Based in the Universe of the story Ending up Here, but it is diverting from the original theme, so enjoy exploring this world with me.
"Did you have to teach him that?" Jason groaned, slumping against the door frame, in absolute misery, what kind of torture was this?
"Please~" Tim smirked at Jason's misfortune. "Dick taught ME that move." He laughed when big bad Red Hood whined.
They were both watching Dick doing some stretches; yoga Tim kept calling it, in the living room on a mat. In his brand new uniform. He had bought this awful, just terrible, disco reject outfit that Jason and Tim happily burned in a barrel to warm the hobos. Now he had this skin tight black and electric blue suit, reinforced Kevlar and armored shoulder pads and chest plates. But dammit all to hell, he was painted into it, it was driving Jason crazy and it was all Tim's stupid fault.
"Honestly, lil Red, you'd think you've never seen a grown man work out before." He teased, sharpening his retractable claws.
Another thing Jason had to deal with, honestly, think you'd find a normal fun guy, flirt a bit, get to know his friends and then…this. This bullshit, some nights it gave him a head ache. His…sort of boyfriend, whatever he was, wanted to become a masked vigilante with him and they both find out that little Timmy, the fucking twelve year old, was a fucking cat burglar. Jason had not seen that one coming, but something about the kid had seemed familiar, but damn. That came out of left field.
Dick's face when Tim had dropped from the rafters where they had been tracking some goons to, taking off his goggles and casually saying sup like it was just another Tuesday, oh it was priceless. Jason nearly shot him of course, cause fuck Tim in general. Dick went full mother hen, though, and the kid got the speech of the century about trust or some shit, Jason hadn't really been paying attention, he was too busy cracking up over the look on little Stray's face while he got chewed out by the disco king.
Now that had been Red Hood and Nightwing's first week out on the streets, letting Dick get his feet wet on the beat. It somehow became a little rag tag team featuring: the deadliest crime lord of Gotham, the infamous Catwoman's protégé and then some newbie.
This was Jason's actual life now. Also his boyfriend thing was sinfully hot and his new friend was the bane of his existence. So that was going pretty great.
"Dick, try that move I did actually teach you." Tim called into the living room, leaning over the divider counter between the kitchen and living room, Jason swore if he had a real tail it would be swishing or some shit.
"Oh yea!" Dick said all excited and moving into a whole new pose that made Jason groan again, Timmy close your eyes, he was about to do some shameful things to Dick.
"I hate you." Jason muttered not taking his eyes off the inhuman way Dick manipulated his body, bless the circus and all the things they taught this man.
"Love you too, sunshine." Stray countered, a sly smirk spreading across his lips.
"What are you guys doing?" Dick asked, rolling onto his back, lightly panting from his work out, finally looking over at them.
"Tim, leave, I am gonna pounce him." Jason said, not really caring if Tim did actually leave. Dick sat up with a cute little squeak, completely unaware of why things were escalating.
Stray hopped up onto the counter, sliding over so his crossed legs dangled over the edge, resting an elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand while he settled in for front row seats to the show.
"I'm alright." The smirk curled into something wicked as Jason advanced on the confused man on the floor.
"I hate your new uniform." Jason breathed, dropping down over Dick, trapping him between hands and knees.
Dick looking panicked and confused, tossing many questioning looks at Tim, who only looked like he was watching the best thing ever and was no help.
"You hated the last one." Dick whined, he wasn't an idiot, he knew that look in Jason's eyes, but Tim was RIGHT there.
"Yea, but this one is too form fitting, it's too distracting, how are we supposed to kick criminal ass when I want to jump you?" Jason's voice was dropping and it sent shutters through the man underneath him.
"We could always burn this one too~" Tim suggested from his perch.
"What? You said you donated it!" Dick said in outrage, well his kind of outrage anyhow.
"We did donate it, to fire." Tim laughed when Dick made a strangled noise of upset.
"I worked hard on that!" He puffed up his cheeks, glaring up at Jason. He lowered his voice. "You are not jumping me in front of Tim."
"You think he cares?" Jason countered.
"I call winner." Stray chimed in, a perverted smile plastered all over his face.
"Tim!" Dick sounded surprised, Jason wondered why, guess he wasn't as used to his Stray persona, Jason was hardly fazed.
"Tim, you are twelve." Jason seemed to have to remind him of that, but once again there was a protest of being eighteen, kid was in denial.
Stray jumped off his spot on the counter, Jason had to be honest with himself, he never saw a child walk the way Tim did, when he was in that suit, he probably was eighteen. If only to make Jason think he wasn't going to hell…again.
Claws traced the curve of Jason's spine all the way up to the base of his neck, Stray leaning over to whisper in his ear and no dammit, it did nothing for him. Not a thing. Nope.
"Oh honey, you would not be able to handle all the things I could do to you and make you forget every silly little one liner you've ever come up with." Damn Selina taught this kid a thing or two, not even she could get him riled up like that.
"Oh my god." Dick mumbled under Jason, looking at Tim like he was someone else and not the little nerdy friend he's had since childhood. Jason swore he heard Dick whisper, 'why is this so hot?' under his breath, he agreed.
"You getting in this or what, Kitten?" Jason smirked, pleased to see his persona crack and his brows raise in surprise.
Tim opened his mouth to retort, but was harshly interrupted with the sound of the window being thrown open and a body rolling into the living room. Three sets of eyes locked on the intruder.
"Hood…what the hell are you doing?" The distaste was nearly spat at the trio.
"Well…there goes MY boner." Jason muttered, rocking back off Dick on to his heels in a squat. "What do you want?"
The small boy scanned the room before turning a burning glare upon each person for a different amount of time, his little nose scrunching up like he had suddenly smelt something horrific. Had they been in Jason's safe house and not Dick's apartment, he'd think he was smelling something, as they weren't, he was sure he was about to say something completely rude.
"Who are your harlots?" Yep, there it was. Nailed it.
"Oooh, who are you~?" Stray stood up straight and was by the boy before he could blink and all that got Stray was a sword against his throat. "Oh, I like him."
"Robin, don't you fucking dare." Jason warned, getting up to his feet, setting him with a glare.
"Tell the whore to get back then."
"Yea, that's not as cute the second time, kiddie." Stray said in deadpan, tracing a claw down the blade.
"Don't." Robin warned, narrowing his eyes.
"I will turn this car around!" Jason shouted, getting both of their attention. "Good, now stop it."
Robin didn't lower his sword; but at least Stray raised his hands in defeat before dropping them back to his side. Stray smirked down at the boy wonder who only glowered in response, raising the blade to his face. Stray licked the dull edge lewdly, slowly and made a small hum in the back of his throat.
Jason was not at all surprised that Robin nearly dropped his sword. He shook his head as he helped Dick up, muttering about some people's children.
"Y-You, what is the matter with you!" Robin sputtered, regaining his composer to threaten again.
"So many things, would you like to learn firsthand, little bird~?" He purred, gently guiding the sword away from his face, moving into Robin's personal space, relishing in the way his face turned pink.
"Fucking hell, Stray! You kiss my little brother and I will shoot you in the leg!" Jason barked, nearly going into tackling him if Dick hadn't grabbed his arm.
"What?" Stray blinked back into Tim so fast it was like the matrix was glitching.
"Hood, do not tell harlots of our relations." Robin hissed, moving away from Stray a respectable amount.
"Stop calling them that, you are not an old man for one and for two, they are my friends." Jason sighed; this was not his kid, what the hell?
"If you say so…" Robin said under his breath, eyeing Stray with weary.
"What do you want?" Jason asked through gritted teeth, this was not where his night was supposed to be going.
Robin out right ignored Stray in favor of explaining the reason he had been looking for him.
"Batman –" Jason cut him off with a wave of the hand.
"I don't even care." He snapped, they had yet another argument right before he had run into Dick the second time and he was still pissed at Bruce about it.
"Hood." Robin gritted his teeth, not willing to take no for an answer. "He requested-" Again he was cut off.
"And I request him to shove it, whatever he wants, he can forget it." Jason dismissed.
"It's in regards to the new partner you've taken on, not your petty squabbles. You know better than anyone, if you don't go to him, he'll simply come to you. Or just find your partner when you've left them alone for just a minute and-"
"Yea, yea, I get it, Bat's always loved to play dirty." Jason interrupted.
"Whoa, whoa, I do not want to meet Batman!" Dick protested, getting Robin's attention.
"This?" Robin used the sword to point at Dick. "This is what you picked up as partner?" He sneered, stalking over to him, having to look up at Dick.
Dick had never felt so judged in his life and by some teeny tiny child no less and all he could think was this psycho with a sword was totally adorable.
"Pitiful." He spat, looking back Jason. "I expected better."
"Jealous?" Jason taunted, grinning at the kid.
Robin scoffed, nearly sounded like he was choking on the horror of the notion itself, as if he, the great Robin the boy wonder, would ever feel such an emotion connected to some untrained would be hero.
"Hardly."
"Aww, I think it's cute~" Stray purred, leaning back against the wall by the window the bird wonder had tumbled out of earlier.
"Shut your trap, cat." Robin warned, certainly trying to recreate the infamous bat glare.
"Oh rewow~" Stray mocked, acting like he was clawing at the boy.
"Are you Catwoman's runt? I should have guessed." He sneered again.
"Mm, want to see how much I'm like her~?" He purred, certainly about to do something lewd.
"Stray, what the hell did I just tell you? He's like ten, stop it." Jason swore, someone was getting thrown out a window tonight.
"I am not ten." Robin hissed, as if out of habit.
"Heh, you too? How old are you?" Stray cocked his head in interest, dropping his teasing.
"Not that it's any business of yours, " Robin huffed, turning to Jason who was wishing it would be alright to shoot everyone but Dick right now. "I'm fourteen."
"TEN." Jason corrected. "Dick, why are our children like this?"
"What?" Dick blinked. "We don't…they are not…Jason please, do not drag me into this."
"You told him your name?" Robin asked in disbelief. "What else have you told him?"
"Nothing about you or bats, besides the basics. Don't you worry your little feathers." Robin growled. "Look, tell Bats he doesn't need to worry about Nightwing, he's not his business. He's mine."
"I am not a messenger." Robin crossed his arms, glaring.
"Then why are you being one now?" Jason asked, not impressed with his little stubborn display.
"Because…" He trailed off, looking like he hadn't planned for this conversation. "I just thought to mention, while I was here."
"You tracked me down, how did you find me anyway?" Jason asked, looking over at his helmet on the table. "Did you hack my helmet again?" He demanded, hands on his hips, hearing Dick laugh about something that sounded like stern mom or something.
"Of course. It's child's play."
"Says the child." Jason counted, enjoying the annoyance on his face. "You missed me, huh kid?"
"Don't be absurd, I was nearby cleaning up after that other partner of yours. Really sloppy work." He sniffed.
"Roy, that moron, I told him no." Jason muttered to himself.
"Looks like no one really likes to listen to you, I thought you were supposed to be the imposing leader~?" Stray teased, getting a glare from the Hood and the Robin.
"Are you sure I can't just-"
"No!" Dick and Jason yelled in unison when Stray looked at Robin.
"No fun at all." Stray sighed, shrugging.
"You keep terrible company, Hood." Robin commented.
"That's not nice to say about yourself." Jason smirked at the look on his face. "Come here." He motioned him over, Robin obeyed and moved closer.
He squeaked and screamed in rage when Jason snatched him up into his arm, hugging the daylights out of him.
"Put me down this instant!" He bellowed, kicking his little legs and spitting threats in both his native tongue and the other languages he knew.
"You want some big bro time, you just gotta say~" Jason teased, kissing his cheek laughing when he screeched like a banshee.
"Release me!" And he did, the kid was red in the face and breathing heavily in rage and in the confusion he had dropped his sword. He fisted his hands as he glared up at Jason. Who just ticked him off more by ruffling his already spiky hair.
"Why!" He shouted, his little fists swinging every which way.
"Welcome to sibling living." Jason answered, kneeling down to Robin's level. "Look, I know you would rather crawl over broken glass then say you just wanted to visit, but come on, at least just give me a secret code word or something."
Robin's breathing started to slow to normal, still tense and his heckles raised, but getting back to calm. He glanced at the other strangers in the room before looking back at his brother.
"Later, fine, back at my place." He said quietly, getting back up.
Robin crossed his arms, looking off in a random direction like he could care less, but Jason knew better. He knew better than anyone what kind of father Batman could be and how it left a lot to be desired.
"Dick…we are gonna have to deal with Bat's eventually, this is partly his town too and we're bound to run into him." He looked over at him, he looked pale and nervous. "He's not as scary as you hear about."
"He's surprisingly normal." Stray added in, shrugging when they looked at him. "I have run into him a few times, I am a thief, it happens."
"He's a thief!?" Robin asked in disbelief.
"What gave me away~? The cat suit or that my mother is Catwoman?"
"What?!"
"Would you two…I can't take you anywhere." Jason sighed, relaxing a little when Dick took his hand. "Anyway, what do you say?"
"Alright…just…don't let him do anything…" Dick mumbled. "I'm still new at all this and I cannot take Batman."
"No you could not."
"Shut it, baby bat." Jason warned, turning back to Dick. "You'll be fine, I'm sure you've dealt with the whole meet the parents thing, it's just like that…with bat costumes."
"He's your dad?" Stray and Dick sputtered.
"I just thought you were his partner, not his kid!" Dick couldn't believe this, he had no idea Batman actually had kids…though it explained why he had them around.
"Yea…didn't I mention that? Oh well, it'll be fine." He shrugged; it wasn't that big of deal, not to him anyway.
"Sure, yea, okay." Dick said, still trying to process. "My life was so normal three months ago."
"You grew up in the circus." Tim pointed out.
"Your best friend was secretly a cat burglar." Jason added.
"Shut up…it was more normal than this!" Dick pointed at Jason. "My boyfriend is the Red Hood," He moved to Tim. "My best friend is the adopted son of Catwoman," He finally landed on Robin. "And Robin the Assassin is in my living room. This is NOT how life is supposed to be."
The room got quiet, Jason was trying to find the best witty comment to make to all that and somehow throw in how cute Dick was, it had to be a good one.
"You're dating your partner? And this…person no less." Robin said in distaste.
"Be nice or I won't let you meet his elephant." That shut him up; he winked at Dick with a grin. "He likes animals."
"Look at it this way, Dickie, your life is just more interesting." Tim said, patting his friend on the back in pity. "You'll learn to roll with the punches…and how to adjust to change while you're at it~" He teased.
"Oh jeez, thanks Tim, I feel so much better." Dick said, words dripping in sarcasm.
"I do what I can to help~"
"You both are hopeless idiots." Jason commented.
Stray curled his arms around Dick's neck, nuzzling his cheek with his eyes locked on Jason's. "But we're your hopeless idiots~" He purred.
Jason wasn't sure why, but he felt the urge to cover Robin's eyes, so he did.
"What!" He protested, trying to remove the hand. "Todd, what is the meaning of-" He growled again as Jason ruffled his hair and removed his hand.
"Look kid, meet me at my safe house, the one you've been to, like tomorrow. I've got grown up things to attend to tonight."
Robin looked up at him unimpressed.
"You think your subtly means nothing to me, but I'm not an idiot." He regarded the other two with a light sneer before nodding at Jason. "But I better get back to my patrol. Good bye Todd." He looked over at the other two. "Harlots." He said before going back through the window like he had never showed up.
"As we were~?" Stray suggested, pulling himself off Dick to grab his hand and walk backwards toward his bedroom.
"Lead the way, Kitten." Jason smirked following after them.
"My life was so normal…" Dick mumbled.