Interdepartmental Memos
4th February 2002: Memos 1-4
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
It has recently come to my attention that you and Weasley are no longer an item. Begrudgingly, I must take my hat off to the Weasel; perhaps he does have some brains after all.
Draco Malfoy.
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Malfoy,
Thank you so much for your 'kind words'. They really show how much you care. How are things between you and Greengrass, by the way? The last I heard, she was spreading her legs for Blaise Zabini. No surprise there, really; if the rumours are true, he's a brilliant shag. Much better than you.
Hermione. J. Granger
To: Hermione J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
Considering Daphne and I are no longer together, and haven't been for some time, it is no concern of mine as to whether or not she and Zabini are sleeping together. However, I feel the need to correct you on one thing: the rumours of Zabini being good in bed are most definitely not true. I don't know who your sources are, but they are not reliable.
Draco Malfoy
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Malfoy,
My sources are none of your concern. Besides, how would you know if Zabini is good in bed or not? Is there something you're not telling us?
18th March 2002: Memos 5-8
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
I read your article on Elf Rights. It was probably the worst piece of legislation I have ever seen. It baffles me to no end to think that people are actually considering your proposal. Please, enlighten me, why are you doing this again? House-elves enjoy what they do; they don't want to get paid and they are treated in a perfectly acceptable manner. I should know. My family have owned quite a few house-elves over the centuries.
Draco Malfoy
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From: H. J. Granger, Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Malfoy,
I am very well aware of your view on Elf Rights. You may not recall, but about 10 years back, you had an elf named Dobby, who was horribly mistreated. He later died, saving my life. I am doing this for him. Though house-elves may not be human, as such, they are still beings with personality and feelings. As a result, they should be treated with the same respect and rights as humans are. This includes a decent wage, no more punishments and respect from their employers.
Hermione. J. Granger
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
Thank you for your positively riveting sob-story. I think I may have shed a tear. Dobby was a horrible excuse for a house-elf. I admit, maybe our family were a bit harsh on him, but he did bring it all on himself.
Malfoy
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Malfoy,
Please do us all a favour, and go to hell. You really do disgust me sometimes.
2nd April 2002: Memos 9-13
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
I've just seen Potter and the female Weasley. They were beaming over this pink blob with black hair. Now, please, tell me, why did you let them procreate? Half-Potter, half-Weasley, our world is most definitely in danger!
Malfoy
PS: Congratulations on the Elf Right's Legislation passing. Though I hate to admit, being nice to the house-elves isn't so bad. Other than their physical form, and some odd non-human behaviour, I guess they're not so different from us.
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Malfoy,
That 'blob' you're currently referring to is my godson, James Sirius Potter. He is an absolute darling. He is nearly 3 months old, the spitting image of Harry, though he has Ginny's eyes. He was born on January 7th, at 14:32pm, weighing 9 ½ pounds. Ron and I are taking him out this weekend, giving Harry and Ginny some much needed rest. I am looking forward to it, greatly.
Hermione
PS: Thank you. Coming from someone like you, that means a great deal. I bet that was very hard to say. See, Malfoy, maybe it does payoff to be friendly to those in your service.
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
I didn't ask for you to go all gushing female on me, just because of some dumb-arse baby. There are some things in life that I really don't need to know, Harry Potter's sprog being one of them.
Draco
PS: I thought you and Weasley weren't together (and therefore not talking) anymore?
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Malfoy,
Not that it's any of your business, but Ron and I are trying to give it another go. We've talked about it, and it feels like the right thing to do.
Hermione
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
You are an idiot.
Sincerely,
Malfoy
15th April 2002: Memos 14-15
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
Have you stopped being an idiot yet?
Malfoy
PS: Can you please send me the report about the experimentation on Hippogriffs and Humans? We're trying to press charges against Perseus Hobblegate, but can't as we're still waiting on your Department. I am not about to let him get away with anything this time.
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Draco,
I will owl you over the report later tonight.
Hermione
PS: I am not an idiot.
3rd May 2002: Memos 16-20
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
I hate to say this: but I told you so. You really are an idiot. How could you not know that Weasel was having it off with Lavender Brown? Parkinson told me about it weeks ago. Lovely scene you caused last night at the Memorial Function; great way to show Wizarding Unity.
Draco
PS: You really do look sexy when you're angry. Have I ever told you that?
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Malfoy,
Now is really not a good time to piss me off. Leave. Me. Alone.
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
Where would the fun be in that? I live to annoy you. I take to it like a duck takes to water.
Malfoy
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
…
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Not funny, Granger. That hex you sent me hurt.
27th June 2002: Memos 21-22
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
Just thought I'd let you know that your report worked wonders in court today against Perseus Hobblegate.
Thanks,
Draco
PS: I've got a reservation tomorrow night for 7, at a place called 'The Honeysuckle' in Hogsmeade. Care to join me in celebration?
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Malfoy,
Thanks for letting me know.
Hermione. J. Granger
28th June 2002: Memos 23-24
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Granger,
I've just seen the article about Weasley's enagement to Brown. Merlin, they move fast. Stand strong, Granger, you deserve better than him, anyway.
Draco
PS: My offer for tonight still stands.
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Draco,
I'll see you at 7.
Hermione
1st July 2002: Memos 25-26
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From:H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Draco,
Thank you for Friday. I really enjoyed myself.
Hermione
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Anytime, Granger. It was my pleasure (even if you did it as payback against Weasley). Now, how about lunch?
Draco
TWO YEARS LATER
6th June 2004: Memos 27-30
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Draco,
Finally received the last of the invitation replies in; Ron and Lavender will be coming. I think they're planning on bringing baby Anna too. Please, do try and behave. I don't want our day to be ruined by your dislike for Ron. Let bygones be bygones, remember?
Hermione
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Oh, how wonderful, Granger. I'm literally jumping for joy here. And they're bringing their sprog with them too. That makes 6 mini-Weasley's now coming to our wedding. It's going to be bad enough with all the adult Weasley's there.
Could we perhaps un-invite Weasley and Brown? We're hardly friends with them. Well, I'm not, at any rate.
I still can't believe you actually forgave them. You're going to be a Malfoy in two weeks, woman! We're meant to hold grudges for life!
Draco
PS: I'm not the one who's ruining our Wedding Day! In case you hadn't noticed, you were the one who decided to invite the red-heads.
To: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
From: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Draco,
Stop being so immature! The Weasley's are important to me; they're almost like family – every single one of them. And, as you said, Ron, Lavender and I are friends now. Besides, it'd be weird not having Ron at our wedding. He's an important part of my life; I can't just forget that.
By the way, when are you going to stop calling me Granger? I do have a name, you know!
To: H. J. Granger, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
From: D. L. Malfoy, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
Sorry, Hermione, but some things will never change. As far as I'm concerned, your name is always going to be Granger. Always.
Authors Note: Well, I hope you liked it. I'm just trying different styles at the moment, and this is something that came to mind. Please let me know what you thought with a review. If you have any ideas / suggestions / constructive criticism, then please feel free to share.
Thanks for reading,
VickytoriaGreengrass