Story Notes:
English isn't my first language, so I apologize for any possible mistakes.
My sincere gratitude to charming1 for helping me with this story. And a special thank you to Severus_divides_into_H for her wonderful support and encouragement.
Disclaimer:
I do not own the characters of Queer as Folk. They are the property of their creators. No infringement intended.
"Do you believe in fate, Brian?"
Justin closed his eyes and sighed. What a stupid question… he shouldn't have asked. The last thing he wanted was to make things even more miserable. There was enough pain between them.
He's here… for now.
Brian would have done anything to take those unbearable sparks of desperation away from Justin's eyes. They only appeared for a second, but long enough for him to notice.
He's mine, no matter what.
That thought was better… much better.
At least he didn't feel like he had no right to touch Justin anymore. Find the most sensitive spots on his body that drove him crazy. Listen to how he moaned in response. See his smile.
He did have the right.
Justin had almost been proud of himself when he said that they didn't need any vows. It was true. But as he tried to hide all his fears in the warmth of Brian's embrace, he couldn't help but worry. He didn't know if he could believe it while facing the reality, while Brian was not there for him.
Those doubts hurt him - more than Brian's ruthless desire to let him go, even more than their inevitable separation.
Fate seemed to be so close, so real. Justin could feel it as much as anyone who had ever sacrificed their happiness and waited for the redemption.
He wanted to tell Brian about his fears, but he didn't dare.
He just tried to not close his eyes for a long time.
He knew that it was stupid, but he couldn't help it.
He longed to see Brian's face.
He wanted to believe that if misery came, he would be the one to take it all.
I wish he could stay.
Brian held Justin tight and gently squeezed his hand.
As if he should be the one to decide.
As if the thought of Justin's departure didn't scare the shit out of him.
As if he was ready to let him go.
Brian wished for time to slow down as he noticed wet trails on Justin's cheeks while the boy fell asleep.
"Yes, I do, Justin. Now I do."
The whisper was too tense. Husky.
Useless.
He shouldn't have heard the question and Justin shouldn't have heard the answer.
Believing meant fear. Fear took everything away – power, freedom, hope. Brian wouldn't let the fear take hold of him.
At that moment, he didn't want anything but the ability to believe.
That Justin would be alright.
That he would be back.
That time wouldn't kill them, leaving nothing but some empty piece of endless eternity.
And he did believe.
The realization still fragile. Timid. Quiet.
But it was there.
To let him know that the shadows are gone.
To make him remember.
To never forget.
The end