Warped Reality
Summary: On the eve of Dudley's Birthday, Harry awakes to an entirely different universe, and nothing is as it should be... Not that Harry knows that. Detailed blurb for every book inside. Aspects of Multicross. Variable Strength Crack. Everyone OCC.
Ownership Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I ever expect to own, Harry Potter, Ranma ½, Baccano!, Black Lagoon, How To Train Your Dragon, or any other franchises mentioned or referenced in this story. No profits are gained by writing this at all.
Other Disclaimer: This is, as a fanfiction, an alternate Universe to canon Harry Potter. Whatever happens is what happens, I'm writing this fic, so I have the final decision on how it pans out.
Persons Disclaimer: Any Character described with resemblance to persons alive, dead, or fictional is purely coincidental. Unless it isn't. Hail Chaos.
Update Disclaimer: I am a busy man, with a busy life full of videogames, and not videogames. And food, which falls under not videogames. Point being that I will update as often or as rarely as I feel like. Having said that, I will attempt to post updates semi-regularly. If I choose to discontinue this fic, I will declare such on my profile rather than simply stopping outright.
Animal Protection disclaimer: No bunnies were killed in the making of this fanfiction. I think.
Warning Disclaimer: This fanfiction will contain elements of Gender-Bending, Insanity, Crossover, And implied non-content of questionable nature. Possibly. It's also pretty much just plain crack.
Enjoyment Disclaimer: It's starting now, I hope you enjoy. However you cannot sue me if you don't.
Introduction Warning: I lied, it starts after this. The prologue is a standard day of Harry Potter canon(ish) pre Hogwarts. Feel free to skip forward to chapter one if you wish. Or read this. Either way, now it's starting.
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Prologue: The Day Before Everything Was Different
As Harry climbed out of the cupboard, he blearily shook the cobwebs from his head, literally, and moved into the kitchen to begin cooking breakfast. Instinctively he checked the clock on the oven, which displayed 06:07, as he began to pull out frying pans from the cupboard. There were quickly five rashers of bacon, four sausages, and some bread being fried, and Harry opened up a tin of baked beans and deposited half of the tin into a sauce pan, even as his aunt watched him from her seat in the dining room.
Harry had just deposited the entirety of his cooking onto a single plate and placed that plate onto the table when his uncle, Vernon walked into the room. He sniffed in derision and murmured "Adequate." under his breathe. Harry merely ducked his head and returned to the kitchen.
He almost immediately refilled the saucepan with more baked beans and the frying pans with another seven rashers, three sausages, and some eggs. This time he had returned to the kitchen after depositing the plate on the table by the time his cousin, Dudley appeared. While Dudley began to stuff his face at a much faster rate than his father, Harry began to prepare the light salad that made up Petunia's breakfast.
Dudley's dirty blond hair came from Vernon, as did his unfortunately large girth. His bland pale blue eyes however came from Petunia. On the other hand Vernon had sharp brown eyes, and Petunia had rather ordinary brown hair and a stick-like figure.
None of his family had any of Harry's features. His mess of black hair came from his father, as did most of his looks. His eyes however, a rather charming Emerald green came from his mother, Petunia's sister.
As Harry handed the salad to his aunt and began to wash up the cooking utensils used in making everyone's breakfast, he watched his aunt. As soon as she looked away to eat her salad, he grabbed a single biscuit from the biscuit tin and stuffed it into his mouth. No one saw him, and he quickly munched it down as he continued washing up.
As soon as he was done, he put two slices of bread into the toaster and got out the butter. Harry himself was only allowed toast and a meagre amount of butter for breakfast.
Almost immediately after he finished spreading, the post arrived.
"Get the post boy!" Said Vernon clearly between two bites of breakfast.
Sighing inaudibly, Harry retrieved the post, a bundle of letters for his uncle for the most part. Even as he turned back towards the dining room though, he saw Dudley casually flip his toast onto the floor with an evil smirk.
"Harry! Clean that up!" Came the shrill call from Petunia, even as he watched Dudley waddle back to finish his own breakfast. Harry quickly placed the post next his uncle before taking the toast and binning it. He was at least glad he slipped the biscuit in as he wiped up the butter residue with a cloth. He knew from past experience that to take the toast down the corridor to the front door would be met with punishment for spreading crumbs, and eating the toast from the floor would result likewise for 'eating like a mongrel'. Thankfully he had the mess cleaned before Vernon decided to deal out additional punishment.
Although that may be because the two adults were a bit preoccupied.
Even as Harry slipped out after breakfast to spend another summer day in the fresh air, he knew he wouldn't get away with walking out the door if not for the date. Most days he'd be worked to the bone with chores. Doing anything less than perfect, on any one job, would result in Petunia scowling at him, and Vernon yelling abuse until he was purple in the face.
Dudley wasn't much better either. He was a bully to Harry, plain and simple. Dudley kept Harry friendless at school, occasionally instigating beatings on him and anyone he tried to make friends with. Dudley would also act out and make messes in the house just to get Harry into trouble; because no matter how blatantly Dudley did whatever he did, Vernon and Petunia pinned it on Harry. Dudley couldn't be anything less than Petunia's perfect little angel after all. He once even pushed Harry down the stairs. Harry had broken his arm, and had to go to hospital. Even now three years later, he still had the jagged scar on his arm.
As Harry skimmed through the day, doing all the chores he knew were on the list, Petunia sent Dudley out as she snooped around the house, hiding presents, and Vernon made some calls and went out to get a few last minute ones that capped the total number at 36 gifts, wrapped and spread throughout the house. Harry mostly ignored them, but Petunia would be up before even he rose to get them all down into the living room before Dudley got up. After all, it was going to be his birthday.
Still even as the day wound down, Harry only ate a modest dinner, and was yelled at for not washing up the plates well enough afterwards. He thought they were fine, but as was mentioned before: Nothing short of perfect in the Dursley household.
Harry ended up lying on his thin mattress, covered by a tiny blanket, in the cupboard under the stairs. He couldn't help but think about his life so far, how much his so called 'family' loathed his existence it seemed. Not for the first time, nor the last time if things had continued as normal, Harry fell asleep wishing he could have a real family who actually loved him.
No one could have foreseen what happened next though…
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A/N: This hopefully will be immediately followed by the first real chapter of my complete warping of Harry Potter. Assuming of course, I work out how exactly Fanfiction works. Shouldn't be too hard right?
Either way, things will really start to get going in the first real chapter! This was mostly to set the bar of how I picture Harry's treatment by the Dursleys, since you probably know how almost every author has a different take on it. Then again, how Harry was treated won't make much difference for much longer.
Obviously, this is my first story, but I assume if you're bothering to read this, then you probably think it's OK, decent, or otherwise readable. Having said that, this being my first story is not an excuse if you think this is terribly written. But then this prologue is almost entirely exposition, so if you want to see what I write like when not blathering description, feel free to press next.