Note: I am trying to revise this story and hopefully make it better and less confusing.
What happens When you Die?
-Prologue-
A Hopeless world it was, everywhere nothing but deep silence
All left with no cause, O, things I would do to see you once
Walking the same streets now, an empty world staring at me
To my lonely life I vow, have my soul and body now be free
Imagine wandering around, person to person, place to place, hoping for a spark in life, something, someone to lit you up. Imagine searching for heaven on earth. Imagine wishing for something so great that your mind can't handle the thought of it. Imagine, looking for a life which you plan about every night, a dream to dream about. Then imagine, it all coming true. One day that gives you your imagination in reality pack and you bear witness heaven in your lifetime.
Me, you, everyone, does everything to be happy. This sense overtakes every action we do, the defining theme of our life stories, the sole goal we all run after and eventually it only ends when met with death. I, too wandered around to be happy, searching for causes, events and people providing me dose of that one thing, happiness.
This is my story, Derek Morgan's story of how I learned what life was and what death could be. I take you to this journey keeping in mind I did all of this for one sole purpose, happiness.
Chapter 1:
It all started out when we were called in for the annual evaluation and training in Chicago. The month long testing and learning almost sounded like living in residence while away for collage. Different training teams were all staying at this hotel, five star quality. BAU was assigned a private lounge on the tenth floor. I placed my bags down on the bed while looking out the window for the view that I would have for a month now. I had to share my room with Rossi since everyone was doubled up. The team gathered up and we all were given our schedules; very busy times were coming ahead of us.
I gathered some time to freshen up a little before going to bed. The hot stream bath evaporated my stress away as I fogged the whole bathroom. I came out to find Rossi already fast asleep, snoring a little. I threw my wet towel on the chair as my phone beeped. I glanced behind to note an incoming text. I walked over to read it. Now that it is all over, I think to myself, this text was beginning of everything.
That text, which were mere letters, had the potential to devastate so many lives, to teach me things I rather had not known. It all started with the words: Karma is a bitch!
I remember how awkward I felt that day receiving that weird message. The sender was an unknown. I assumed Garcia to be behind this silliness. I recall giving a smile off to that off text and joining the rest of the team for the dinner.
"Rossi's off early" I told the rest.
"He ate already" Garcia replied while passing me a serving plate. I must confess I loved seeing our whole gang share a dinner together and this was to continue for a month. I missed having such large dinners like these.
"Guess what, I have forensic analysis session so early in the morning" JJ exclaimed.
"Same here" I added while filling my plate with saucy pasta, steam rising.
"They have different sessions running throughout the month" JJ went on.
The conversations went on and so as our days there. I was starting to enjoy all the vacation like feelings. I mean we were not to look at any case for a whole month. Due to having early sessions, I got back to hotel before others did and had a lot of time to chill.
Then one afternoon while watching baseball game alone, another text with the same unknown number arrived. This time more complicated, more weird.
"You did great in ruining me, but guess what, I have so much more in store for you"
This time it left me thinking, the hidden threat sipped a little in my heart but I had no clue what it actually meant. I had no enemies and as far as I could remember I had done no ruin to anyone. Lost in those thoughts, I didn't realize that JJ was calling me over in the little kitchen we had on our floor. I quickly left all thoughts aside and moved on. I wish I hadn't. I wish I reacted. I wish I had done something, something, at least something.
Moving on.
Golden period, yeah, truly golden is what I call that time. The time I bet I could never experience again. I miss it immensely now but recalling those moments are now just as pleasant as were living them. It was the time I came to notice of something so great in life, something I always wished to have, a remarkable friend, a trusted partner and a secret touch away from reality.
Our Boy genius, my pretty boy, and this world's Spencer Reid was much more than a co-worker to me. He quickly became something more valuable than a friend. With him time flew, he was just that different. We connected right from the start, me hovering around him like a big brother. That lanky slim built although seemed vulnerable to the world but I can proudly say he was the bravest my eyes have witnessed yet.
It wasn't love between us, because that was what I had for my family and other friends. It was something the world has no word for. It wasn't love, I swear it wasn't only that. It was much grander, much bigger, not as ordinary to be described by just mere letters. It was experiencing heaven, having paradise on earth.
I told him how I felt. He smiled off the feelings at first not understanding the depth so rapidly. Within days, I left him dumbfounded, speechless, at loss of words. Yes, that talkative little master was standing with simple tears in his eyes.
"I don't believe it Morgan" was all he said.
With time, I started to lose interest in everything, everyone, and every place seemed boring without him. I still hanged out with other girls, once in a while on dates but it never seemed right. They never made me happy. I thought maybe I was more into guys but that even ended worse. I finally figured out, it wasn't about being a girl or a boy, it was about being Spencer Reid. I know it sounds so vague, right. I liked his soul, his mind, his personality; not his X or Y chromosome. I never wanted anything in return. I was lost under a spell.
So, I decided to tell Reid about the weird text. He did his language analysis thing and together we decided that it could be someone belonging to a previously encountered unsub family.
"I don't feel a direct connection to any unsub" I explained to him.
"Maybe" He thought out loud "maybe, someone from your family, who has excess to your private cell number?" Reid postulated.
"Aunt, Mom, sisters...nothin's coming to mind" I sat back on the bed frustrated.
"Is it okay to wait for another text, maybe we can profile the person better then?" Reid suggested. I smiled back and rested my eyes on him. The stares continued for a while.
"WHAT?" he asked finally getting annoyed from the silent stares.
"Why? Can't I look at you?" I asked shyly.
"You can, but why would you want to do that?" He asked. I guessed he just loves making simple things complicated.
"Because I like what I see" I replied.
It was often encounters similar to this that annoyed him a little. He was a man of science searching for straight forward explanations. I understood that it bothered him. Often times my behaviour was at question but I was just lost myself. We were not dating. Confused at my attitude, he finally asked me what was happening between us.
"What do you think?" I asked his opinion instead.
"We like each other in a wired way, ahhhh-I don't know!" he threw his book aside and sat helplessly. I smiled staring at Journal of Biological Chemistry.
"What type of relationship is that when both of us describe ourselves as straight humans?" Reid asked. It clicked right at that moment to me. I sat up.
"Happiness- The relationship of happiness" I said and he looked away smiling.
"You make me happy, I make you happy, simple as that" I went on.
"So yeah, all messed up relation" Reid goofed off but I knew how much he agreed with me. All his life, like mine, sadness engulfed him. All he wanted was to be that special someone for someone. I gave him the appreciation that he thrived on.
He once told me "All this knowledge of the world can't provide me with what you give me, happiness, true happiness".
As weird as it sounds, as funny as it seems, as odd it may feels, we were each other's emotion masters. We loved to be together in our own ways. When it was just two of us, we would climb out to our little mystery world of happiness where glimpses of heaven startled us, where eye to eye we read each other, where without touching we felt each other, where without a real relation we lived for each other.
I told no one how much he meant for me. Breaths came easy watching him by my side. I could never eat without having him around, never sleep, never rest, never dream. I quickly had slaved myself. I made one happy slave. But to others, I was just little over-protective brother of his.
Then, this text from a new number with much more concerning message arrived.
"I know the way to your heaven, AND, I am going to seize it away"
I threw my phone away this time. No one knew where my heaven lied, no one had the slightest idea how to get there, in fact there was no way. I remember that night, I sat in the balcony enjoying the warm winds of the city. I knew the messages were getting more personal. I felt scared for the first time. Then again, no one knew what my heaven was. Maybe they meant something else, I'd like that better.
A deep sign and a creased forehead, I sat there thinking it was time for action. It wasn't long before my heaven joined me. I called him that only in my thoughts. I hoped the texts were not referring to him.
"You seem distressed?" Reid asked joining me in the balcony after a tiring day at training.
"I'm just a little worried" I confessed.
"Is there another text?" He questioned as I passed him my phone. With a glimpse, he read the sentence out loud. Immediately, he understood the underlying meaning. I rose to my feet inhaling loudly.
"It's getting serious now" I exclaimed.
"I can talk to Hotch 'bout it" Reid mentioned, I shook my head.
"No, NO..I don't think he needs to be involved yet" I walked over to where he was sitting. I swear his eyes could murder any heavy hearted like me. Silence fell. I stared. He stared. I smiled.
"Nothing to worry right, it's probably some psycho getting off at scaring some FBI agent right" I said. Reid took my hands in his.
"No, I think we should get Garcia to trace the sender's number and the location" He mentioned.
"You think so"
"I feel something bad is going to happen"
"Why?"
"It's just a feeling"
I smiled at his concern and embraced him. And suddenly, it was happiness surrounding us all around. We were getting lost in the hug, forgetting the world, like nothing mattered, like nothing existed.
The next morning, we got the number traced, location located. Both of us drove to the fields of lavishing green grass, to remote side of the city. The text came from a very small hut-like house located in middle of a wide field. With precautions, we entered the place which at first seemed abandoned for years, like no one lived here.
Reid scraped dust off of some table. I lowered my gun to examine few piles of paper over the old rusty sofas. My sight fell on a paper ID. At first, I thought I was imagining but it really was that. I stepped back, bile building in my throat, chest contracting tightly. No, it made all sense. Those paper spoke about the hell I always lived in before I lived in this heaven. My feet felt numb. And, then my phone beeped.
"You found me finally Derek, I am coming for you".
I yelled No, mentally, before I looked up to see my paradise dazzling nearby. All pressure subsided. I felt at peace again, for a while only. He smiled back as he walked towards me.
I mentally screamed to myself, Carl Buford.