Sit Back Down Where You Belong…
Logan is pissed. Sebastian is defiant. Julian misinterprets….everything.
"Something grinds unpleasantly. Like a wrench thrown into the gears of his well oiled ignorance. It physically hurts his head. He snaps into consciousness again, throws the covers off and sits up…"
Set after Are We There Yet? But you don't have to read it to understand what's going on. Though it would make more sense.
Song is You and I by Lady Gaga.
—
Smythe. The voice inside his head hisses. Yes that new transfer with the smirky meerkat face. He's here. He actually came.
Someone invited him. Julian swears it wasn't him. He knows of their shared past. He knows about Paris. The deals. Everything. After Hell Night, they promised; the three of them, no more secrets. So when Sebastian arrived at Dalton and immediately started treating Julian in that easy casual manner, Logan all but demanded to know everything.
He is not pleased. Holidays at the Hamptons was theirs. His, Derek's and Julian's. It is their time together. Any outsider that wants to be included needs to be vetted by all three of them. And though yes; technically this is Derek's place and Derek's party, and Derek is currently too busy groveling at Casey's pedicured feet by the debatable privacy of the pool house to even care; Logan still feels as though some serious transgression has occurred.
Logan watches as Sebastian works the crowd. He's a charmer that one. With his easy smile and red kissable lips. Normally such a pretty boy would be worth watching just for eye candy alone. But now that Logan has decided what he wants, he is instinctively on the defensive.
He has never felt this threatened in his life (aside from the Hell Night, but that was a whole different set of circumstances). The confident roll of Sebastian's shoulders as he saunters around the compound flitting from group to group as if they were old friends just -pisses- him off. The audacity! He feels like some outside dog has just jumped the proverbial fence and peed all over his territory.
And when he sees Sebastian catch Julian on the elbow to get his attention, Logan literally -GROWLS-. It's low and guttural, like a royally annoyed lion. Logan has had enough of this and goes out of his way to intercept. This insolence cannot go unpunished.
—-
Sebastian isn't stupid. He notices Logan watching him. Who wouldn't? The boy stands out; literally with his height and build. And then there is that ridiculously handsome face. Usually he wouldn't mind having a gorgeous gay boy watching his every move. But this, this is a different sort of watching.
It's almost funny how riled up Logan is. Sebastian has been tailing Logan around all night, talking to people Logan was just speaking to, making a point to take the place that Logan has just vacated. And each time Logan would go to speak to Julian, Sebastian would do the same after, leaning in even closer than Logan had to steal a touch or a laugh. He ignores the warning glares shot his way. He feels like a hyena taunting a territorial male lion. And he's terribly good at it.
He can tell Logan is incensed. The green hellfire behind his eyes promising Sebastian of life beyond this realm should this continue. He suspects he will have to pay for the liberties he has been taking tonight. Like he said, -almost- funny.
Sebastian misses the sight of kids diving out of the way of the livid Stuart prefect and the next thing he knows, Logan is in front of him drawing him into a painfully tight handshake. The prefect welcomes him politely, making small talk.
He feels Logan's arm snake around his shoulders in a pretense of geniality, and the firm pressure as Logan tires to steer him away to somewhere more secluded. How considerate of him to choose a private execution. Sebastian is defiant. It takes all his strength not to budge from the spot.
Music! The Beast loves music. Sebastian mentions that he sings and would like to join the Warblers; -he's heard so much about them, about Logan in particular- hoping to appeal to His Majesty's ego. Logan unwisely mistakes this as acquiescence to his dominant position and stays Sebastian's trip to the gallows.
Sebastian suggests conspiratorially that they liven up the party with something. Something easy everyone can sign along to. Something that goes well with the piano. His Highness buys it.
—-
They move to the sitting room where the baby grand is. The great glass walls are pushed aside for the party so the indoor room and outdoor deck is turned into one large space.
Logan seats himself on the bench and does a few warm-up riffs before beginning in earnest.
The bold resonating cascade and clash of notes draws attention. It's expertly timed and executed. Sebastian lets Logan do a few more reps of piano solo and when everyone's attention (especially Julian's) is suitably on them, he starts.
It's been a long time since I came around
It's been along time but I'm back in town
But this time I'm not leaving without you
Sebastian starts a little soft, building the tension. He places emphasis on key words so it stands out. He starts clapping and banging the top of the baby grand to the rhythm.
You taste like whiskey when you kiss me oooh
I'll give anything again to be your baby doll
Yeah this time I'm not leaving without you
Logan's head snaps up from the piano keys when he realizes his mistake. Sebastian not missing a beat, smiles mockingly and winks at him. Logan's fingers nearly stumble on the keys.
You said sit back down where you belong
In the corner of my bar with your high heels on
Sit back down on the couch where we
Made love for the first time
And you said to me
Something, something about this place
Something about lonely nights and my lipstick on your face
Something something about my cool Nebraska guy
Yeah something about
Baby you and I…..
It's Logan's turn to sing, and he pulls out all the stops. He sounds like nothing they've heard coming from him before. He's dropped his voice an octave and added a gravelly quality. There is even a hint of a country twang.
Been two years since I let you go,
I could've listened to a joke or rock n roll
And muscle cars drove a truck right through my heart
On my birthday you sang me a heart of gold
With a guitar humming and no clothes
This time I'm not leaving without you
Ooh-oh ooh-oh
If there was anyone not listening earlier; they are now. There is something about a good looking guy singing honky-tonk, head bobbing to the beat and banging on piano keys that is just sexy as fuck.
Sit back down where you belong
In the corner of my bar with your high heels on
Sit back down on the couch where we
Made love for the first time
And you said to me this
Something, something about this place
Something about lonely nights and my lipstick on your face
Something something about my cool Nebraska guy
Yeah something about
Baby you and I
Sebastian joins in for the middle. And after another piano solo, they both get the crowd into the mood to sing along.
You and I, you, you and I
You, you and I, you, you and I, I
You and I, you, you and I
Oh yeah, I'd rather die without you and I
C'mon, put your drinks up!
We got a whole lot of money but we still pay rent
'Cause you can't buy a house in heaven
There's only three men that I'ma serve my whole life
It's my daddy and Nebraska and Jesus Christ
Something, something about the chase, six whole years
I'm a New York woman, born to run you down
So have my lipstick all over your face
Something, something about just knowing when it's right
So put your drinks up for Nebraska
For Nebraska, Nebraska, I love you
You and I, you, you and I
Baby, I'd rather die without you and I
You and I, you, you and
Nebraska I'd rather die without you and I
It's been a long time since I came around
Been a long time but I'm back in town
This time I'm not leaving without you
Logan and Sebastian duke it out at the very end, their voices flipping and somersaulting with their vocal acrobatics. It sounds like harmless play fighting or flirting even. Most of the party-goers think it is all part of the show, oblivious to fact that the two are a hair's breadth away from devolving into an actual pissing contest. Wild whoops and cheers go out.
But this display of one-upmanship does not go unnoticed.
"WOW! Smythe can sing! And Logan! Did you know he had such a low register?" Julian overhears one of the Warblers ask.
Julian's expression is unreadable. But he holds himself stiffly. "Surprise. Surprise…" He replies to no one, sounding resigned. He toes a knot in the plank of the wooden deck looking distracted. That old familiar tightness in his chest starting to grow. STOP. Not tonight. Julian sighs. Looking around at the happy reveling surrounding him, he feels exhausted suddenly. The wind going out of his sails, and he's too tired to act otherwise.
Finally he pats the back of a chair hesitantly; he doesn't want to ruin the party for anyone, especially Derek. He escapes the only way he can.
"Great performance." He tells Logan softly when he sees him approach.
"Liked it? I've never tried that with an audience before." Logan grins, looking supremely pleased with himself.
"Yeah." Then after a beat,"Hey, uh….I'm going to turn in. I don't think my stamina is back to the levels capable of withstanding the crazy Windsor is about to unleash." Julian tilts his head towards the pool where Dwight is poised on the dive board, double wielding nerf guns shooting everyone in sight while cackling maniacally. Looking for all intents and purpose like Duke Nukem on a rampage. Evan and Ethan hiding behind the decorative waterfall sniping anyone Dwight missed.
Logan's face softens immediately, "Sure. Okay…. You sure you're alright though?" concern colors his voice. He steps closer, its a subconscious move.
"Yeah. Just need some sleep." Julian smiles to reassure him. Logan pulls him into something of a half hug, stroking the back of Julian's head absently before letting him go. He watches Julian disappear into the house.
Satisfied, he sets off to find Sebastian, determined to beat the insolence out of him.
—-
They share a room that night. Many of the guests are too inebriated to drive home, so Logan moves in with Julian for the night to make more room. Derek the gentleman has offered Casey and her female friends his room and the other guest rooms, so he is sleeping on the floor in Amanda's room. Logan believes this constitutes the one and only time where there are girls in Derek's room and he is not in there with them.
It's 3am now and the house is finally quiet.
Logan pads out of the bathroom having taken a shower to wash the barbecue smoke and sweat off. Outside the window he can see the pool. A canoe floats in one corner, its occupants (a number of the celebrated rowing team members) are passed out, heads decorated in silly string and glittery tinsel. Colorful paper cups, nerf bullets and various detritus litters the pool from when they had engaged the Twins and their Windsor conspirators in battle while in their floating fortress. Cleanup will be a nightmare in the morning. But for now, bed.
Julian is curled on one side of the large bed already asleep, pretty much the same position Logan found him in when he checked hours earlier. Logan doesn't know why he feels awkward. They have shared a bed before, the three of them, countless times during study sessions, on holidays and trips. So why is he so hesitant now? There is no couch and it would just look even more awkward in the morning if he slept on the floor. Right?… Ah! Fuck it. He is too tired to think so he just climbs as gently as he can into bed and switches off the bedside lamp.
Just as he is about to drift off to sleep, the bed jerks and the lamp other side switches on. Logan opens his eyes and turns around to see Julian sitting up on the bed looking at him, his face pale and panicked.
"Hey…hey… It's okay. It's just me." Logan immediately tries to calm him, hands up in a surrender gesture.
It takes another few seconds for Julian to process that and finally exhales in relief.
"Sorry. I uh… do..do you want me to leave?" Logan apologizes sheepishly while mentally kicking himself.
"No..no. It's ok. Just-.. wasn't expecting someone else in the room. Went to bed with the lights on, then I wake up and its dark." Julian tries to sound nonchalant, but Logan notices his hands shaking when he lifts it to rake his hair back.
"It's FINE. Really. Stay. Just..let me know next time you come to bed." It is out of his mouth before he realizes how it sounds. It's 3am and he's still tired and… Logan's eyebrows shoot up and he watches him strangely.
"I mean! Next time we share a bed-..for whatever reason, just….(No. It still sounds wrong)….arch!…You know what I mean!" Julian promptly flops back down onto his pillow and mumbles something like goodnight.
Fifteen minutes later both are still awake. Julian is fussing, trying to bury himself in blankets and Logan can't sleep because of the bedside lamp is still on. He had thrown and arm over his eyes to block it out, but now his arm is starting to tingle from lack of circulation.
When Julian accidentally kicks him in his fussing, he has had enough. He grabs the blankets from Julian and pulls it over their heads. Blocking out the light and burying them in blankets just like Julian wanted.
Neither says a word for a word for a few minutes, breathing the same air under the covers. Julian caves first, "I can't breathe…". "Make up your mind princess."
Julian is silent. Then out of the blue, "Lo… is there something going on….with you and Sebastian?"
Huh?. "Huh?" Logan grunts confused. It is the last thing he is expecting, and his tired mind can't compute. All he knows is that the would-be usurper left shortly after Julian went to bed. Logan was so thrilled he even managed a gracious; Leaving already? Drive safely!; while personally ushering him out to his car. Logan even went as far as to stand by the driveway to wave goodbye.
"You and Sebastian. This evening. You were…" Julian searches for the right word, "…very –attentive- towards him. The duet….."
Logan scratches an earlobe subconsciously. "Oh that. I uh…Just wanted to ask if he was settling in well at Dalton. Making sure he has friends and all," technically he isn't lying. He did ask Sebastian how he was doing, if only out of politeness.
"Okay….." Julian acknowledges very quietly.
Logan thinks it's the end of the conversation and starts to drift off again. These past months have given Logan new understanding of his best friend. Like he's relearning all these things that he used to take for granted. Seeing all the things he has never allowed himself to notice. The nuances in his body language, his actions, his speech and the words he chooses. Between that and his epiphany in the supermarket today, Logan's head is swimming. Something grinds unpleasantly. Like a wrench thrown into the gears of his well oiled ignorance. It physically hurts his head. He snaps into consciousness again, throws the covers off and sits up in bed.
"WAIT! You're thinking that I-….He-…. NO. Nononono! Oh Hell to the NO!" he bed shakes with his flailing.
Julian is looking up him like he has grown another head.
"No fucking way. Absolutely none!"
"The lady doth protest too much."
Logan's huffs and rolls his eyes. "I am NOT interested in Smythe." he practically spits his name like a cartoon villain speaking of his arch nemesis.
"Okay… Then why all the fawning attention?"
"The …f..fawning? I am not fawning over that pompous, bastard son of a-…."
"Wow. You really don't like him." Julian realizes.
"I thought I made that pretty clear. He thinks he can waltz into Dalton like he owns the place then show up here uninvited-…"
"Are you threatened by him?" Julian teases though a little incredulous.
"NO!"
"Oh my God. You are! Why?"
"BE-cause! Because he is just going to mess things up!….Everything just got back into some semblance of normalcy. You're ok, Derek's ok; we have our school back. Even the Windsor's are ok. I just wanted to enjoy that. Maybe I'm a spoilt ass for not appreciating it before but now, now I just want the world to stop …stop moving so fast. I want to enjoy every last bit of high school before everything changes again. And that new upstart strutting around is going to throw everything up in the air!" Everything he said is true, but he knows it is not the complete truth.
"So everyone has to fall in line-… including the laws of physics, to make you happy?"
"Is that so much to ask?" Logan's not entirely joking.
"Logan-.." Julian is getting tired of the deflections.
"I know. I know. I'm being a selfish jackass. But I just got my head out of my ass and…and…" Logan is close to tears of frustration and covers his face to hide it. He wants so badly to say it, but-. He understands now. Why it was so hard for Julian to tell him. There is this naked vulnerability when you open yourself up and tell the absolute truth. When you bare your soul to someone -this is all I have, all I am- and ask them to decide your fate. It is one thing to ask someone you know casually. But when you know each other for so long as they have, when that person is your best friend, when their opinions, their approval, their support and their love you count on the most, the stakes are just so much higher. If even your best friend finds you unworthy, what hope is there? For two people as proud as them, to put themselves in that position goes against every instinct.
"Logan?" Julian is sitting up, worried now. Logan hasn't moved a muscle. Not even to breathe. "Logan!" Julian shakes him.
Logan blames the lack of oxygen or the late hour, whatever it is he doesn't remember thinking. He looks up and sees Julian's worried face and his first instinct is to grab Julian by the back of the head and kiss him. He doesn't realize he's actually gone and done it until he takes a long breath and is just flooded with the scent of Julian. A mixture of bath and skin care products, hint of lingering cologne and something uniquely Julian. He smells like comfort, familiarity and love. He smells perfect. Julian is perfect.
He hopes he has gotten his message across even though he can't actually say it right then. Stunned eyes looks back at him.
"No. I'm not drunk. No, I'm not trying to get in your pants…not yet anyway." He preemptively explains wryly. Julian smiles back a little bashfully and he has to look away. He wants to cry, he wants to explode. With relief, with happiness. Foreheads together, fingers intertwined.
"I will say it. Not now, but soon. It's just, if I say it now… I don't think I can keep it together and I need you to respect me in the morning." Logan explains, mortified at the intensity of his own emotions.
Julian laughs, corners of his eyes crinkling. "Okay." He whispers. They stay like that for a while more. Finally Logan breaks the moment by declaring "I REALLY need to go to bed." His voice gruff with exhaustion.
They lay back down in bed, this time a lot less awkwardly. Julian fusses with the covers again before Logan shifts closer to throw an arm and a leg over Julian, effectively stopping him. He can feel Julian's shoulder blades against his chest. Still a little too thin. He makes a mental note to do something about it in the morning. Logan stretches an arm across to turn off the lamp. Julian makes a small sound in protest so Logan nuzzles his temple, "I'm right here princess. Not going anywhere." *click*