about Fang. Never has. I never see him as the sweet horrible-memory kind of guy. Always one or the other.

Some days, I just want Fang to return to I could hold him in my arms and never let go and say, 'I love you' and other days I want him to be gone, to never return, to stay out of my already crappy life.

I'd tell myself: he loves me. That's why he left is because he loves me. And then I'm thinking: he left me. He doesn't love me.

My first question was: why? How could he just leave like that? He told me why he left in his letter but I didn't see the sense. Because he had wanted to protect the flock? Because he wanted to protect me?

I'd like to think that this is just a horrible nightmare and when I wake up, Fang would be right next to me with his arms around me saying, 'It's okay'.

But it's not that easy. When you've lived in a nightmare your whole life, it's kind of hard to imagine waking up from it.

I wonder what I would do if I saw him at this exact moment. How would I act? What would I say? I'd either be pissed off that he left me, my heart would finally just break, or run back into his arms and say, 'I miss you. Don't ever leave again.'

Sometimes I think I'm dying.

The says I think about Fang, my heart feels so heavy it feels like it's about to stop. Is it because he's gone? Will my heart beat again when he returns?

Then there are days that I think I can breathe.

I laugh, smile and joke around with my flock as if Fang never left. I worry about one less person getting hurt when I am around, I don't have to be embarrassed when I say something incredibly stupid in front of Fang and I don't have to have him watch my every move.

But a part of me misses those things. I miss when Fang corrects me, I miss his smile, and when he says "Sorry" and hugs me as if he'll never let go.

I've decided, guys, I'm not living nor dying. I am in-between. Sort of like a zombie. Sounds funny now that I think about it.

Too many questions have formed in my mind since he left and I don't know when or how they'll be answered but they are driving me crazy.

Why did you go?

Did you really have to leave?

Do you really love me?

Guess we'll have to find out when he returns in twenty years.

I didn't really proof read it so just ignore all my mistakes, okay? Cool.

R&R please!