Summary: When Emily is drowning in her mind can JJ save her?
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Criminal Minds, CBS or their characters.
This last case was so hard, I know that she took it badly. Everyone could see that she did, just one glance in the dark depths and the pain that swirls through them is clear, well it is if you know how to read them. Everything has been amazing since she was brave enough to ask for this, for us. When I saw her on that stage with the guitar by her side, cradled so carefully like it was a small child I realised that there is so much of this woman that I am yet to discover, so many sides to her I don't know if I will ever learn them all.
We are at the bar with the others, a few drinks never hurt to help with dealing with everything. Sitting here chatting like friends rather than worrying about when the next body will be dumped is nice, it allows me to feel normal, even just for a fraction in time, to be blissfully unaware of what happens outside our own personal bubble.
Everyone is haunted from the case, six small boys, no older than five all brutally raped and murdered, left on their own porches for the parents to find in the morning. Emily is taking it hard, probably the hardest of us all, kids always pull at her walls, making it harder for her to compartmentalise. The one thing that worries me is the walls have been up, never once showing a crack or a door to let me in, I'm just left here on the outside, hoping that they fall.
I have to do something, I cant let this pull her into the abyss, I can't lose her, she is everything I ever wanted and more, but she hasn't been around for two weeks, since we landed in Detroit, since the third body was found.
I know what I have to do, the only thing that will reach her and hopefully, bring her back to me.
"I'm just nipping to the restroom guys, anyone want anything from the bar on my way back?" "A few beers would be great" rumbles Morgan, I smile and nod to let him know I've heard. Although everyone is trying to be happy and not let this get to them it has, Reid is being less geeky and more withdrawn. Morgan smiles and dances but the smile isn't reaching his eyes, it is just a bit too forced. Garcia, well Garcia has lost that sparkle that she always carries around, that little piece of magic that lightens everyone, hell, it lightens the whole room normally.
Walking over towards the bathroom I deviate and I'm by the stage, the house band are on a break so they let me borrow the microphone and agree to do a little backing music for me. They have seen the faces of the team, the dullness in us, when we are normally so vibrant. They point out that they have never seen Emily looking quite so lost in herself, so withdrawn and stuck in her thoughts. Normally she would have been up their playing, entertaining the crowd, exercising her own demons in the melodies and lyrics of the song, but not tonight, tonight I will do it for her.
The music starts up and I pull the microphone to my mouth, taking a deep breath, ready or not, here goes.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror...
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf...
They all look up and I see Emily, curiously wandering what I'm doing. I see the surprise on the other guys, none of them knew I could sing. They didn't need to.
Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
I just want to scream at Emily to let her know that I will be there to catch her fall, when she isn't okay, if she just lets me through I could help pull her to safety, pull her back to who she is. To who I know she is. This can't and will not change who she fundamentally is, the cases change all of us, we carry a piece of them with us always but we cannot let them change us, if we do, there is another victim.
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
Everyone is hurting, I just want her to see that, I lock my eyes with hers and I know she won't look away now, just like I wont, this is for her. To let her know that she can hurt, cry or scream and that she is no less of a person because of it. That we will not think she is less of a person because of it.
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould , yeah!
The more I try the less it's working yeah yeah yeah
Cause everything inside me screams, "no,no,no,no..."
She has to know that she doesn't have to the perfect person all the time, there is no mould that she can fit in, that she is who she is and that can only be one of her. The more I try to get here to open up I know I am just pushing her away, it just hurts so much to see her struggling with all this, to see her try and fit this in her compartments, they are full and I can see her drowning, I try to explain with my eyes, seeing that she starts to understand, I see the calmness starting to settle over her. I see her get up and walk over to the stage, like I did all those months ago.
Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
There's nothing wrong with who you are!
Looking at Emily, I see the tears streaming down her face, I know that I have managed to do what I hoped, I see her starting to come back to me, to let me in and help her with this, I crouch down to my knees so that we are now eye level, this song is purely for her, it always was.
Yes, no, egos
Fake shows like whoa
Just go, and leave me alone
Real talk real life
Good love goodnight
With a smile that's my home
That's my home
You're my home, no matter what happens I know that as long as I have her I am home, I let her see right into me, let her see what this means, to let her feel what this means. I feel the tight knot that had taken residence in my stomach ease, with her being there it has always calmed me, even before we got together, it would just take one touch, one look to calm me, now I am returning the favour.
Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
Who you are
The song ends and I get off the stage, pulling her to me I feel her strong arms wrap themselves around my waist, mine go around her neck, mingling with her raven locks, smelling the familiar scent that I uniquely Emily.
"I love you Em, you are the strongest person I know, but sometimes even the strong need a break, let me catch you", looking into her eyes I see the reluctance fade and the unguarded Emily come back to me, "Thank you for saving me".
A/N: The song is 'Who you are' by Jessie J - I'm not totally happy with this so any feedback would be great.