I dropped it.
I dropped the symbol of everything that defined me to the outside world. It hurt every fiber of my being to do it, no matter how many times that piece of metal was thrown back in my face when I used it. And I was too weak to carry both, too worn and weighed down. It was a choice between my protection or his. And I couldn't let go of my best friend. Not again.
Tony said those words and I let it fall. Because he was right. I don't deserve that shield. I don't deserve to be considered the face of American pride, or courage, or strength. I'm just a kid from Brooklyn. I'm a laboratory experiment that somehow went right.
At the beginning, when I donned the suit, picked up the shield, I wanted it. For once in my life I could be something, someone whose life was worth living.
And then I killed someone. Many people. And the nightmares started, and the panic.
And Bucky died.
And I felt like it wasn't worth carrying on.
Peggy was beautiful. She was strong. She deserved someone better than me. And I knew if I left, she would find him. I was right. She did. His name was Sousa. From what I heard they were meant for each other. He was a good man. A good father.
When I woke up after the ice, I was disappointed. I had hoped everything had been a terrible dream, that it was over now. It wasn't. So I shut myself off for two weeks to try to adjust, to cope. And then the Avengers were started. Haven't had a break since. It's been missions, attacks, death, fear, searching, regret. And it wouldn't stop.
So I dropped it.
They call me "Nomad" now, the people of Wakanda. "Nomad," the man with no name. The man with no family, with no home, with no shield. I can't even call myself Steve Rogers anymore, not truthfully. I don't know who I am. Because Steve wouldn't have done the things I have, seen the things I've seen, let his friends die in the way I have. Or maybe he would've. And I'm just a broken version of the little boy.
"Nomad."
Do I think it'll last?
No.
Do I want it to?
Maybe.
It must be selfish to want some time to heal while the world goes on chaotic and depressed. But I need it. And Buck, well, Buck needs it too. I can't even imagine the horrors he's had to face, the pain he's had to suffer. But if it's any consolation, at least it wasn't his fault. At least he wasn't in his right mind. At least he can be fixed. Not completely. He'll never be the same. But he can be fixed, even if it's just a little bit.
Everything I've done is on me. I've been awake for every action I've taken. I've been there, it was me. I've acted out of fear, out of rage. I've hurt the ones closest to me. I've disappointed them. And I can never fix that.
The world has no real place for me anymore. I realized that a long time ago. And I'll have to pick up that shield again. I know that. But for now, just for a little while, I'm nameless. I'm forgotten.
All the lies, all the blame, all the bloodshed that shield represents, that it carries….
I dropped it.
A/N: Hi y'all. What is this? I don't know. The idea popped up in my mind on the way to school today. So I wrote it and am uploading it at school instead of doing actual homework. Hooray for responsibility! xD Hope you enjoyed it and go ahead and leave a review if you feel like it. Have a great day! :)
~OnYourLeft107