L Lawliet One-Shot – Crazy

*For my best friend Melissa. Check her out on here - Practically Venomous.
**Or, check her out on Quizilla - cutelittleconniemiller
***Oh, I don't own Death Note. If I did, Light would be burning in pits hotter than hell for killing off L.

L/Miharu (Crazy)

1. "Imaginary" - Evanescence (Miharu)
2. "Viva La Vida" - Coldplay (L)
3. "Golden" - Fall Out Boy (L/Miharu)
4. "You Found Me" - The Fray (L/Miharu)

I've always been crazy. Hell, it runs in the family. The last two generations of the Fujimoto family have been whacked up in the head. I, Fujimoto Miharu, have already been diagnosed as a crazy. I'm a very proud paranoid schizophrenic. The men in white put me on pills, and my symptoms went away, my crazy went on hiatus.

So, for a while, I actually wasn't crazy.

To be honest, I never gave a damn about the Kira deal. I'm too wrapped up inside my own head to care about what's going on in the outside world. Right, wrong – we all die in the end.

Also, I don't care much for other people. They're greedy, sniveling, and worthless. They piss me off.

So it wasn't very surprising when a rushed young man practically plowed me over on the street one day.

"Okay, your highness, I'll be sure to worship the ground on which you're walking next time!"

My hand brushed his wrist. His watch must have been defective or something, because as soon as I touched the knob on the side, a compartment popped open, and a piece of paper floated out.

I bent down to pick it up, curious as to what was on it.

I saw a Shinigami, following that young man.

The man's eyes widened in horror.

"Shit."

He grabbed the paper, and began walking down the street. The god of death chuckled, and said, "My name's Ryuk," before following the man down the street.

The doctors claimed that my schizophrenia had jumped to another level, that the Shinigami was an audio and visual hallucination, that it wasn't possible that I had been in contact with Kira.

But it happened. It was real. I. Swear. It. Not that I can tell the difference. That's what schizophrenia is – a person losing their grip on reality.

But if I was hallucinating, why did that man freak out the way he did? Unless he was a hallucination as well… My brain hurts.

So I'm locked up here now. In a padded white room. No, really. They're real. And they aren't fun, either. They (meaning the staff) don't even come in the room to talk to me; the employees come over the intercom.

"Miharu, you have a visitor!" The perky voice screamed into the intercom. I swear to God, as soon as I get out, I'm killing everyone here.

"Well then, Michiyo, put them over the intercom, please," I gritted my teeth and spoke in a poison laced tone. I hate these people.

"Miharu, dear, he's coming to your cell, actually." What? He? The only one who ever visits me is Grandma, if you can call her talking to me through the intercom a visit.

"Uh, um, okay."

The door to my cell slid open, and a man walked in.

"Miharu, my name is Ryuuzaki."

I'd never met this… Ryuuzaki… He was a stranger to me. The simplicity in the way he looked was in contrast to what he held in his eyes – a complex, conniving person who was focused on getting what he wanted.

"Well, Ryuuzaki, why are you here in my little realm of insanity?"

He pulled something out of his pocket, unwrapping it to reveal a multi-colored lollipop. He gave it a lick and looked at me.

"I want to ask you about the Shinigami."

My eyes locked with his, noting the bags around them. He must not sleep well, for his insomnia rings to be so prominent.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. My Shinigami experience was nothing more than a hallucination brought on by schizophrenia that I inherited from my father's side of the family."

"You and I both know that's not true."

This man… He managed to make me feel like all of my secrets were visible to him. Nothing was hidden, and I was naked.

"R-Ryuuzaki, I don't know what on earth you mean. My body built up a tolerance to the pills I was on for my paranoid schizophrenia, I started hallucinating again, and I thought I saw a Shinigami after I ran into a stranger on the street."

"Well, if you will think hypothetically with me for a moment, this man, what did he look like?"

"Brunette, shaggy cut. Tall-ish. White t-shirt, blue jeans. Carried himself like he really thought he was something. Arrogant. Rushed."

Ryuuzaki stared at me intently, with a look that bored into my soul.

"The Shinigami – did he tell you his name?"

"Yes. He did."

"What was it?"

At that moment, I realized that I really wanted this Ryuuzaki to come back. I didn't want him to leave and I didn't want to never see him again.

"Ryuuzaki, I'm afraid I'll have to tell you that the next time you come by."

He cocked his head to the side, still looking deep into my blue-green orbs.

"What if I don't come back?"

"You will."

"What if I send an associate?"

"I'll relay information only to you."

He blinked twice, taking a lick of the lollipop. I smiled to myself; I knew I had won, this time at least.

"I'll be back," he said, turning his back to me and heading towards the door. I smiled to myself, pleased with the fact that I had won this round.

"Oh, and for the record," he said, twisting his head and looking back at me, "We're all a little crazy."

The door slammed shut.

I believe I've finally met a person I like.

His next visit was actually the next day, lollipop in one hand, a folding chair in the other.

"I tried to get them to let me take you out of here, but your 'supervisors' wouldn't allow it," he said, unfolding the chair and hopping up onto it in, what seemed to me, a very uncomfortable position.

"The perky bitches who keep me here? Yup, they don't let me go anywhere."

"By how freely you speak I would assume that you aren't monitored here. Which would make this asylum relatively easy to…"

"To what?"

"Nothing…"

"Ah, uh, how did you get them to let you in anyway? They only let family visit."

"You don't remember your second cousin thrice removed?"

"Point taken. They're all too lazy to perform verification before they let people in, I suppose…"

He gave his lollipop a vicious lick, and said, "Miharu, the Shinigami's name was…?"

At this point I was desperately hoping that he needed more information from me than the name. I'd promised the demon's name this time, and I was obliged to give it. Ryuuzaki wouldn't come back if he'd used me for whatever reason he needed me.

"Ryuk. The death god's name was Ryuk."

"Thank you."

And he left. Packed up his folding chair and was gone. This time there wasn't even a word of goodbye, and I knew for a fact that I wouldn't see him again.

That's the first time I've cried since my age was in the single digits.

My asylum doesn't have a very good security system. Or, well, I guess they might, but I'm not one of their high-risk 'patients' so they don't keep me under atrocious levels of lock and key.

Regardless of that, I'm pretty sure after the night that I cried myself to sleep over Ryuuzaki that they upped their security budget.

I was sleeping in my corner. It's not like I don't have a bed, I just don't like it, so I sleep on the floor in a corner. In said corner in which I cried myself to sleep, there appeared a hole through which a hand came through. It was after lights out, so nothing could be seen in my cell. All I could do was feel the hand which came through this hole and grabbed my mouth. Any normal and un-crazy person would scream and thrash about. I, on the other hand, decided to bite them. The hand proceeded to slap me across the face, and a woman's voice started speaking to me.

"Miharu, I'm Weddie. I want you to calm down, preferably not bite me, and stay quiet. I'm here to get you out of this place."

"W-who… Why are you…?"

"Ryuuzaki sent me."

After that, I was wide awake.

Weddie proceeded in making the hole larger and wider, then I saw a flashlight shine in.

"Come on," she said, "We have to hurry."

We were out of the asylum in less than ten minutes, and I let out a squeal of joy that I didn't know still existed in me as we jumped on her motorcycle. As I got on, I realized I didn't actually know where we were going – but that was okay. So long as I was out of that asylum, I was happy. Naturally, I was shocked when we stopped outside the tallest skyscraper that I'd ever seen.

"Alright, hun, I've gotta go. I've got another job tonight. When you get in there, make sure Ryuuzaki knows we both made it out safe," she winked, and sped off on the motorcycle, wheels skidding down the road.

Just looking at this building intimidated me.

"Ah! You must be Ms. Fujimoto!" a black-haired man walked out through the doors, "I'm Matsuda -----."

"Uh… Nice to meet you…"

"May I call you Miharu?"

"Sure… I guess…"

"Matsuda. Knock all this off, you're freaking her out."

Matsuda looked up at the camera, an annoyed look on his face, saying, "Shove it, Ide."

He smiled at me, and began walking towards the door. I stared in his general direction, wondering if I was supposed to follow or just wait. He raised an eyebrow, turning back to look at me.

"You coming, or not?"

I quickly nodded, shuffling towards the door.

Quickly all my thoughts came to a standstill, and I stopped, shell-shocked, midstep. Matsuda looked at me with concern, asking, "Miharu… Are you alright?"

"Uh, uh, yes. Yes, of course, Matsuda. Just sort of disoriented. It's been a very long night."

He grinned, smile wide. "Of course. Any normal person would feel that way."

Normalcy. It worried me.

Because when Weddie broke me out, she didn't get any of my meds.

I don't see Ryuuzaki often during the day. It's better than it used to be though. He's no longer always chained to Light in some ersatz homosexual marriage.

Eww… Bad visuals… Go away… I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

I did identify Light to Ryuuzaki, but my information wasn't enough to convict him, even though Ryuuzaki already suspected him. A crazy's description of a man isn't exactly a hardcore solid piece of evidence.

I'm not under investigation, thank the dear lord. The fact that I've been locked up in a little room for the past God-knows-how-long clears me of suspicion almost completely. Of course, Ryuuzaki suspects everyone.

And by the way, not that it matters, but I pieced together that Ryuuzaki is L.

Oh, and not that this matters either, but I'm pretty much in love with him. This sucks, because there's no reason that he would have any feelings whatsoever for me.

Thirdly (this doesn't matter as well), I haven't taken my medicine for over three weeks. My hallucinations worsen by the day, and it's coming to the point where I can't tell what's real and what's not. I'm seeing people appear in our building who don't exist, and it's not quite easy anymore to decipher reality from fantasy.

I need. Drugs.

It was deep in the night, and I couldn't sleep, so I wandered my little ways to wander down to the kitchen. Ryuuzaki was keeping surveillance on Misa, and everyone else was gone, so I was alone.

Until my long dead mother appeared in the kitchen, and began talking to me. Suppressed memories of her suicide surfaced as she told me that her death was my fault, that if I had been a better daughter it wouldn't have had to happen. I started crying as she began to tear my psyche to shreds, and finally I let out a bloodcurdling scream as she walked out of the room.

Ryuuzaki came through the door just seconds after my scream, finding me on the floor in the fetal position, eyes wide and still sobbing, sobbing, sobbing.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. I never meant to hurt you Mom, I always tried to be okay for you, I tried to be strong, I tried to –"

My rant continued as Ryuuzaki blankly looked around, as if he didn't know how to handle this situation. Finally, he looked down at me, picked me up and stopped, as if hesitant and unsure of what to do next.

Eventually, he settled on carrying me to my bedroom, laying me gently on the bed.

"Mom, forgive me, please –"

His eyes held the most emotion I'd ever seen in them as he walked out of the room. A mix of sadness and pity was held in face as my mental breakdown continued.

"Miharu… I am the one who is sorry…"

My sobbing continued as he closed the door behind him.

I didn't leave my room the next day. Or the day after, or the day after the day after. Matsuda always came in and talked to me. The airheaded idiot has grown on me, and become like my older brother. He always called me Miharu, and I always called him Matsi. He's the only one who comes down to my room, so every time there's a knock on the door, I know it's him.

So I heard the rap on the entrance, and said, "Come in, Matsi."

"Judging from your self-isolation I would go so far as to assume something is really wrong."

I looked up to see who owned the voice that was obviously not Matsi, and found Ryuuzaki.

"I don't know what you're talking about. This is normal behavior when a woman's on her period."

Ryuuzaki raised both eyebrows.

"I don't understand much about the opposite gender… But if this is PMS I'm not sure I want to."

"Really Ryuuzaki. I'm fine."

"There is a 90% chance that you are lying."

I sharply turned my gaze to him and said to him, flat-out, "Really, L, I didn't think you could figure that out."

His eyes widened a barely noticeable bit, and said, "Hmm. I suppose I shouldn't really be shocked at the fact that you put that together."

I cocked an eyebrow, and said, "Are you saying that you used to think I was stupid?"

"Not stupid. Average."

"Humph."

"However, I am a hundred percent positive that I was wrong."

I was quiet for a moment, shocked by the fact that the one and only L thought that I was above normal.

"You… Thank you, L…"

"I have to ask you not to call me that, though. It's a precaution, you understand."

"Of course, Ryuuzaki. I understand."

"Good."

Ryuuzaki had produced a piece of cake from what seemed to be nowhere, and was eating it in front of me.

"Ryuuzaki. I would like to ask you… That day, when I was having my breakdown – you said you were sorry. What for?"

Ryuuzaki moved his thumb to his upper lip in one of his signature ticks, and moved his head to the side – and his phone rang.

He picked it up, and I sighed. It looked as though I wasn't going to get an answer after all.

"I see," he said, and then hung up.

"Who was it?"

"Matsuda. Being an idiot, as usual."

A look of discontent spread across my face, and I said, "Hey, Matsi's a valuable part of the team. Don't take what you have for granted."

The look on his face changed completely, almost as if I had hit him. Ryuuzaki looked down at the ground, and said, "Forgive me, Miharu. I did not mean to offend you."

He got up and began to exit the room, and in a way slightly reminiscent of the day I had first met him, he turned and looked at me.

"I will be sure to retrieve your medication from the asylum."

The door shut behind him, and it was quiet in my room again.

He had left his cake. That was very un-Ryuuzaki-like.

And why the change in composure when I had told him not to take what he had for granted? I don't understand him…

Ryuuzaki had better hurry the hell up and get my medication, because I had another episode last night. Only this time it was a little bit worse.

Worse in the way that when my episode was over there was blood everywhere. Worse in the way that my curtains were shredded. Worse in the way that my nails were jagged. Worse in the way that my nails were jagged from being dragged down the curtains and walls.

Worse in the way that this time Ryuuzaki didn't come to my rescue and that I had to work through it on my own.

My mother was back again. I never hallucinated about my father, because he committed suicide before I could remember.

My family was so screwed up.

Nonetheless, it was practically the same breakdown as before, except this time Ryuuzaki wasn't there to step in. So, as could be expected, my psychotic mess of a brain tore up the walls and curtains and bedspread. Crying on my bed had never before been so therapeutic.

Matsi found me there, lying on the bed. His eyes widened in shock, and he quickly laid down beside me and held me there, not saying a word.

I fell asleep next to him, and when I woke up, he told me that I repeated one word as I slept. In fact, it wasn't even one word. It was a letter.

"L…"

I woke up to find medicine on the bedside table, and Matsi beside me, arms wrapped protectively around my waist. A quick survey of the room revealed nothing, seeing as how it was deep night and the lights were off.

"Hey… Miharu…"

"Yeah, Matsi?"

"Why were you saying L over and over again in your sleep?"

I thanked every God under (and above) the sky that it was dark so my bright red blush couldn't be seen.

"I… I dunno Matsi… I don't really remember what I dreamed about."

It was quiet for a moment, and I'm sure Matsi saw straight through my lie. He pulled himself out from beside me, and started making his way to the door. He let out a laugh of success when he found the doorknob, and opened it.

"If you need me, Miharu… You know my number."

"Okay, Matsi. Flip on the light on your way out. You know I don't like the dark."

He did as I asked, and continued walking out of the room without a look back. I shut my eyes for another moment before I heard a voice. Not Matsi, either.

"It's rather disturbing to hear one's name repeated over and over in another's sleep."

I screamed when Ryuuzaki spoke, and after seeing him sitting as he always sits in one of my chairs I blushed bright red as I realized he must've been in there the entire time as I slept. I sat up and threw an un-shredded pillow at his face.

"Misa's right! You are a pervert! What kind of creep comes into a girl's room uninvited?!"

"The kind of creep that hears his name being repeated over and over in another's sleep… Matsuda isn't exactly the most diligent guard. He fell asleep multiple times."

I was quiet for a moment, and he was as well. Awkward silences and I don't mix well, and at last I blurted out, "You left your cake in here last time we talked!"

"Oh? Did I?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, where is it?"

"Uh… I ate it…"

"…What???"

Thank God. I distracted him. How could I have possibly broken it to him that he was the one who had his arms around me in my dream instead of Matsi?

My medication has helped tremendously. I haven't had an episode since that very awkward night with L, er, Ryuuzaki, in my bedroom. Luckily, Matsi hasn't questioned me since then, so I'm pretty much in the clear. I think. I'm really hoping so, anyway. He visits me occasionally. Ryuuzaki, I mean. Never for a long period of time, just short spurts every now and again. Usually I see him in the kitchen in the middle of the night, when my craving for food grows into something fierce.

We'd gone on this way for almost a month when I decided to confront him again about the "sorry" thing.

"Ryuuzaki," I started, with him across a table from me, eating a piece of cake, "I have two questions for you."

The analytical genius looked at me, and I took that as my cue to ask away.

"Firstly, when you said that you were sorry… During my first mental breakdown here… What did you mean?"

He looked back at his cake, and then up towards my face again.

"What I meant, Miharu, was that I was sorry. Sorry that even the 'world's greatest detective' wasn't able to figure out sooner what was going on with you." Improvised air quotes were used around 'world's greatest detective', and the man took a second bite out of his cake. Did that mean that he… He cared about me? I was scared that I was reading too much into it, and so I asked my second question.

"Okay… Well then, why… Why after you called Matsuda an idiot and I reprimanded you… Why did your composure completely change?" This was the kicker. I stared into Ryuuzaki's gray eyes, waiting for the answer, and praying, praying, praying that it was the one I wanted.

"Because, Miharu," he said, "as the 'world's greatest detective' I inferred that you thought I took you for granted."

That was it. What I wanted to hear. Ryuuzaki, L, whatever the hell his name was, he cared about what I thought.

"Ryuuzaki, I realize that I hadn't mentioned a third question, but may I tack one on anyway?"

"I don't see why not."

"Would you like to… involve yourself in a social experiment with me?" I waited again, with baited breath.

"There is an 85% probability that no matter what I say you will engage me in it anyways. So yes, Miharu, I will involve myself in a social experiment with you."

I reached up and pecked him on the lips with mine. I gave off a radiant smile, and practically pranced out of the kitchen.

"Well," I heard him say, and I could imagine him pressing his thumb to his lips, "that was unexpected."

I giggled (I didn't even know I could giggle), and for the first night in a long time I fell asleep as my head hit the pillow.

I'm inexplicably scared of the dark. I sort of wonder if it's a sick joke on God's part that I hate Light Yagami, because the dark frightens me more than anything else. Ironically, I love thunderstorms, but when the power goes out, I'm like a scared little girl.

They fixed my room by the way. The curtains, the bedspread, the walls – Ryuuzaki made sure everything was taken care of. I thought I'd mention that before I moved on.

So, it's around three in the morning, and I'm lying in my bed whimpering like a little girl because the power's out and it's dark in my room.

"I believe," a voice drifted in, "that this social experiment dictates that I should make you feel better."

"R-Ryuuzaki… I-I'm fine…"

"The last time you said that you had a hallucination of your mother that came back and blamed you for her suicide."

That shut me up real quick. I clamped my eyes shut, trying desperately to shut out the demons that I thought were in the dark.

I felt two arms around my waist, and I opened my eyes quickly to find Ryuuzaki's eyes staring into mine.

"There is zero probability that I will let anything happen to you."

I gave him a quick kiss on the nose.

"Ryuuzaki… L… Whoever you are… I love you."

And I was drifting into sleep, so I'm not sure if what he said was real, or a dream. But I heard him, and he said, "There is a 100% chance that I feel the same."

Peace and darkness, for once, were the same to me.

Several weeks later, I heard a knock on my door that woke me from slumber.

"Come in," I said, rather groggily.

In through my door came a somber faced Matsi, the kind of Matsi that I'd never seen before. I grew worried quickly, and I jumped out of bed.

"Matsi? Matsi, what's wrong?"

"Miharu… Ryuuzaki is…"

"What? What happened? Matsuda, what happened to Ryuuzaki?!?!"

"Miharu… Ryuuzaki is dead…"

"No."

"I'm so sorry, Miharu…"

"No, no, NO!"

He couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible. Ryuuzaki was L. L was like, like, like Superman!!!

Superman couldn't die before the battle was over! He hadn't caught Kira!

He couldn't leave me…

I beat my fists against Matsuda's chest, helpless in my pain.

It wasn't possible… Ryuuzaki couldn't be gone…

But he was.

Crazy. Me. They called me crazy. They think I've lost it. HAH! As if!

Ryuuzaki told me everyone was crazy! Everyone, everyone, everyone's crazy! It's funny really, in a cosmic sort of way.

My life began in THIS padded white cell, the same one that Light Yagami shipped me back to after Ryuuzaki's death. Kira, Kira, Kira, what kind of fool you are. You think you're the god? L LAWLIET WAS THE CLOSEST THING TO A GOD ON THIS EARTH!

The asylum? Hahahaha I'm a high-security prisoner now. They watch me all the time, they're everywhere, they're trying to get me to tell them everything, everything, everything.

Crazy. Crazy, crazy, crazy. It's funny. Someone told me once that we're all crazy.

Crazy.

Crazy is normal.

Normal.

Normal.

Normal.