Hindsight
There had been no doubt in Sydney's mind about going to Emily's funeral, even before Sloane had asked her to give a eulogy. However she felt about him, Sydney knew she owed it to Emily. Emily would have wanted her to be there, and so she went.
Even so, getting up and beinning her little speech had been harder than she'd imagined. It was a struggle to find the right words to convey the complexity of her feelings. More than that, she worried about not doing Emily justice.
Especialy due to recent events, Sydney had spent a good amount of time thinking back on her relationship with Emily. She had been motherly from the very beginning, even before Sydney had done anything to earn such treatment. Sydney had been so grateful to have met her. Her kindness and gentleness had filled a great void.
As she shared this with everyone who had gathered, most of whom were strangers, Sydney was reluctant to say how absent her father had also been. She looked his way, telling him with her eyes that she was sorry to be hurting him. She had no doubt she was. For once in her life, she was being given the chance to be entirely honest about what her life had been like up to this point. She wasn't going to let it pass by. She only hoped her father understood her reasons. She would have to talk to him about it at her next oppportunity.
Most of all, she wanted everyone here to know that Emily was the mother figure she'd always wished for. All these years, Sydney had expended energy missing and loving a "mother" who had not deserved it in the least. And now, the only person who had deserved that devotion was gone. It was completely unfair to Emily. Sydney had never had the courage to tell Emily just how much she'd cared about her... that she had loved her. This was not the place to say that, though, so the words remained locked in Sydney's heart. Sloane especially had no right to hear just how Sydney felt. She only hoped that wherever Emily was, she would feel how much Sydney loved her, even though it went unspoken. How could she not love the person who had been her only real mother?
There had been no doubt in Sydney's mind about going to Emily's funeral, even before Sloane had asked her to give a eulogy. However she felt about him, Sydney knew she owed it to Emily. Emily would have wanted her to be there, and so she went.
Even so, getting up and beinning her little speech had been harder than she'd imagined. It was a struggle to find the right words to convey the complexity of her feelings. More than that, she worried about not doing Emily justice.
Especialy due to recent events, Sydney had spent a good amount of time thinking back on her relationship with Emily. She had been motherly from the very beginning, even before Sydney had done anything to earn such treatment. Sydney had been so grateful to have met her. Her kindness and gentleness had filled a great void.
As she shared this with everyone who had gathered, most of whom were strangers, Sydney was reluctant to say how absent her father had also been. She looked his way, telling him with her eyes that she was sorry to be hurting him. She had no doubt she was. For once in her life, she was being given the chance to be entirely honest about what her life had been like up to this point. She wasn't going to let it pass by. She only hoped her father understood her reasons. She would have to talk to him about it at her next oppportunity.
Most of all, she wanted everyone here to know that Emily was the mother figure she'd always wished for. All these years, Sydney had expended energy missing and loving a "mother" who had not deserved it in the least. And now, the only person who had deserved that devotion was gone. It was completely unfair to Emily. Sydney had never had the courage to tell Emily just how much she'd cared about her... that she had loved her. This was not the place to say that, though, so the words remained locked in Sydney's heart. Sloane especially had no right to hear just how Sydney felt. She only hoped that wherever Emily was, she would feel how much Sydney loved her, even though it went unspoken. How could she not love the person who had been her only real mother?