Thora (10): something lost (1)
Before David
Trigger Warning! Read at your own risk.
When I woke up that morning, I knew what was happening. I knew that everything we had planned for, everything we had prepared for, wasn't going to work out. I'd been to the doctor and found out the delightful news, but he warned me this could happen, that things weren't always how they seemed the first time. So I was cautious up until now.
But that morning, I pretended things were okay. I fixed myself up and made breakfast like always. I had the coffee waiting when my husband came downstairs. He kissed my forehead and patted my belly, fully unaware. I was a good hider, so I held his hand down and kissed his cheek as he pulled away. He grabbed his mug of coffee and sat down at the table, where his bacon and eggs were waiting. He ate, and between bites he told me about his day. He was going here, there, and somewhere else, but I wasn't listening. I needed my façade to stand firm.
And then he was gone, and I used our new phone to tell my boss I wouldn't be coming in. I walked into town and walked right into the doctor's office and told them it was an emergency. The nurse nodded, and I was put ahead of an old lady with a cold and a young man with a toothache. They glared at me, but I needed help.
I'd lost a lot of blood, but I would survive. The doctor told me what I could do to help things, but the damage was done. I had lost my baby. He was hopeful there would be another, but for now, I had to go home and figure out how to tell my husband.
I put it off. I kept busy that day by deep cleaning the house, beating the rugs and doing whatever I could to keep busy. He noticed the work, and I lied and told him I wasn't needed that day. He bought the lie and ate my cooking without a word.
But after dinner, he turned to me beside the radio, "I was thinking we could invite our parents over after church this Sunday, tell them the news."
I was too stunned to speak, so I remained silent. I played it out over and over in my head, remaining silent as I worked through what to say, but how could I know what to say?
The next day, I went to work as usual and went about my day as if nothing had happened. Except I was silent. I had nothing to say. My baby was gone and not coming back, but I had to tell my husband. I'd already told him I was pregnant. Now I had to tell him the opposite, and I didn't know how to say it. I thought of asking the other ladies at the house, but I knew that was taboo, so I said nothing.
I made a quick dinner and sat waiting for him, hoping the words would come. He ate slowly, telling me about his day between bites. I nodded and smiled, wondering when he'd notice the silence, but he didn't. He asked about dessert but changed his mind, moving to the living room while I washed up the dishes in the quiet of my own thundering thoughts. I had to tell him, I had to tell him—
The radio was filled with static as I sat down. I brought out a crossword puzzle from the weekend's paper and fumbled through it. I wasn't good at them yet, but it was a good distraction.
He looked up from his book, "I'm going over to see Momma tomorrow to tell her about Sunday. Can you visit your parents tomorrow?"
"No," I said, startled by the sound of my own voice.
He was startled by my response, "Oh? Is something going on tomorrow."
"No," I whispered, clearing my throat. I shook my head, "I…not Sunday."
"Sweetie, why not? You were so excited a few days ago. I mean, we're married. We can tell the world. Besides, they've been waiting for this," he smiled.
I looked up to him, "Well they're going to have to wait a while longer."
"Wait?" he asked, the gears of his mind ticking in the silent. His smile fell, "No…. When?"
I told him everything with tears pouring down my face. I let the pain flow throw me and onto the floor, my tears seeping into his shirt as he held me. He wouldn't let go of me as we huddled on the sofa, too startled to let go. How could this happen to us? How could this happen so soon?
It grew dark, so we finally had to come apart to turn on some lights. I wiped my tears and picked up my puzzle, "Invite them over anyway, maybe your aunt too. We'll have a nice dinner anyway."
"Only if you're up for it," he said.
I shrugged, "I think I have to be."
We kept trying after that, when I told him I was ready. He was gentle, always making sure I was comfortable, making sure I was the one in charge. He wasn't like some of the other husbands who forced their way onto their wives. We would conceive again, but I would keep the baby. I named him David because he defeated the Goliath that was whatever took my first baby. It was barely a baby, barely a thing, but it was my thing and my husband's thing. We loved it equally. We were equally crushed when it went away. David made sure we never had to feel that again. He defeated the monster, which gave me more children. He brought fulfillment to our lives, though I'd never forget what I lost. Never in a million lifetimes.
~End
A/N: Sorry for another dramatic one but I felt like it fit for some reason. We don't know much about Thora—I don't know her husband's name, and I don't remember the birth order either for her kids. I just know there are others, and knowing how things were back then, she very well could've had issues, just as many do.
This is my eighth piece for my 10x10 Challenge. If you would like more info, visit my profile or shoot me a PM. Please note that I am trying to do the challenge in a month, but you can take all the time you need.