"Love means never having to say you're sorry." – Ali MacGraw, Love Story

Malibu, California ~ 0:35

"So... brother..." Prussia gently placed the palm of his hand and cupped Germany's cheek. A soft kiss soon followed. The amount of feels I'm getting right now is incomprehensible. "Are you ready to have some fun?"

BOOOM BOOOM SMACKASMACKASMAKCACRACKACRAK CACRAKCA SEEEEEXXXXXX

Germany and Prussia both had tons of fun and regretted nothing. Their love could conquer all, bitches.

After they both "cleaned up", Germany insisted he had to leave. He had "Germany things" to cater to. Prussia was infuriated and shot him... ten times. His corpse lie dead on the floor and Prussia chucked manically as police sirens began to close in on Prussia's California villa. Prussia tried to burn the body and drown it down the bathtub, but it didn't work. The time was high. Prussia gathered his clothes as fast as he could and hurriedly stuffed them into his pink rhinestoned suitcase and fell out of the window. A trash can nearly broke his fall, but he was okay.

Five Months Later...

Prague, Czech Republic ~ 13:48

"Can you spare a dime? A penny?"

HAHAHA PRUSSIA BECAME THE TALK OF THE TOWN HAAAA Mr. I Have No Money

Suddenly, Prussia noticed a red-haired beauty with a long curl increasing his hair's height by a few inches. What the fuck was Italy doing here?

The beauty noticed Prussia and quickly scurried away. "ITALY! ITALY! ITALY! I CAN FUCKING SEE YOU!"

Italy stole a hat from a nearby cart and ran away from Prussia. "Damn... he's got a nice ass..."

The computer whirring inside Prussia's head began to work into overdrive.

INITIATE HUMAN TRACKING SYSTEM

Name: Feliciano Vargas

Birthplace: Rome, Italy

Residence: London, United Kingdom

Currently heading to: Shanghai, China

"MWAHAHAHAHA ITALY I NOW WHERE YOU ARE AT ALL TIMES YOU CUNT"

Prussia's awesome devilish smile followed. You know you love it, bitch.

Shanghai, China ~ 14:43

"GERMANY AND ITALY KISSING?! WAIT, HOW THE FUCK IS HE ALIVE" Prussia couldn't believe his eyes. Germany, the love of his life, in the arms of another man! Prussia ran up to Italy and he uttered some... erm... interesting words...

"You should be promoted to Cunt Manager AKA Boyfriend Stealer.

Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001 worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't look promising either. We need to trace your bloodline and terminate all siblings and cousins in order to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The good news is that no normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the sewers in search of your dignity.

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a loathsome disease, a drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You have a version 1.0 mind in a version 6.12 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You believe that P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns all day if the other inmates would let you.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. Spammers look down on you. Phone * operators hang up on you. Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. May you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous galactophage and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother opening the door when you leave - you should be able to slime your way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you.

You smarmy lagerlout *. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish *. You gormless crook-pated *. You bloody churlish boil-brained clot pole ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey *. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. May your spouse be blessed with many *.

You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself in clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of * clues at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a clue. If you were a movie you would be a double feature; _Battlefield_Earth_ and _Moron_Movies_II_. You would be out of focus.

You are a fiend and a sniveling coward, and you have bad breath. You are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel. You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. You are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You won't make it. I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair.

It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone that the other stones make fun of. So stupid that you have traveled far beyond stupid as we know it and into a new dimension of stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed to a singularity where even the stupons have collapsed into stuponium. Stupid so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot be possible that anything in our universe can really be this stupid. This is a primordial fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure extract of stupid with absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of stupid. After this experience, you may not hear from me for a while. I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this was true in your case then I would have never have exposed myself to what you wrote. It just wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, EDLINoid, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-*, puerile, and Generally Not Good."

Prussia's awesome. You can never deny that. He walked off like Beyoncé at the Super Bowl.