A/N: A new story! This was originally going to take place after Bates got back in Series 2, but then it got me thinking, and maybe the reason why they were so close again so quickly once he got back was because Anna had been to see him every chance she got, and that was how their relationship was rebuilt. So then this came into being. I'm currently thinking half a dozen chapters, maybe more if the creative juices start flowing, but this is just to make up for the lost time we didn't see.
Disclaimer: As with all of my Downton Abbey stories, the characters don't belong to me. All rights to Fellowes, ITV, Carnival etc. and the same will go for all the other chapters. The last section is also a deleted scene lifted from the Series 2 Script books.
Summary: During those six months, Anna spends every other Wednesday afternoon that she can on the bus to Kirkbymoorside.
Every Other Wednesday Afternoon
Chapter One
A broken heart can be as painful as a broken limb.
And it was true. Mr Bates had broken her heart the moment he had left with his wife.
But even whilst Anna knew deep down in her heart that there must have been more to his words, and to his reasons for leaving, it still hurt. It hurt more than anything she had ever experienced in her life. And that had included a broken arm when she was five after her brother had dared her to climb one of the tallest trees on the land of her childhood home, her parents' farm.
It had taken her months to overcome her grief for him. In ways she had felt selfish, because a lot of young men were out fighting in the war, and some women would be grieving over the death of their loved one. She was grieving because he had left to return to his wife. Anna had been at the brunt of some snide remarks from Thomas and O'Brien during that time, at least when the two were both sure that Mrs Hughes would not overhear them, but she had learnt to ignore it.
Anna May Smith liked to think that she had come out of her grief for him in a stronger place. She had begun to accept that to have experienced a great love such as theirs was a strength she could carry on her shoulders for the rest of her life, and in the words of one of his favourite poets, one that Mr Bates had read with her so many times in the flickering candle light of the servants hall, it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And that was true. And she had carried that sentiment with her for all of those months without him, when Mrs Hughes would voice her concern or when Lady Mary would take to talking about her father's old valet at night.
Slowly, Anna had come to the conclusion that he would not be coming back. The months had passed without a word from him, and no sign either. It seemed, after all, that he had truly gone. It seemed that he had kept to his resolution that she should forget him; find a better man, as he had attempted to tell her to do so often.
That was, until, she had seen him in the village.
Deep down, she knew it had been him. She would recognise that stance anywhere. In his first years at Downton, she had come to be able to recognise the tap of his step almost before he even entered the room. It had become second nature for her to listen out for it. Her ears had become attuned to listening out for him, and her eyes would always recognise his figure, the way he hung slightly to his right when he leaned on his cane too much.
And after Lady Mary had telephoned Richard Carlisle and she had received news of his whereabouts, Anna knew that she would go and see him. There would be no question about it.
The first Wednesday afternoon she could spare, she took the bus to Kirkbymoorside.
Her legs were jittering on the bus, she had given the bus driver the wrong change more than once, and Anna was slowly becoming aware of how nervous she was about seeing him again. Mainly because of how he had left, and what he had told her to do. In some ways, she had been frightened that he would tell her to go, and that he was not worth fighting for. She was scared that he would turn her away, which is why she would go in there with her walls built up around her – the walls she had built over the past months to protect her own heart from further devastation.
Of course, she had felt it. She still remembered all too well the night she had cried with Ethel over the loss of her dream. But from then, she had tried to overcome it. She had tried to stop herself from falling victim to her tears every night. Some nights she had succeeded, other nights she had wept quietly beneath the bed sheets.
When she reached the door of the Red Lion she felt her heart stammer in anticipation.
There he was.
The love of her life.
His back was turned, but she could still recognise him. She would recognise him anywhere.
Anna took a deep breath, and before she had the chance to change her mind (something she told herself she would never do after being given this chance) she opened the door and approached the bar.
She watched as he turned, asking the gentleman for his money.
Then he stopped.
So did her heart.
She could consciously feel the room stopping around her. It was as though time stood still. All of the sounds coming from the few patrons in the pub dissipated around her. All focus was on him. She could hear her heart beating wildly, and somewhere within this cloud she had been immersed in, she could hear herself speaking,
"Might I have a glass of cider."
She could hear her voice. Stony. Passive. Almost cold. She was going to protect herself at all costs.
Anna watched as Mr Bates fumbled with the change, delving into the till momentarily, hardly taking his eyes from her. After she had watched him give the man his change, she approached the bar further.
She swallowed nervously.
"I don't know whether I've dreaded this moment or longed for it."
She considered his statement for a moment.
"Well, either way, it's happened."
Anna could see him visibly swallow.
They both remained silent for a few moments, although it felt like minutes. Moments had always felt like minutes in his company, but this was different.
"I can bring this over. I am due a break, we can sit at that table over there."
Warily, she noticed him pointing towards a table by the window, and she nodded dumbly. She was hardly able to say a word. She had written him letters, letters she would never send. Accounts filled with words to say to him, and now she found that none came.
Anna knew that this moment would have come eventually, but now that it was finally here, for one of the first times in her life she had absolutely no clue what to do.
John stood in the back room, just behind the bar. Her glass of cider stood on the table beside him, but somehow his hands were shaking too much for him to take it just yet.
She was here.
She had found him.
How? He would ask her. He had been careful that afternoon in the village. She could not have followed him back here.
After all of those months back with Vera in London, he had dreamt of this moment. The moment his eyes would come to rest upon her once more. And now this moment was finally here. John Bates had always been a man of few words, but somehow he knew that this would have to change in the coming half an hour.
He needed to explain himself. He would need to tell her about the plans for the divorce, his reasons for moving back up to Yorkshire.
John turned and looked in the tall, slim mirror that was on the wall. The owner of the pub had put it here because of his wife and older daughter, and John was suddenly grateful for its presence.
He ran a hand through his hair, pulling it back into place. He wanted to look nice. He wanted to look nice for her. He straightened his waistcoat and smoothed the sides of his hair down neatly, his hands still shaking slightly.
Once he had taken another deep breath, he moved his left hand to collect the glass of cider and, manoeuvring himself out through the door, he prepared himself to face the love of his life.
They stayed this way for as long as possible, his hands cradling hers in the middle of the table. Her glass of cider remained untouched, John assuming that her nerves had gotten the better of her, as they had done for him.
He noticed she had been quite resolute to begin with. She had been the one to force him into speaking – it had been his hand to play. He had accepted this gracefully, all too aware that he had been the one in the wrong; for leaving her the way he did, for breaking her heart. He could see that he had. And nothing pained him more.
He had tried to explain himself, explain that he was attempting to seek a divorce, but that it was taking its time. It would, of course. Divorces were hardly easy to come by anyway, and without money to stir things along, it was likely to take more time than not.
But, it was only when John had complimented her – as he had itched to do since she had come in through the door – that he had finally seen her walls crumbling down. He was sure there had been tears in her eyes, and he could hear a catch in her throat as she had spoken.
She had offered to be his mistress.
His heart had stirred at the prospect – the idea that she would have given up her life, her reputation and her family and friends for him. But he could not have accepted, he could never have accepted a proposition such as that. If he had any shred of decency left in his life, it would be to keep Anna safe.
"What time do you finish your shift?"
Her voice suddenly broke through his thoughts, causing him to shake his head slightly.
He watched as a knowing smile crossed her lips, teasing him slightly for his wandering mind. It was something she had done before, back at Downton. She would have been gone to make tea, and come back to find him completely engrossed in his thoughts. She would often have a hard time pulling him from them, and would use it as the perfect excuse to run her hand along his back, across his shoulder blades, causing him to shudder pleasantly.
"Not until later this evening."
Her face fell. Evidently she had wanted to spend more time with him.
He continued, "What time do you need to be back?"
Anna looked around at the clock on the wall. She sighed, "Soon. The bus gets here in twenty minutes."
It was not the last bus back to Downton, but she had not expected to be out so late, and she could not get word to Mrs Hughes that would excuse her for being back later than usual.
"I can wait with you until then."
Anna smiled pleasantly, moving her thumb to rub across the palm of his hand.
"Will you–"
"Can I–"
They both spoke at the same time, and Anna blushed and ducked her head. John simply smiled.
"You go first," he insisted.
"No, you go," Anna countered, smiling wistfully.
John resigned and nodded, "I was going to ask if you'd come back, on one of your afternoons off." He paused for a moment, waiting for her reaction. When he noticed her features soften, he continued, "No one knows that I am here, apart from Lady Mary and Sir Richard, of course. But neither of them will say anything. They have no reason to. And as long as we keep it between us, I see no reason Vera should find out."
He paused again, noticing that a few of the patrons were watching them, as well as his fellow bartender, who seemed to be indicating that John needed to get back.
"And," John continued, ignoring them briefly. "I would like to see you again."
It was probably the first thing he should have said, the first reason he should have given, but Anna seemed to appreciate it nonetheless.
"Of course I will, silly beggar." Anna smiled and grasped at his hand once more, and John returned the gesture, faintly remembering the times she had called him that before. Her way of expressing her aggravated sentiment for him. He secretly loved it. "Every chance I get."
John smiled even more at her optimism.
"Do you think you could get every other Wednesday afternoon off?" Anna asked light-heartedly.
"I shouldn't think that would be a problem."
He squeezed her hand reassuringly, before the other barman came across and motioned to John that he needed to get back soon.
John made a few excuses that he would just see Anna onto the bus, and then would come back. His colleague seemed to understand, and even smiled briefly at Anna before leaving to stand behind the bar.
Anna seemed to understand that their meeting was coming to an end – it was no different to their sporadic talks back during the times at Downton, really, what with the nature of their work – and began to delve into her bag, pulling out the right amount from her purse and sliding it across the table for him.
"Here, I really should be going."
John looked up, frowned and covered her hand, attempting to give her the money back. "I can settle it."
"I'm a modern girl, Mr Bates. I can pay my own way."
John watched as a smirk crossed her lips, and he could not help but do the same.
Sighing as Anna insisted with the money for her cider, he relented, but kept his hand firmly in its place.
"Will you at least let me walk you to the bus?" John teased her, stroking her gloved hand.
"I could manage that."
John chuckled quietly before standing up, using the table for support before he reached out for his cane. Anna watched him carefully as she stood, realising that she had missed so much about him. Even the way he carried himself, she had missed. He would probably be embarrassed if he knew what she was thinking, but Anna could hardly help it. He was the love of her life, and she had missed him terribly. The way he carried himself was endearing to her. It had been one of the reasons she had fallen in love with him, by the way he had stood against all those who thought so little of him, and how he had stood and fought his corner – at least with a little encouragement here and there.
Once he had reached for his cane and steadied himself, John led her out of the Red Lion, his spare hand splayed protectively across the small of her back as a few of the patrons cast curious glances towards them.
The bus stop was just outside, which meant he had such little distance to walk with her.
So instead, they waited there.
For a few minutes, the two lovers stood in silence. John noticed when he would look across and cast a glance in her direction that Anna was fiddling with the straps of her bag, almost as though she was summoning the courage to speak to him.
He was just about to ask her about it when she spoke up,
Anna sighed, almost as though she was finally getting something off her chest. "Come back to Downton." Her first statement surprised him, and the change in his facial expression reflected this. Anna seemed to notice his surprise, and continued, supporting her notion, "They'd love to see you and the new valet's an odd cove. I doubt he'll stay."
Anna stopped and thought for a moment, her mind imagining Mr Lang. For a moment, she regretted her earlier words, thinking that there must have been a story to the new valet, just as there had been with Mr Bates. With John, she reminded herself with a smile.
She looked up and caught his eyes just as he was about to respond. He looked a little sullen, his eyes having clouded over a little since her proposition, "His Lordship won't have me back." Anna opened her mouth to argue back, but John beat her to it. "We parted on bad terms."
Anna shook her head. The man she loved really could be a pain sometimes. She could tell it would take a little more to persuade him. But then, maybe he staying here would do them well until the divorce became resolved. It would do no good for either of them, or the family, to have Vera returning and causing a stir again. Also, she could visit him secretly here. They could almost be a normal, courting couple here.
Almost as though he had read her mind, John continued, "And I don't want to see the others until it's all resolved." Anna smiled faintly, recognising their similar thoughts. She felt him taking her hand in his and looked down, her smile widening as she heard the bus approach the stop. She looked at their entwined hands for a moment, almost believing that their lives could be like this all the time one day. That they could be together, properly. For good and proper. John tugged at her hand lightly, causing her to look up. His eyes were shining now, the clouds having disappeared. When he spoke, she knew the reason, "Then I can greet them with an invitation to our wedding."
Anna was helpless as her lips broke out into another wide, teary smile.
Whatever her previous intentions were coming here, whether it was to just hear him out and to remain passive, it seemed she had no control over her actions when she was with him. He had managed to begin rebuilding the ruins of her heart within just under an hour.
Her heart suddenly quickened as she watched him raise her hand to his lips, kissing it as a pledge before he motioned towards the bus and helped her aboard.
She was a little crestfallen that she had not been provided with the opportunity to kiss him properly, but for now it would do. She had heard his declaration of love twice today, and he had mentioned their wedding.
This would definitely be the best incentive to carry her over until the next time.
Anna found herself a seat before the bus started to drive away, a seat where she could watch John until the bus rolled around the corner, taking her further and further away from home. At least until her next Wednesday afternoon off.
Next: An afternoon in a tea shop, and John also takes Anna on a countryside picnic.