Warnings: Post BDM. Multiplecharacter deaths, in case you couldn't figure it out from the summary.
A/N: If you're reading this because you followed me for On a Whim of Fate, I swear I'm working on it. This has just been sitting on my computer for ages and I decided it's time I published it.
You kneel next to the graves of your parents, placing flowers over on them. They've been gone ten years to the date now, but there's still an ache inside you. You miss them. On a hot planet like Persephone, the flowers will be dried up before too long, but in this moment, they look nice.
As long as you can remember, there's been a plot next to theirs. One gravestone with eight names, and underneath those names is a holographic picture. Each time you visit on this day, a man comes, kneels down in front of the grave, and just watches them, a look of utter defeat on his face.
Part of you has wanted to ask him who they were. Family, friends, old war buddies... He looks old enough to have fought in the war. He's got the look of a soldier to him, too. The way he stands... You've never spoken to him, and yet something today makes you want to. Perhaps because after ten years, your curiosity can't take it much more. You wait, fixing the flowers and smoothing the dirt over the graves. You hear the tread of footsteps behind you and turn around. He's there, with flowers this time. That's a first. He sits down in front of the grave and you see tears in his eyes. You open your mouth to ask him who they were, but he speaks first.
"You know... all these years we've been coming here and neither of us have spoken to each other."
"Yeah," you nod. "I was just going to say the same thing."
"I don't even know your name," he says, running a hand through his hair. "And yet, I feel as though you have a better idea as to who I am than anyone else I know. Pardon me, if that sounds strange to you."
You turn to him. Yes, it is strange, you think, but you don't say it. You let him talk instead.
"I don't tell anyone about Serenity," the man says, looking down at the graves. "No one… But maybe it's time."
"You don't have to tell—"
"No, but I think I should… I suppose it's fitting that they're buried here. Persephone was where it all started for us. The beginning of the end; or the end of the beginning. It depends on your viewpoint, though I tend to support the latter notion."
"Who were they?" you ask.
"Good people. Friends that I traveled with for many years... No, they were more than that. They were family. We shouldn't have gotten along as well as we did. And sometimes it was all we could do to keep from killing each other. Two war veterans, a pilot, a mercenary, a shepherd, a companion, a mechanic, a doctor, and his psychic sister. All stuck together on the same boat. It was a miracle we all survived as long as we did. We grew closer over the adventures we had. Danger around every corner. We always brought it all on ourselves, of course. After all we went through, it was like we were indestructible. Then we lost Wash and Book," he pointed out two of the holograms. "And it hit us that we were going to die someday... Scared us, too. I suppose I always knew we would. It's just how life works; I'd seen plenty of it. But with their deaths, our little scrap of security suddenly seemed gone and everyone was at stake.
"Zoe took it the worst. Wash was her husband. She was pregnant at the time; didn't even know until after he was gone. She miscarried; I have never felt so useless as I did then. A few months later, Zoe died in a hail of gunfire, during a stand-off with the Alliance over some salvaged goods. River said she was death-seeker after she lost her baby. No one believed her until she was gone," he closes his eyes and places a hand on another name, just next to Wash's.
"Jayne was next," he continues. "We all knew it was coming. Zoe's death shook him; it meant he was second in command... I didn't really like that idea, but he was the next logical choice. The rest wouldn't last in a firefight, except River. And her mind still wasn't all there. She was too unbalanced.
"When the war started again, Jayne was second one in line for the Independents. I was the first. The rest of the crew agreed in a heartbeat. The Independents would have us, but only as a supply ship. No battles unless we were absolutely needed. It was a stupid idea; we'd seen more battles than most out here. Jayne overreacted, as did River. The pair of them took off on their own to battle the Alliance. A few months later, during a fight over supplies on Boros, River showed up again. Only River. She fought off most the army single-handedly, but we all had our share of fighting that day. When it was over, we'd taken the whole planet, with only our ship and River. She wouldn't talk about Jayne, just that he was dead and that he'd died bravely.
"They promoted us after that, finally letting us on the front lines. And with a captain who was a veteran in the first war, how could they not?" he snorts. "General Reynolds."
"General?"
"Oh yeah," he smiles. "It was quite a show of promotion. I've never seen something so silly. You would've thought it was an Alliance ceremony. Jayne was honored posthumously and given a fancy memorial. It was very stupid; he'd have hated it.
"Kaylee— She shouldn't have been on that battle field; she wasn't a soldier," he seems more disturbed at her death than the others he's mentioned so far. "She was running supplies, handing out extra ammo. You should've seen her. Early twenties, the best mechanic in the 'Verse. The first time I met her—" he shakes his head. "Let's just say it some interesting circumstances... It seems so long ago. But she was constantly happy. Even when she was dying, she kept telling us it wasn't our fault. Started lecturing us all on what we had to do to keep the ship running. And that we had to get a mechanic and couldn't feel bad about replacing her just 'cause she died. But we could've saved her. Somehow, I know we could've.
"Anyways, it was four of us left. The companion, the child soldier, the medic, and the captain " he sighs. "we were so scared and so lost. I was lost..."
"It must've been hard, knowing the Alliance won the war," you say. The poor man; the Alliance wouldn't have been kind on the Independent survivors. He must have been the only one of his crew to escape their wrath.
"The Alliance didn't win," he says, chuckling darkly. "They wanted everyone to think that, but you look real close, they left the Independents well enough alone after that. Too many losses on their sides. A few more times of 'winning' like that, and they'd have lost a whole generation of soldiers on the core planets. After the war, we went back to business. We ignored Kaylee's request and had River become both pilot and mechanic, though she taught us what she could."
"So what happened to the others?"
"Exactly what you're imagining. The Alliance were sore losers, and River had been the reason many battles were won. The Independents rallied around her. She was a symbol, so they took her out in one last fit of violence. Didn't do anything really; she died a martyr's death. But they wanted to take all of us out. Inara was the one who discovered they were on the ship. They'd stowed away in some supplies we were delivering to an outlying planet. They attacked while we were sleeping. She had enough time to warn us before they killed her... The rest of us met up to make a mad dash for the shuttle. They shot River down right in front of us. She died in my arms," he stopped, half-choking on his words. "We ran to the shuttle. Straight there and didn't stop. We crashed onto Persephone and I blacked out. When I woke up, he was dead. Four bullets in his chest... I didn't even know he was hit. He's the only one actually buried here; the rest are spread around the 'Verse. We managed to bury Zoe with Wash. No one knew where Jayne was, 'cept River. Kaylee's somewhere in a mass grave with all who died in that battle. Inara and River died with Serenity; they destroyed it as soon as we escaped. Some would say it's a miracle that I'm alive, but it's a curse. The people I loved are all dead. What I wouldn't give to have died in any of their places. Still; I have to keep going. Help the folks I can. Seems only right that I do something with the extra time I've been granted."
You wipe away the tears in your eyes, looking at your parents' graves and suddenly realizing that their deaths were perhaps a blessing for them. Better to die than have your soul scarred so deep. "I'm sorry."
"I must sound like Mal, reliving the 'glory days'... It's funny, just after the war started, he told me that I reminded him of himself when he was younger. S'pose that's what the war did to me; turned me into him. Only I lost a bit more than he did. He still had Zoe. I don't have anyone. I'm a doctor, and I lost every single one of those in my care. It's hard not to feel like I failed them."
"I'm sorry," you say again, unsure what else you're supposed to say.
"It's fine. Just... don't go spreading around the story all over Persephone. I'd rather my patients didn't know about my past."
"How can I tell when I don't know your name?" you point out.
"My point exactly," he smiles, placing his hand on the grave of the girl with dark hair, whispering something.
"Who are you, though?" you ask, "I won't tell anyone, it'd just be nice to know."
"My name is Simon," he says after a moment of silence, "Simon Tam."