Welp! Since this is just gonna eat away at me, and with encouragement from maroongrad, I am gonna go ahead and do a series about Asphodel and the folks that die within the Hellsing storyline.

The bar will have a few cameos of characters from other series popping in as well, so it's not….a crossover in the literal sense, but just something to give a pop in to.

The references in this little series will follow upon the knowledge acquired about the Divine Comedy. Each circle will be explained in a little footer at the end. Enjoy!

The Brothers Valentine

Oh, how Thalo hated noise in her bar. Normally, things would get rowdy and she would resort to pulling out her twin shotguns to make the place fall silent once again. But this particular flow of time was different, and she could not get him to shut up no matter HOW hard she tried.

The two brothers had come in, the towheaded one before his darker counterpart. For the life of her, the demoness could NOT understand how the two of them were related. Her thoughts of a horrid episode of Maury were put aside as Luke looked around in confusion and a slight case of fear. Luke patted himself down to make sure all his limbs were intact before making a wary walk to the bar counter, where he leaned on the ebony moon counter with a heavy sigh. "Manhattan, please." he asked softly and politely. Thalo could not help but to work her magic and added another twist of lemon for good measure to the drink. Most of the time, patrons came in, belligerent and frustrated asking for drinks. Granted, she did not like how Luke fought Alucard, but she just had to oblige someone who asked so politely.

"Sorry to see it turn out so badly for you." she murmured, setting the drink down in front of the crestfallen artificial vampire. Luke blinked for a few moments before picking up and taking a large swig of the beverage. "God, how horrifying. And embarrassing." he said defeatedly, placing his head in his gloved hands. "I swear I thought I had him where I wanted him, and he goes and pulls THAT."

"Oh, will you shut up with your self-pity party?" she broke through his wallowing, making his head come back up in shock. Callous, wasn't she? "Yeah, I'm callous when all I hear is just a damn self-pity party. I never liked those events, and I don't like them now!" she spat at him, hearing his thoughts loud and clear which shocked Luke. "You…you can hear my thoughts?"

"Comes with the territory of being a demon." She said deadpan, pointed to her horns curling around her elven ears. "And before you ask, welcome to Limbo! This bar is called Asphodel. It's kind of a holding area for those who passed on and don't exactly get to go to Paradiso or and for those who are also waiting to be seen by Minos," she paused to see another person come through the door. "Like him."

Luke turned around to see his brother being his unrefined self, cursing up a storm about where he was and flipping the bird to the patrons that gave him dirty looks. "JAN! Simmer down, and control yourself. Now how on EARTH did you wind up here as well? I thought you had the upstairs under control."

"Oh shit, Big Bro! Man, whatever the fuck them dudes at Millennium put in me burned like a bitch, I tell ya! Oh the flames were pretty, but shit it burned like a motherfucker! I had a calmer burn from eating and shitting Hot Cheetos for three days straight than that shit!"

Thalo never imagined that just hearing the younger brother would make her cringe every time he swore, but yet here she was, eye twitching in an effort to keep her full body from flinching. "Anyway, I thought I DID have that bitch in the bag, but fuck man! She pulled a fast one on me. Everyone in that damn room had guns blazing. It was fuckin' inSANE!"

"HEY! Either keep your voice down, or I will turn it down for you." Thalo finally cracked, gritting her teeth at Jan who raised an eyebrow before resuming to the speed of talking that would put Martin Scorsese to shame. Thalo turned back around, trying to drown out the drivel that came out of the thuggish brother's mouth, but nothing had worked to any avail. "Goddamnit, how does Rodin put up with this kind of crap? I've never had someone so annoying as him before. Boss, if you can hear me, PLEASE make a decision right now before I go back into a killing spree." she pleaded, though her pleading made her seem as if she was talking to herself, or a voice in her head. Luke eyed the bartender with concern before giving a soft "Is something wrong, miss?"

"Damn right there is! Your idiot of a brother here won't shut up his motorized 7-11! Get him to shut his trap before I get really REALLY nasty." She shouted, shocking the Valentine brothers into silence. The other patrons took one look at her before returning to their conversations with a shrug. "Must be one of them annoying little bastards." Said a stoutly man with a voice that sounded closely like famed actor Joe Pesci.

"Ahh, she's getting the hang of it. Give her a couple more centuries and she can handle them kind of pains in the asses without so much as a murmur." replied the man with black tattoos on his head and hands, watching the demoness bartender from across the way before taking down his shot of Don Julio.

Finally, Thalo's chance at some semblance of peace came as one of the other messengers of Minos came into the bar with two envelopes in her hands, each labeled for both brothers. Luke took his with a polite "Thank you." whereas Jan curtly snatched the one marked as his out of the messenger's hand and opened their respective envelopes.

"The fuck? Seventh circle, Inner ring?" What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jan furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the Baskerville font of the letter. Thalo soon broke into a fit of giggles as she already knew what the Inner Ring of the Seventh Circle was. "Oh it's gonna be boatloads of fun for you! Have fun lying in hot-ass sand as you get pelted with more of the stuff from way up high!" she said, blowing a kiss as two Minotaurs grabbed the younger Valentine by the arms and legs and carried him out, Jan kicking and cursing all the way.

Luke rather liked not being in the position that his younger brother was in for sure, being wary as to open the envelope. Pulling out the paper he saw that the page was blank save for very fine print at the bottom of the paper. Pushing his glasses further up his nose, he squinted as he read:

"As of right now, you are a familiar to Alucard. Hence, you are to stay in Limbo until further notice. But once you are officially deemed dead, you are to report immediately to Circle Eight, Bolgia 10."

"I….no." Luke's face paled as he remembered Bolgia 10 in the Divine Comedy, and he considered what he had done to deserve such a spot. It wasn't hard for him to discern as to why, for not only was he a victim of fraud, but he had committed fraud to many people as well, accepting money in return for turning them into impostor vampires like he was. There was only one thing that Thalo said as she took his now empty glass and put it in the sink behind her.

"Sucks to be you, brah."

Footnotes!

1. Seventh Circle in Dante is for violence. The Inner Ring is for blasphemers against God. The guard of the Seventh Circle is the Minotaur, who ever so kindly dragged Jan away kicking and screaming. I don't like Jan much, can ya tell? :D

Eight refers to the realm of fraud and acts of fraud. Bolgia [ditches of stone] 10 refers to counterfeiters, perjurers and impersonators. Seiing as how Luke was impersonating a vampire and conning folks [in the anime at least] into becoming vampires by them getting paid…yeah.

Welp, review and lemme know what you think! I might continue this hopefully. ^-^