Author's note

This M-rated story was written as part of the Sybil x Tom fandom Secret Santa fic exchange, convened on Tumblr by repmet (thank you for organising it!).

I received a prompt from dorkout as part of that fic exchange, where she requested Sybil and Tom be married to other people and having an affair, with various other complications for our lovely pair to deal with as well. Here is the result of that prompt. I had originally thought I could contain it in a one-shot, but in the end I had to split it, as it became a bit of an epic story, the longest I have ever written in one hit.

Dorkout - my friend, I hope you enjoy my version of the story you asked for, and I wish you a wonderful Christmas and New Year! There's plenty of angst and sexytimes ahead, as you might expect with a prompt like this one.

I will be ready to publish part 2 soon so there won't be long to wait for the conclusion. As always, I would love to know what you think!

Summer 1920 – Hyde Park

"The battle isn't over! The Act doesn't go far enough! Do men really think we will be satisfied that they have granted the vote to women over 30, who meet certain property requirements, when men over 21 can vote regardless of the property they own?"

The speaker was on fire, and Sybil felt herself caught up in the excitement of the crowd in Hyde Park. Here I am, at last, at the heart of the struggle for women's rights, as I always dreamed! She found her mind drifting back to an afternoon long ago, in a car on the way to order a new dress, when a certain Irish chauffeur had spoken to her for the first time. A man who was passionate about the causes he believed in, who had seen beyond the class barriers to realise she was desperate to learn more about the world around her, to make a difference, and who wanted to help her do that. A man who seemed to know her better than her own family ever had, and who had become her dearest friend.

And then, that afternoon in York. She had been so surprised by his passionate declaration, and her upbringing had led her to say no to him, because she was afraid to think about what saying yes might mean. If only he'd given me a bit more time to realise my stupid mistake… She had been shaken to the core when she came home from her nursing training to find he had left his post at Downton Abbey, never to be heard from again.

She sighed and turned to leave. As she headed for the gate, she tripped on a clump of grass, and felt a hand grab her own, pulling her up. She looked into her rescuer's eyes, eyes she would have known anywhere, and gasped...

Tom was standing near the back of the crowd, taking notes for a story he was working on. As the speech ended, he put his notebook away in his pocket. He saw someone stumbling towards him and instinct made him reach out to take her hand and stop her fall. As she stood up, he couldn't believe his eyes… the face that haunted his dreams was before him, lovelier than ever. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth –

"Tom, is it really you?"

She called me Tom! "Milady, yes, it's me. How are you? Are you all right?"

"Quite well, thank you Tom, and how about you?"

"I'm well too, thank you for asking, milady. So – what brings you to London?"

"Please call me Sybil, Tom – none of that silly stuff matters between us. We spend most of our time in London at my husband's home – he finds country life doesn't suit him."

Her husband… Tom felt as if he had been kicked in the gut.

"I hadn't heard you were married, Sybil – congratulations."

"Thank you – yes, after the war, my parents held an Armistice ball at Downton Abbey and invited a lot of their old friends, including the Duke of Favisham and his eldest son. I had met Charles before, during my season in London, and he had been very attentive to me back then, so it didn't take him long to propose to me. We were married early last year."

"Do you have any children?"

"A little boy – Charles, he's nearly six months old now. How about you, Tom – are you married?"

"Yes – I was married in 1917, to a Dublin girl I met down here not long after I arrived. We have a daughter, Brigid, she'll be three before too long."

"How wonderful for you, Tom. Being a parent is so much more fulfilling than I had ever dreamed it could be. Somehow, it almost makes up for…"

She blushed and looked down. He dared to put his finger under her chin, to bring her face back up to his, because he needed to see her eyes.

"Sybil, what do you mean, it almost makes up for…?"

"Please don't ask me, Tom. It's all far too late to think about what might have been. I should go. It was lovely seeing you again …"

Their eyes locked – they hadn't seen each other since that fateful afternoon in York, but for both of them it seemed as if not a moment had gone by. He thought he saw something in her face that drove him to take a huge risk, one that he knew he should not take. He took her hand –

"Can I take you out for tea somewhere, one afternoon?"

She hesitated – she knew she ought to say no, but something in her heart compelled her to do the opposite…

Two weeks later – Shepherd Market

Sybil hurried through the crowd. Was he there? Had he come?

She knew that, if Tom did come today, there would be no turning back. Since their reunion in Hyde Park, they had met at a café a couple of times, catching up on each other's lives during the last few years. He learned about her experiences working as a nurse, a job she said she hoped to pick up again "one day, if circumstances allow", and she heard of his new career as a journalist, writing for a progressive paper on social and political issues. They also talked about the kinds of subjects they used to discuss in the early days of their friendship – the continuing struggle for freedom in Ireland, women's rights and how things were changing in the post-War world. Up to that point, nothing had happened between them that they could not tell their families about, on the surface at least.

But the last time they said goodbye to each other, things had changed when he had impulsively taken her hand and kissed it. When his lips touched her skin, both of them had felt the hidden charge between them surge to the surface, like a mine exploding from the depths of the ocean. Once he raised his head and their eyes met, neither of them could look away. They crossed the Rubicon together in that moment.

After that, it all came down to practicalities. Tom knew of a little pub not far from Sybil's home in Mayfair, and they had arranged to meet there this time, instead of at the café. There was one big difference – the pub had rooms where they could be alone...

She glimpsed the top of his head through the crowd and her heart turned over in her chest – she could hardly breathe from excitement. Heedless of convention and not caring who might see her, she threw herself into his arms when she reached him, holding onto him as tightly as she could, a catch in her voice as she spoke –

"Tom, oh Tom…"

He tightened his arms around her, pressing a kiss into her hair. She looked up at him, lips slightly parted, tears glowing in her eyes as one hand came up to touch his cheek. He leaned into her hand and she felt a shudder of longing travel up and down her spine. Conflicting emotions of love and guilt were warring in her heart – I know I should not be here, I should not be doing this! But I know now that Tom is the love of my life – this is how it always should have been.

Slowly, gently, giving them both one last chance to change their minds, he leaned down to her. He pulled her closer as his mouth found hers, and they kissed for the first time. The world stopped turning for both of them then – lost in each other, eyes closed, her hands coming up around his neck, his arms tightening around her back, drawing her into him...

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Tom whispered.

Sybil nodded, taking his offered hand and following him through a low door behind the main room of the pub. They climbed the stairs to an ill-lit corridor and he led her to a door about half way along it. He took a key from his pocket to open that door, revealing a small room with very little furniture apart from a double bed, a chest of drawers and a wash stand. Then, he picked her up and carried her over the threshold – somehow to him, it felt like the right thing to do – before putting her gently down on the bed and going round to the other side, closing and locking the door as he went.

Feeling a little awkward at the enormity of what lay before them, they took off their shoes and hats. She unpinned her hair, leaving the pins by the bed and letting the glossy brown tresses fall down over her shoulders, while he shrugged off his jacket. They lay down next to each other, looking at the ceiling.

He was the first to turn to her, rolling onto his side and leaning down to find her lips with his. As they kissed again, the floodgates opened – being alone in this room, knowing that no-one knew where they were, gave them for a little while an illusion of freedom, making them feel that there was nothing to stop them being together like this, as they both longed so fiercely to be. She opened her mouth to him and he could not help moaning as his tongue moved in to find hers, his hands tangling in her hair, her arms reaching up to pull him down to her...

Dress and slip, shirt and trousers – all were soon scattered on the floor, leaving them in only their underwear, his chest now bare. His eyes widened as he saw what she was wearing under her clothes, and he reached out to touch her brassiere, his fingers finding her nipples through the sheer lacy fabric before he unfastened the unfamilar garment and lifted it from her body. She lay back against the pillows, her breasts fully exposed to him for the first time. Their eyes met and he saw she was blushing deeply as he continued to caress her...

"Sybil, ah God, you are so beautiful – even more than I ever dreamed."

"Did you dream about me, Tom?"

"I still do, often. Do you ever...?"

Sybil nodded, still too shy to say what was deep in her heart, and Tom was elated to realise that he wasn't the only one to have longed for this moment. Her eyes were shining and the look on her lovely face made him catch his breath as he leaned up above her again, stroking her tumbled hair back from her face.

"Are you sure about this? We can still change our minds."

"I'm sure – I've never been so sure of anything in my life."

His brain told him – You can't be here – you are not free to love her – but he knew it was already too late. Seeing her again that day in Hyde Park had brought back feelings which had never died, even after all these years. Now that he had found her again, he knew he could never let her go, whatever the consequences...

He leaned down to her and kissed her lips again and again, sliding on top of her, savouring the feeling of her beautiful curves beneath him. He continued to move down her body, his mouth trailing deliciously along her jaw and down her throat, finding the warm swell of her breasts. He felt her hands tighten on his back, holding him close as he spent several minutes kissing her there, her nipples rising up at his touch.

"Oh, Tom, oh that feels so good, more, more…"

He traced the line of her ribcage with his lips, heading for the gentle curve of her stomach. She trembled as his tongue dipped into her navel, her hand on the back of his head, threading through his hair. Still further down… he slid between her legs, lifting her knees up and resting her feet flat on the bed, easing her knickers down from her hips and off. He rolled her stockings and garters off her legs slowly, kissing each inch of exposed skin as he did so, from her thighs to her ankles. Then, he kissed his way back up towards her warm, wet core and heard her gasp as he put his mouth on her, finding her swollen clit with his tongue.

Her hands tightened their grip on his hair, pulling him into her as he started to tease her, circling and flicking, pushing one finger inside her, then another, stroking her inside and out as he gradually increased his pace, his other hand finding hers and holding it tightly. Again and again, he brought her close to the edge before pulling back a little, wanting to draw out the sensations for her and make her orgasm, when it came, even more intense...

"Tom, please, oh please..."

He could hear her breathing becoming ragged and he knew it was time from the sighs and moans she was making. God, she tastes so good, I don't want to stop doing this… He held her at the brink just for one more moment before finally letting her tumble into the void. Her core pulsed around his fingers as she came over and over, her body shaking, her back arching, his name falling from her lips as she held his hand tightly in her own.

He lapped her juices, soothing her, keeping his mouth on her as she began to come back to herself, still shuddering from the aftershocks of the joy he had given her. Then, he slid back up beside her, wrapping his arms around her, gently stroking her and kissing her mouth as her heartbeat began to return to normal.

Sybil's eyes opened and she stared at him, biting her lip –

"Oh my God, what did you just do to me?"

"Sybil, do you mean you never…"

She shook her head, looking down shyly and blushing again. Tom felt a quiet jubilation that he had been the one to give her such pleasure for the first time – that was at least one thing he could carry in his heart when he had to leave her. He kept kissing her and it didn't take long for their passion to heat up again...

"Tom, please, I want you inside me…"

He reached over the edge of the bed, finding what he needed in his trouser pocket as he pulled off his drawers. He rolled the condom quickly onto his erect cock before moving on top of her and pushing into her core, feeling her arms and legs wrap around him, taking him even deeper.

He felt himself begin to lose control – he had dreamed of this moment for so many years and now that it was finally here, he could not hold himself back. He drove into her, harder each time, feeling the bed rock beneath them as she arched up to meet him, their hips moving together, their hands pulling the other closer, always closer ...

Their eyes met and he leaned down to kiss her deeply, feeling himself rapidly approaching his peak. He screwed his eyes shut, groaning aloud as his orgasm overwhelmed him, feeling her squeeze him dry as she came again, even harder this time, sighing into his mouth. He fell down on top of her, rolling her over, her hands stroking his back, her lips seeking out his own. After several minutes, she broke their kiss –

"Tom, I can't keep it in any longer. I love you so much, darling, I always have. My biggest regret is saying no to you in York when you asked me to marry you, and I was completely devastated to come home and find you were gone. I was such a fool to let you go, such a coward, my life has been empty since then."

"Sybil, oh sweetheart, you have no idea what hearing you say those words means to me. I've never stopped loving you, not for a minute. I thought I had lost you for ever when you rejected me in York. I had to get away, try to make something of my life knowing I could never be with you, but nothing could tear you out of my heart."

"Why, why did you leave Downton so suddenly, without even saying goodbye? I only said yes to Charles because I was sure I had lost you."

"I had my answer, and I couldn't bear to stay there, love. I went a little crazy – I had to try and make a fresh start. I could have gone back to Dublin, I suppose. I wasn't thinking clearly, I felt I needed to be alone, completely anonymous for a while, earn some money before I went home, and then I met Deirdre, and before I knew it…"

She pulled him down to her again – "Oh my love, I can't bear to think about it now – kiss me, please, kiss me, make it all go away…"

Their mouths met again in a kiss that left them both breathless and, for a few moments at least, their guilt was washed away by the force of their love for each other...

A/N -

So the affair begins... thank you for reading! In case you are wondering, the title of the story comes from the beautiful Pablo Neruda poem, Sonnet XVII.

Special thanks to Yankee Countess, who helped me brainstorm some ideas for this story – I appreciate your help, my friend! As I mentioned, part 2 of this story will be published soon. In the meantime, I would love to hear what you think of it so far. :)