Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrows.

Hi! I'm Jude Harrison,

I'm new to this whole diary thing. So I'll give you a summary of my life right now. My life is completely different than it was at my 18th year. My views, my music, my heart, everything has gone from one extreme to the next. My rise to fame quickly sky rocketed after the release of my 5th album entitled 'Changes'. My life is centered around music, and well, other things as well. Who know being an international superstar could lead you to such wonderful things like this? Oh, that's right, everyone in the 60's, 70's, and 80's.

I haven't seen my family in almost 2 years, they tried to tell me I have a problem. But they've got it all wrong. I have the solution. I have what solves all your problems, can turn your worst day into your best. The government are liars when it comes to drugs. They never have tried them, just outlawed them because of the side effects. This is my 28th month on pain pills, weed, and bourbon. Never ever in my wildest dreams would I have touched pain pills while I lived in Toronto. Everything and everyone had always told me they were the enemy. But, it turns out they were wrong. They're my friends, my lovers, my inspiration. My life is better now than it's ever been. I stay safe at home with the voices in my head at night, and go to the studio most afternoons. But, I'm not lonely, I come home to a fat blunt, and a glass, then later, do some downers.

I'm perfectly fine. Yes, I'm perfectly fine. I'm perfectly fine. I'm perfectly fine. I'm perfectly fine. I'm perfetcly fine.

Or... At least that's what I keep telling myself.

I don't have a problem, I don't have a problem, I don't have a problem.

Let's pretend I never put pencil to paper, or my soul to my voice, or my hands to a guitar. Let's pretend there was no Tommy Quincy, or New York. If I could picture myself any other way, I wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't be successful. I'd be working, in an office, depressed, alone, maybe madly in love with Jamie. Maybe I'd have kids by now, maybe I'd settled down at this point.

I'm so glad I'm me.

Everyone is always judging me lately. Weather is be on an interview, at the studio. Everyone's saying that I'm not myself, that I need to quit slurring my words, and maybe I should brush my hair every once in a while. Well I've got news for the world, this is Jude Harrison in the flesh, you can either take it or leave it and to be completely honest I think the world would suck without me or my music. Who knows? It could be bringing someone inspiration right now.

Day 1

Well,

I've never written in a journal before, and this could quite possibly be my last. This is completely awkward for me, as well as a total loss of an ego I once had. But, I don't know who else to talk to, or which way to turn. Her family hasn't spoken to her in years. Jude even missed the arrival of Kwest and Saidie's now 7 month old little girl. She's not who she used to be, and everywhere I go, I see her, the new her. On billboards, magazines, tv. I even hear rumors of her starring in a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio this summer. If I turn on the radio, she'll be playing, I can't escape Jude.

There was a time where I never wanted to escape her, where I would have gladly given up anything for her to have as many fans and publicity as she does now, but I never knew she would go as far as she did. Jude is a SELL OUT, a poser, a non-rocker, the polar opposite of who she used to be. The pictures of her in the tabliods make her look like she's on crack, and I'm so afraid that she might be.

I will never forget she used to always say "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not." Now I feel like she doesn't deserve to quote Kurt Cobain. Not that she does, I'm sure. Why would she things like that to make herself an even bigger hypocrite? A part of me hates her for what she's become, and wants to leave her be in all her masked glory. But, the part of my that loves her and always will wants to try to make a difference somehow. There has to be someway to bring her back to reality, to make her see clearly, and get her off of drugs if that's the main reason for all of this.

Am I a dick for wanting to control her life while she's a 21 year old superstar, whilest I'm only spotted by women that are rarely attractive? I don't feel like I am, because I want what's best for Jude, even though she might think this is best, I have to at least save her music. Yeah, I'm not doing this for her, I'm doing it to save her music.

Okay, that's a lie.

But, hey, you aren't judging me. I'm judging myself right now for talking to a book. I'll get back to you soon, once I figure out if I should get a plan ticket or if I should mind my own fucking business.

This is day one of figuring out my objective,

Save her or leave her be?

Thomas Q. DeTouis