Realization of Love
During lunch break, Kyousuke and Riki sat side by side at the base of a tree. They had been talking for a while and now the conversation had reached a lull. In the silence, the faint cries of birds could be heard overhead.
Riki gazed toward the horizon, taking in the sight of the clear blue sky. Only a few wispy clouds could be seen. It was certainly a nice day to be sitting outside and passing the time together. After all, the time he and Kyousuke could be together like this was rapidly growing short. He couldn't help feeling a little pang as he reminded himself of this fact.
It was never going to be easy, saying goodbye to him when the time came, but he knew he couldn't dwell on it. Still, Riki was going to miss him. He turned to look at Kyousuke.
Kyousuke was perfectly still, leaning against the tree with his eyes shut. His chest rose and fell in tune with his steady breaths. Riki couldn't help but stare intensely at him, taking in the sight of those handsome features. Kyousuke really did have some impressively long eyelashes. It was honestly hard not to stare at him, with that beautiful face of his.
Wait, what had he thought just now? It was a wonder steam didn't pour out of his ears just then. Riki made a choked noise and shook his head. Why was he even getting worked up about this anyway? Of course Kyousuke was a handsome young man. That was just fact. Girls came to his classroom every day and fawned over him. He really was popular.
So... there was nothing wrong with thinking anything like that, was there? Yet, how come he was feeling so awkward all of a sudden? Honestly, what even was wrong with him today? Riki shook his head again, trying to dispel those thoughts.
"Hm?" Kyousuke stirred, peering at Riki through half open eyelids. "Is something the matter?"
Whoops. "Uh... er, it's nothing, nothing at all." Riki waved his hands, forcing a broad smile on his face.
"Really?" Kyousuke leaned in, stopping with his face just inches from Riki. "How come your face is all red then?"
Was it really? Riki inwardly cursed himself for being so unintentionally obvious. He shifted his gaze, trying to look anywhere other than Kyousuke's face. "Ahaha. I guess, maybe, it's just a bit hot?" Wait, it was barely even spring. "I mean, er..."
"What's with you?" Kyousuke cocked his head, his lip twitching in a smile. "Were you thinking about something embarrassing?"
"N-no!" Riki blurted out. "I said it's nothing. Honestly, let's just drop it already!"
"What on earth are you getting so flustered for? I bet we could fry an egg on that cheek of yours right now." As Kyousuke said this, he prodded at the side of Riki's face.
"Mmmf."
Riki made a stifled sound. His gaze was drawn to Kyousuke's face and he found himself looking into those red eyes sparkling with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. He swallowed noisily, becoming aware of the dry sensation in his throat. The steady thump in his chest picked up speed. For a moment, he almost wanted to... Riki broke off the thought and jerked his head away.
It was unthinkable. After all, they were both guys, so there was no way it could happen. It was completely impossible. Besides, the two of them had been friends for years. If he said anything, it could be a desecration of their precious friendship. Riki pulled his legs to his chest, struggling to push away those thoughts. He couldn't do it, he couldn't even think about it. It was wrong.
Was it really?
Yes, he insisted. There was no way he and Kyousuke could ever be together, not like that. Anyway, it wasn't like he was really in love with Kyousuke, was he? Riki bit his lip. No, no, no, he definitely wasn't in love with him, not like that. Kyousuke was a guy. There was no way it was happening. So what was with that sharp pain in his chest all of a sudden?
"Riki, what's wrong?" Kyousuke asked, speaking in a soft voice. His arms wrapped around Riki's shoulders.
"I told you, nothing's wrong." Did his voice sound a little shaky just then? Riki drew in a deep breath and slowly released it, struggling to calm himself. He couldn't understand why he was getting so worked up about this. They joked about stuff like this all the time, didn't they? So why?
"Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"Anything? Is that really true?" Riki couldn't help feeling doubtful. Kyousuke probably wouldn't be imagining that he really had feelings for him. That would be absurd. There was no way he had feelings for Kyousuke. Even as his eyes stung and his throat became clogged, he kept trying to tell himself that. It wasn't happening. It would never happen.
"Of course."
"But..." Riki hesitated. Was it really a good idea to pursue this topic? It would be better to just end it here and walk away. He could do that, but a part of him was reluctant to do so. "What if it changed your opinion of me?"
"I wouldn't think any differently of you, Riki. I wouldn't be bothered if you were into guys, for example."
Riki made a strangled noise, which became a splutter. "Wh-who said anything about me being into guys?!"
"Are you though?"
Of course he couldn't actually be into guys, or could he? It was an absurd thought, wasn't it?
What if it was Kyousuke, though? Riki's face grew hotter than he had somehow thought possible. He was fully aware of his heart pounding now. But it was impossible. There was no way Kyousuke had feelings for him, was there? If he did, how would Riki feel about that?
"Riki, you can say anything you want." Kyousuke rested his chin on Riki's shoulder. "If there's something bothering you, just get it off your chest. It's better that way. I promise, I won't think any differently about you no matter what you say."
It almost sounded like he knew what Riki was thinking about and that didn't surprise Riki in the least. Somehow, Kyousuke was always able to read him like an open book.
"Would it bother you if..." Riki trailed off, struggling to force the words out of his mouth. "If I... li... liked... y-you...?"
"Ah. So that's it." Kyousuke exhaled. He held Riki a little tighter. "Well. No, it wouldn't bother me at all. Honestly, that would make me pretty happy."
"But... we're just friends, right? And we're guys!"
"So what if we're both guys? Why does that even matter?"
"But... well..." Riki's mind was rapidly being swallowed up by a vortex of jumbled thoughts. Could he really be seriously thinking of doing something like this? "Would it really work out?"
"I don't see why it wouldn't."
"But... the two of us dating, could something like that really happen? It just seems so... so..." Riki swallowed again. "I don't know." He turned to face Kyousuke. "I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to think at all. What about you, Kyousuke?"
"I like you. A lot."
"Seriously? You like me... in that way?" He had said it without any hesitation whatsoever. How long had he been feeling that way, Riki wondered. He had really had no idea. Sure, there had those moments when they joked around, but that was all Riki thought it was, just a joke.
"Yeah. I really do." Kyousuke looked completely serious. There was no trace of amusement on his face whatsoever. "I just couldn't be sure if you felt the same way, so I never said anything. I hardly dared to hope you did. So, if you liked me back, then, yeah. I would be really happy."
"Kyousuke," Riki choked out. He couldn't believe it. Kyousuke really had feelings for him. His mouth flapped open and shut a few times, trying to form words that wouldn't come. It almost felt like he might lift off the ground and float away for a moment, he really felt so light. His ears filled with the sound of thumping blood.
Then, Kyousuke's face came closer and he felt something soft and wet cover his lips. A current swept through his body, his thoughts were washed away, and he was overcome by a tingling, warm sensation. Riki closed his eyes, basking in the thrill of the moment. Everything had gone so quiet, he couldn't even hear the singing of the birds anymore. It was just him and Kyousuke, together, kissing.
Kyousuke broke away and took in the sight of Riki's face. His eyes were still shut and his lips partially open. Riki's eyes fluttered open and he met Kyousuke's gaze. A dreamy haze clouded his expression.
"That felt nice." The words were uttered in a soft whisper.
"Should I do it again?"
"Mmm." Riki nodded. Once again, his mind became a blank as Kyousuke kissed him. He could only think of Kyousuke's lips on his own. His body was overcome by a tingling sensation dancing through his veins.
To think there had been a time when Riki couldn't even imagine something like this happening. There were no words for how happy he was right now. Their lips parted and he stared into Kyousuke's eyes with his mouth hanging open.
"Kyousuke..." Riki murmured.
"Mmm?" Kyousuke watched him with a gentle smile.
"This isn't a dream, right? It's really... real, isn't it?"
"Of course it's real." Kyousuke placed a hand on Riki's head, caressing his hair. "I love you, Riki, with all my heart."
"Kyousuke," Riki said again. Kyousuke's face dissolved beyond a veil of tears and he felt his throat all but close up. He threw himself upon Kyousuke's chest, just as he had done so many times in the past, and hugged him tight. The tears poured down his cheeks and his body shook.
"Are you crying?" Kyousuke put his arms around Riki. "Honestly."
"But I'm crying because I'm happy," Riki choked out. "That's fine, isn't it?"
"I guess so." Kyousuke buried his lips in Riki's hair.
"I can't believe it. If only... we'd had this conversation sooner. But I never thought you might actually feel that way about me. I never even tried to entertain the thought. I was so foolish." Riki let out a short laugh. "All those times we bantered about it. It always seemed like something impossible."
The two of them held onto each other silently, soaking in the warmth of each other's embrace.
"I wonder what everyone else will think." Riki shifted slightly, turning his head up to look at Kyousuke. "No doubt it's going to be a surprise."
"I wonder." Kyousuke smiled wryly. "I'm sure looking forward to their reactions."
"Hmm." Riki's expression grew serious. "You don't think it would bother anyone that we're both guys?"
"Do you really think any of our friends would be so prejudiced?"
"No. I suppose not. It would certainly be a shock if they were." Riki felt ashamed for even having that thought. "I know Nishizono-san would be over the moon to hear it." He let out a laugh.
"Anyway, we're not going to care if anyone has a problem with us dating, are we? No doubt we'll encounter those kinds of people, but it would be best to ignore them." Kyousuke gave Riki a light kiss on the forehead. "Love is love. Who cares about gender?"
"Right. You're right." Riki nodded. He wasn't going to be nervous about what the future had in store for them. The two of them were going to join their hands and face it, together. "Then, let's tell everyone soon." He let out a quivering breath. "You know, I'm actually starting to feel pretty excited."
"Yeah. Me too. Well then, should we get going? Lunch break is almost over." Kyousuke stood up, holding a hand out to Riki.
Riki stood, gripping Kyousuke's hand firmly. He gazed into Kyousuke's eyes and nodded. "Let's go."
Kyousuke nodded back and the two of them started off toward the school building, their hands still intertwined. Even though their feet were on the ground, Riki thought, in that moment it felt like they were actually walking on air.