you sometimes dream of a life that's more… steady. you dream of stability. a time when your best friend isn't a clinically insane drug addict, when your crush isn't totally blind to your feelings(among other things), where your life isn't constantly on the line, despite your best efforts.
the closest you'll ever have to that dream is in his bed. in his bed, you can forget. forget all the death happening around you; forget the hopelessness and sense of inadequacy that plagues you in a constant, vicious assault on your entire state of being.
he makes you feel bliss. this is the only time you're ever at peace — when he's whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you hold him tight in a hellacious attempt to refrain from screaming so everyone on the damn planet can hear you.
and you know he feels it too; you can see it in the bright yellow tint of his cheeks, in his beautiful, beautiful eyes as he looks at you with utmost admiration, as if you're the only thing that matters to him. and you're sure, at that moment, you are. you and the heat between the two of you. it's the same for you. for a fleeting moment, he and you are the alone, completely. nothing else exists or matters. nothing bothers you. true bliss, true euphoria.
that's the closest to peace-of-mind you'll ever be.