A/N: Oh my god I'm posting a fic, and not just any fic, a MEREDITH/ADDISON fic! Yes I'm back :D And taking advantage of my week of college (even though I have assignments to write but they can wait :P) I have a few things I want to say to you all before you go ahead and read this:
1. To anybody who's made requests for fics, I will do them I swear, but my life has been so crazy the past couple of months and I honestly haven't had the time, but I'll do them!
2. Any chaptered fics that I haven't finished (including two-shots) they're in progress, I haven't completely abandoned them, I just lost my muse for a little while.
3. A few of you know that I recently (as in a week ago) came out to my parents, and I just want to thank anyone who sent me messages of support when I was freaking out on twitter! My family couldn't have reacted any better, I know I've got a lot of obstacles to face but I'll get there, and I couldn't have done it without the support of my little twitter family.
4. I'm twitter obsessed, I should never have downloaded UberTwitter for my phone, I tweet all the time, if you want to follow me my username is klp_ if you send me an reply with your fanfiction username I'll follow you back :D
This is for Clai, because I've been promising this forever, and she'll end up divorcing me if I'm not careful ;) And also this is for Simonetta, because she's pretty amazing :P
Set in 3x07, if Meredith had found Addison crying in the bathroom instead of Callie :)
I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances. And how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it. -Scrubs
~x~
Meredith walked into the bathroom heading straight towards an empty stall, she froze when she heard a sniffle and a sob from the only closed one.
"Hello?" she called out "Are you ok in there?"
"Oh just perfect" she heard someone mutter, she stepped back and looked at a pair of outstretched feet in some very expensive looking shoes "Addison?" she asked in confusion.
"I'm fine" Addison said slightly choked "Just, just leave, I'm fine"
"Look, I know you hate me, and I know I hurt you but, I can't leave when you're obviously upset about something, and I might be tiny and pretty weak but I'll climb over the stall if I have too"
Addison let out an exasperated sigh and swung the door open "What?" she said tiredly.
"Get up" Meredith said holding out a hand, Addison reluctantly took it and stood up, she walked over to the mirror and wiped her eyes.
"I have to tell a perfectly happy couple that they will never get to meet a baby she's been carrying for 7 months, I have to tell them that, that their baby, that their baby is, dead" Addison said disbelievingly "I have to break the hearts of 2 of the nicest people I have ever met all because she slipped in the shower, that's, that's just…."
"Not fair" Meredith finished "You can do this Addison, you're, you're you, you can do it"
"I know I can do it I just don't want too" Addison sighed "Dammit" she whispered.
"You can do this" Meredith said squeezing her shoulder.
"Yeah" Addison sighed "I should, I should go"
"Yeah" Meredith said softly "I'll see you later ok?"
"Ok" Addison nodded, she wiped her eyes and left the bathroom.
~x~
"Hey" Meredith smiled softly as Addison approached her at the nurses station.
"Hi" Addison said quietly "Thank you, for earlier"
"It was nothing, how'd it go?"
"It was, awful" Addison nodded.
"I'm sorry Addison" Meredith said squeezing her arm.
"Hmm" Addison sighed.
"Do you want to go and get drunk or something?" Meredith asked.
"Haven't you got plans with Derek?"
"Me and Derek aren't together" Meredith said quietly "After the appendectomy thing, he ended it so, whatever, now he's camping in the woods with Burke and Mark Sloan is trying to get me in to bed"
"Really?" Addison smirked.
"Yeah" Meredith laughed "I'm not going there though, that wouldn't be a good idea"
"No, it wouldn't" Addison said with a laugh.
"So….wanna get drunk?"
"Sure" Addison smiled.
~x~
"You've never drank tequila, like ever?" Meredith exclaimed as she sat with Addison at Joe's.
"Nope" Addison said shaking her head.
"Oh I am so changing that" Meredith said waving Joe over "Tequila virgin right here, I need salt, lemons, 2 shot glasses, and a bottle of my poison please"
"Done" Joe laughed, he placed a bottle of tequila, 2 shots glasses, a salt shaker and after disappearing into the back for a minute a tray of lemon slices.
"Ok" Meredith said arranging everything in front of them, she poured out two shots "So, you need to wet your hand" Meredith said licking her hand "And then pour the salt on" she said pouring it on, Addison copied her "Ok, now hold a piece of lemon in the same hand" she said picking one up "And the shot in the other" she said holding her glass, she waited for Addison to prepare before speaking again "Ok, you just need to do it fast, salt, shot, lemon, as quickly as you can, after three, one, two, three!" and with that they both licked the salt, took the shot and sucked on the lemon, both finishing with a shudder.
"Jesus, that burns" Addison said shuddering again.
"Exactly" Meredith grinned "Now, it usually takes 6 to get me drunk, so, we could keep going or slow it down, it's up to you"
"I've had a shitty day, let's just go for it" Addison said pouring out some more shots, and they just kept on coming.
"Addison, I'm sorry" Meredith slurred less than an hour later "For the stupid slutty prom sex, I'm sorry"
"Me too" Addison laughed "I was starting to like you, well, I've always liked you, and I don't hate you but, I, I, I, what was I saying?"
"You like me" Meredith teased.
"Right" Addison nodded "That is, what I like, you, I like you"
"I like you too" Meredith said moving closer to her "More tequila?" she whispered.
"Yep" Addison nodded, she grabbed the bottle and poured out two sloppy shots, tequila spilling out onto the bar, Meredith took a piece of lemon and held it in her mouth.
"What are you doing?" Addison laughed, Meredith gestured between the shot and the lemon, Addison licked salt off her hand, took the shot and moved closer to Meredith to suck the lemon, her hand gripping on to Meredith's waist, she pulled away and put a piece of lemon in her own mouth, Meredith licked some salt off her hand, took the shot, and leaned towards Addison's mouth and sucked the lemon, which soon dropped onto the floor leaving lips upon lips, tongues delving into mouths, neither of them noticing the whole bar watching them, they stumbled off their stools, picking up their bags from the floor, their lips were back together as they stumbled out of the bar and straight into a cab, their lips never leaving each others all the way to Meredith's house.
~x~
"Ow" Meredith groaned as she woke the following morning, her eyes fluttered open and she took in her surroundings. Her kitchen. She was naked. On her kitchen floor. She looked down at the arm that was resting on her and followed it to the face of Addison.
"Oh god" she groaned again, and then Addison started shifting with a moan, and their eyes met, and neither knew what to say.
"What the hell did we just do?" Addison whispered, Meredith stood up and gathered their clothes from around the kitchen, passing Addison's to her, they got dressed in silence and sat back on the floor with their backs against the cabinets.
"Do you think anyone knows?" Meredith asked quietly.
"Well I remember doing a tequila shot with the lemon being in your mouth so yeah, I'd say we were probably seen by at least one person we know" Addison replied.
"Right" Meredith whispered "This, this doesn't have to be weird"
Addison just raised an eyebrow at her.
"Oh well of course it's going to be weird, I know that" Meredith sighed "But, we don't have to do the thing, where we talk about it, we got drunk, we had sex, it's that simple, there's no point whining about it"
"You're right" Addison breathed "Let's just, forget it ever happened"
"Fine by me" Meredith nodded.
"I should go" Addison said climbing to her feet and helping Meredith to hers "I need to get some clothes and stuff so, I'll, I'll see you at work I guess"
"You're gonna need a cab Addison" Meredith said simply "I'll call you one"
"Right, thanks" Addison nodded "Can I steal some coffee while I wait?"
"Sure, machines right there, help yourself" Meredith said pointing it out, she left Addison to it and left to call a cab "Should be here in 10 minutes" she said walking back in.
"Thanks" Addison said quietly as she sipped her black coffee with a shudder "How the hell do you drink that much tequila and still function?"
"You're functioning too" Meredith said with a laugh "I'm kind of used to it, the getting drunk on tequila and sleeping with someone inappropriate, not a new thing"
"I have heard" Addison said with a smirk "You broke a guy apparently"
"Ah, yeah" Meredith said with a nervous laugh "That was probably the most awkward case of my surgical career, well, and my first one with you" she said with a smirk "I never said thank you by the way"
"What for?" Addison asked with a frown.
"For sticking up for me, with that patient, I didn't say thank you"
"She was in the wrong, you didn't deserve that, it wasn't your fault, it was his, I knew that"
"Prom was my fault" Meredith said quietly "Well, it was his too but, I, I should've stopped it, I know that, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Addison"
"I know" Addison said softly "God I, I should have just, stepped aside, let him move on"
"You gave him the divorce papers" Meredith said firmly "He told me he was signing them, and then we're at the bar and they're falling out of his bag and, he didn't sign them for a reason Addison, and I begged him to pick me, it was actually a little pathetic, I was all, pick me, choose me, love me, it was pretty humiliating and, I waited, at the bar, I waited for him, and then we were paged and I thought he'd picked me, he told me he went to the bar so I thought that meant…." she said trailing off "But he didn't pick me, he picked you, he chose you, he loved, you, you gave him an out Addison, and he chose not to take it, that isn't on you, that's on him"
Addison opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of the cab pulling up and beeping it's horn "That's, my cab" she stuttered "Goodbye Meredith" she said kissing her cheek "I had a great time, from what I can remember anyway" she said with a laugh.
"Yeah, me too" Meredith said softly, Addison smiled at her a little and then left, Meredith took a breath and moved over to the table, she collapsed down into the chair and rested her head against the cool surface, she knew it was going to be a long day ahead.
~x~
"Just say it" Meredith said simply as she stood in the locker room, her friends all stared at her curiously.
"Why are people saying you were drinking with the ex-She Shepherd all night and then started kissing the hell out of her?" Cristina asked quickly, Meredith just sighed "Holy crap Meredith!" Cristina said with a laugh.
"Oh Mer, what were you thinking?" Izzie laughed.
"You go Grey, she's hot" Alex said winking at her.
"Did you sleep with her?" George asked in a whisper, Meredith just sighed again.
"Just when I think you're getting boring you rise" Cristina said patting her on the shoulder "You do know that everyone probably already knows right?"
"Yes" Meredith said quietly "We're just...forgetting it ever happened, we were drunk, it's not like it meant anything"
"Sure it didn't" Izzie smirked.
"What? What's that supposed to mean?" Meredith exclaimed.
"Oh come on Meredith, this isn't some random guy from a bar, it's not even a guy!" Izzie laughed "It's Addison, she's just, to sleep with Addison it, it must have meant something, no matter how weird it is"
"You guys are insane" Meredith laughed nervously as she walked out of the locker room.
"Ok people, place your bets…." Cristina smirked.
~x~
"When you blew me off for drinks last night I didn't think it was because you had a date with Addison" Meredith heard Mark smirk from behind her, she turned to him with a slight glare.
"New rule" she said tightly "No talking about Addison"
"Sorry but, this is just too good" he said with a laugh "I wonder if Derek knows he's turned his exes gay"
"Correct me if I'm wrong but, weren't you the last person Addison slept with?" Meredith said with a knowing smirk, laughing when Mark's face dropped a little "And we're not gay, we just have very low inhibitions when we're drunk, it's not happening again so, shut up"
"How about we page her to an on-call room to have some real fun" he grinned suggestively.
"Pervert" Meredith said hitting him on the arm with her chart "Just shut up Mark"
"This is just, too good" Mark laughed, Meredith hit him again "Fine, I'm going" he laughed walking away.
~x~
"Oh uh, hey" Meredith stuttered as she walked into the on-call room to see Addison lying on the bed "I'll just...go"
"No, wait" Addison said sitting up "Come in, there are two beds, I don't think we have any reason to be shy around each other now right?"
"Right" Meredith said with a laugh, she shut the door and flopped herself back on the spare bed.
"So…." Addison started "Everyone knows"
"Yep, everyone knows" Meredith sighed "You had the threesome suggestion from Mark yet?"
"Of course" Addison said with a laugh "It's Mark"
"Yeah" Meredith laughed.
"Have you seen him yet?" Addison asked.
"No" Meredith sighed "Have you?"
"No" Addison said simply "I'm sorry"
"What for?" Meredith said looking over to her "You didn't do anything"
"I've screwed up your chances with him, we all know you were going to get back together eventually"
"He left me Addison, twice, he's not allowed to judge me, and, I wouldn't take him back, even if he begged, I can't put myself through that again, I just end up feeling sick, me and you, we did nothing wrong, we went out, got drunk, had fun, laughed harder than either of us have in months, and had some very very good, great, sex, you tell me what's wrong with that"
"How do you know it was great sex?" Addison smirked "We were, so drunk"
"I keep getting little flashes, remembering things" Meredith shrugged "And it was….good...great"
"I know" Addison sighed "I'm getting the little flashes too" she said with a small smile.
"Ugh, I have to go" Meredith groaned as her pager bleeped "We're still good, right?"
"Yeah, we're good" Addison smiled, Meredith stood up and reached over to squeeze Addison's hand before quickly leaving.
~x~
"Joe can I get 3 beers?" Meredith said approaching the bar, leaving Izzie and Cristina to find a table.
"Off the tequila tonight huh?" Joe said with a laugh as he took 3 beer bottles from under the counter.
"Hmm" Meredith smirked "You've seen worse, right?"
"Uh, no actually, you've shot right to the top of the list of inappropriate hook ups with that one Mer"
"Great" Meredith laughed "Thanks Joe" she said taking the beers over to the table.
"Uh-oh" Izzie said quietly.
"What?" asked Cristina.
"Oh look!" Derek slurred stumbling over to the table.
"That" Izzie muttered.
"Oh fuck" Meredith grumbled.
"There she is! The resident slut of Seattle!" Derek exclaimed.
"Derek, you're drunk" Meredith said shakily "Let's get Joe to call you a cab ok?"
"Just tell me one thing Meredith, how was she? Was she good?"
"Derek, shut up" Meredith said standing up in front of him.
"So what was it? A cry for help? Ran out of men you can fuck so you're moving on to women? Y'know, I was right about you, you are a dirty slutty whore" he spat, Meredith reached up and slapped him hard on the face, the whole bar seemed to drop into silence.
"You do not get to judge me" Meredith whispered tearfully "You left me, twice, you have done nothing but hurt me, you say you love me, but you don't, because if you really loved me then you wouldn't be speaking to me like that, and you wouldn't have ended it, I'm moving on, and if that means getting drunk and sleeping with anyone and everyone then I will, it is none of your business" she hissed "Now get your ass in to a cab and go home"
"Meredith…." Derek said quietly.
"I don't want to hear it" Meredith said holding her hand up, Derek just stared at her for a minute before stumbling out of the bar, the room filled with chatter again as Meredith sat back down in her chair.
"Screw it" she mumbled "Joe!" she shouted "Bottle of tequila right here please"
"Mer, I don't think that's a good idea" Izzie said quietly, Meredith glared at her "Ok, whatever you want" Izzie said quickly.
~x~
"Coming! I'm coming!" Addison shouted as someone pounded on her hotel room door, she swung it open and was surprised to see Meredith standing there swaying a little "Meredith" she breathed "What are you doing here? How do you even know where I am? What's wrong?"
"I am here to talk to you" Meredith slurred stumbling into the room, Addison closed the door and guided Meredith to the bed, she walked over to the mini-bar and pulled out a bottle of water pouring some into a glass "And Mark gave me your hotel room number, I called him and he told me, I think he wants a threesome but he ain't getting one" she said with a drunk laugh.
"Meredith, drink this" Addison said handing her the glass of water, Meredith took it and gulped it down with a gasp "Meredith, what's wrong?"
"So, I spoke to Derek!" Meredith exclaimed loudly "He was drunk, very very drunk, he called me a dirty slutty whore, which I am, that's how I met him, got drunk at Joe's and took him home with me, when you showed up I did it again and again and again and again with pretty much every guy that looked my way, and then I tried to be happy with Finn and then Derek called me a whore even though I didn't even sleep with Finn! And then I slept with him at prom and pretty much confirmed my whoriness and it hurt you, and I didn't want to hurt you, I'm really sorry that I hurt you, and now, now I've slept with you, and as much as I enjoyed it, because I did" she said placing a heavy hand on Addison's thigh "I really enjoyed it, I am nothing but a cheap dirty slutty whore, that is all I am, I'm worthless, I'm nothing, nobody wants me, my Dad didn't want me, he wanted a McFuckingPerfect family and I just wasn't good enough, my Mom never wanted me, Derek says he wants me but he really doesn't, nobody wants me Addison because I am a slut, a slutty slutty dirty whore"
"Meredith" Addison said cupping her face and forcing her to look her in the eye "You are not any of those things, you are beautiful and kind and quirky and, fun and, so many things, you are an amazing person Meredith, to go through all of that with your Mom and Dad and Derek and still be this amazing, I don't know how you did it, you are not a whore, you're not, and yeah, I've probably said some horrible things about you in the past but I didn't mean them, I didn't, I was just upset and, Mer, don't do this to yourself, don't say those things, you're an amazing person"
"You're an amazing person too" Meredith breathed.
"Why don't you stay with me tonight"
"Ok" Meredith whimpered, Addison helped her change into something more comfortable, Addison's ratty old 'I Love New York' t-shirt, they climbed under the covers, Addison held Meredith close, her fingers running through her hair.
"You're ok" she whispered kissing the top of her head "You're safe now, I won't let anyone hurt you again, I promise" she said soothingly "I promise you"
Meredith looked up at her with teary eyes, she reached up and kissed Addison's lips softly before snuggling back into her body.
"You're ok, we're ok" Addison whispered "We're ok" and soon enough they were both fast asleep.
~x~
Meredith woke slowly, groaning a little as her hangover hit, she took in a breath and smelled the sweet smell of what she knew to be Addison's perfume.
"Morning" Addison yawned.
"Morning" Meredith said softly.
"When does your shift start?"
"Not til tomorrow, I went way over the 80 hour limit" Meredith yawned.
"Well, I'm gonna, call in sick" Addison said reaching for her phone.
"You don't have to stay with me Addison" Meredith said untangling their bodies "I'll just go home"
"No, stay" Addison said softly "We can watch some crappy movies, eat some crappy food, let's just relax Meredith"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure" Addison smiled "Close your eyes Meredith, let's get some more sleep ok?"
"Ok" Meredith smiled.
~x~
Addison woke to the sound of the shower and an empty bed hours later, and then the sound of Meredith's cell ringing, she looked at the caller id, the word 'Home' flashed on the screen, she took a deep breath and answered "Meredith's phone"
"Addison?" Izzie said with confusion.
"Yeah" Addison said quietly "She's, she's just in the shower"
"Oh" Izzie said simply "Oh good, she disappeared last night at the bar, we did try and call"
"She went pretty much straight to sleep, she was a mess, turned up at my hotel room, started talking about Derek calling her a whore or something, I thought it was best she stayed here, slept it off"
"No, no that's good, you're right, is she ok?"
"Probably has the headache from hell but yeah, she's fine" Addison smiled "Oh uh, I called in sick so, if you go to the hospital, I have the flu ok?"
"Ok" Izzie laughed "So uh is Meredith, staying with you?"
"Yeah we're gonna, have a girly day, movies and crappy food, she needs cheering up I think, she's ok though, I promise"
"I trust you" Izzie smiled "Just get her to call one of us later"
"I will, bye Izzie"
"Bye Addison" Izzie said before hanging up "Oh I am so winning this bet" she smiled to herself.
"Hey" Meredith smiled walking into the room, a towel wrapped around her "Who was that?"
"Izzie, they're worried about you, I told them you were fine"
"Thanks" Meredith smiled "So uh, I just need, my clothes" she said walking over to the bed, Addison tried her hardest not to stare at Meredith's dripping wet skin, but then she leaned over Addison to pick up her shirt and Addison couldn't help but grab her and pull her into a kiss.
"Addison" Meredith whispered against her lips "What are you doing?"
"Shut up" Addison whispered pushing her onto her back.
~x~
"Wow" Meredith gasped.
"I know" Addison breathed.
"Seriously that was...wow!"
"I know!"
They looked at each other and burst out laughing, cutting each other off with a kiss.
"That was incredible" Addison grinned "You're just, incredible"
"Mmm, so are you" Meredith said kissing Addison's neck "We can't blame it on alcohol anymore"
"I know" Addison smirked "Just my lack of self control when you're wearing nothing but a towel"
"This is true" Meredith said with a laugh "Oh god what are we doing?"
"Enjoying ourselves" Addison said kissing her "You had a good time, right?"
"Addison, I've had a lot of sex…."
"Meredith…"
"No listen" Meredith said cutting her off "I've had a lot of sex, it's not a secret, it's a fact, but that, that was, so different, I've never felt so much emotion and, and honesty and, and love and had so much fun at the same time, I could feel it everywhere, in my head and my toes and my heart, I could feel it everywhere, and you did that, you made me feel again"
"You made me feel again too" Addison whispered kissing her softly "The emotion and honesty and love and fun, you made me feel, like you wanted me, not like I'm a substitute"
"You're not a substitute" Meredith said stroking her cheek "And I did want you, I do, I just can't get enough of you, I can't, I can't describe what I'm feeling for you right now Addie, I just know that, I don't want to let you go"
"I don't want to let you go either" Addison said bringing her hand up to meet Meredith's, their fingers linking together against her face.
"This is insane" Meredith said with a laugh.
"Yeah, it is" Addison laughed "Wanna do it again?"
Meredith answered with a kiss.
~x~
"Do you have to go?" Addison said sadly as she stood at her hotel room door with Meredith.
"You'll see me in the morning" Meredith laughed kissing her softly "We both need sleep and if I stay, don't really see a lot of that going on do you?" she smirked.
"That's the point" Addison whispered kissing her a little deeper "Call me when you get home ok?"
"Ok" Meredith smiled "Bye Addie"
"Bye" Addison smiled, they shared one last kiss before Meredith turned to leave "Mer" Addison shouted after her, Meredith turned back.
"Yeah?"
"I, what, what is this? Us? What, what are we?" Addison stuttered nervously, Meredith stepped closer and placed a soft kiss on Addison's lips.
"I'm in this if you are" Meredith smiled.
"I'm in" Addison said kissing her "I'm so in"
~x~
"Hey" Meredith beamed walking into the kitchen.
"Hey" Izzie and George smiled.
"How's your head?" George asked.
"Oh" Meredith said slightly taken aback "It's, it's fine, it doesn't even hurt anymore"
"So uh, what movies did you watch?" Izzie asked.
"Um" Meredith started "Uh, just, movies, lots of, movies" she stuttered.
"Dammit" George groaned pulling out his wallet and handing Izzie $20 dollars.
"Thank you" Izzie grinned "So Mer, how was the sex?"
"I hate that you know me so well" Meredith grumbled sitting down on one of the chairs "And it was, incredible, like the best, ever"
"She's the best? Ever?" George said raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah" Meredith smiled "I thought I'd miss the penis but, god, I forgot all about that, I'm pretty sure I forgot my own name at one point, and blacked out, she's just, incredible, her fingers and her tongue and…."
"Whoa there Meredith" Izzie laughed "Too much information"
"Sorry" Meredith said sheepishly "Oh, I said I'd call her" she said pulling out her phone and dialing Addison's number.
"Hey honey" Addison answered happily.
"Hi baby, just calling to say I'm home" Meredith smiled, George turned to Izzie and mouthed 'Baby?', Izzie just shrugged at him.
"Good" Addison smiled "I miss you already, is that sad?"
"No" Meredith laughed "Because I miss you too, already"
"I can't wait to kiss you again"
"Hmm, I can't wait either" Meredith smiled biting her lip a little "I'll talk to you later ok?"
"Ok, bye Mer"
"Bye Addie" Meredith smiled before closing her phone, she laughed a little at George and Izzie's slightly stunned faces "So we're together now, get over it, I'm happy"
"Whatever you say Meredith" George laughed.
~x~
"Hey" Meredith smiled approaching Addison on the walkway the following day.
"Hey" Addison smiled kissing her softly "Are you ok?"
"All the better for seeing you" Meredith teased.
"Have you always been this cheesy?" Addison smirked.
"No" Meredith laughed "I'm good, missed you though, I tried calling this morning"
"I got paged" Addison said as she played with Meredith's fingers "What time does your shift finish?"
"7 tomorrow morning" Meredith said with a groan.
"Come to the hotel, I have the morning off so we can spend it in bed" Addison grinned.
"I'll be exhausted and cranky"
"I know" Addison said softly "I just want to hold you Mer" she whispered kissing her again, her hands slipped under the bottom of Meredith's shirt, resting on her hips, her thumbs moving softly against her warm skin.
"Ok" Meredith smiled biting her lip a little "Everyone's staring at us" she mumbled glancing at the various doctors and nurses who walked past.
"Are you surprised?" Addison laughed.
"No" Meredith smirked "I just don't want us to be stared at for the rest of our lives" Addison's hands stopped moving "I uh, I just meant that uh" Meredith stuttered "I didn't mean that um, not the way it, I uh…." Meredith was cut off by Addison's lips on hers.
"It's ok" she whispered.
"It, it is?" Meredith stuttered.
"Yeah, it is" Addison nodded "Look I, I don't know where this is going, I don't know where these feelings came from but, I haven't felt this way about someone in, a very long time, and if this fizzles out or gets too weird then that's ok, and if we end up together for the rest of our lives then that's ok too, let's not worry about tomorrow, let's focus on right now, ok?"
"Ok" Meredith smiled.
"Ok" Addison smiled back.
~x~
"Dr Shepherd, I need you on a consult if you have time" Addison said popping her head into the research room, Derek nodded a little and gathered up his charts, he went to exit but Addison grabbed his wrist.
"I don't care how drunk you were, if I find out you ever speak to her like that again I will hurt you" she said firmly "I know how strange this all seems, I know that, and so does she, but she is not a whore, and she doesn't deserve all the crap you've been giving her"
"Are you messing with her? Is that what this is? Some kind of sick revenge?" Derek asked.
"The fact that you need to ask me that makes me question if you ever really knew me Derek" Addison sighed "I want her, she wants me, it's that simple, I'm not expecting us all to be best friends but us being together doesn't give you the right to talk to her like that!" she exclaimed "And I'm not kidding, I will hurt you" she said before letting his wrist go "Follow me Dr Shepherd"
~x~
"Addie" Meredith laughed as she lay in and on-call room with Addison later that day "You seriously threatened him?"
"Yes" Addison said simply "He's not allowed to speak to you like that Mer"
"Well yeah but, you didn't have to threaten him, I can handle Derek"
"I know" Addison said softly, her hand coming to Meredith's cheek "I just wanted to, protect you"
"Thank you" Meredith whispered kissing her deeply "I'm here to protect you too y'know, if you ever need me too, I might be tiny but I can kick ass"
"Thanks Mer" Addison laughed.
"Anytime" Meredith grinned.
~x~
6 months later.
"Hey, you coming to Joe's tonight?" Cristina asked as she met Meredith in the locker room.
"I can't, it's mine and Addie's 6 month anniversary" Meredith smiled "We're going for dinner"
"6 months? Who celebrates 6 months?"
"2 people who weren't even expected to last 6 days" Meredith smirked "I'm, I'm thinking of asking her to move in with me"
"Already?"
"You moved in with Burke after about 6 months" Meredith replied "And she might have the money but she pays for the hotel and she's hardly ever there, and if she is I'm with her, so what's the point?"
"I guess you're right" Cristina nodded "Have you told her the other thing yet?"
"No" Meredith said shaking her head a little "I will, tonight, I'll do it tonight"
"Sure you will" Cristina smirked.
~x~
"I wish we could do that more often" Addison sighed as herself and Meredith walked into Meredith's bedroom "I hate our job sometimes"
"I know, me too" Meredith sighed, she reached up and kissed Addison softly "But lets just concentrate on tonight ok?"
"Ok" Addison smiled kissing her.
"Addie?" Meredith said softly.
"Yeah honey?" Addison said stroking her hair a little.
"I, there's, there's something I've been, wanting to say, for quite a while now" Meredith stuttered "And, and I don't know how you're going to, take it, I just, I have to say it now"
"Is something wrong?" Addison frowned "You can tell me anything Mer, you know that"
"Addison I, I love you" Meredith whispered, Addison let a grin spread across her face.
"Was that it?" she asked.
"Yeah" Meredith nodded, Addison laughed a little and kissed her softly "I love you too Meredith Grey, so much"
"You do?" Meredith whispered.
"I do" Addison smiled.
"Good" Meredith said hugging her tightly, Addison's chin resting on the top of her head "Wanna move in?"
"Ok" Addison said instantly.
"Ok" Meredith smiled.
~x~
1 month later.
"How, how do you feel about kids?" Addison stuttered as she lay on the sofa with Meredith.
"How do I feel about them? Well, they're cute, and small, and why?" Meredith asked curiously.
"No I mean, how do you feel about, having kids" Addison sighed.
"Oh" Meredith said simply "Well uh, I've never really, thought about it"
"Right" Addison breathed.
"Addison?" Meredith said after a few minutes of quiet "You were asking because you want kids weren't you"
"Yeah" Addison whispered "I was, it's just, since the divorce, I've, I've been thinking more and more about it, my best friend from med school, Naomi, she lives in LA, she's a fertility specialist, and after the divorce I was, going to go out there, but then we started and I just, put it aside, but, I just, it's nothing, it's fine"
"Addie" Meredith said turning to face her "What exactly are you saying here?"
"I want a baby" Addison whispered "I really, really want a baby"
"Well I, I'm not ready, right now I'm not ready but, in 3 months, my intern year will be over, and we'll have 2 weeks of freedom, so, ask me again in 3 months, ok?"
"But, what, what will you say in 3 months?"
"I don't know" Meredith said honestly "But now I know how you feel, I can get myself ready, I want to be ready, because, I love you, and if it's what you want then, I'll get myself ready"
"I love you" Addison whispered kissing her softly.
"I love you too" Meredith smiled softly.
~x~
3 months later.
"Hey" Addison smiled as Meredith walked into her office "So…."
"Passed" Meredith smiled holding up her results.
"I knew you'd do it" Addison smiled standing up and hugging her tightly "Well done honey"
"Thanks" Meredith said softly "Ask me"
"What?" Addison frowned.
"Ask me"
"Oh" Addison whispered "Meredith, do you want to have a baby with me?"
Meredith smiled at her and pulled out a small baby hat from her pocket, placing it in Addison's hand.
"Meredith" she breathed, tears springing to her eyes.
"I was thinking we should drive down" Meredith smiled "Go on a road trip"
"Meredith" Addison whispered "Are you sure?"
"I'm certain" Meredith smiled.
"So we're, we're going to do it, we're going to, have a baby?"
"We're going to have a baby" Meredith smiled kissing her softly "I'm still scared, and I don't know if I'll be good at this, but I'll try, for you I'll try, because I love you, and I want my whole life to be with you, so if you want a baby, we'll have a baby"
"I love you so so much" Addison whispered kissing her "So much"
"Well, I, I have to go, find Cristina, get ready for the wedding but, tonight, we're celebrating" Meredith smiled kissing her again "I love you"
"I love you too" Addison smiled.
~x~
4 days later.
"How is she?" Addison asked as Meredith finished talking to Cristina on the phone.
"She wants to kill Izzie already" Meredith said with a laugh "But she's good"
"I can't believe Burke did that" Addison sighed.
"Me either" Meredith said sadly "I want to kill him"
"I would've understood if you wanted to go with her" Addison said softly "You still can, you don't have to be here"
"How can you say that?" Meredith asked "Addie this, this is my child too, it might be growing inside you, it might not have my genes but, this baby is mine too, at least that's how I feel, do you, do you not feel like that?"
"God Mer of course I do, it's just she's your person" Addison sighed "I would've understood"
"You're my person too" Meredith said squeezing her hand "I wouldn't miss this, I'm not going to miss any of this, I want to be at every scan and every appointment, I'll let you squeeze my hand off when your in labor, I want to be there"
"If it works, if I get pregnant, we need to call a lawyer, get the adoption papers sorted, your, your adopting them right?"
"Of course I am" Meredith smiled.
"Good" Addison smiled "So, here we are" she said stopping the car "You ready?"
"I'm ready" Meredith smiled.
~x~
"So…." Meredith breathed "What happens now?"
"We wait" Naomi said simply "I'd recommend 12 days before you take a test"
"I'm more scared than I thought I'd be" Addison said shakily.
"We can do this Addie" Meredith said squeezing her hand tightly "We can do this"
"I know" Addison sighed "I know we can, I love you" she said kissing her softly.
"I love you too" Meredith smiled "I'm gonna go call Cristina, I told her I'd let her know what was going on"
"Ok, I'd say send her my love but she'd probably bite my head off" Addison said with a laugh.
"Probably" Meredith laughed, she stood up and pressed her lips to Addison's forehead before leaving Naomi's office, Addison sat back with a content sigh.
"Oh my god look at you" Naomi laughed.
"What?" Addison smirked.
"You really love her, like, really really love her"
"Yeah, I really really love her" Addison smiled "I have to pinch myself sometimes, just to make sure it's all real, we get how strange it is, we really do, but we don't even think about it anymore, only when, only when Derek's around, Mark, Mark is ok, Mark's been great, really supportive, I think it's because he wants a threesome" she laughed "But he's been great, and Derek, I don't think he'll ever get over it, I didn't really expect him too but, I don't know, I'm just tired of stepping on egg shells around him, I feel like I can't even touch her when he's near us, he still acts like we're playing some sort of game"
"Well maybe this will change his mind, cuz this is no game Addie, this is forever" Naomi said softly.
"Yeah" Addison breathed "Forever"
~x~
12 days later.
"I guess I should take the fact that I feel sick as a good thing huh?" Addison breathed as she sat on the edge of the bed with a pregnancy test in her hand.
"Right" Meredith said with a laugh "I have a good feeling about this Addie, I really do, and bad or good, my feelings are always right"
"Oh god I can't look" Addison said shakily.
"After three" Meredith said softly "One...two...three"
Addison turned the pregnancy test over "Oh my god" she whispered "It worked"
"It worked?"
"It worked!" Addison laughed "Oh my god, it worked, I'm, I'm pregnant"
"Yeah" Meredith said with a laugh "You are" she smiled slipping her hand across Addison's stomach "Our baby's in there Addie" Meredith whispered.
"Our baby" Addison grinned.
~x~
4 months pregnant.
"Hey" Meredith smiled as she walked towards Addison at the nurses station, Derek was stood to one side of her as they'd always managed to keep it professional, but she could still feel him tense up everytime all 3 of them were together.
"Hey" Addison smiled kissing her softly.
"How are you feeling?" Meredith asked as Addison leaned against the counter next to her.
"Really good actually" Addison breathed "This no more morning sickness thing is great" she said with a laugh, Derek's head instantly snapped up from his chart.
"Good" Meredith smiled "I was thinking, maybe we could get one of those at home doppler things, so we can hear the heartbeat whenever we want"
"Sounds great honey" Addison said kissing her again "What time are you going to be home?"
"About 7 maybe, I'll bring some Italian with me"
"And some…."
"Chocolate ice-cream I know" Meredith smirked "I'll see you at home ok?"
"See you at home" Addison smiled, Meredith kissed her again, her hand rubbing against Addison's bump under her oversized shirt "Bye" she whispered.
"Bye" Addison smiled, she watched as Meredith walked away before turning back to her chart with a content sigh.
"You're pregnant" Derek said quietly "Why didn't I know you were pregnant?"
"Because you obviously don't listen to the Seattle Grace gossip trail" Addison sighed "I'm 4 months, we went to see Naomi after the intern tests"
"You're really serious about this, about, her"
"Derek, we've been together for over a year, do you really think we'd do that if we weren't serious about this? We got it, you ignoring us, at first we got it, but then it was our 6 month anniversary, and then 7, 8, 9, 10, the months just kept on coming Derek, and then it just started to piss us off, because you have no right to be mad, we didn't cheat, it wasn't sordid, it just happened, and we're sorry that you got hurt but it's time to get a grip now, it took us a long time to get to where we are, and we're happy, I'm not expecting us all to suddenly be best friends, but, a little more than professional would be nice, I don't regret us Derek, me and you, I loved you for over a decade of my life, I'll never forget that, I feel like you're not you anymore, I feel like I don't even, know you"
"I feel like I don't even know me" Derek sighed "I guess I've just, lost my way a little, but I uh, I met a girl, Rose, she's a scrub nurse, and we're just, seeing what happens, she's, she's helping me, find my way again"
"Well that's great Derek" Addison smiled "I'm really happy for you"
"I'm happy for you too" Derek said softly "Congratulations Addie, you're going to be a great Mom, and, and Meredith, you're going to be, great"
"Thank you Derek" Addison smiled "So we're, ok?"
"We're ok" Derek smiled.
~x~
8 months pregnant.
"Shouldn't you be at home?" Derek asked as he stood behind Addison at the nurses station causing her to jump up a little.
"Don't do that!" she exclaimed turning around and hitting him on the arm "And no, I shouldn't be at home, I should be here, working"
"You're maternity leave started last week and even that was too late" he smirked "Does Meredith know you're here?"
"No, and she doesn't need to know, she's in surgery with Bailey for the next 7 hours"
"You're on maternity leave for a reason Addison"
"Shut up" Addison mumbled "It's boring at home, the house is empty all day and I just sit their eating my way through a tub of chocolate ice cream and watching crappy movies, I don't do days off Derek you know that"
"Addison, you are eight months pregnant, you of all people should know right now you need to be at home, relaxing"
"But…."
"Addison" he said with a laugh "Look, I'm finished for the day, do you need me to drive you?"
"Ok" Addison mumbled.
~x~
"Hey" Meredith said softly as she walked into her bedroom that night to find Addison sat up reading a book.
"Hey" Addison said with a smile, putting the book down on her bedside table "Have a good day?"
"Yeah" Meredith smiled as she changed into her pajamas, she climbed onto the bed next to Addison and kissed her softly, her hand instantly coming to Addison's bump "So, I got an interesting voicemail from Derek"
"That little…." Addison muttered "He told on me didn't he"
"Addie" Meredith said with a laugh "Why did you even try? I have spies" she smirked.
"I know" Addison grumbled "I'm just so bored" she sighed.
"Well, it's a good thing my maternity leave started today then huh" Meredith said kissing her softly.
"What?" Addison frowned "I didn't think you were having any time off until the baby was born? I was in the room when we organized it all!"
"Well I went back in the room after" Meredith said with a slight laugh "I knew you'd get like this, bored and anxious and, annoyed that you can't really do anything with our beautiful daughter in here" she said reaching down and kissing Addison's bump "So I'm taking the time off"
"I love you" Addison said tearfully "Sorry it's just, hormones" she said waving her hands aimlessly.
"I know baby" Meredith said softly "I love you too, not long now and she'll be here"
"I'm so scared" Addison said shakily.
"What of?" Meredith asked wiping tears from Addison's cheeks.
"Of something going wrong" Addison said quietly "I've seen some things Meredith, some really bad things, and, if something goes wrong then…."
"Hey, hey don't think like that Addie" Meredith said kissing her softly "You've also seen hundreds of deliveries go perfectly well, just breathe, it's ok, just breathe" Addison sucked in deeply and let out a heavy breath "That's it" Meredith said softly "Everything's going to be fine, I promise"
"I'm just really tired" Addison sighed.
"Just close your eyes baby" Meredith said stroking her cheek a little "I'll be right here when you wake up, I love you"
"I love you too" Addison yawned, she moved down a little on the bed and closed her eyes, it didn't take long for her to fall asleep.
~x~
2 weeks later.
"Meredith" Addison called out shakily from where she sat on the sofa, Meredith skidded into the room "My water just broke" Addison whispered "Oh god" she groaned as a contraction hit her.
"Ok, it's ok, just breathe" Meredith said softly "Have you had any other contractions?"
"There was a twinge about 20 minutes ago" Addison said with a breath.
"Ok, just try and relax, I'll be right back" Meredith said running up the stairs, she came back with another pair of sweats, she helped Addison change into them, she took her hand and helped her into the car, she moved back into the house and grabbed the bag they had packed, dialing Izzie's number "Hi Iz, look, we need a delivery room ready in 15 minutes"
"Delivery room? What do you need a….oh my god!" Izzie exclaimed "She's in labour?"
"Yeah" Meredith said with a slight laugh "Get Callie to come and meet us in the lobby with a wheelchair ok?"
"Ok, done, Mer I, I'm proud of you" Izzie said with a small smile.
"Iz save all the emotional crap for later, Addison looks like she's about to kill me, see you soon, bye!" Meredith said snapping her phone shut as she climbed into the car, putting the bag on the back seat "Izzie's making sure there's a room ready for us when we get there and Callie's going to meet us in the lobby, how are you feeling?"
"How do you think I'm feeling?" Addison hissed.
"Hey, hey look at me" Meredith said cupping her face "I know it hurts, I know that but, when it's over we're going to have our daughter ok? So just breathe, I love you, and I am so proud of you, and I know we can do this, I know we can"
"I know we can too" Addison said tearfully "I love you" she whispered as Meredith's lips came to hers "Now get me to the hospital, I need drugs"
"Ok, let's go" Meredith smiled as she started the car.
~x~
7 hours later.
"I can't get over how perfect she is" Meredith said quietly as she walked slowly next to Addison's bed, rocking their hour old baby girl in her arms "She just, she's so beautiful"
"I know" Addison breathed "I think she's a Lucy" she said softly "Lucy Elizabeth Forbes Montgomery-Grey"
"I think it's perfect" Meredith smiled "This just, doesn't feel real, I, I never thought in a million years I'd be a Mom and, now I am and, it just feels so, right, I love her so much, and I love her Mommy too, so so much" she said glancing up at Addison.
"I love you too" Addison smiled "Mer, marry me"
"Really?" Meredith said with a whisper.
"When we take Lucy out to LA, I think, it's the perfect opportunity to, get married, I just, I want us to be a proper official family, with the same last name and, if you don't want to then that's fine but…"
"I want too" Meredith said perching on the edge of the bed and kissing her softly "I really want too, it sounds perfect doesn't it Lucy" she smiled "You can come and watch me and Mommy get married and we can even get you your own special Maid of Honor dress, yeah" she said with a slight laugh as Lucy blinked up at her "And maybe" she said kissing Addison again "We could think about leaving Lucy with her Aunty Nae and having a very hot wedding night" she grinned.
"I think that could be arranged" Addison whispered against her lips, they pulled apart at the sound of a knock on the door, Meredith calling out for them to enter.
"Hey" Derek said popping his head into the room "Is it ok to come meet her? It's just me and Rose, everyone else has been dragged into surgery"
"Of course, come on in" Meredith smiled softly.
"Hey" Rose smiled "Congratulations"
"Thank you" Addison smiled.
"Here" Meredith said slowly passing Lucy over to Derek "Lucy, meet Uncle Derek, Derek, meet Lucy Elizabeth"
"Wow she's beautiful guys" he smiled.
"She really is" Rose said softly as she peered over his shoulder "How are you feeling Addison?"
"Really sore and like I want to sleep for 3 days" Addison said with a slight laugh "But, fantastic" she smiled "I can't stop smiling"
"I can see why" Derek smiled "She looks just like you" he said softly.
"She's going to be a mini-Addison, I can tell" Rose smiled.
"Good luck Mer" Derek smirked.
"Shut up" Addison said dryly.
"Leave my fiancé alone" Meredith said kissing Addison's temple.
"Your what?" Derek asked.
"We just got engaged" Addison said with a slight grin "We're thinking when we take Lucy out to LA"
"You know Izzie will kill you for that right?" he smirked.
"Probably" Meredith said with a slight laugh "But we want it to be just us"
"Just us" Addison said kissing her hand "I love you"
"I love you too" Meredith whispered kissing her softly.
"We'll leave you 3 alone" Rose said softly, nudging Derek so he passed Lucy over to Meredith.
"She's perfect" Derek said kissing both of their cheeks "I'm, I'm proud of you, both of you"
"Thank you Derek" Meredith said softly, Derek smiled at them before taking Rose's hand and leading her from the room.
"Did you ever think we'd get here?" Addison asked quietly.
"Never" Meredith replied "But I couldn't be happier that we did"
"Me either" Addison smiled before yawning a little.
"Get some sleep" Meredith said softly "I've got this"
"Are you sure?" Addison asked.
"I'm sure" Meredith said kissing her softly "Sweet dreams baby"
"I love you" Addison whispered "Thank you so much"
"For what?" Meredith asked.
"For doing this, even though you were scared, thank you for doing it anyway, thank you for, being here"
"I'm not going anywhere" Meredith said softly "Close your eyes Addie, we'll be right here when you wake up"
"Ok" Addison smiled, Meredith kissed her once more before letting Addison fall asleep.
"Your Mommy's pretty amazing huh?" she said quietly to Lucy "I hope I'll be good at this Lucy, I really do, because I love you both so much, and I never want to lose you, I'll never leave you, I promise you, I'm right here my beautiful girl, I'm right here" she kissed Lucy's forehead softly before simply relaxing at the soft sounds of her family sleeping.
~x~
1 year later.
"There she is, my beautiful birthday girl" Meredith said as Addison approached her at the nurses station with Lucy in her arms, Lucy outstretched her arms to Meredith and giggled, Meredith accepted her and kissed her face causing Lucy to giggle louder "Hi baby" she smiled kissing Addison "How was your morning?"
"Good" Addison smiled "Lucy ate all her breakfast didn't you sweetie"
"You did?" Meredith said tickling Lucy a little "Good girl, Mama's sorry she couldn't be there to wake up with you on your birthday Luce, but now we're going to go to the park and play on the swings and then we're going to go home, and open all of your presents, does that sounds good angel?"
"Mamama" Lucy babbled kissing Meredith's face.
"I'll take that as a yes" Meredith laughed.
"Hey" Derek smiled as he approached them "Hey birthday girl" he cooed to Lucy "I can't believe she's one already"
"Me either" Addison said with a slight whisper, a small tear coming to her eye.
"She's been doing this a lot" Meredith said with a slight laugh "Honey, she's 1, she's not leaving for college"
"Oh shut up" Addison said hitting her on the arm "She's my baby"
"I know" Meredith said kissing her softly "Here, take her, I'll just go and get out of these scrubs and then I'm all set, I'll be right back angel" she said kissing Lucy's forehead as she passed her to Addison, she kissed Addison and then Derek's cheek before heading towards the residents lounge.
"You ok?" Derek asked.
"I'm great" Addison smiled "I just, didn't think we'd ever get here y'know, when we first got together, I didn't think we'd end up here"
"I don't think any of us did" Derek said with a slight laugh "But we're happy you did, we're, happy that you're all so happy"
"We're happy that you're happy too" Addison said softly "I'm going to take this one to see some Aunts and Uncles, they'll kill me if they know she's been here and they didn't get to see her" she laughed.
"This is true" Derek smirked "Bye Addie, bye Lucy" he said tickling her a little.
"Bye Uncle Derek" Addison said waving Lucy's hand, she laughed a little and kissed her cheek before heading down the hallway in search of more of her crazy surrogate family.
~x~
"What?" Meredith asked as she lay in bed next to Addison that night, Addison's eyes fixed on her, Lucy sleeping against her chest.
"Nothing" Addison smiled "I'm just, looking at my beautiful girls"
"Oh" Meredith said quietly "Well, you're not too bad yourself" she grinned "I should probably put her in the nursery"
"No just, leave her for a second, she looks, peaceful" Addison said softly, she shuffled closer to Meredith and wrapped and arm over her body, kissing her softly "I love you" she whispered.
"I love you too" Meredith said with a small smile "Addie, I was thinking, maybe we could, think about, having another baby, one day"
"Really?" Addison asked with a slight whisper.
"Yeah" Meredith smiled "I was thinking when Lucy turns 2, we could head out to LA again, and maybe this time, I could have the baby"
"Are you sure? Because you don't have to do that, I can do it again if…"
"I want too" Meredith said softly "I want to have a baby"
"Ok then" Addison smiled "Ok well, that sounds, great"
"Ok" Meredith smiled back "Well, let me put this one to bed, and then we can, celebrate"
"Ok" Addison said with a slight laugh, Meredith stood up holding Lucy against her, she moved out of the room and into the nursery, she put Lucy in her crib before moving back into the bedroom and climbing on top of Addison, kissing her firmly on the lips, she sat back a little and lifted her shirt off.
"Hmm, this is the perfect way to celebrate" Addison said leaning forward and kissing Meredith's skin "I love you"
"I love you too" Meredith breathed out, she let out a slight squeal when Addison flipped them over.
"Sshh" Addison giggled "You'll wake her up"
"Sorry" Meredith laughed, Addison cut her off with a kiss, their tongues finding each other, Meredith let out a slight moan into Addison's mouth.
"Addie" she whispered.
"What?" Addison whispered back.
"Don't ever leave me"
"I'll never leave you" Addison said linking their fingers together "I promise you, I will never leave you"
"Good, because you're stuck with me" Meredith said with a small smile "I'm not going anywhere"
"I know" Addison said brushing their lips together again "Let me take care of you tonight baby"
"I'm right here" Meredith whispered back, after they made love to each other they fell asleep in each others arms, dreaming of a future they never thought they'd have.
End.
A/N: One last thing before you click the review button (*hinthint*) I recently made a fan video for this beautiful pairing, if you go to YouTube and search kellylouiseyeahx you'll find all of my videos :)