Still

by Blackbird4

The possibility of knowing that being just friends with Loren for the rest of my life, for forever, may not be enough. But it wasn’t time that was the problem. It was the friend part; a relationship not big enough. Elfangor/Loren. One Shot. Complete.

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at legitimate fanfiction, so your comments and criticisms are much desired and appreciated. This is an Elfangor/and Loren story from the world of Animorphs. There are only like, 3 on here or something, and that's a shame. I remember when I was 10 and I read The Andalite Chronicles for the first time and I was like, devastated by the fact that Elfangor had to give up Loren for the greater good. I understood the reason but it was still depressing. This is currently a difficult time for me, and needing a distraction, for some reason I can't quite explain (maybe because I never got over the Elfangor/Loren tragedy) I decided to try to spend the past 4 days writing this. The challenge I presented myself with was to try to write something that made readers feel something. I know it's a bit on the long side for a one-shot, but I assure you the length was necessary.

If at times the tone of the story seems awkward, please understand that I am doing my best to right from the point of view of an alien pretending to be a human. The story is rated M for sexual content and language, which I personally think is an overkill, but I wanted to be on the safe side. This story takes place right after The Andalite Chronicles.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the brilliance that is Animorphs, I only wish I did.

I was dead, I was sure of it. I had already felt the pain, had already felt my body being ripped apart, had already felt my mind slip away… and yet I was here, and here was nothing.

I stood, my body whole, on nothing. Surrounded by nothing. Everything was white. Like a program without any data. Was the afterlife some version of Z-space?

I almost laughed when he finally appeared. I wondered why I hadn't guessed that this was some work of the Ellimist before. He appeared just as the last time I had seen him, as an old man.

((Am I dead?)) I asked.

"Quite," was his answer.

I actually relaxed at his response. The last time I had seen him, he had destroyed what I had loved most, and so if I was dead, what damage could he really do to me?

((Is this the afterlife?)) I asked, only mildly curious.

He actually smiled. "No."

((Is there an afterlife?))

The smile disappeared and he paused before answering. "I do not know, I have never died."

His answer surprised me, and yet I found myself getting satisfaction as well. He had admitted a weakness. Had admitted the fact that he was not all-powerful. Considering the pain that he caused me, I couldn't help but find a small amount of pleasure in that.

((What is this place?)) I asked.

"You have died. Before the small strand of space-time that is your life coils into nothingness, I stopped time to speak to you."

I had given my hirac delest, had at last gotten to see my son, had planted a weapon on Earth against the Yeerks, and had made my peace with death. There was no need for me to beg for life. In truth, I was weary of it and anticipated the rest. I had done what was asked of me by my people, even by the Ellimist himself. What more could he possibly have to say to me?

"I wanted to thank you," the old man who was the Ellimist said. "For your actions. Your honor and nobility are not easily replicated and the plans that I have would not have bore fruit if not for your actions. You fought for justice. You acted bravely, and I thank you."

His words surprised me and I couldn't hide the bitterness in my voice. ((I wish I could say it was my pleasure, but that's a lie.))

The Ellimist looked surprise. "Are you so noble that you do not realize the benefits of your actions? What you have done for not just the Andalites, but the humans and—"

I cut him off. ((Yes, I do. I know that because of me the free species of the galaxy have a fighting chance. That because of me the Yeerks will have a much harder time conquering Earth. That because of me the Andalitles may indeed one day declare victory.))

"Then why your bitterness?" he asked.

He must not have realized my decades long suffering. He must not have realized how my memories were both a comfort and a plague at the same time. He must not have realized what it felt like to burn without being on fire.

"Still?" he asked with wonder, as if he were reading my thoughts. Perhaps he thought that my pain would decrease over the years, or that I would develop a sense of indifference. Out of sight, out of mind he probably assumed.

((Still.)) I confirmed. Already, I could feel the memories washing over me…...

"What is the purpose behind this?" I asked Loren, looking down at her from her spot on the floor.

"I told you," she said, rearranging the position of my legs. I was surprised to find that as a human, I seldom fell over, but she was currently making it a clear possibility. "I'm taking you to my cousin's wedding."

"So you have informed me. However, I fail to see the purpose of dancing."

"Typical guy," Loren muttered. "And stop standing like you are preparing for an attack! Relax your knees."

"Typical Andalite," I reminded her, doing as she instructed.

Her frown turned into a quick smile at my words, something I loved to see from her. The music had began to play and suddenly Loren was off the floor and right in front of me, putting my hands on her waist and sliding her arms around my neck. "Now we move gently from side to side," she said.

"Why?" I asked, as I began to move with her.

"Because this is how you dance."

"Remind me again of what exactly a wedding is?"

"It's when a man and a woman spend an obscene amount of money on a ceremony, inviting people they don't like, all for an event that basically means no matter how fat, or ugly, or mean the other person gets..…they're in it for the long run. They pledge to the world and each other that they vow to stay together forever." Loren's face clouded over. "Or at least, they are supposed to anyway."

I knew she was thinking about her own father's abandonment of both she and her mother. Putting my need for personal space aside, I pulled her closer to me to comfort her and was surprised to find her resting her head on my chest and my arms instinctively wrapping around her waist. We had slowly started to dance in a circle. The music being played was a classical piece with no words which was mostly for my benefit because I found that most human music outside of this category was awful. I didn't know the particular piece being played but its unusual tempo was rather pleasant.

At first I thought that the strange feeling washing over me was because, being an Andalite, my personal space had been invaded. My heart was beating faster. Heat flooded my body. There was an unusual feeling in my stomach. What was that?

"Am I doing this correctly?" I asked her, my voice a whisper. It felt as though if I spoke too loud, the moment itself would break into tiny little pieces.

"Your doing great," she said, her voice a whisper too.

Neither of us noticed when the music stopped.

I still remembered that single moment. That single moment when that feeling touched me the first time. It was small then, just a possibility. The possibility of knowing that being just friends with Loren for the rest of my life, for forever, may not be enough. But it wasn't time that was the problem. It was the friend part; a relationship not big enough.

I had heard footsteps behind me. "I knew you would come," I said without turning around.

"You're not a hard person to find," Loren said. "Particularly when there is food involved." As she sat down next to me, her feet dangled lazily over the roof like mine did. "Bill said you weren't in class today."

I said nothing as I continued to stare at the star that was the closest to my home. It always seemed to twinkle so brightly in the night sky. Especially now.

"Do you want me to stay so you can talk about it?" she asked gently, but I knew she wouldn't go, even if I asked her to. "Are you missing home again?"

"More like thinking about how home is missing me," I told her. "I don't miss home as much as I should. Probably because I know the disgrace that I am. How much I messed up. Would my parents miss me if they knew all the mistakes that I made? How I screwed the galaxy up, messed up the life of Alloran, Arbron, and even you?" I asked. I was referring to the consequence that Loren accepted more than I did. She had returned to Earth older, years that she was entitled to stolen from her. It was bad enough that our adventure together forced us both to grow up quickly, but Loren was constantly playing catch up to a life that was interrupted. "Running away here is the only decent decision I've made. You are the only person that has to deal with the possibility of me screwing up. The whole galaxy is better off without me."

Loren sighed, and even though I was not looking at her, my eyes trained to the star that was my home, I could feel her frustration next to me. I would never be sorry enough for what the consequences of my actions had cost Loren, but she always insisted that it wasn't a problem.

"I think you are giving yourself too much credit," she said, her words surprising me.

My brown eyes finally met her blue ones in surprise. "What?"

"You are, quite literally, putting the entire weight of the world…galaxy… on your shoulders. You are giving yourself too much credit. All of those problems don't necessarily have to be your problems. And the mistakes you blame yourself for; you did the noble thing every time. The right thing every time. It just so happens that the right thing isn't necessarily the correct one. That doesn't mean you were wrong, that just means…...that's life." She sighed. "As for the circumstances that we found ourselves in when we came back to Earth using the Time Matrix…. I don't blame you for that, I never have, and the Time Matrix itself should be a reminder that you don't need to walk around with such a heavy heart."

I was confused by her words. "What do you mean?"

"As I said, you are giving yourself too much credit. We both concluded that the existence of the Time Matrix was proof that there is something greater than ourselves at work here. There is something greater than what you and I can probably even wrap our heads around. I know I am just a simple human without all the theories of space and time that you have, but you have to look at the odds. Our crazy adventure from the time that we met until the time we came here is almost impossible to believe, and with the fact that we came here with the Time Matrix no less, don't you feel like someone else might be pulling the strings? That someone else let you use the Time Matrix. Who's to say that this whole thing isn't just part of some master plan? That we are just a small part in something bigger?"

I swallowed. I wanted to scoff at her words but the hope flickering inside of me wouldn't let me. Eventually I shook my head at the thought, a human trait I had picked up. "You don't know that, we don't know that. It sounds nice but…" I let my sentence hang.

Loren shrugged. "It makes more sense to me than the alternative."

"And what is that?"

"That you and I were never supposed to have met."

"Loren, you are human and I….. was..… an Andalite. How does a reality where you and I don't meet not make sense?"

It was a while before Loren answered. "I know you think you took something away from me, because of the years that I lost of my life. But the truth is, I don't think that my life really started until I met you. I know you worry if I spend my time wondering or wishing about what could or should have been. Elfangor, the truth is that I don't," she said, using the name we only used in private. "You're my best friend, Elfangor. It wouldn't have been much of a life without you in it. I prefer this one."

She took my hand then and together we looked at the same star. Its twinkle seemed brighter as my vision blurred slightly from the water in my eyes. I had come to the roof feeling guilty about not missing home as much as I should considering the trouble I had unleashed upon the galaxy, but also thinking about how I had no right to miss home at all when I had made such a mess of things.

I turned my head to look at Loren as her eyes looked toward the night sky. Her lips were parted slightly in thought and strands of her golden hair that fell from its messy bun framed her face perfectly.

Not for the first time, her beauty made me pause, and my stomach turned in a way that was not at all unpleasant.

It was then that I realized that it was hard to miss home when home sat next to you, holding your hand, anchoring you to the ground as your troubles floated away above you, so you couldn't follow them.

Whenever I thought of a world with Therant trees, and my Hala Fala, and a sky with four moons so bright that night was almost day, I thought of Loren's face, and it didn't hurt so bad.

I bit into the burger and let out a satisfying moan. The human sense of taste was something that couldn't be described. When first hearing about human food I was absolutely repulsed. Now I knew that something as good as a burger at Hanks had to be experienced to be fully understood.

To my sudden surprise, Loren sat down in the seat across from me, her hands folded. I glanced up from my burger to notice her attire was different. Her arms were free of artificial skin and she was wearing what humans called a dress. A circle of a rather simple piece of metal adorned her neck in a design I hadn't seen before.

I turned my eyes back to my burger. "I am still with upset with you," I told her, pretending to not pay attention to her. Loren had said that a recent art project of mine, a painting that was supposed to be a bowl of fruit, looked more like a bowl of something that a clown would throw up. In truth I had never been very good at drawing, particularly when everything could be put into a computer, but she didn't realize how much harder it was when you were used to using seven fingers on each hand, instead of five.

Loren didn't respond and glared at the place setting in front of her. I frowned. I was just kidding, but realized that perhaps that hadn't been clear. I still had trouble expressing human emotions on my face. "I was just kidding," I told her. "I'm not angry."

Loren rolled her eyes. "I know you're not angry, Al. You have been upset with me for far more important reasons than your artwork and plus, I was right, that painting was horrible." She picked up a fork and started tapping the end against the table impatiently. "My anger is not with you."

Satisfied I took another bite of my burger and chewed thoughtfully. Loren's current attire was not the norm and suddenly I remembered that today was Valentine's Day. "Didn't you have a scheduled rendezvous with Jack?" I asked her, though my mouth was full. Jack was Loren's boyfriend. Humans chose their mates in further detail than Andalites did, spending a huge portion of their lives picking one. Loren's Jack was a human male that did not like me very much. I offended him early on in their relationship and it had pretty much gone downhill from there. Shortly after meeting him I concluded that he was perhaps jealous of the attention that I received from Loren. I didn't know how territorial human males could be when it came to their possible mates and so wishing to rectify the situation before I caused trouble, I told Jack that even though he was obviously lacking in height, I was sure that Loren's affection for him would not wane.

Needless to say, a possible friendship with Loren's Jack was simply not possible from that moment on.

"I figured that the reason Jack hadn't said anything was because he was going to surprise me. Now I know that the idiot actually forgot. So now I am all dressed up for no reason."

"Perhaps it was Jack's intention to spend time with you on this particular festive day, but something came up," I suggested, hoping to appease her.

She reached across the table and stole a fry from my plate. I scowled. She knew I hated when she did that. "Not likely. I swear Al, I sure know how to pick 'em. What is it with guys who continuously let you down? It's not like I was going to marry him or anything, but the possibility of marriage happening for me anytime in the near future is getting smaller and smaller with the more men I meet."

I nodded. "Yes. Humans in general will always struggle when finding a permanent mate. It cannot be otherwise as long as they continue this silly notion that males and females are equal," I admitted, taking a sip of my soda.

If I had hoped to comfort Loren, my words seemed to have the opposite effect. Her face clouded over in anger and she stole another fry from my plate, but instead of eating it she threw it at me. "Excuse me?"

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"You don't think males and females are equal?" she asked incredulously.

I shook my head. "Of course not," I said, reaching to pick up my burger again.

But Loren slid the plate away from me and over to her. "You mean to tell me that on the Andalite home world that females are …... are….. submitting themselves to male authority simply because the Andalites think that males and females are unequal?" she asked incredulously.

"I wouldn't put it quite like that, but essentially…"

"So tell me Al," she interrupted me. "You are a male and I am a female. Are you saying that you are superior to me?" she asked angrily.

I scoffed and shook my head again, she had obviously misunderstood me. "Of course not. You, as any other female, are far more superior."

The anger in her face faded away. "I don't understand."

I nodded, not surprised. "I think it's the reason why the percentage of marriages lasting forever here is so low. Back at home…" I stopped. The word didn't seem to fit. "On the Andalite home world, everyone understands this simple fact…..this simple formula really." I paused for a second, wondering where to begin. "A female is in every way, a gift, and an Andalite male knows this. So it is his job or..…." I searched for a better word. "Responsibility to make sure that she knows that she is the most important person in his life. It is his job to… worship… her in a sense. The female wants for nothing, the male makes sure she is loved, cared for, and adored. He makes sure that she knows how special she is. It is true that an Andalite female is somewhat..…submissive," I glanced at Loren's face, knowing that her supreme feminism, something I loved about her, probably shied away from the word. "But not in the way that you think. She does have a tendency to bend to the will of her husband, but only because she knows that her husband is someone who has only her happiness and well-being in mind so their wills are usually one and the same, if not extremely close. In return the wife provides a sense of companionship, serenity, a rest from the things of the world and most importantly war. She becomes a step for the male. Not for him to stand on, but to lift himself up. It is largely the male's job to provide for the children, but not exclusively, just as it is the female's job, but not exclusively, is to take care of the children. Due to the fact that both his and her needs are met, they can concentrate and focus on the safety, comfort and well being of the children. As a result in growing up in absolute harmony, the children, be they male or female, grow up to repeat the process. As I said, a simple formula with a positive sum. It is not that divorce is not possible on the Andalite home world; it is just largely not done. A female is a treasure, not a burden, and until human males can understand that..…" I let my sentence hang.

Loren's face was unreadable and I thought over my words carefully. Perhaps I had not been clear enough. "Do you understand?" I asked her.

"Yes," she whispered, and still I could not read the expression on her face, but I hoped that I did not offend her. In thinking about my words I thought about how my definition of a proper wife, the benefits Loren gave me, and how she had literally become my rock… the similarities were eerie, and not for the first time, I squashed the feeling that washed over me that was definitely more than friendship.

I snapped out of my musings as Loren picked up the rest of my barely touched burger and laughed at the scowl her actions caused on my face. "I guess it looks like we will be spending Valentine's Day together then. I am already dressed up and all," she said. I watched as she swallowed one of my favorite meals and grinned.

I sighed and raised my arm to signal the waitress to bring me another one.

"Hey Al," Loren greeted me as I walked towards her. She blew into her hands and rubbed them together in an effort to get warm. It was night time and the air was a little chilly. "I didn't know you would be here. Have you seen Jack around? He was supposed to meet me here fifteen minutes ago."

I swallowed, my heart beating in my chest so loudly that I actually feared she would hear it, the closer I got to her. One of the things that I did miss about my Andalite body, besides my tail, was the natural optimism that all Andalite's carry with them. In time we learned to control it, but at that moment I needed all I could get. "No, he's……" I swallowed again and cleared my throat. My voice was tight and scratchy. "He's not coming," I informed her.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Figures. Why not? Did he say?"

"I told him you were sick," I said.

She frowned. "Why would you do that?" she asked.

Because you shouldn't be with him, you should be with me I wanted to say. It's what I had planned to say. It was my whole purpose in pulling off this charade. But suddenly I was doubtful.

"Elfangor?" Loren asked.

Even though she was dating Jack, she had told me herself that she didn't feel a particular preference for him. She said it was why they struggled so much in their relationship. According to her, while they were affectionate with each other, they both had things that they cared about a great deal more.

"I need to tell you something important."

"Okay."

But what if I was wrong? What if Loren laughed at the idea of beginning a courtship with me? What if she saw me as just a friend? Worse, what if she saw me as just her alien friend and the idea of courtship with me was laughable?

I studied her beautiful face, my courage failing. The idea seemed ridiculous now. I didn't want to lie, but I would have to explain the strangeness of the evening. How angry would she be?

The night wouldn't turn out how I had planned but a thought occurred to me. Perhaps if a kiss was out of the question, I could settle for an Andalite kiss? She would never even realize what it was.

I stepped closer to her and slowly, gently, reached up to place my palms on both sides of her face. My finger tips touched the soft golden hair that framed it and my thumbs slid over her cheekbones.

This was my first kiss.

And it undid me.

I could see myself in her eyes and I knew that my mask had dropped. Gone was the face of Alan Fangor that kept his emotions in check. My love for her was pouring out of me and I knew it.

"Elfangor," she whispered, the frown from her face gone, replaced with the shock of what my eyes were telling her.

Hearing my name from her lips is what did it. I did what I planned to do and I kissed her, a human kiss this time.

The second that my lips met the warmth of hers an inaudible groan escaped my mouth. I tried to remember what I had seen the actors do on TV, or what I had seen couples do in public, but I couldn't focus correctly. I was practically shaking as my lips folded over hers and moved in sync to the melody that my heart beat had set. My hands slid from her face to her hair as I brought her head closer to me, thirsty for her.

My need to breathe popped up as an afterthought almost and I reluctantly broke apart from her. With the absence of her lips, my lips hit the cold air and there was an instant shock back to reality as I realized what I had done.

"I-I'm sorry," I said, staring into her bewildered face. "I'm sorry that was rude. Ru-duh. I should have asked…..axed…..asked permission first." It had been a long time since I had played with my words after gaining a mouth. She made me feel like a child all over again.

I watched as she swallowed hard and licked her lips. I suddenly hoped that she didn't find my kiss bad or repulsive. I silently cursed my inexperience.

"So ask then," she said in a whispered gasp.

"What?"

"Ask permission then," she said with a small smile.

A flicker of hope fluttered in my chest. Could it be that she didn't find my kiss repulsive? Could it be that she wouldn't call Jack to reschedule their date? That she would agree to court me?

I was so excited at the possibility that I almost didn't get the words out. "Loren, can I kiss---"

I didn't get a chance to finish the sentence because she covered her lips with my own and I was lost again. The moan that was heard this time came from her and it encouraged me to wrap my arms around her and pull her body close. My Andalite need for personal space was currently nonexistent.

The tip of her tongue slid into my mouth and I was suddenly very worried of falling over. The sensations that I felt as my tongue matched hers in movement were making me feel shaky.

Again the need for oxygen forced me to pull apart from her but I couldn't stop kissing her. I kissed her forehead and each of her cheeks. I kissed each of her eyelids as they fluttered closed.

"I'm in love with you, Loren," I told her. "I love you and I want you to pick me and not him." It felt good to finally say it. Hiding the truth from Loren felt too much like lying and it felt good to get the words out, even though my heart was on the line.

Her blue eyes opened again and my breath was almost swept away by the love and desire I saw in them. A slow smile crept across her face. "Elfangor, all you had to do was ask," she told me.

My smile matched hers as I once again pulled my face to hers.

"You have marinara sauce on..… well, everywhere," Loren said.

"Oh." I grabbed the intricate napkin that lay next to my plate and brought it to my mouth. The residue on the napkin revealed that I had indeed gotten the marinara sauce all over my face. "This is ridiculous, even after all this time, you still can't take me anywhere," I said with a rueful smile.

"True, but this was your idea," she reminded me, picking up her glass and taking a drink. "This place isn't exactly Hanks."

Indeed, it wasn't. I didn't answer her, pretending to suddenly be fascinated with the pasta in front of me. Did she suspect what I was up to? The television that I had watched, the movies that I had seen, and my limited number of human friends besides Loren had led me to believe that this was the best way to start in order to get what I wanted. "This is the best baked ziti I've ever had," I said, hoping to distract her.

She lifted an eyebrow. "Even better than mine?" she asked.

The hand that was holding the fork that was on its way to my mouth, paused. I was at a loss of what to say. Finally I smiled. "You know I can't lie to you, Loren." She laughed, pleased that I had fallen into her trap. "You are however, an excellent cook," I told her truthfully.

She waved her hand dismissively. "I wouldn't go that far. Plus, you aren't exactly picky Al," she said.

I nodded in agreement. "True." For the rest of the evening I listened as Loren told me about her new job in social services. She was such a caring person and even though I had no personal interest in what she did, the passion that she felt for children and helping other humans was a pleasure to witness. With her busy with her studies and new job, she readily agreed to my dinner plans for the evening since due to my new job, our time together was a bit more limited than it had been in the past.

As she chattered away I was mesmerized but her beauty and wondered, not for the first time, at my own selfishness. Loren was such a giving person and she had given so much of herself to me already. Was it really fair to ask for more?

Dinner came to an end and after I paid the bill I suggested we go for a stroll before I returned her to her apartment and she agreed. I took her hand in mine. The hour was late and pretty soon the only sound I could hear was the sound of her chatter and the clack of her artificial hooves that she called high-heels, something that she only wore on special occasions, as her feet hit the side walk. With the heels on she was taller than usual, but I was still an inch or two taller.

"..… so that is when I decided to just ask you," Loren was saying.

I had missed the beginning of her sentence. "Ask me what?"

Loren stopped walking and turned to look at me and I was surprised at the concern on her face. "I love you Elfangor, more than anything, and I love you enough to let you go if you ever want it."

Her words shocked me so much that I felt my jaw drop, a human reflex. "What are you talking about?" I demanded.

She seemed hesitant to speak. "I guess I am just afraid that one day you'll leave me."

I didn't know where her words were coming from. Had I done something to offend her? Had I said something so carelessly that she would think that I would ever leave her? It was true that Loren had some small abandonment issues because of her father, but I knew that for her to make such a bold statement, she had to have a reason. Her fears had to come from somewhere. "Where is this coming from?" I asked quietly.

"I am the only one on this planet who knows your whole story. The only one who knows who you are. I know that you come from a race far greater and more advanced than this one. Sometimes you try to explain things to me and I don't understand. You know of entire worlds and species that humans will never know exist. I feel very lucky to have you in my life, very fortunate that I get to spend my time with you. But I want you to be with me because you love me, not because I am a last resort, due to a lack of options. You are too noble and good to say anything, so I thought I would bring it up just in case there is or comes a time when I am no longer what you want." She finished with a deep sigh.

Her inner musings were so unfathomable to me; I hardly knew where to begin to correct him. To think, that I had actually been worried that she would be angry with the decision that I had yet to tell her. I had rehearsed a speech to give to her, but now it seemed that flowery words weren't going to do it. I would have to speak the absolute truth directly from my heart.

"Loren, I think I loved you since before I even came to this planet with you." A look of surprise registered upon her face and I smiled. "I would like to tell you that it was love at first sight, but that would be a lie. You looked quite strange to me," I admitted and I watched her chuckle. "But my heart was drawn towards you from the moment you told me that you dreamed as I did. I thought that my worry for you, my need to protect you, was because of my sense of duty." I placed a hand over her rapidly beating heart. "Now I know that the need that I had to be around you, my urge to run to you, my desire to keep you, was something deeper than that. Even though our bodies could not have been more different and you could not have looked stranger to me, my soul had immediately recognized its match in another. You give me a reason to live, a reason to try. The few moments when I thought you were dead were the scariest in my life, Loren." I removed my hand from her heart to cup her cheek. "You give me so much. You are absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word and you give me the strength I need to see another day. I feel like with you by my side, I can do anything." I took a deep breath and removed the box that I had been carrying all night from my pocket as I got down to a shaky knee. I heard her gasp as I removed the ring from its box and grabbed her left hand to slide it on her fourth finger before kissing it gently. I lifted my eyes to meet her shining blue ones and felt my throat tighten even more. I took another breath in an effort to get the most important words out. "I want to spend forever with you. I am quite certain that I don't deserve you, but I am willing to spend the rest of my life trying to anyway. I am asking that you do me the honor of spending your life with me. Loren Hunter, will you marry me?"

Her face erupted into a blinding smile of pleasure. "Yes!" The next that I knew I was being propelled backwards as her arms squeezed around my neck. "Yes, of course!"

The pavement of the sidewalk against my back felt cold but I didn't mind in the least as Loren showered my face with kisses. My laughter rang out loudly which of course made Loren laugh in return. I had been told on more than one occasion that the sound of my laughter was strange, but it always had an infectious reaction with Loren. "Do you like it?" I asked her.

She finally brought her hand up to look at the ring I had placed on her finger. It was silver with a single pear-shaped sapphire nestled between two diamonds. A fitting representation of myself, I thought.

"It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Loren answered.

"No," I said, looking at her face as her golden locks spilled onto my chest. "I'm afraid I can't agree with you."

She bit her lip and smiled shyly as she kissed me softly. We didn't speak for a while but it didn't matter. This moment in time was ours and ours alone.

"Whoa, you've got to slow down Al," my human friend Mike said. "I can barely keep up with you today." Running was a human pastime done for exercise and something that, being born a grazing Andalite, I enjoyed immensely. While my pace was never very fast, even at top speed, running helped me think.

I slowed my pace to a complete stop and turned to my friend. His fatigue showed as he bent over with his hands on his knees. "Are you literally running away from something Al?" Mike asked. "You want to talk about it?" My purpose of engaging in a run with Mike today was to do just that but my own embarrassment kept me from saying what I needed to say.

"I need your advice and your help," I told him.
He grinned up at me. "You getting pre-wedding jitters or something?"

"Or something," I muttered under my breath. "If I tell you what my problem is, you have to make every attempt to honestly help me and keep your teasing comments at my expense to a minimum," I said. The ideal person to offer me advice while making the situation relatively painless was Loren, but since this involved her, I had to turn to Mike.

He stood up straight and crossed his arms. "Come on Al, lay it on me."

I sighed, with the wedding only a little over a week away, it was now or never. "I need your advice on how to consummate the marriage," I admitted.

Mike blinked before abruptly throwing his head back in laughter. "Al, you're a virgin?" he asked incredulously.

I nodded. "Yes."

"And Loren…?"

"Yes."

"How is that even possible?"

How indeed? The answer was simple and yet complicated at the same time. I was a virgin because the only type of mating I had knowledge of was between two Andalites, and it was something that was only done between husband and wife. Due to my young age and the fact that I had never been married, I came to Earth a virgin.

The reason why I was still a virgin was entirely because of Loren. Having always been in love with her in some way shape or form I had never felt the desire to have sex with anyone at all. The desire to make love only presented itself when I began courting Loren. I already knew that humans who were not religious felt no aversion to that kind of intimacy outside of wedlock and had assumed that Loren would expect that kind of intimacy right away. Then I learned that she was a virgin as well. Her reasoning blew me away.

"You never came out and exactly said it, but I kind of figured out that the culture that you came from traditionally waited for marriage first," she had told me. I had spent weeks nervous about how to approach the subject and when I did, her response surprised me. "I knew that it might be important to you, and so I waited. I guess I kind of hoped that someday we would end up here. Guess I was right, huh?" she said with a smile. Her words had left me speechless. The fact that Loren had had that much faith in me, that much faith in us, before we even became a couple…it left me humbled.

At first I was glad that there wouldn't be as much pressure on me, since it would be the first time for the both of us, but the little bit of pressure that I still felt quickly transformed into panic.

What if Loren's faith in me was completely unfounded because I was completely unable to satisfy her sexually?

"It's complicated; let's just leave it at that." I said, in an answer to his question. "The problem is that I led a very sheltered life for most of my childhood and adolescence, and as a result I have a very small grasp on the basics. After our discussion I plan to research and study everything that you tell me both in exploration and confirmation but I need somewhere to start. I'm desperate. Explain it to me as you would a child. Please?" I asked.

I must have looked pitiful to him, a grown man asking for sex advice like a horny teenager. The things not growing up as a human had reduced me to! "Okay," Mike said, rubbing his hands together, suddenly very businesslike. "The first thing I think you need to remember is that when having sex, it is absolutely imperative that you don't finish early."

"Finish early?" I asked, thinking about his words. "You mean ejaculating prematurely?"He confirmed my suspicion with a nod and I dragged my hand across my face in despair. Already the odds weren't looking good.

Twice already while just kissing Loren, unused to the human sensations that my body was feeling, I had ejaculated right into my pants without warning. Twice I had had to make excuses to leave. I couldn't decide if Loren was clueless to my predicament both times, or if she was too nice to say anything. I knew that making love was supposed to be one of the most intense things a human could feel. How would I handle it if I could barely handle her lips on my throat?

"The second thing to remember is that the clit is your friend. Don't be afraid of it," Mike said seriously. I had no idea what a clit was but because my pride, both Andalite and male, could only take so much of a hit within such a short time span, I filed the word away in my head and made a mental note to focus on that topic in particular in my research later that day.

"The third thing," Mike continued, counting his mental list off with his fingers, making me wonder if perhaps Mike had been in my shoes at some point in time before someone informed him, "is really a side note to the second thing. While it doesn't take much to get a man to orgasm, getting a woman to orgasm is almost a freakin' science. While it should always be your ultimate goal whenever you have sex, and you'll feel like a king when it happens, you can't take it personally if it doesn't."

That piece of information caught me by surprise. "Men aren't always able to cause a woman to achieve orgasm every single time they have sex?" I asked. "And this is accepted?" Maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself and it was okay if I didn't get it exactly right the first time.

"If it wasn't, I don't think I would have ever been able to keep a girlfriend," he said with a laugh.

My stress over the situation kept me from joining in. "Tell me more," I instructed.

Mike proceeded to give me a very basic and general outline of what I needed to know, enough information for me to be able to research the topic on my own. When it came to human intimacy, lots of things were simulated in movies, but some things still caught me by surprise. Like the fact that mouths were usually involved as well, but not just for kissing. While it sounded unusual to me, Mike assured me that it was a very great pleasure and I silently mused to myself that considering all the pleasurable things that could be done with a mouth, including making love and kissing and eating, that speaking, while probably the most important, was the most irrelevant.

Later that night while at Loren's apartment, I found myself distracted by the things that I had learned and she noticed. "Getting cold hooves?" she asked me with a teasing smile, sitting on the couch next to me.

I shook my head vehemently. "Not in the least."

"Then where's your head at, space cadet?"

I felt my face grow hot as I began to blush and bit my lip, embarrassed. "The wedding is almost here and so I had a talk with Mike today, and had to research our discussion further."

It was clear that Loren knew what the topic of discussion was about because the color of her face began to match my own. "Oh," she said, giggling nervously, embarrassed as well. "I feel bad that you had to go to that goofball of all people for advice," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder offhandedly in a way to cover her embarrassment.

"Well, I don't have many options, and you have to remember that before today the only reliable knowledge I had on the subject was for Andalites, not humans."

I realized my mistake almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes as she leaned forward. "Oh, really? And what is that like?"

"You'll never know," I answered immediately and chuckled at her disappointed look. My dignity had taken all the damage it could handle.

"Oh come on, you did this to yourself. Now my interest in piqued. Tell me."

"No." She crossed her arms with a pout and leaned back into the arm of the couch in submission. I watched as her gaze drifted and she refused to meet my eyes as I was looking at her. "And stop thinking about it!" I scolded her and we both laughed.

"Well at least tell me about marriage," she said, once our laughter had quieted down. "How do Andalites get married? How is it different?" she asked me.

Her question surprised me and I thought about where to begin. "Well, first off the ceremony takes places in parts and the first part is always done at night. When the moons are at their highest." I closed my eyes briefly in memory before opening them again. "The first part is usually just the male and female, a person who is important to them both to conduct the ceremony, and their parents. If such a person does not exist, then it is usually done by some sort of official. All forms of technology are purposely not present and the female wears a crown of marriage flowers around her head. The official has both sets of parents say vows and perform a ritual that is symbolic of the parents giving their children in marriage. Then the male and female join hands and perform certain rituals and say vows and then the first part of the ceremony ends with an Andalite kiss, but they are not yet husband wife."

"No?"

I shook my head. "Not yet. The second part of the ceremony only deals with the male and the female. They go off to a nearby meadow or field by themselves. No one is to go with them. When they are ready they come back for the third part of the ceremony, where they are greeted by the public with friends and family who wait for their return. Only then, when the first person greets them as one, are they finally husband and wife."

"So the parents are a huge part of the ceremony to, huh? Just as much as the husband and wife?"

"Yes. It is why it is best if an Andalite marries with their parents' approval. It makes the ceremony a truly happy time and things go smoother."

Loren seemed lost in thought. "Would your parents approve of me?" Loren asked, meeting my gaze. "Not if I were an Andalite, but just me."

I grabbed her hand and softly kissed her fingertips as I thought about what to say. "My parents wouldn't approve of the way in which our marriage was possible," I told her. "They wouldn't approve of the choices that I made to get here. But you….." I smiled. "My mother would love you, simply because I do. You have changed me so completely and I am sure that she would easily see the change in her son, the happiness you give me. She would love you because of what you mean to me." I smiled thinking about the shock my mother would have after learning her military son, who wanted nothing more than to be a hero and single handily defeat an army of Yeerks, had fallen in love and found something more important to him than being a warrior.

"And your father?" Loren asked, bringing me out of my musings.

I frowned, thinking of my father who was very set in his ways. "My father would..… not approve," I admitted to her. I hated to see her face fall. "But he would sympathize, and eventually accept it. He was a strict military man himself and was surprised to find himself completely and unexpectedly infatuated with my mother. He wouldn't approve, but he would eventually understand." Wanting to change the subject, I went back to our original topic. "Loren, I can't wait to marry you. The nerves I have are for the wedding night, not the wedding itself. I just want to make sure I please you."

"You've never had a problem doing that, Elfangor. You always have." She crawled closer to me and I leaned back against the arm of the couch and I opened my arms, knowing what she wanted. She lay her head down on my chest and I began to rub soft circles on her back. "I wouldn't worry about it, Elfangor. Especially considering we have the rest of our lives to practice and get better at it. Practice makes perfect, after all." I felt her smile into my chest.

I chuckled lightly and kissed the top of her head, my lips caressing her soft hair. "Excellent point."

Our wedding was a small affair, and simple, I was told later, as far as weddings go. It was a lot less extravagant then Loren's cousin's wedding, the only other wedding I had been to. Not only were Loren and I very simple people, but with the speed in which we wanted to get married, with my full time job and Loren's job and studies, only a simple wedding under such short notice was possible. Loren had already informed me that she would be wearing a white dress as opposed to a traditional gown with a train.

I was starting to grow anxious in anticipation waiting for the wedding to begin. There was a silly human superstition that the bride and groom should not see each other before the ceremony, lest they cause bad luck. It had been a whole day since I had seen my Loren and the wait was uncomfortable.

But it was well worth it.

The first thing I noticed as she began to walk down the aisle toward me was that a circlet of white blossoms that adorned her head and I couldn't stop the smile that came to my face. I knew it was a result of our conversation just a little over a week ago and I was touched that she had remembered and did it for me.

The second thing I noticed was her blinding smile; a smile that I am sure mirrored my own face. She was undeniably happy about our joining and the thought warmed me I inside.

As she stepped gracefully closer and closer towards me I knew that I would remember the moment forever. The moment where after our adventure together, after the hardships of being involved with someone from a different race, after everything she had done to help me get integrated into society, after dealing with my tendency to not understand humor and take casual expressions literally, she was telling the world that she obviously wanted me. That she chose me, and that she was willingly coming to me to be mine.

Once she reached me, she handed the bouquet of flowers that she held over to her friend, and reached out her hands to mine. I immediately grabbed them and had to fight off the urge to kiss her, having understood that the kiss was at the end of the ceremony and I would have to wait.

We said our vows and exchanged our wedding bands. While I had never cared for human jewelry before, I knew that after Loren slipped the silver band of metal around my finger, I would never take it off, and immediately liked how it looked on my hand. Not because of its design, but because of what it meant and stood for. Someone wanted me. I was officially in my heart and under the law unavailable to any other woman because I was already taken.

Like Loren, my eyes were already shining with tears by the time the human official declared us husband and wife, and when my lips met hers the room became alive with applause.

During our first dance as husband and wife, I was amused to find that it felt as if I were actually floating. It seemed that my happiness had given the illusion of levitation.

"I always hoped we would end up here," Loren said, her blue eyes staring into mine and her cheeks flushed with the excitement from the day. "I could never be sure, but I always hoped. Now it's really happened. You're my husband," she said in a tone of disbelief.

"You're my wife," I agreed bringing the hand that I held to my lips while the other circled her waist, pulling her closer. She rested her head on my shoulder, humming the tune of the music that was playing. I normally didn't like music that had words to it, but the voice that came out of the speakers was soft and blended in nicely with the piano and violin, and the result was pleasant.

Loren's mother watched us, tears leaking from her eyes as she smiled at her daughter. Loren's mother thought I was weird, no observation had ever been truer, but she was happy for her daughter. Happy that I made her happy.

I suddenly wished that my parents were there. An impossible probability, true, but I longed for their presence nevertheless. Being married, I felt like I had won; like I had accomplished something pure and good, and I had the urge to show them the fruits of my labor, my prize, my wife.

Later that night, after I had customarily carried her over the threshold, Loren let out a long whistle, an expression revealing admiration. "You sure this isn't going to set you back?" she asked me, walking around the suite.

"Us back," I corrected with a smile. "What's mine is yours. But no, we should be fine."

She stopped in front of the bed and slowly turned to face me, a small smile on her lips. We both just stood there for a moment, in a comfortable silence. I went through the day's events in my head, trying to mentally prepare myself for what was supposed to happen next. The whole day had been perfect and there was nothing that hinted that the rest of the evening wouldn't continue in the same fashion. Our thoughts must have been similar because her small smile changed into a mischievous grin before she sat on the bed and leaned back. She held out her hand to me, an alluring invitation.

My grin matched hers as I crossed the room, took her hand, and joined her on the bed.

I generally did not previously possess any type of opinion over the human artificial skin that was clothing. I had quickly learned its purpose, but it took a while before I could successfully coordinate the different fabrics and colors to look presentable. That night made me appreciate clothing in a whole new way. Simply sliding down the zipper on the back of Loren's dress to reveal her warm skin seemed like I was unwrapping a gift. As I slid the dress down the warmth of her hips, the undergarments that she still wore underneath made the experience even more enticing, reminding me that the moment was just beginning.

It became very clear to me, as Loren's fingertips traced the planes of my bare chest that I was going to have to get a grip on my emotions and desires, lest I die before we were finished from utter delight.

The sense of taste is one of the greatest things about the human body and I had already previously determined that nothing was better than the taste of her lips.

I turned out to be wrong.

Very wrong.

And I had never been so happy for my theory to be proven false.

When we finally physically joined, I quite literally lost my ability to speak for a while. It was too much a struggle to try to form words when every cell in my body was one fire and yet drowning at the same time. Loren had never looked more beautiful with her eyes closed, lips parted, and taking ragged breaths as she writhed beneath me. "I love you Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul. I love you with all of me."

It was too much, too much and yet not enough at the same time. Her words almost caused me to go over the edge but I somehow managed to hold on. I needed to answer her, to let her know what she meant to me, but every part of my brain was lost in this task and I knew if I opened my mouth, she probably wouldn't be able to understand me.

((I love you, Loren.)) I said, using the thought speak that I still had being permanently in human morph. I didn't do it often, and only to her. ((I love you so much.))

Time seemed to fly by as we made love over and over and before I knew it, there was sunlight peaking through the windows.

Loren slept peacefully beside me with her golden hair, tendrils still slightly curled from the previous day, splayed out across the pillow, with her chest slightly rising and falling from each breath she took. Even though I was exhausted, I hadn't been to sleep yet. Hadn't wanted to. I had a tendency to dream of my old home and my old body when I fell asleep, and I didn't want to leave this place for a second, even if only in my dreams. Not after the night that I had.

Loren began to stir and when she opened her eyes, the smile that was in them reminded me of the way that Andalite's smile. She reached up and touched my cheek with her hand and I kissed the inside of her wrist. "I think I could wake up like this every day," she said, her voice heavy with sleep.

"Sounds like a plan," I agreed before I lowered my mouth to her neck. One of the first things I discovered about Loren after we began dating is that there was a spot on her neck, about three inches below her ear that was extremely sensitive for her. I nibbled that spot and was rewarded with a low groan.

"We should probably eat breakfast, but I think I'll have a hard time getting up."

I glanced at the clock before resuming my ministrations. "We could always skip breakfast and eat later," I suggested. We had made several plans for our honeymoon, a celebration of us being married, but I was starting to think it was best to just never leave the room.

Her laughter finally made me pause. "What's this? Elfangor willingly skipping a meal? I thought last night was perfect but I am starting to realize that you must definitely agree."

I smiled. "Practice makes perfect, isn't that what you said Loren?" I asked.

She pulled me closer and rolled me over so that she was on top of me. "I did indeed," she admitted, before claiming my lips with her own.

My job dealing with computers and human software ended up being way more difficult than I thought. While something that should have taken me three hours to solve or create actually ended up taking a lot longer because I struggled with putting things in simple human terms and concepts that could be understood.

On one such evening I was sitting at the kitchen table, scowling over blueprints when I heard the door open. After looking at the clock I realized that I had been so caught up in my work that I hadn't even realized the time. Loren should have been home two hours ago and it was clear that I wasn't going to get done my project until a little before my usual bed time.

"Hey," I greeted, not bothering to look up from my work.

"Hi," Loren said. There was something about her voice that was off and so I looked up.

She had obviously been crying earlier and even though I could tell she had tried to hide the fact by putting her hair up and reapplying her makeup, the redness of her eyes and the countenance of her body was solemn.

"What wrong?" I asked.

Loren shrugged. "Just had a rough day," she said. "I just don't understand some of the things that people do to their family. All children need love."

Loren enjoyed her job in social services but some of the sad cases that she had to deal with made her sad. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.

"No, I just want to forget." She sighed. "I forgot to take anything out for dinner, but if you give me a second to change, I can whip something up. I know you're really busy with your deadline being tomorrow."

"Come here," I ordered waving her over, inviting her to sit on my lap. She did so and wrapped her eyes around me, sighing deeply. "How about you get changed and I'll order some Chinese food. In about ten minutes that kung-fu marathon will be on channel twelve." One of the things that Loren and I both shared a love for were kung-fu movies. I could relate to the sense of duty most of the movies entailed, and we both enjoyed watching the display of martial arts. "We'll watch it until it's over. It'll make you feel better and get your mind off things."

Loren sniffled. "What about your project?"

I stroked her hair. "I'll just wake up early tomorrow morning and finish it, don't worry about it."

She got up to change and I gathered my things from the kitchen table. Being married meant that my desires to make all of her problems go away just increased and while I couldn't always fix them, I could take her mind off of them.

"You need to water that one," Loren said, pointing to the plant in the corner on her way towards the stairs.

"No I don't, and don't you go watering it either." I said, narrowing my eyes playfully. We moved into our first house shortly after we were married and with the backyard we had I developed two gardens, one for flowers and the other for vegetables for Loren to use in her cooking. I also kept several plants in various spots in the house.

She laughed. "You go away for one week and just because you came back to the plants being a little brown, you've deemed me a plant killer," she accused, yelling as she went up the stairs.

"Nobody's perfect!" I called.

"There are only a few chapters left," Loren told me, from the end of the bench. She had slipped her shoes off and her feet were squirming in my lap. "I think we should read something science-fiction next time. I'd get a kick out of finding out what you think of Robert 's Stranger in a Strange Land. I'm sure you could relate to the title."

I smiled and she continued reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Loren loved to read and I found that I enjoyed most works of human fiction as well; almost anything, even going as far back as Shakespeare. On some Saturdays when the weather was nice we went to the park and Loren would read aloud to me.

The moment was interrupted as a plastic ball bounced over to us and a human toddler, who couldn't have been more than two years old, trailed after it. Loren sat up and retrieved the ball from where it had rolled under the bench and held it out to the little boy. "Thank you," he said. He was absolutely adorable in his excitement and the both of us couldn't help but smile.

Loren turned to me. "I want to have a baby," she said.

Before I could stop it my face automatically fell and in doing so I watched her smile fall. I tried to think of something to say, but I couldn't find the words. The longer I stayed silent the more upset Loren became.

"I don't understand. You….. you knew this about me. I said this before we even got married. You knew that I wanted to be a mother someday," her voice was angry and her eyes watered. "Did you think I was kidding or something? You don't want a kid anymore? How long were you going to wait to tell me?"

I shook my head at her words. "No Loren, that's not it I…" I didn't know how to explain it. I tried to explain what I could, what I did know for sure.

"Nothing would make me happier than for us to have a child, for me to give you a child." My eyes traveled to her stomach. "To see your stomach swollen with our child growing inside you..… I would like that very much."

She paused, considering my words, trying to decide whether or not to believe them. I saw in her face when she decided that I was telling the truth. "Then why…?"

Still, I hesitated before answering, not really knowing how to explain. "Loren, you'll be a wonderful mother. I know it. I just don't know if I'll be a good father."

Her face softened."Al, that's ridiculous. You're a good person; you'll be a good father."

"You're a good person," I corrected. "And you will be an excellent mother. But me..…" I thought about all the mistakes that I made that were constantly plaguing me. "Me, I'm not so sure about. I obviously can't trust my own judgment."

"Then trust mine," she said immediately. "If you think that I am a good person, and I will be a good mother, trust me when I say that I know you will be a good father." She had made it so that I couldn't dispute her logic without insulting her. She waited.

"Okay."

The Ellimist considered my answer. "I wanted to thank you. Since you cannot appreciate my gratitude, perhaps there is something else I could do for you? Do you have a question that you would like me to answer?"

((Will we win?)) I asked immediately.

The Ellimist frowned. "I do not know."

I was surprised by his answer but tried to think of another question. I had questions, lots of them, but did I really want to know the answers? Did I really want to know what had become of Arbron? What would become of my son? What had become of Loren?

((I never got to say goodbye,)) I said suddenly. ((I never got to say goodbye or hear that she was pregnant. I understand why you took me before she told me..… I would have undoubtedly wanted to stay and I was needed elsewhere, I understand that now, I truly do. But I never got to tell her how happy I was or tell her that I loved her, one last time. I would like to say goodbye.)) The Ellimist looked surprised again but wore a small smirk. ((It doesn't even have to be real,)) I said, thinking of the fake world I had created so long ago with the Time Matrix. ((I know you're capable of it anyway, and after I will move on to whatever is waiting for me whether it be heaven, hell or nothing. But let me say goodbye.)) I hesitated. I wanted it desperately but had nothing to offer him. What do you offer a nearly all powerful being? ((Please?)) I added.

The Ellimist looked at me and I was reminded of how insignificant I was. I was just a piece in a game, after all. He had long ago admitted as much. He had no reason to honor my request.

"You will feel when the end is near," he said at last.

The excitement inside me rushed up but I quickly squashed it. The Ellimist was the ultimate trickster and I dared not hope.

He tilted his head, considering. "It is nice to have known you, Elfangor-Sirinial- Shamtul, and I shall never forget you, of that you can be certain."

Suddenly I was not there.

I was in a familiar place that I thought I would never see again.

And I was suddenly very, very human.

Strange, I thought, that the fact that I now stood on two legs, had vision that had dimmed considerably, and now had a mouth did not feel strange at all, even after so much time.

"Thank you," I said aloud to The Ellimist, aloud to no one.

Loren, where was my Loren? I looked around the room, our living room, and immediately saw her face in a picture. I picked it up and my heart jumped. It was out wedding picture. Still the best day I had ever had and still one of the greatest achievements of my life, both human and Andalite.

I heard a door slam and footsteps. Running footsteps. The door opened quickly.

It was Loren, my Loren.

She looked fever-excited, her hair was in disarray and her face was flushed and her shirt was crumpled, but she was every bit of lovely as the last time I saw her.

"I'm pregnant!" she exclaimed.

I practically ran to her and she jumped into my arms. My human arms held her tightly, my human hands gripped her shirt, and my human head buried into her hair. "Loren," I sobbed. "My Loren. I love you!"

"I love you too!" she answered immediately and I sobbed harder.

I pulled back, my arms still around her, needing to see her face. To take all of her in, to drink all of her all in. We stood there for several moments, tears running down both of our cheeks. I pulled her face to mine and was delighted to discover that she tasted exactly the same.

"Can you believe it Elfangor?" she asked in whisper, wiping the tears from my face. "Can you believe that in just nine months we will be parents?"

I smiled softly at her. The sound of her voice bringing me joy but her words causing me pain. If only this moment had really happened when it should have. If only what Loren said would have came to pass. "No, I can't."

"I hope they look like you," she said, still smiling.

Again, a stab in my single heart but I smiled anyway. "Our son will look like you," I promised.

She laughed lightly, a musical sound. "How are you so sure it is a boy?"

"I'm sure." I said. "A beautiful, strong boy."

"Let's hope you're not proven wrong."

I smiled and dropped to my knees and lifted her shirt up. Loren chuckled at my actions. I had forgotten, or perhaps never fully appreciated just how soft, warm, and delicate her skin was there. I placed a soft kiss and let my lips linger for a second. Then I placed a hand on the soft flesh. "I love you baby," I said, half to Loren and half to Tobias. "I love you and I promise to protect you at any cost." I thought of the Tobias that I had just met right before my death. The Ellimist may not have known the outcome of the battle but I did. My son would win. He was the best of me and the best of Loren. I was sure of it.

I stood up and Loren captured me in a passionate kiss. This is what I had missed, what I had longed for. I still could not stop the tears from falling. Half in joy over what I had so badly missed, and half in pain in what I would be losing yet again in a few mere moments, and the pain of what both my wife and my son would have to endure without me.

Loren grinned and took my hand and even though I had been separated from her for years, I still knew her inside and out and knew what she wanted, and let her lead me to the bedroom.

I finally got to participate in the greatest pleasure that my Andalite life had been lacking after having nothing to hold on to but precious memories, and as I did the first time we made love I made sure she knew how much I loved her. As I did the first time, I watched as she slept when it was over.

I thought about how strong my love for Loren was, how strong our love for each other was. It had spanned across time and planets and had strengthened me even when I was so far away. Far away, and yet Loren was still the reason I had gotten up every day.

That kind of love, I decided, could not be contained and controlled by the laws of science. Our life together was proof of that; our son was proof of that. A love like what we had could not be hindered by death. I decided that there was an afterlife, and I would go there and wait for her.

I felt myself slipping away, just as the Ellimist said I would. I pressed my lips to her forehead one last time, running my fingers through her golden hair. I could still feel its softness on my finger tips. I could still feel the warmth of her skin. I could still smell the allure of her scent. I could still……

Author's Note: Since Ax was never too fond of human music, I assumed that Elfangor wouldn't care for most of it either, but would like classical musical at least, if only for its complexities. In my head, the theme for this story, particularly during the last scene, is Kissing you by Des'Ree. There are many imitators but few come close to her brilliance in that song (although there are about three people on youtube who make a lovely attempt) I figured that even Elfangor could appreciate not only the piano and strings in the song, but the constant melodic vibrato that Des'Ree sings in.

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