I sat on the hard floor gazing at nothing in particular. There was something relaxing about sitting on the floor when there were many more comfortable places to sit. Perhaps it was the way you could sit and lean your head against a wall, or lay down and stare up at the ceiling without having to think that you could be easily found. In a room full of the softest seats, the last place a person will expect you to be is seated on the floor. This made it all the more easy to be alone and undisturbed. The last place anyone would think to find me would be in the morning room. No one has been in this room in almost three years. Dust had collected on the fireplace mantle and along the rows of books adorning the dark wooden wall. The aged sheets of white which covered the furniture gave the room an abandoned and eerie atmosphere. The old portraits discoloured from not being cared for over so long a period of time. The room was once beautiful, filled with different types of colourful flowers, with tea set out on the small table next to the couch, the roaring fire giving warmth and a homey glow to the room.
That was all gone now.
I looked down at my hands and twisted the small ring which was placed loosely around my right index finger. I use to think if I sat still and silent enough in this room, things would change, almost as if the room would come to life when it thought no one was around to see it. As if the past three years had never happened. This use to be such a happy home, now it was filled with memories which caused tears to build in my eyes and my heart to contract painfully. I lifted my head slowly and leaned it against the hard wall. The cool wood touching the back of my head dulling the headache slowly building. A window was open slightly to my left and was sending the cool spring breeze into the room, still fresh from winter. I pulled at my jumper in hopes that it would shield me from the cold.
It didn't dull the pain I felt.
A soft buzz of my phone told me I was getting a phone call; 'Sam the name appeared on my screen. I knew what he wanted and so declined the call. I closed my eyes feeling the breeze touch my cheek almost as if it was caressing my skin, like he use to. All was calm in the room until the persistent buzz of the phone started once more. 'Jessica' the name appeared. I knew Sam had asked her to phone me, assuming I would answer to her. I declined the call again and waited for the next call to interrupt my silence. 'Callie' declined, 'Teressa' declined, and 'Peter' declined. If peter had phoned they had obviously realised something was wrong. More phone calls came through, some repeats and others from different people. I declined them all; I had no need or reason to talk to them at the moment. I just wanted to be left alone, but it seems I was denied that wish as texts started to be received with the calls. 'Teressa', 'Jessica', 'Sam', 'Jessica', 'Erica', 'Callie', Sam'. All of them I declined, why couldn't they understand that I didn't want to talk to them? After five minutes of silence, no phone calls or texts I thought the message had finally gotten to them, that was before I got one last phone call. They couldn't leave things as they were, they had to call him.
I declined him.
For the first time I went into seclusion, I knew I would pay for it dearly on Monday at school but for the moment I didn't care. I thought I had made it clear that I didn't want to talk to anyone especially him. He knew I liked him, he knew it. He knew he could get away with anything because I could never stay mad at him. He knew that if he cancelled on me or stood me up that it would hurt far more because of the fact that I like him. He knew that I had lost interest in spending time with girls because he proved to be a far better friend than they ever were. He knew that. I thought I wouldn't be able to stay mad at him for standing me up yet again but this time was different. Countless times before he had left me standing waiting for him with no intention to show up, he knew that if he called I would answer to him, everyone knew that if he called I would be there without a second thought.
Not this time.
I looked down at my phone; twenty-four missed calls and seventeen unread texts. All the texts said the same thing. 'Where are you?' 'Why aren't you picking up?', 'What's wrong?' I had lost interest in their games. In the fact that they thought it was fun to tease me about how I have fallen for him. They saw it as a game to play, so did he. They thought a harmless game of truth or dare could never amount to what it did. We would kiss because of a dare, fine. He would ask me out because of a dare, not fine. My 'friends' saw this game as a good way to get between me and him. When it went too far and He was dared to ask me out, he lost it. He started yelling saying for everyone to just back off and that he wouldn't ever go out with me. He lost it and instead of throwing his words at everyone else, the threw them at me. He didn't think about what he was saying and when he had finished his rant he knew he went too far. It was clear on his face that he regretted saying those things and that he knew it would cost him dearly.
He was angry.
I stood from where I was seated that night and I left. I didn't say a word, I just got up and left without a word. I ran down the stairs, put my shoes on and grabbed my jacket ready to leave. Jessica came running down the stairs to see if I was okay, she was always there for me when I needed her but she didnt know when to stop sometimes, I just never knew when to trust her. Sam followed her down the stairs, he didnt need to say anything to make me realise he would be there and wouldnt judge me if i walked away for good. He never failed to be the best friend I was so greatful to have. He never did anything to upset me, that was why we were so close and why he knew not to say anything at that moment. I heard more footsteps coming down the stairs, I thought it might have been him but it wasnt. Callie came to a hault at the bottom of the stairs seeing that I was about to leave, she had started all of this, always having to get involved, thinking its funny the things she says but in fact it annoys a lot of people. I love her dearly but at this moment I didnt want to be anywhere near her. She caused this night to go wrong. Callie started having a go, saying things along the lines of how they were all just joking around and what not. Jessica just lowered her head and Sam rolled his eyes. Everyone was sick of these games which were so ofter played but none of them ever told Callie 'no'.
I wasn't playing this time.
I shook my head and walked out the door. I didnt say a word to anyone, that was three days ago. Now I sit here on the floor thinking back to how things use to be. Those memories hurt, like a knife cutting through your heart. It hurt to remember but it was those memories that kept me smiling everyday. The curtains from the large open window blew with a force which caught my attention. I turned towards the window and saw the perfect little snow flakes falling down from the sky in a dance which made the tears swell in the back of my eyes. The last time it had snowed was on boxing day, when I was with Sam and...him. We all went on a walk and as Sam went to get something from a shop I was left outside in the cold night air with the one person I could really be myself with. Having already handed me his jacket I didnt think much of it when he opened his arms towards me. Thinking he just wanted a hug I walked towards him, he just laughed and pulled away, saying that wasnt what he wanted. He grabbed my hand and brought a smile to my face as we danced in the snow.
We're not dancing this time.
It seems like it was only yesterday when we spent the whole day laughing and playing in the snow like we were little children, without a care in the world. It seems like it was only yesterday when we sat with Sam playing cards, you definitly beat me at that. It seems like it was only yesterday when we were playing basketball at school together, you showed me how to shoot properly. It seems like it was only yesterday when you taught me how to play a song on the guitar, in return I showed you how to play the piano. It seems like it was only yesterday when we were sat at the park with Teressa and Erica just soaking up the few hours of sun we could get. It seems like it was only yesterday when we were on that four hour walk talking about anything and everything, it only felt like it lasted an hour. It seems like it was only yesterday that I got sat next to you in class, it was over a year ago. Do you remember that day? It was the day we met, a day I cant seem to forget.
Do you remember all the things I cant forget?