So according to the filemanager on my computer, this was written in January of 2012. It's something that was in my head and I never intended to make public, but seeing as Castle will (hopefully) be wading into talking about future baby stuff tomorrow, I thought I'd share it before it becomes completely AU.
No timeline, no spoilers for tomorrow's "The Good, The Bad, and The Baby", just a bunch of fluff. Enjoy.
It was dark when he opened the door to their bedroom. He wasn't sure of the exact time, but he knew it was late. He'd hated the idea of spending half the day traveling, but it was worth it to get back home. Back to her.
She was asleep, obviously. The muted light from the hallway mixed with the dim moonlight from the window and outlined her sleeping form snuggled under the comforter. He smiled, a sense of complete contentment sweeping over him for the first time in ten days, and pulled his suitcase into the room and pushing it against the wall. He'd deal with it tomorrow. Right now he just wanted to crawl into bed, snuggle up against her, and sleep.
He crossed to the bed and kneeled on it. She was on her side with the blankets pulled up to her chin, leaving only her profile exposed for him to see. She looked so serene in her slumber and he couldn't wait to join her. She'd wonder why he was there with her in the morning, instead of out in Los Angeles waiting to board his flight back, but he hoped it would be a pleasant surprise. He leaned forward, bracing his hand above her head, and lightly pressed a kiss to her temple.
Her eyes fluttered and he pulled back, hoping that he hadn't woken her. She had sounded like she had had a rough day at the Precinct when he'd talked to her earlier and she deserved the sleep. For that reason alone he was disappointed when she half rolled toward him and her eyes struggled to open.
"Rick?" he mumbled his name sleepily.
"Yeah, it's me," he replied, he hand brushing her hair from her face. "Go back to sleep."
"What time is it?"
"Late," he told her. "I'm going to get ready for bed. Go back to sleep."
She gave a soft 'mmhmm' and he pressed another kiss to her cheek and pulled back to head to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash the airplane dirt from his hands. When he returned to the bedroom, she had rolled over to face his side of the bed, but it looked like she was asleep.
He moved quietly as he got into bed, not wanting to wake her again, but as soon as he was settled she moved and pressed her body against his and rested her head on his chest.
"You're home early." Her voice was still sleepy, but more alert than before.
"Yeah," he pulled her closer to his body. "I left right after the last meeting and took an earlier flight. Had a layover in New Orleans, but I made it back."
He felt her hum against his chest. "I'm glad you're back."
"Me too," he told her, pressing his face against her hair.
They laid together quietly for so long that he was sure she had fallen asleep. He was just about to close his eyes to join her when he heard her speak.
"I'm late." Her voice was quiet in the darkness.
"Yeah," he told her. "It is late. Let's sleep. I'll be here in the morning."
"No, Rick," her voice was more insistent. "I'm late," she stressed the pronoun.
"You're late," he repeated, letting the words tumble around his head. A second later, he realized what she was trying to tell him. "You're late?"
She nodded, not lifting her head.
"How late?"
"About two and a half weeks," she responded, finally raising her head to look at him.
"And that's … unusual?"
She managed a half shrug. "It's happened before. When I was working a stressful case or was sick. I never thought much of it though, because it was never …" she trailed off, "… never when I was with someone."
He realized that if she was telling him this, there was something else bothering her. "And now?"
"I didn't think anything of it before you left, but then you were gone and I started counting and –"
"And you think you might be pregnant?"
She was quiet for several long seconds and it made him nervous for her answer.
"I don't know. Maybe," she sighed. "But the Dunhill case has been pretty tough and you've been gone, so maybe not."
"Well … let's take a test. We'll find out." He moved to get out of bed. "It's late, but the drug store on the corner is open all night. I can go get a test and –" he stopped when he felt her hand on his arm pulling him back. "What?"
"There are tests in the bathroom," she told him.
"You haven't taken one?" She shook her head at him. "Why not?"
She shrugged. "It wasn't a possibility in my mind until two days ago, and then I wanted to wait for you. I wanted you here."
He smiled at her actually admitting that she wanted him. That she needed him. That he was an important part of her life. He took her hand and met her eyes. "Go take a test. Then we'll know."
She studied his face, trying to gauge his expression. He tried to keep his expression neutral, not really knowing how she felt about the situation and not wanting his feelings to influence her.
Finally, she nodded slightly and rolled away from him to the side of the bed, throwing the covers back and walking to the bathroom without looking back at him. She shut the door lightly and he could hear her rustling with things behind it. He kept his eyes on the light peeking from beneath the door, wanting to support her, but his thoughts kept straying. A baby. She could be pregnant. He could be a dad again. And as unexpected as the news was, he couldn't help but be excited at the thought.
He heard the sound of water running and a second later the door opened. She walked back toward the bed, the capped pregnancy test in her hand.
She raised the plastic stick slightly. "It's supposed to take five minutes," she explained nervously.
He couldn't read the nervous tone of her voice. Was she nervous because it might be positive? Or afraid that it might be negative?
Instead he reached for her, one hand taking the test from her and laying it face down on his nightstand and the other pulling her down to rest against him. He wrapped his arms around her, wanting to comfort her however he could.
"Do you want to have a baby?" The words were out of his mouth before he processed them.
Again she was slow to answer. "I don't know."
He felt his heart sink, but he was determined not to let his own feelings get too in the way. She was what was important. "There are options –"
Her fingers found his lips before he could finish his sentence and it stopped him. "When I was younger, I always thought that one day I'd be married and have kids. It was just … expected," she took a deep breath, trying to explain. "And then my mom died and things changed and I let go of that expectation. I can't imagine putting my child through what I went through, and if it could happen to me, it's even more possible that it might happen to my child. So I stopped thinking about it."
Her hand met his and she threaded her fingers through his, playing with them as she continued. "You're a good dad. Watching you with Alexis is inspiring. It made me think that if I could have a baby with someone who cared as much as you do, then maybe everything would be okay. That we could make everything work."
"Kate?"
"If I have a baby, I want it to be with you, Rick."
He couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. "Yeah?"
"Yeah." Her own smile spread tentatively over her face. "What about you? Do you want to be a dad again?"
"Raising Alexis alone wasn't always easy," he told her honestly, "but I'd do it all again. Having you do it with me makes it an easy question. I'd do it as many times as you'd let me."
She laughed at his earnest expression before she grew serious. "I might not be around to do it with you."
"No," he shook his head. "You will."
"You can't promise that."
"Kate, you're a good cop," he told her. "You're smart and competent and I have no doubt that you're more careful now than when you were a rookie. And you can't live in the shadow of what-ifs. I can't promise that something won't happen, but I can promise that I will do everything I can to keep you safe. And I trust you to be careful. To come home."
She seemed to be considering his words before she leaned in to give him a gentle kiss. "I love you."
"Love you, too." He smiled. "Should we look?"
"What if it's positive?" she asked after a second.
"Then we'll deal with adjusting," he said simply.
"And if it's negative?"
He shrugged. "Then we can move forward like we have been." He stopped, considering. "Or we could try harder," he waggled his eyebrows, but his tone was serious. "Kate, whatever that test says, we'll figure it out. However you want."
Her lips pressed into a line, like she was trying to suppress her smile and she nodded.
"Ready?" he asked.
She took a deep breath. "Yeah."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Let's do it."
Her eyes didn't leave his as he reached out to grab the test from his bedside table. He brought it between them, but before flipping it over to read the results he leaned forward to catch her lips in a kiss.
Suddenly, the results of her pregnancy test didn't concern him. Admitting her fears to him solidified their relationship more than it was. They were good. And they'd only be getting better.