My attempt at writing a Joker story with them as the good guys... sorta. I my self am no fan of Joker, but I'm trying to be nice and write them a good story so PLEASE cut me a little slack if I slip up and suddenly make Joker seem horrible. Now, on with this inevitable train wreck. And no, it's not in Diamond Country.
Harlequin
Starring Joker and OC
Genre: Humor/Family
Chapter 1: Abandoned Child
White Joker's POV:
Another flawless performance drew to a close as I bowed, bidding the other role-Holders fair-well. I'd added a few new performances today in hopes of entertaining my peers, but to my great disappointment, only the Bloody Twins and the Cheshire Cat had seemed excited. The Dormouse had been cowering behind Gowland's chair, white all the others looked extremely bored - the Hatter worst of all. He'd simply pulled his gaudy hat over his eyes and fallen asleep, only to be woken up by Elliot when the show ended.
I couldn't understand it. How hard was it to entertain a few Role-Holders?! Am I losing my touch?
"Yeah, probably," My counterpart said as he emerged from the shadows. "We've been doing our f***ing jobs for a long time now, longer than the current Role-Holders f***ing know. Even the damn prisoners don't scream like they used to. Maybe the time's coming to get some f***ing new blood in here."
"Perhaps," I said. "But it's a lot easier said than done, my dear Joker. The ones cast as Joker are not easily killed, and therefore not easily replaced. Only the 'Star of the Show' can kill us, and every game, the Outsider either ends up locked up, dies for one reason or another, or leaves. There's even been the rare few that don't even stay long enough to meet us. Unless a new Outsider with a thirst for blood comes in next and kills us both, we're stuck here. And as that's not very likely to happen any time soon, we may as well try to enjoy our line of work."
"I don't like it, but I guess we've got no other damn choice," my counterpart sighed in frustration. "I'm gonna go for a walk, blow off some f***ing steam."
I nodded in acknowledgement, then went back to the now-empty big-top to oversee the clean-up. About five minutes later, I was taken off-guard by a feeling of curiosity and suspicion, followed by sudden terror as Black yelled "WHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!" through the mask on our belts that we used to communicate with when we were a long distance apart. This could be amusing at the very least, so I decided to investigate. When I found him, he was standing in a pile of corpses dressed in the drab prison uniforms and animal masks, with the idiot knight and the gloomy Clockmaker. Blood was splattered everywhere, creating a beautiful abstract work of art across the small clearing. All three were splattered with red, but they were too busy staring at something in the very middle of the massacre to notice.
I tried to connect with Black, but he seemed to be too freaked out to clearly pick up on his thoughts. Instead, I simply moved to my counterpart's side. I almost immediately understood his panic as I saw the thing we were all staring at.
"THERE'S A FUCKING BRAT IN THAT THING!" he yelled, his visible eye wide with uncharacteristic fear.
"A child?" I rephrased, moving toward the basket. I opened it, and indeed, there was a tiny baby wrapped in a red and black harlequin-patterned fleece blanket, a black bonnet covering its scalp while a few locks of ruby-red hair poked out the sides. There was something very, very familiar about the shape of the child's face, and as I reached down to take it out of the basket, it opened it's wine-red eyes smiled up at me, but it's smile wasn't exactly warm.
"Whoa, this kid smiles just like you, Mr. Joker," Ace said, but for once, he wasn't wearing a smile. In fact, he looked creeped out. "That's really creepy, actually."
"It looks like an infantile version of Joker," the Clockmaker agreed, scrutinizing the child's features, before glaring up at me. "Bastard, did you impregnate the last Outsider before Alice arrived?!"
Ah, her. Black and I had good times with that one, before she decided she'd had enough of Wonderland and used a Door to return to the Outside world. This child indeed had her facial structure and my red hair and eyes. Could this really be my child?
Come to think of it, the past Outsider and I never used protection. Neither did Black.
"Perhaps we did," I said, enjoying the horrified look on Black's face as I spoke. "If this child belongs to who I think it does, then it's more than likely ours. But how did she get here, and what's she doing out here?"
"I was wandering around when I saw Mr. Joker chasing these jerks," Ace said. "They were carrying the basket, talking about hurting the kid or using it against you guys. They said it's a girl."
"I can't believe that bitch just abandoned my kid in my forest like this," Black fumed. "It's f***ing dangerous out here!"
"We're lucky these lowlifes didn't hurt her," I said, checking her and the basket for something to identify her. I could feel a tiny heartbeat from her. She was an Outsider like her mother, so she had to have a name. However, there was nothing in the basket, no little necklace or bracelet with her name on it. She was as nameless at a faceless.
"Can I name her? Please?!" Ace pleaded, gazing at my little girl like she was a unicorn.
"I don't see why not." I said with a shrug.
"If you try to name my kid something stupid, I'll shove that sword of yours where the sun don't shine!" my counterpart snarled.
"Well, since she's the daughter of a clown, why not call her Harlequin?" the knight suggested. "You could call her Harley for short!"
Black, Julius, and I stared at him in amazement. The idiot Knight of Hearts had actually said something intelligent. That has to be a first!
"What do you think, little one?" I asked my daughter, tickling her tummy to get a laugh out of her. "Would you like to be called Harley? My little Harlequin?"
"Dah!" the girl squealed cutely. I couldn't help but notice the warm smile that the Knight and the Clockmaker shared. It seemed she was already melting their clocks.
"Harley it is, then!" I said cheerfully. Then Black and I glared at our subordinates. "You will mention this to no one, not even Alice," I said, smiling sadistically. "Am I clear?"
"I won't say a word about the cute little baby girl Joker illegitimately hade with the last Outsider," Ace said, earning a knock over the head with the wrench Julius always carried.
"Shut up, idiot," he said coldly, before glancing our way. "I heard nothing, and I saw nothing, because I was never here." he said, before turning to leave.
"Good man!" said, before returning to the Circus to introduce my daughter to our workers, and let them know that if any harm came to her, they'd face the wrath of both the Jester and the Warden.
After she'd been fed and her diaper changed, I tucked her into the crib and kissed her goodnight. How could I not love my child? I looked over my shoulder, saw Black smiling warmly at her. "Well, when I said we needed some new blood around here, I wasn't expecting this," he admitted. "But this is better than anything I ever suspected."
I nodded as we turned our gaze back to our daughter.
"WeLcOmE tO WoNdErLaNd, HaRlEqUiN."