What she always wanted to know
Chapter 1:
The first thing Rose did, after Mickey left, was that she took all his stuff and put it into a box, she hin in an empty cupboard. She did not want to be reminded of how she treated him. He knew, he had lost her and still kept giving her support.
To her, Mickey had already left her life, when the Doctor had died - an regenerated. Back then she had decided to stay at the Doctor´s side forever. Well, just her forever. She couldn´t stay for the rest of HIS life, but for the rest of hers.
"So", she said, smiling, as she sank down on a sofa in the library she discovered only a few days ago. The Doctor was already reading, sitting on a second sofa, facing hers. "D´you remember our little excursion to this school with the flying teachers and your tin dog?", she asked, a little nervous. She always wanted to ask him something, since this day. But when Mickey was around, it was inappropriate to mention it.
"Yeah, nasty beasts, this Krillitanes", was all, the Doctor answered, still concentrating in reading his book. Well, he wasn´t exactly concentrated. He looked up, every now and then, but was absent-minded, it seemed.
"Yeah", Rose agreed and swallowed hardly. Her throat seemed too dry to speak, but she had to know. "You said, you would not leave me behind, like you did with Sarah Jane. I would love to be able to believe that, but what is so special about me? Why am I worth to stay here while I´m aging, and why was Sarah Jane not worth it?"
For a moment, less than a second, she thought, she had seen fear flickering in his deep, brown eyes. But then it was gone. "I just forgot her. I had to leave her to go home to Gallifrey and then I met someone else. I had no time to think about her and when I remembered, it was such a long time, that I assumed, she would have continued her life back on earth", he answered and they both knew, he lied. But this time Rose wasn´t going to take it that easily.
"Doctor, please! You can´t just lie to me. Listen, I love travelling with you, and it´s allright to have your secrets. Probably it would kill me to know all the pain you suffered in the last 900 years. But when you say, you left her behind, just like that, and wouldn´t do the same to me, I have to know why."
The Doctor looked up again, stood up and walked towards her, staring at her. "I never thought about it", he seemed to admit, but Rose guessed, he was lying again. "I don´t want to. We only have a few years and I don´t want to think about having to let you go. I don´t want to loose you. Not today, not ever. And I just don´t want to think about the day, I have to see you leave or die. Can´t you understand it?"
Now he was directly in front of her, staring at her, only a few centimetres away, so he could feel the heat of her skin and she felt the cold coming from him, which made her shiver.
She knew, this conversation was about to change their relationship forever, for better or for worse.