AN: This was written before The Last of the Timelords, and was just meant as a bit of fun. Most of this came from and IM convo with Kitsy at 1 in the mornning.

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Owen was still grumbling about the cold and the wind and the yak butter and a hundred other things the Torchwood Three team made there way off the last leg of their flight back to Cardiff from Tibet.

"Thank you Owen we know," Gwen growled, "We were there remember."

"But seriously why?? Why would anyone live there?"

Gwen looked to the rest of the team for support. Tosh was still bundled in an unnecessarily heavy coat and hood. Gwen doubted the petite Asian would wear less than three layers any time soon. When Tosh's computers had frozen, quite literally, she had been lost.

Ianto, however was back in his usual suit, looking perfectly kept even after the long flight(and for that Gwen secretly hated him). It was a testament to the last couple of weeks though, that his posture was a little slumped. Like everyone else Ianto had added layers while they were in the mountains, however he seemed completely unaffected by the cold. Even more impressively he had still managed to make amazing coffee, earning him the eternal loyalty of the rest of the team.

The Welshman chose to ignore his bickering teammates everyone was on edge. First Jack disappears then after a little over a week of frantic searching for clues to his whereabouts and they get sent to the end of the bloody earth. "We couldn't leave the SUV here, so we will have to get a cab." He heard the groans from the team.

"I think I could help with that."

The team froze before turning around to see a familiar figure in a long coat dangling the SUV's keys. The team just gaped at him. "What have I got something on my face or something?" He asked insincerely. The team still didn't speak, Jack put has hands back in his pockets, "So did you all enjoy your little fieldtrip? I hear the mountains are especially beautiful this time of year?" He asked with his infuriatingly smug grin.

That set his team in motion Owen lunged at Jack, and was caught by Ianto and Gwen, as it would probably be a bad idea for them to let him deck Jack in the middle of a busy airport. That didn't stop Owen from coming up with some truly inventive threats involving sending Jack himself to the Himalayas. Jack smiled and laughed, before sweeping down and taking several of the larger bags and leading them to the SUV.

He helped them load their bags, and filled the silence on the way to the Hub with chatter about everything and nothing. "Leave it we'll get it later," he told them as they moved to unload the SUV. Instead he led them all down to the kitchen area where their was a hot pot of coffee and some hot soup waiting. "My coffee's not as good as King Ianto's(1) over there but it's passable. And considering what they feed you on planes I figured you'd be hungry," Jack commented as he and Ianto passed out the food and drink.

"So," Jack started leaning against the counter slipping an arm around Tosh's shoulders, as the woman happily leaned the warmth, and the other arm around Ianto's waist, "What were you all sent to Tibet for?"

Feeling more human Gwen mumbled an answer, " We were going after the Yeti."

"Though we bloody well didn't find anything," grumbled Owen.

" I'd say. The Yeti went home years ago," Jack responded. Owen displayed his creative cursing streak again, making Jack laugh.

"What about you Jack?" All eyes tuned to Gwen, "What happened to you?"

Jack grinned, " Oh nothing really, I ran into an old friend, went to the end of the universe, was attacked by cannibals, saved the human race, came back to fight an alien conspiracy that had infiltrated our government, became public enemy number two, or was it three? Oh well doesn't really matter I suppose, and saved the human race again. So," he paused as his team blinked back at him, "Did you all try the Yak butter?"

The look on the team's face when Tosh punched Jack, beating Owen to it, was priceless. Even Jack looked completely flabbergasted. "Okay," Jack rubbed his cheek where he had be hit, " Got it no more Tibet jokes." Tosh smiled and went right back to her previous position leaving Jack to uncertainly put his arm back around her shoulders.

Over the next few days the team had only gotten one more piece of information from the leader about his travels. That came when Ianto pointed out that Jack's Hand-in-a-jar was gone, "I know," replied Jack, "I returned it to it's owner."

However the Team had grown suspicious of him, sending confused looks when he said something, and especially when he laughed or smiled a real smile. It took a week before jack looked up from his paper work to find his entire team in his office.

"Hello?"

"Jack you haven't been acting like yourself recently," Gwen seemed to be the spokesperson for the group.

"In what way do you mean?" he asked an eyebrow raising.

"You're too . . ." she seemed to be floundering for the right word, " . . . too happy."

'Oh' Jack thought, "I told you I met an old friend, got myself sorted." The team looked back unconvinced, " What I'm not allowed to be a generally happy person?" he asked pushing himself back from the desk holding his hands out. They still didn't look convinced, and Jack recognized the look in their eyes. It was the what-piece-of-alien-tech-did-you-mess-with? Look and Jack knew that if he didn't convince them quickly he'd be in a cell or in the autopsy room with countless test being preformed on him. "And did I mention he was a great shag?"

"Oh, ok." Jack watched as the entire team seemed to accept that answer and dispersed seemingly contented. Jack chuckled and shook his head, after all he wasn't lying.

Fin

(1) King Ianto: On the official Torchwood website there's a report written by Ianto to Jack about cults. As an example he uses himself "King Ianto" of a coffee-drinking cult. Here's the report (you have to take out the spaces)

http :// www .torchwood .org .uk/ html/ pilgrim/ ianto notes.shtml