Title: Hot Fuss
Author: Alison (CruorLuna)
Rating: M (for chapter 4 only)
Category: NCIS: Naval Criminal Investigative Service
Genre: Mostly angst, but some romance too – different in different oneshots
Pairings: Jibbs, naturally
Characters: Jenny and Jethro, and some cameos by the others throughout the series
Summary: A collection of Jibbs oneshots based loosely around lyrics to songs by 'The Killers.'

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise from the show.

A/N: Okay so this is the first of a collection of Jibbs oneshots. They're not going to be songfics, but they're all loosely based on lyrics to songs by The Killers. And yes, I do know that not all of these songs were on the album 'Hot Fuss,' but I think it's a suitable title for Jibbs. They can be read as chapters, but work as standalones too. This one is based on the song 'Smile Like You Mean It,' which if you don't know and want to hear, you can find on everyone's favourite video site. Lyrics are included at the start just to give you an idea anyway, but they're not really part of the fic, just the inspiration for it.

Smile Like You Mean It

Save some face
You know you've only got one
Change your ways
While you're young

Boy, one day you'll be a man
Girl, he'll help you understand

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Looking back
At sunsets on the Eastside
We lost track
Of the time

Dreams aren't what they used to be
Some things slide by so carelessly

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

And someone is calling my name
From the back of the restaurant
And someone is playing a game
In the house that I grew up in
And someone will drive her around
Down the same streets that I did
On the same streets that I did

Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it
Smile like you mean it

Oh no, oh no no no
Oh no, oh no no no

Jenny Shepard smiled slightly as she looked down on her agency from on high. Her teams were all working hard, whether on paperwork, theorising or out in the field, and the atmosphere was electric. Her eyes, as usual, drifted towards one team more than the others. The major crimes response team, minus one, were gathered in front of the plasma screen, bantering back and forth and trading motives for their current double homicide case. She smiled sadly to herself as she watched them. She saw a little of herself in each of them.

Tony DiNozzo laughed aloud and made some cocky comment or other as he squared up to the Probie of the team. Tony's charm made him instantly likeable, and his instincts nearly always led him right. He was loyal almost to a fault, and – though Jenny would never give him the satisfaction of admitting it – a naturally handsome man. He was a complete movie fanatic, always ready with a joke or quip to lighten the atmosphere, and would protect his friends and colleagues with his life. Jenny watched him now as he called Tim McGee by at least four different nicknames in the space of thirty seconds, simultaneously disproving the other man's theory, and giving him a compliment. She shook her head with an internal chuckle. Tony was the life and soul of the party, even when nobody else felt up to joking, and it was here that she recognised glimmers of herself. Once upon a time, Jenny had been a lot more relaxed than she was now. She had laughed more, cried more, and generally let her emotions show a lot more often. She hadn't been afraid to be herself or worried about appearances – she had just lived her life the way she wanted to, making the most of every minute. She had always looked for the silver lining, even when it was more of a dull grey, and she had tried to keep up her co-workers' spirits during tough cases. Promotion after promotion had brought stress, and the light relief had faded. She hoped Tony wouldn't fall into the same trap.

Then there was Tim. He was just as sharp as Tony, but less confident in his own abilities. Jenny could relate to that too. When she had first started at NCIS, she had been a bag of nerves. All she had wanted was to prove herself – and as a woman in a man's world, she had had her work cut out for her. Tim had much the same problem. He was an MIT graduate, top of his class, and knew more about technology than anybody else Jenny had ever met. As a computer whiz, Tim was always fighting to prove he knew more than just how to reprogram a cell phone. His first kill had shaken him to the core, leaving him wondering whether he was capable of being a field agent. He was sensitive, more so than DiNozzo, but he could stand his ground when the occasion called for it, and he never let his personal feelings interfere with his work, no matter how he felt. He was a fierce friend, something Jenny knew his colleagues admired about him, and he was a hell of an investigator, when he wasn't worrying about measuring up. He seemed to be a lot more confident in himself now, though. One day, she had no doubt, he would be the one sitting behind her desk, with Director on his office door. And he would be more than up to the job, Jenny was confident. He just had to remember never to lose that flicker of self-doubt. Arrogance and over-assurance were sure-fire ways to get yourself killed in their line of work. She knew that all too well.

Her gaze flicked over Tim's head now, coming to rest on the third team member. Another woman striving to prove herself, Ziva David had long since earned Jenny's respect and friendship. She was trained as an assassin, more skilled in combat than any other agent Jenny had ever had the privilege of working with, and more dangerous with less at her disposal than any of them. She was exceedingly careful with her emotions, rarely letting anybody in, and protecting her heart against the world. Jenny was sorry to say that that was perhaps Ziva's and her greatest similarity. She too was afraid of being hurt, and would shut out those who cared for her at the risk of losing them in order to keep her emotions intact. She had even been known to walk away from true happiness for fear that it might be taken from her unexpectedly. Ziva could be much the same. But when she did open up, she was not as prickly as she appeared. She had a quick temper, certainly, and a strong will, but she was also funny in her own way, and caring, deep down. She knew what it took to survive, and survive she would, for herself and for her friends. Ziva's loyalty was not a right – it was a privilege, one that Jenny was proud to have earned. She had learned to control her temper, and was becoming an extremely skilled investigator. She would go far at NCIS, Jenny was sure. And she would hopefully do it with a little more caution than Jenny had.

And then, thought Jenny with a small sigh, there was the fourth member of the team. Her eyes took in the empty chair; the trash can full of discarded polystyrene coffee cups; the noticeable lack of any personal items adorning the desk. Leroy Jethro Gibbs had always been a strange man, but he was a damn good man nonetheless. She probably had the most in common with him of all. They were both determined, possibly too much so. They both lived for their jobs, and saw the team as the closest thing they had to a family. They had both lost their families a long time ago. Both had pursued those who had taken their families to the ends of the earth – to death. They were both lonely. And they were both unhappy. Jenny lowered her head, looking at her folded hands on the railing in front of her. Jethro was her oldest friend, if she could really call him a friend any more. He knew and understood her better than anybody else, and as much as he might drive her crazy, she didn't know what she would do without him. He was the only one who could pull her back from the edge when she strayed from the straight and narrow. He knew how to make her see reason when she was blinded by fury or despair. He could read her expressions well enough to stop her saying things she would later regret before she even opened her mouth. If Jenny were honest with herself, she would have to say that he had been the love of her life. They had hurt each other with words and actions over the past nine years, and yet they kept coming back for more. Jethro was definitely a strange man … but she had to be just as bad.

The first time Jenny had met Leroy Jethro Gibbs, she had been sceptical, to say the least. She had been recruited into NCIS for her sharp mind and keen perception, and she was somewhat less than impressed at being pawned off on some 'ancient chauvinist who couldn't see five feet in front of him.' She cringed internally as she thought about some of the things she had said to Tom Morrow when he showed her Gibbs' file. When the man himself had walked through the door, nothing could have prepared her for her reaction, she didn't think. He was older than her, but not by nearly as much as she had expected. His hair was greying even back then, but in the attractive salt-and-pepper way that most men would kill for. And his eyes. Those were what had really done her in. He had looked directly into her soul, or so it felt like, and offered her a hand and a rare, genuine smile. That probably helped in winning her over too, actually. His handshake had been firm and his answers just right during their conversation with Morrow, and she had left the office feeling more confident than she perhaps ought to have been.

As soon as they were in the elevator, he had flicked the emergency stop switch and turned to her, all business now. He had warned her that she was what he called the 'Probie' on the team, and yes, she was, in fact, going to be treated like a lackey by her co-workers, and yes, she should expect to be taunted and disregarded because she was a woman. She had been close to slapping him when he had reassured her that he made a point of intimidating all of his Probies, and would be making no exceptions based on gender. She had heard of equality in treatment before, but equal-opportunity hazing? She had been struck dumb. He had then informed her quite plainly that as long as she worked hard and was willing to learn, she should have no problems, at least with him, and that it was his job to keep the rest of his team in line. Somehow, she had believed him.

The Probie had eventually become part of the team – one of the gang. The Agent then became foreign operative, travelling Europe with her boss-turned-partner on covert operations for the Agency. Somewhere along that road, partner became friend, too. They lived the same lives, ate the same food and breathed the same air. Sometimes they cried together. They laughed together even more. They shared memories and tales; good times and bad. They got each other through the tough parts of the job, and were able to enjoy the victories together. And, eventually, something shifted between them. The joking became more heavily laced with innuendo; the brief touched stretched into eternities; the sideways glances turned into lingering looks. Their minds were so deeply connected that they didn't even need words to communicate. And finally, when the tension grew too great to resist, their bodies became connected, too. For months upon months they travelled the world, working together; sleeping together. What had started out as a fling in the heat of Marseilles soon became one of the most meaningful and important relationships of Jenny's life. They loved each other.

And then, she thought bitterly, then she had thrown away what she had. She had known she had something special with her onetime boss, but she hadn't wanted to acknowledge it. Falling in love with her mentor was not part of her five-point plan, and she would never have been able to rest without avenging her father, as she had set out to do. She had been alone ever since – alone with her job. Sure, there had been sex. There had been dates, and the occasional call back. But there had never been anyone consistent in her life since she had left Jethro behind. She had never had the 'time' for it. More likely was the explanation that she was too much of a workaholic to be much use in a relationship. She could easily put in the time, if she set her mind to it, but her heart would never be in it. Always, it would come back to her job – which agencies Gibbs had pissed off that day; why SecNav was breathing down her neck again; what families she would have to notify of a tragedy tomorrow. Her job was her life now, and she would protect it at all costs. She had proven that already, eight months previously, when she had informed the man she still loved that there could be nothing more than a professional relationship between them. She had done what was best for her, and she didn't regret it … at least, she wouldn't admit to regretting it.

Her eyes followed the silver-haired man as he slapped DiNozzo on the back of the head. His way of showing he cared, Jenny knew. He made a dry comment to McGee, and the younger man flushed. He had learned something, and yet he knew he was still respected. Ziva made a suggestion, and was ordered sharply to follow up on it without as much as a hint of praise. But giving her his approval of it as a viable theory was enough. This team needed Gibbs as much as he needed them – as much as Jenny needed all of them. She would always be their boss, and she doubted she would ever be able to break down that barrier and have them consider her a friend. But she was in a position to protect them, and if nothing else, she would do that, like a mother bear protecting her cubs. They were her family, even if they didn't realise it.

Jenny turned her back on the bullpen and walked briskly to her office, turning over thoughts of a new case in her mind. Her eyebrows drew together as she mused, and her assistant Cynthia stood up as she entered the outer office.

"Are you all right, Director?"

"Fine, Cynthia." Jenny smiled to reassure the younger woman, and it seemed to work. Cynthia nodded, looking relieved, and took her seat again. Jenny kept the smile plastered to her face as she entered her sanctuary, closing the door behind her and leaning against it for a moment. One of these days, she thought, the smile might have something real to hold it there. She would keep waiting, for now.