I wonder when it first started. When the fog lifted, and it all became crystal clear. I loved him I love him I love him. It cracks once again without fail and my heart glows bubbling over and stealing from me a smile that lights my blue eyes, as they meet his. Gentle, curious, intelligence pouring out of them as the bright light shines even brighter. He blinks softly and I watch, grin creeping higher on my face. I can feel his warmth as he glides almost imperceptibly to lean in closer, our shoulders are almost brushing. Textured dark suit jacket, something sweet and warm and subdued lingers around my nose, breathes off of his cheeks and neck and jawline. He shuts his eyes, they flutter, his long tan lashes as his mouth purses in a slow twitch, nervous and giddy, is he drunk on this aroma too? This chemistry, our chemistry, which has undoubtedly been there from the beginning. Yes, undoubtedly, it has always been there; has been ever blooming since our first meeting.
Gaze to his lips, my heart sparkles and leaps I love him I love him. He loves me. Our noses touch softly and my hands are pulling his face into mine.
You let me let myself love you. You who never gave up, whose steadfast determination always pointed the way, took you on countless journeys. And I, your partner, with you.
His hands are warming shapes against my sides, so large and protective resting on my small form. Yes, protective. You let me allow myself to need protecting; accept it. You who are always by my side.
I close my eyes and lose myself in him; look at me, willfully drowning in this stubborn man.
His lips are soft, soft lips, soft and warm and full and wet. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful I love you I love you. Now his forehead is against mine, I can feel the heat in his veins, feel my own pulse against his as I keep my eyes closed softly softly and he laces his arms around me. We are together we are perfect, we are warm.
His scent fills me up, and lulls me into otherworldly comfort, his hot breath on my face roots me in the moment, and his forehead on mine keeps me grounded; keeps us together. We are together. I love you I love you I love you.
No matter how long I tried, no matter how strong I thought my castle would hold, you found ways to peek over the walls. You found ways to make me pause: chinks in the armor-the defence? No, you let me leave the walls behind. Took me by both hands and lead me into the unknown.
I smile and he mirrors me, pouring into each other through our chests.
Do you know?
I'll follow you wherever you go. After all the time it took to build up my defences, my castle, my perfect irreversible image to show to the world, of course I'd turn the other way for you. Rip open the gate and trip into your world, into you. After living a life fortified by womanly strength, facts and strict rationalizations, of course I'd fall for you, the dreamer, the protector my my mine.
You whisper sweet nothings in my ear and I let you, nuzzle into your neck with your fingers wound into my hair. Gentle, gentle breathing. Do you know how much you mean to me? You kiss my nose with a chuckle and I know, I know you know because how couldn't you? With all that we've been through together, all that we have shared. I know you know because I am your home too. I loved him I love him I love you.
Together we exorcise loneliness. I let you in, my light against the darkness, forever burning bright. Our souls have twined together; there's a shimmering gap in my castle wall. You kiss my cheek and I your face, warm evermore.
I no longer care to wonder how or when it began. You taught me that, did you know?
I'm only grateful that it has.